Awkward morning for sure

[SandraV]

Having a couple of days of vacation left to burn before the christmas shutdown and end of the work year, today and tomorrow I am happy to report that I am spending the day as Sandra :battingeyelashes:. The difference this time around is that my wife knows.

Having recently told her about this part of myself, this is the first time that I am dressing with her knowledge. As I sit here surrounded by pink fog all dressed to the nines, I can't stop myself from going over our conversation this morning as she was getting ready to leave for work. Or I should say, the lack of conversation. I could tell the thought of the whole thing was bugging her. It was awkward for sure. It was like having the elephant in the room staring us in the face, yet now knowing what to do about it. I asked a couple of times if she could tell me what was going through her mind yet she just said that nothing. All she said as she was leaving was "enjoy your day". Not in a sarcastic tone, but more with sadness in her voice.

As liberating as it feels to spend the day as Sandra, I am worried about where things will go from here. I'm expecting this evening to be interesting for sure...

[becky77]

Hi Sandra

I have no idea what stage you are at with your wife but it seems pretty early days for her? I would say her mind is probably all over the place and she fears what she will come home to?
If it was me, I would enjoy my day then make sure when she comes home your are no longer dressed (I know that is really hard to do). This way she gets time to a) know you have done it, and let that sink in, and b) can see everything is still ok, you are still you, there is nothing to worry about. Hopefully at some point her curiosity will come out and she will ask to see you like that, but then it will be on her own terms. Again not sure if that's in anyway helpful or even appropriate to the situation.

Good luck, have fun.

Becky

[SandraV]

You are pretty much right on Becky. It is still early for her, and believe me, as hard as it is, I do not plan on being dressed by the time she gets home. She already made it clear that she does not want to see me as Sandra, and I plan on respecting that. Maybe curiosity will eventually get the best of her, or maybe not.

As much as I am enjoying the day, I'm worried about where things will go from here. After so much talk, I know that she is now realizing this is real and not just that... talk. Really nervous where things will go from here...

[linda allen]

Having a couple of days of vacation left to burn before the christmas shutdown and end of the work year, today and tomorrow I am happy to report that I am spending the day as Sandra :battingeyelashes:. The difference this time around is that my wife knows.

Having recently told her about this part of myself, this is the first time that I am dressing with her knowledge. As I sit here surrounded by pink fog all dressed to the nines, I can't stop myself from going over our conversation this morning as she was getting ready to leave for work. Or I should say, the lack of conversation. I could tell the thought of the whole thing was bugging her. It was awkward for sure. It was like having the elephant in the room staring us in the face, yet now knowing what to do about it. I asked a couple of times if she could tell me what was going through her mind yet she just said that nothing. All she said as she was leaving was "enjoy your day". Not in a sarcastic tone, but more with sadness in her voice.

As liberating as it feels to spend the day as Sandra, I am worried about where things will go from here. I'm expecting this evening to be interesting for sure...

Here's a suggestion - Instead of spending the entire day dressed, take time to go out and buy her a greeting card. Then, hand write a note to her expressing how much you love and appreciate her. Flowers would be a nice touch if that's something you do from time to time.

You could hane a nice meal prepared for her when she gets home or take her out to a nice restaurant.

Remember, it's not all about you, she should get something out of this as well. It's something we too often forget.

[Karren H]

Nothing never means nothing...... Best thing you can do is don't dress..... and do something special just for her..... to show her you love her and your not the selfish perv she thinks you are right now! lol

[Janelle_C]

Becky is 100% right. Take sometime for your self today and do something really nice for her tonight. There is probably a million things going throw her mind right know. Give here time, the more that she can see that you are still you it will help ease her worrys a little. Hugs Janelle

[AngelaKelly<3]

From what I've read, it seems like a lot of SOs go through this stage of doubt. Give her some stuff to read on the subject, or better yet, point her in the direction of this forum :) she can ask away as many questions as she likes and I'm sure they'll be answered and possibly lead to that all important conversation :D

[Sara Jessica]

Good advice so far.

I'm wondering what possessed you to get dolled up to the nines while she was still there. You had all day to yourself, you couldnt have waited until she left for work???

[Renee]

Sandra, I agree with what others have said. Have a great time while dressed up. You might even do some household chores like the laundry, vacuming, dusting or something that your wife normally has to do. Then go out and get her a gift of appreciation for being your wife and also allowing you to dress when she is not around. Have a meal ready for her with the cooking dishes already washed up or take her out for dinner. It doesnt have to be fancy, but let her know that you are thankful and appreciative of her. Others have said it and they are right, it isnt all about you! It is actually more about her as she will need time to wrap her thoughts around your dressing. I told my wife that it took almost 50 years for me to come to grips with my dressing so how can I expect her to accept it immediately. I told her to take her time and ask any questions that she might have about it. Be sure that you are back to your male self when she gets home. Make sure that you keep it that way until she changes the rules. My wife and I have come to an agreement that she will call when she is on the way home so I have the time to change if I am dressed as Renee. That way she has the opportunity to say something like no need for you to change tonight if she is in the mood to see Renee. This has been a great solution especially if she is bringing a friend home with her. Good luck with everything and take time to enjoy your day.

[SandraV]

Good advice so far.

I'm wondering what possessed you to get dolled up to the nines while she was still there. You had all day to yourself, you couldnt have waited until she left for work???

oh no... not at all. Our morning was as ordinary as could be. Difference being that I was not heading to work due to my day off, and she knew what my plan was for the day.

[Sara Jessica]

Sorry, I totally misread that.

[Bree Wagner]

Becky is 100% right. Take sometime for your self today and do something really nice for her tonight. There is probably a million things going throw her mind right know. Give here time, the more that she can see that you are still you it will help ease her worrys a little. Hugs Janelle

I'll add my agreement. This really sounds like the best thing to do.

-Bree

[Barbara Ella]

Sandra, i am very happy for you. I do so heartily agree with the advice you are reading here, and the slow approach you have taken. My wife has known for only one year, and it still bothers her from time to time. She will not see me dressed, but she knows I dress, and will call like Renee's wife before coming home. If she comes home unannounced for whatever reason, she has said I am not to rush downstairs to undress, she will deal with it. Somehow i doubt she could deal right now. Enjoy doing your dressing, but make sure she gets even more enjoyment. We are going out to dinner and movies, both of which are her things, much more than ever.

Keep the communication going, that is the only way to have a clue about where things are going. Don't let the discussion center about anything you would like to do or achieve with your dressing. These times are hers, and her thoughts and concerns are uppermost.

Best wishes to you both.

Barbara

[SandraV]

Sandra, I agree with what others have said. Have a great time while dressed up. You might even do some household chores like the laundry, vacuming, dusting or something that your wife normally has to do. Then go out and get her a gift of appreciation for being your wife and also allowing you to dress when she is not around. Have a meal ready for her with the cooking dishes already washed up or take her out for dinner. It doesnt have to be fancy, but let her know that you are thankful and appreciative of her. Others have said it and they are right, it isnt all about you! It is actually more about her as she will need time to wrap her thoughts around your dressing. I told my wife that it took almost 50 years for me to come to grips with my dressing so how can I expect her to accept it immediately. I told her to take her time and ask any questions that she might have about it. Be sure that you are back to your male self when she gets home. Make sure that you keep it that way until she changes the rules. My wife and I have come to an agreement that she will call when she is on the way home so I have the time to change if I am dressed as Renee. That way she has the opportunity to say something like no need for you to change tonight if she is in the mood to see Renee. This has been a great solution especially if she is bringing a friend home with her. Good luck with everything and take time to enjoy your day.

Funny thing is, I already do those things around the house anyway. Laundry... me. Cleaning the house, more often than not... me. Pick up the kids from school and prepare dinner... me (her commute to/from work is much longer than mine). Makes it a bit harder to come up with something.:doh: May have to go the extra mile with dinner, instead of the usual frozen stuff from Costco...

Karren.. LOL!

Anyhow, thank you all for your notes. Hopefully things will go well tonight (crossing fingers)

[Beverley Sims]

Not knowing where you are in your relationship, I would say enjoy the day but be dressed in drab tonight when she comes home.
Do not confront her too much in the early stages as she is still fragile. Do things for her show her some compassion and above all "GO SLOWLY" in the early stages.
I would wait till after Christmas before dressing too much.

[Debra Russell]

Nothing never means nothing...... Best thing you can do is don't dress..... and do something special just for her..... to show her you love her and your not the selfish perv she thinks you are right now! lol

Sound advice ................really............................ .........Debra

[AllieSF]

I like Becky's advice. One reason is that you do what you want/need to do out of site of her, but with her full knowledge of what you plan on doing. You are being honest and open. Many here always complain when someone else is not honest with the SO. Well, it seems that some people don't want you to be open with the SO now that you have been honest with her. I am not saying to flaunt your independence to her, but rather maintain it in a low profile. It actually may give you a chance for some additional serious conversation for now and the future. You truly have a great opportunity to work on that communication process about a very touchy and personal subject for both parties. Take it slow and good luck. Regardless of what I or the others say here, you in the end have to decide what you do and then deal with the consequences of that decision.

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

It's been about 8 years since I told my wife. We've pretty much been in a DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell) relationship regarding my dressing for the last 4 or 5 years. My advise is continue to be honest when asked, but sometimes wives just don't want to go down that path.

KAT

[Amanda_P]

I hope everything goes good with your wife tonight. Just be careful and don't through it all at her at once. Take it slow and hopefully she will come around.

[AllieSF]

Kathleen makes a good point. I was thinking about that as I wrote my first response but couldn't put it in words. As part of the opportunity to develop that good communication process, I think that one thing may or may not, come out of that communication. Does she want you to tell her every time you get dressed up? She may, or may not, be OK if you dress out of site and prefer not to know it every time. There are probably an infinite variations on the Don't Ask - Don't Tell concept. One might be, "OK, I know you dress occasionally and, no, I do not want to know when, and yes, we can work out some informal, maybe even non-verbal system for letting you know when I will be out and for how lone, trying not to come home too soon, and you let me know when you really need some alone time."

[Stephanie47]

Firstly, you unloaded a bunch of unforeseen baggage on your wife. You may find she never understands cross dressing. In a DADT marriage the best you can get is just what the term means, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." At some point you'll arrive at some implied boundaries. I would suggest not pushing the envelope too far. Many wives may tolerate your private life which remains private. To hear you were recognized by neighbors driving around the neighborhood may lead to explosive results.

No matter what you say, and, what you do, you will not convince anyone that cross dressing is within the acceptable societal norms and customs. The best you can achieve in a DADT relationship is the wife realizes you are otherwise a good husband and parent. She may come to realize cross dressing is a very personal part of your inner self that you cannot understand and she will never truly comprehend.

I think you can see from numerous postings on this site, it may take years, if not decades, for the woman to make a choice to move on. Always only getting the side of the husband I sometimes wonder if it is a situation of "give him an inch and he takes a mile."

In a society when more than fifty percent of the marriages end in divorce, adding cross dressing to the mix really makes marital harmony a difficult challenge. I wish to luck.

[Chickhe]

...Okay, here's what;s going on... wife is thinking, 'I wish I had the day of to dress up and fool around!'. She is also thinking...'he told me he didn't have time to fix the leaky faucett' and 'we never sped time together!'... none of it is true of course., but its all perception. So what you do is go shopping enfem and find her something she really wants, but thinks you would never have the courage or insight to get for her. ...then wrap it up and put it under your tree. Don't talk about dressing at all, but when she gets home you tell her you went shopping and found something she's really going to like...but its a surprise. That's it. If she asks about you dressing up, just smile and say maybe...or I did but it wasn't much fun without you there...

[DanaR]

............. I already do those things around the house anyway. Laundry... me. Cleaning the house, more often than not..........

I do these things, and my wife comments what a Suzy homemaker I am.

[SandraInHose]

That was one of the most difficult things for me to learn...that it wasn't all about me! I'm one of those who will take a mile if offered an inch, and I have had to learn the hard way to back off, and give her a break from my dressing.

If I had my druthers, I'd dress 24/7/365. But my wife letting me have a few hours by myself shouldn't turn into me pushing it until she lashes out at me to give her a break from the feminine clothes or undergarments (on me). I understand... she married a masculine man, and wants to see a masculine man without female clothes on from time to time. In a perfect world maybe we're both happy with me dressed. But in the real world, or at least my little corner of it, I have to give her time with me in 100% male mode. All part of the great compromise!

[Raychel]

It took several years for my wife to get comfortable around me dressed. I don't think she is still 100%, but she knows when I am dressed and she will occasionally come in to talk to me.
Take it slow and let her shee you oly when and if she is ready.

It will happen in time. But this is a difficult thing for any woman to adjust to. She thought she married a man, and now she finds out that she has someone that like to dress up all pretty, It can be a big shock.
let her call the shots.

[Kimberly Renee]

SandraV - please post an update. How did your day/evening turn out? We're all rooting for ya!

[suchacutie]

Hi Sandra....thinking of you and hope all is ok....