What's with Tammy: A transitioning recap

[abigailf]

I gather everyone realizes I go by Tammy now. I legally changed my name from Thomas to Thomasina (yea, not very original, but I liked Thomas) Most people call me Tammy. Call me what you want just don't call me late for dinner.

I just thought I should post a quick update. I know some of you are up to date because you either read my blog or I see you in person, but there are many that won't read the blog or find it too long so I will try to keep this short and sweet (which means heat up some coffee).

A quick background:

- been dressing since about 15 yet known even earlier
- denied and hid feelings,
- got married - feelings went away for good.
- Feelings came back, had kids, feelings went away for good
- Feelings came back, built career, feelings went away for good
- yay me.
- Got slammed by GD and life as I knew it is now over (okay, so let me blow up this point)

194131

Yes it happened in my 40's when my gender dysphoria caused me to explode mentally and the decision (which was not really a decision) to transition was made for me.

My wife of 19 years left me in November. She is not dealing with it at all. She is not hostile either but she is hurt and angry and I need to walk on eggshells whenever I am around her. It was a good thing she left I don't think any of us; her, me or kids, would have survived much longer in the same dwelling.

My promise to her a long time ago was to care for her. That promise still holds so we got her a new place in town where she can get a new start and I will sell my place and move to a quiet little hole somewhere.

So, in addition to losing;

- My wife,
- my kids (most of the time anyway),
- my house
- many of my comforts and related activities to the previous

I also had to deal with the following:
- changes in some family relationships
- changes in some work relationships
- and being kicked out of the biker group that I helped to start (Call me Steve Jobs).

In my mind, losing the relationship with my wife was everything to me, so I can honestly say that I lost everything because I am transsexual. That is okay however, because I am here to experience said loss.

Good things happened as well. Aside from feeling normal for the first time ever, I also:
- gained many new friends. Many of which are here on this board.
- I have some GG friends now which is a whole new experience for me.
- I get included in girl activities.
- I found out who my true friends are and what they really mean to me. This was priceless.
- and the number one ultimate most, best awesome thing that happened to me as a result of transitioning .... you'll have to read to the end for it.

In summary, my life is so much better than it ever was. I still have many struggles ahead of me and the emotional roller coaster I have been on I am still on, though maybe I am towards the end where the climbs are smaller. I still have my surgery ahead of me and will do that next year, but outside of that, I am there.

I transitioned because I did not have a choice and I am so much better for it. Thank you all for your support and I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year and whatever holiday you observe.

so, the number one ultimate most, best awesome thing that happened to mE AS A RESULT OF TRANSITIONING:



NO MORE GENDER DYSPHORIA. {applause}

That's right I have no more doubts about being a woman, that is what I am and it is an absolute natural feeling. I don't think about it when I look in the mirror, I don't think about it when I talk on the phone, I don't think about it when I go out to eat, shop, pick up the kids, visit friends, drink beer, workout, cook, play sports, work with customers, work with colleges, work at nothing, write this post, write any post, write my blog, post on facebook, go to parties or even smoke pot (oh wait, I don't really do that last one, but if I did I wouldn't question being a woman while I was doing it). The point is, my confidence as a woman is absolute and I am now ready to rebuild my life.

[StephanieC]

Wow. I'm really happy for you. If it's good now, it can only get better.

Good luck!

-stephani

[JustWendy]

Tammy –
The girl who welcomed me to the forum and became one of my first friends was Abigail. While she was a good friend, there was always an undercurrent of sadness in her posts as she struggled to try and make everyone who was important in her life as happy as possible. What a difference three years make. I think Abigail was the girl you pretended to be when you had the chance. Tammy is the woman you are, and always were, but couldn’t be until you were ready to admit it to yourself and declare it to all those who were most important to you – personally and professionally. Tammy, your posture, demeanor, presence is so natural and relaxed now (okay, except for the sweaty palms at your reunion). I know how important your family is to you and that any change in those relationships weighs heavy on you. But I also think you are happier now than at any time that I’ve known you. I think, and hope, that in time your children will embrace the positive changes they too will see in you.
Wendy

[morgan51]

i'm right there too Tammy I know loss is finite I just haven't got to the end yet. Hang in there woman! some one on here tell us it gets better. It does right Morgan

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Tammy, thank you for posting this update, isn't it a wonderful feeling when you don't have a daily struggle with the GID?

I don't have any experience of having to deal with a marriage, but I've seen a number of people on this forum saying that they have managed to build a new friendship with their ex - I sincerely hope that you can do the same.

From what you write, I gather that your children have gone to live with their mother, do you still see them on a regular basis? How are they responding to your transition?

You are right that you are still on a bit of a roller-coaster ride, but please don't forget that we are here for the troughs as well as for the peaks.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I transitioned because I did not have a choice and I am so much better for it. Thank you all for your support and I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year and whatever holiday you observe.

so, the number one ultimate most, best awesome thing that happened to mE AS A RESULT OF TRANSITIONING:



NO MORE GENDER DYSPHORIA. {applause}

That's right I have no more doubts about being a woman, that is what I am and it is an absolute natural feeling. I don't think about it when I look in the mirror, I don't think about it when I talk on the phone, I don't think about it when I go out to eat, shop, pick up the kids, visit friends, drink beer, workout, cook, play sports, work with customers, work with colleges, work at nothing, write this post, write any post, write my blog, post on facebook, go to parties or even smoke pot (oh wait, I don't really do that last one, but if I did I wouldn't question being a woman while I was doing it). The point is, my confidence as a woman is absolute and I am now ready to rebuild my life.

tammy

first off i'm very happy for you.

2nd that is a wonderful and honest note filled with information and spirit..

I picked out this part because its an excellent description of the what you get from transition. our circumstances are different, but what we got out of transition is exactly the same.

great stuff and thank you for posting!!

[kimdl93]

Tammy, I'm happy that despite the severe losses, you've come through this process, so far, with a better life. I hope 2013 is even better for you!

[kellykellykelly]

Tammy,

You and I have much in common concerning loss and success in transition.
Remember to treat yourself with kindness as you continue on with your new life.

[Tora]

I wish you strength and Best of Luck in the New Year.

[josee]

Tammy, sorry to hear about your losses, unfortunately this is something so many of us late transitioners must endure to find ourselves.
On the other hand, really happy to hear about how you have rid yourself of your gender dysphoria. I guess that is the silver lining. Thanks for sharing cause it helps those of us who are not as far along see that there is something to hope for and encouragement that we are on the right path. Hope 2013 is your best year ever.

[abigailf]

...

From what you write, I gather that your children have gone to live with their mother, do you still see them on a regular basis? How are they responding to your transition?
...

Yes, they have gone to live with her. I travel a lot for work so it would be hard for me to take care of them. When I am not traveling however I work from home and I was used to seeing them here all the time. So that is an adjustment. I do get to see them quite a bit so it is not horrible and they are comfortable with me.

They don't necessarily understand my transitioning, but it also does not bother them too much to be overly concerned about it. After all they have their own personal hell as teenagers to deal with. There are still some situations where they are a little embarrassed; like if I had to pick them up at school. However, their good friends already know and would not be a huge problem if that occurred.

Actually, it is the separation that is more of a strain on them than the transitioning. When they are with their mother they miss me and when they are with me they miss their mother. They are good kids and filled with love. We taught them well despite all of our junk.

My oldest daughter is trying to use my ex and I against each other in order to get a puppy. We are on to her though :)

I don't post much about my kids or blog about them as I want to respect their privacy. But one day I hope to tell their story too.

[Jana]

I'm sorry you had to endure so much loss in order to be who you really are. But what is one to do? There seems to be no other way, but to pull the plug on life as we know it, to start the "other" life, one we should be living from the start. That said, I commend your strength and resolve to go forward with it. It's inspiring to see how happy and positive you feel. I wish you all the best!

[NathalieX66]

Saw every bit of it happen........sorry about the loss of the piano. :(

Tammy, you can always count on me as a friend.,.....just to remind you. :huggles

[abigailf]

Saw every bit of it happen........sorry about the loss of the piano. :(

Tammy, you can always count on me as a friend.,.....just to remind you. :huggles

You're such a smart a$$ girlfirend. Did I even mentioned the piano in the thread? And leave it to a musician to think of that. I did love that thing, it was good instrument. Sometimes I would just let the player play softly as I relaxed to some wine and chocolate. However, my daughter needed it more than I did so it followed her. Now I just need to go out and get something inexpensive and portable just so I can stay in practice.

Done with your trip? How was it? We need to go out so you can tell me all about it.

[Kerigirl2009]

congratulations, I wish I could have your strength to do what seems to me as impossible. I am so afraid of breaking my wifes heart, but I am stringing her along because I am being a coward.
I am thinking someday soon of having the real hard talk with my wife, eventually I wont be able to run from my life. and in return I hope to give my wife the life she deserves. that is a life of happiness

[elizabethamy]

Tammy, I'm really happy for you and delighted that not only are you achieving your dream but that by blogging about it you are helping many others learn about how to achieve theirs (ours?)...No More Gender Dysphoria: I can't imagine. Wow!

elizabethamy

[SuzanneBender]

Tammy thanks for sharing. I haven't been on the site for weeks and feeling quite down about my GD. I am at that point where I have lost a lot. Maybe loss isn't the right term. Its more like everything I was comfortable with in my life was uprooted. For some reason tonight I decided to log on an your post along with one from a dear friend were the first two that I read. Both of your threads show that life goes on and, despite all of the change and cost, may be brighter without the cloud of GD hanging over our heads. You have lifted my spirits. Thank you.

[Claire Cook]

Tammy,

Thanks so much for sharing your uplifting story. Those of us who aren't considering transitioning can't really appreciate what you have gone through, but we can appreciate the wonder of your self-discovery -- and admire the courage that you and others have shown.

PS: I now realize that GD questions dogged me in high school in NJ. I loved your Tranny Bucket List post -- thanks for that as well. It brought things home for me.