Dealing With Our Little Mysteries

[Beth-Lock]

Perhaps we must have our little mysteries that must not speak their name. Aye what?

[Miranda-E]

Recently, I remarked to a GG friend that I was late to meet her, since I was delayed doing my dilations. What followed, by way or a reaction was unexpected. She told me in no uncertain terms, that 'we' did not even mention such things,

you encountered the "2 women "we"" for the 1st time. 3 or more is a different world. with 3 the arbiter keeps the alpha from taking herself too seriously.
spend a decade or so working in a garment factory or woolen mill with 50 women and the posh ladylike we don't mention such things act goes right out window. :)

[Persephone]

You are entering a world in which it isn't typical to make open references to lower body parts nor to direct sexual acts. If references to such parts are required they are often veiled, like "down there" or Oprah's grroundbreaking "Veejayjay."

It can be confusing at first, since other references are often much more open and direct than such things are in the male world. For example, I just spent a week on vacation with three GGs and among other topics there was a lazy afternoon's casual discussion of whether we preferred underwire bras or ones without wires and the features of diffferent bra styles. On another ocassion there was an open discussion of panty styles that we prefer (that conversation was held while we were in lingerie stores shopping for panties). Perfectly casual conversational topics, it isn't the first time I've been involved in similar conversations. Almost impossible to imagine men holding "man-to-man" conversations about their underwear.

So yes, you have to learn such different cultural customs and mores, some more open than you may be used to, others more taboo.

I agree with your friend. If I was in that situation I would have made up an excuse!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Then you dont know some i know then. & yes they do. posh or not has nothing to do with it, prudes more like,

this was on one of our women ...only forums ... & i mean female born women, & the talk was about sex, i dont mean any thing in a dirty way ether just good clean down to earth talk. open honist normal talk. ,allso there was talk about toys that i found rather funny, so did Jos, i mean Jos & i have talked about this subject so it was a learning for us,

Most of the R N's - nurses , will have talked about this when others =trans haveing S R S so dont think its not a subject thats hidden away its not.

Your friend needs to take her head out of the clouds, tell me a subject women dont talk about iv yet to find one,

Real friends women can & do talk about every thing well mine can . some few 100. if you make a big deal out of it then yes it can be off putting, in genral its just a fact of life, or day to day life for some,.

...noeleena...

[AllieSF]

I think that she has a point, to a point. Most people don't talk about bowel movements, unless you are old like me, nor other personal issues that most people our age go through. It just sounds like common sense to me. If you look at it another way, who does do dilations?? It is very personal and doesn't need to be front page news, nor front page reasons why. Now, to that other point, if you are close to someone, I mean really close where you do discuss these specific very personal things, then I would say, yes, you can mention that level of detail to someone that close. However, getting back to the common sense side, why did you feel it necessary to go into that level of detail? It really wasn't necessary and on the surface sounds like you were giving a bit TMI.

[CharleneT]

Your GG friend is quite right and was being helpful. Women do talk about intimate things, but in a way that is often structured to avoid direct description. I'm not sure how to put it exactly, but conversation between women is gentle in nature. I think you are over-reacting to say "I soon realized, that there were other mysteries of being a woman, in this way or that, which I must never mention, if I wanted to be a woman like the others." It is not that you should never, ever mention some things; rather that there is a time and place and (importantly) a "way". As well, and it is frustrating, there are no rules to guide you in the what-when-how part.

[Sara Jessica]

My first impression was TMI. I think your friend is steering you correctly.


On another ocassion there was an open discussion of panty styles that we prefer (that conversation was held while we were in lingerie stores shopping for panties). Perfectly casual conversational topics, it isn't the first time I've been involved in similar conversations. Almost impossible to imagine men holding "man-to-man" conversations about their underwear.

This reminds me of something a friend of mine said. She is a youngish (mid-20's) natal female and once when we were talking about the variety of topics on this site, and my not being able to relate the popularity of the panty threads (that women just don't feel a need to talk about stuff like that), she said in reply "I don't know about that, my girlfriends and I talk about our panties all the time".

The moral of the story is that the deeper one is exposed to everyday female life, the mundane might become enlightening. The little "mysteries" may very well be illuminated in such a way that men could never fathom. I guess being part-time myself that I feel blessed to have even tangential involvement in such things.

One more thing comes to mind. My personal goal when it comes to friendships is that they transcend the trans thing. This is so whether or not I'm with another trans friend or one of my natal female friends. Bringing up a subject such as dilation seems to put the trans front & center, something I'd think a transitioned woman would want to avoid.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

generally speaking, transsexuals talk about their vaginas WAY too much....

NOBODY wants to hear about your dilations, depth, how good your labia looks ..

over the years i have been offered a "peek" at a ts vagina THREE times!!!!!!!!

its understandable..

by the way, my persistent UTI, which was causing me alot of discomfort and urgency finally got knocked down after 3 weeks of antibiotics... oops

[Babeba]

I remember seeing a book which was a guide to intimate behaviour in marriage from about the 1920's that belonged to my great grandfather... It was full of euphemisms for pretty much everything it talked about and indirect stories... Back then, you had to work your way up when you knew someone to plain speaking language.

With many GGs it's like that. I have some friends I could say the word "vagina" to, and plenty others where I would say "lady bits." The ones I could talk directly about vaginas to are ones who are good friends and we've talked about them before with other descriptors before moving our way up to proper terminology.

[Jana]

No offense, Beth, but have you ever heard the term "too much information"? Why should anybody other than you, your partner and your doctor, be privy to your dilation schedule? Would you care to know about somebody else's bowel movements, incontinence diaper changes, amount of menstrual fluid and such? Some private info is best kept private. My two cents.

[ReineD]

I've always used the correct word for body parts. I don't see any shame in saying penis or vagina.

But, my father's generation is different. He and my mother were clearly embarrassed using certain words.

I don't discuss intimate body functions or my sex life with my casual female acquaintances. I also do not recall having spent any more than 5 minutes discussing underwear, and this only if I found a good deal or a sale I wanted to share. I never saw the point asking another woman what bra or panties she wore because we're all built differently, and there is so much variety that we simply buy the best available at whatever lingerie store we're at, and that's that. A bra that fits me well might dig into someone else. The exception to this is when I'm actually in a lingerie store, shopping with a girlfriend, which has probably happened twice in my lifetime. THEN we'll discuss the merits of this style over that one. But once it's purchased, it's a fait accompli and there's not much else to talk about.

Jessica, I do recall when I was much younger (teens or early 20s) and discovering things like thongs, tangas, etc, discussing their merits with my friends. But, that was during a learning period. I've had a lot of girlfriends throughout my life and I can't say that we've spent time talking about our underwear.

If I had a question or concerns about sex, however, I would talk in confidence with a very close friend, not just anyone.

And I agree with Kaitlyn. The only women who've ever showed me pictures of their vaginas were recently transitioned transwomen. I totally understood why they were proud and I was happy to tell them how nice they looked. But, if a GG should show me her vagina, I would think TMI. Come to think of it, if Weiner had texted me his pics, I'd think this was TMI too. lol


... I've just read your last post Beth, and my best advice is, "When in doubt, don't". If you're going out with casual acquaintances, don't discuss private stuff. You can save that for someone whom you feel very close to, like a sister.