Crossdressing is an addiction, no different from any other?

[_Janelle_]

I am a relative newbie to this site, and it has really helped me to learn about myself and accept myself for who I am. In the course of all of this, and reading a lot of the other threads, one thing has really sort of startled me. And that is the fact that the desire to crossdress can be so strong, that it's importance outweighs just about anything else in that persons life.
So I started reading a little about addiction. Certainly there have been posts about how addicting it is, but these are really in a light hearted manner. There are also threads about CDers having a higher propensity to be addicted to alochol/drugs etc.
It does come as a quite unreal surprise, just how much some people are willing to give up to maintain their desire to CD, and how much strife it causes in their life. So with that in mind I checked up on some stuff about addiction. Most of this is cut and pasted from other websites, and none of it mentions CDing.

Definition of addiction: A medical definition of addiction is hard to pin down. But most of us feel like we know what it means: doing something you can't stop, even though it interferes with daily living and good relationships. It's something that controls you, despite good intentions to stop it.

People are considered chemically dependent if they meet three of the following criteria over 12 months...
1. A need for more of the substance to "feel good" or achieve intoxication
2. Using more of the substance than usual, or for longer than intended
3. A continued desire for the substance or unsuccessful attempts to cut down or stop using it
4. Spending a lot of time to obtain, use or recover from the substance
5. Giving up or cutting back on important social, work-related or recreational activities
6. Continuing to use the substance even though it's causing problems

Addictive behaviors
Beyond substance abuse, an addiction may involve any behavior -- gambling, spending money, eating, having sex, etc. -- that interferes with your daily life.

You can consider yourself addicted if…

1. you get defensive or irritable when people criticize it
2. you feel guilty about it
3. you try to cover it up or get secretive
4. you're unable to cut down

Whatever the source, addictions affect the "reward area" of the brain. Addicts experience a "rush" when they engage in the behavior they're addicted to. The craving for that rush keeps them from being able to quit.

So what does this all mean? To be quite honest I don't really know. One thing that CDers appear to crave (myself included) is to have acceptance from their SO. However, if we as crossdressers have, as I have come to believe we have, quite simply an addiction, then what right do we have to expect our wives etc to simply accept our addiction. Is it right or fair to say that "this is simply who I am, like it, or leave it!" ?

This is not meant in any way to inflame or incite anything, or anyone. There are many wonderful intelligent people on this site, and I enjoy every part of it, but this seems to be something that I hadn't really seen being addressed before. And if it has been, I apologise and you can ignore everything I just wrote.

Take care,

Janelle

[BrendaChristine]

Well written, but I disagree. Addiction denotes something harmful or shameful. What I do is nothing of the sort. Just like my love of music, literature, art, sports, my dog, whatever. It is something I do to express who I am, not to anyone but myself. It's part of me. Because it doesn't conform to some arbitrary social mandate is of no importance to me.

:koc: Welcome to the forum!
B.

PS...I don't project my experience on anyone else, I know a lot of you have had difficult lives over this and I don't wish to belittle that. You are all better women (and men) than I can ever be.

[DonnaT]

I wouldn't call it an addiction, but instead I would call it a predisposition.

Alcoholics have some chemical/genetic characteristic that makes them alcoholics. They may never know they are until they've had that first drink. Crossdressers may never know until they've donned that first article of feminine attire. Transsexuals, many at least, seem to know before donning the attire.

My take on an addiction is that is is something that one can be cured of. CDing, for most, cannot be cured. Some say they have been cured, so, maybe it was an addiction for them instead of a predisposition.

[BrendaChristine]

You raise a good paoint , Donna in that there is the subgroup dynamic in the transgender world. My terminology may be slightly off but it works to keep things clarified in my mind.I consider us all transgender as we all in some way divert(I refuse to say deviate) from the established gender norms of our culture. Under the TG heading are transsexual, and transvestite/crossdresser of which I am in the latter. I believe those in the first group truly are the result of some biological anomaly and what they do, to whatever extent they choose,is necessary to their emotion and physical. Thsoe of us in group 2 may have a predisposition, maybe only a few of our circuits are crossed, or maybe it is just like a predisposition for art, music, or beach volleyball. While maybe important to us, if tomorrow we woke up and said I don't want to do that anymore:eek: we could stop it and move on.

Enough psychobabble, let's go shopping!
I'm sure by now a lot of you wish my title at the left was actual. So do I!

[sherri]

I think Donna is onto something with the predisposition thing. Seems apparent to me anyway, even though I would add that's it's possible to have such a predisposition or predilection or whatever and never "discover" it. If circumstances had been different in my life, I probably wouldn't have. IOne interesting thing - I think that the Internet has contributed to a large number of CDs discovering their femininity.

There is also little doubt in my mind that crossdressing can be an addiction, or at least abused as one. There is no doubt in my mind that crossdressing has a tendency to be progressive. I have seen abundant evidence of both phenomena on this forum, and I've contended with it myself.

If a defining characteristic of addiction is its cultivation at the expense of other aspects of one's life, expenses one wouldn't dream of incurring otherwise, then one needs to be soberly realistic in evaluating her own behavior. It's something I'm mindful of and strive to keep a handle on. Perspective and balance are key.

IMHO.

[Katie Ashe]

BUT, Crossdressing is not really a addiction when it is a way of life. You wouldn't consider eating and addiction when you starving. Drinking water isn't, when your thirsty. Do you see my point. CD'ing could be, but doesn't fit everyone. Crossdressing is like the color wheel. There are millions of level/colors. It's like saying all transgendered people are Bi-sexual. it's simply not true. I do think it is possible for one to get wrapped up in personnal habits and may get addicted to looking fem. Shoe shopping, make-up, breast, hair care etc. But it also borders a way of life too. Only that person can draw the line somewhere. Although your point is made, it doesn't fit everyone on all levels. I want to look pretty, simply I hate what I see in the mirror. Nip-tuck had a show on last year, this lady, I think, Had a few dozen surgeries and wanted more, it was a pain addiction. I believe ER did a show on one too. Please don't mix up, mental illness with Crossdressing habits, They aren't simply the same. but well done to you, keep an open mind out there. :thumbsup:

[sherri]

BUT, Crossdressing is not really a addiction when it is a way of life ... Crossdressing is like the color wheel. There are millions of level/colors.

Excellent point, Katie. Really good. I agree completely.

I do think, however, that the distinction Janelle is mulling over is about destructive behavior. That's valid too.

Good stuff.

[Jennifercd_NJ]

I agree with Katie that ist is not an addiction but a way of life

[KatieZ]

Shopping is an addiction. Crossdressing is just a way of life.

Ooh that reminds me, I need some new shoes.



Hugs

[Kaitlyn Michele]

The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or or involved in something.

that is the definition of addiction. that's what the word means...

xdressing is an addiction and a behavior...who among us can they are not habitually or compulsively occupied with it??

by the way i do not see the word negative associated with the word addiction

i think we all tend to understate the impact our behaviour has on our friends and family...we come here for affirmation and validation and i think that is great..

i am who am i and so are you!!!!!!!!!! that kind of thing is important and wonderful and i can't imagine what i was doing before finding this outlet..

that all being said, i have to say lets not get all caught up in definitions...it's way more complicated and interesting than a bunch of words on paper

[gennee]

I see some validity to Janelle's concerns but, to me, an addiction consumes every waking hour of a person's life. It is at the expense of family, friends, job, etc. I love Crossdressing but it dos not consume me 24/7. I have a life! Crossdressing is a part of my life and a beautiful one at that. It's part of who I am, and I am not ashamed of it.

Gennee:rose2:

[Ashley Allison]

I wouldn't call in an addiction because I've gone years without doing it. I can't say the same for addictions to drugs and alcohol. :yikes: j/k...sort of....

[Sarahgurl371]

I have been thru all the addiction literature and even the family support classes,as someone in my family ruined their life with alcohol. Having to put them in rehab and a halfwya house, and therapy, you will learn about adddictive behavior. So I think I have seriously questioned addiction in relation to CDing. One thing I learned, is that there seems to be an underlying problem that fuels the addictive behavior, and oftern treatment is only sucessfull if that underlying problem is identified and rectified.

I have not found an underlying issue with regards to my feeling, and you can even call them compulsions, at times, to crossdress. Unless the underlying issue is that I sometimes feel as tough I am a woman inside.

We can link any pleasurable activity to addiction if we look hard enough. And you could be addicted to anything that makes you feel good. Generally, in my experience, the difference of an addict, is that they will keep going despite the problems in life that thier addictive behavior produces. But, the addict rarley feels any pleasure at all from the substance. It is only used to keep the unwanted emotions at bay. It initially starts out as a coping mechanism - you feel bad - have a drink. Hey i feel pretty good. I will have another drink. and so on.

This continues and gets deeper involed as time goes by because the unresolved issue is still there. The person is attempting to hide how they feel, or cover it up, with a substance or activity of thier choice.

The difference for me with regards to CDing, is that I feel like I am being true to myself by dressing and presenting as a women. I think that there is a difference between fetishtic behavior - which is usally a cover for some feelings that the person does not want anyone to see, so they hold up the fetish and say, look at that, and dressing to outwardly display your gender feelings.

But hey what do i know, I am still stuggling with what it all means too!

I also tend to agree that an addiction usually seems to have negative impacts on physical health and mental well being. I can opt to change how my mind views my transgender and CDing. Which oftern times has no physically damaging effects. So maybe its just how I am viewing myself, But I do not think an alcoholic or drug addict can change the untoward effects of thier addiction by mere thought process alone.

Cigarettes are my addiction, I know that they will Kill me, but still am compelled to smoke. I cannot go very long without ong. And quitting makes me physically ill. I can go for long periods of time without dressing. I am not happy about it, but it doesn't make me ill.

Just my 2 cents

[Steffie-Lee]

I wouldn't call the urge to Cross Dress an addiction. For me the urge comes from the feminine feelings I have about my self, the woman within. I have felt many times about myself that I am the wrong sex, that I should have been born a girl, so when the feeling overwhelms me I get my self pretty and go out......

[TGMarla]

I have long held unto myself that my crossdressing is an addiction. It fits all of the criteria. It preoccupies my mind, I go out of my way to find time to do it, it sometimes interferes with my day to day activities, etc., etc. Yup. There's a correlation there, no doubt about it.

[JennyCD]

No, I don't think it fits with the classic addiction model. Addictions tend to be more something one feels a need to participate in or be subjeced to, whereas crossdressing tends to be more of a means of self-expression.

The difference being that of internal versus external. Addiction is external, meaning the craving of something from outside of the self. Crossdressing tends to be the expression of something internal to the person.

I hope this makes some sort of sense.

[Julie]

I don't see my dressing as an addiction. It's an expression of how I feel. If it was socially acceptable I'd never have feelings like an intense desire to dress nor would it hurt relationships in my life. It's just clothing that for narrow-minded reasons is viewed as something no man should ever wear. Emotions such as fear keep this myopic view alive.

I've wondered many times if we'd even wear wigs and forms if we grew up in an environment where it's socially acceptable. I would expect transsexuals to until they began transitioning but I wonder if crossdressers would.

[Elinor]

Yes a well written post but I too disagree.

If you offer someone a peanut they always want another.
Same with a drink or a sweet.
If I start a box of chocolates I want to keep eating till they are all gone.
That is not truly an addiction, eating a box everyday is. Wishing another drink is just the same. Drinking everyday till drunk is an addiction.

Ashley I agree.

Women must buy shoes they can't have enough shoes. I can't say it is an addiction it comes with being female.

I can go months and have gone years without crossdressing an addict would never stop. The sex drive goes up and down as with crossdressing. At least it does with me.


Its a secret I keep to myself because I don't need the ridicule.
I don't feel guilty about it but I can live without the snigger's


Kate makes some good points.
Donna also.


If one plays golf everyday is it an addiction? Are all golfers nutters who need counseling?

I love the cinema I go often its hardly an addiction because I go most days.
If there was a sexy lady to go home to I would go less often.
But then I would crossdress less often too but would still do it some times perhaps in secret still.

I do it because I like to
I crossdress because it is fun.
I enjoy the feeling.
Its more comfy.

I am NOT gay or By-sexual or Transgendered. I'll keep my ****, I love femininity and wish to enjoy my feminine side. I love the cinema I love and enjoy a drink I will eat all of my chocs over two days this Christmas and most likely not have any till next year. I can't say any is an addiction.

I like to see films but when on holiday I never go to the cinema.
I look forward to opening a bottle of wine when I get home and sometimes I don't drink it all on one night.
I seldom buy sweets ever only at Christmas or one day a year at the cinema.
I look forward to getting home and into a skirt, at times I wear makup a wig high heels and sometimes I never think about it.

When on holiday this year for 30 days the thought was never there.
An addict would have gone nuts and rushed out to buy a skirt or something.

Its a lifstyle I enjoy and its something I do along with millions of other men.
But alone. It is not harmful it would be if I felt guilt.


;)
Its a happy pass time like golf.

[Wendy me]

well yes and no , see like guys that need to have that gq look and wear the stylish type of guy clouthing, and the gg's that got to be in style you know that season's must have things, the need to cd , from the one's that wear pantyhose to the cd that is like the omg i need to buy that .... see i think that (at lest for me) we are a some what a cross between the two... the want or need to dress up in fem is just someone that is traped inside us... and buy dressing in fem we allow this part of us to come out and grow....

so to say it is a addiction well i can't say that is true.... but the shopping for
that girl we keep in us yes that just could be true.....

[Shelly2069]

I've used the term addiction about crossdressing lossely before. I never thought of it as clinical as your post. Not saying you didn't make a valuable point. I know for myself it's a very obsessive/compulsive part of my life.

I'm 35 years old and I still don't understand why I CD. I've read books and medical studies online. Have met many tgs and gone to a few bars and clubs dressed up. I've been with girls dressed up and tried things with a few guys over the years.

Every time I think I understand something about being a transgender or why, I find myself pondering the subject and become more confused. Solution, I don't give it too much thought anymore.

The one thing I believe most is that everyone doesn't fit into the few catagories that make up our world. Maybe we're not the ones with a problem at all. If you can like the color red and another person favors orange, why can't I wear a shoe that has a heel. It's about choices. Unfortunately, the choice to openly cd isn't socially exceptable for men. Honestly, I find men's clothes pretty freakin boring and extremely limited.

There's also the issue of feminine mannerism. I suspect that we naturally adjust our mannerism to reflect how we look when dressed. Hehehe, it would look pretty bad sitting around with your legs wide open and slumped back in a chair.

[Dana]

I belive that this is one of those issues that falls under the category of not being able to see the forest for the trees, and not seeing the trees because of the forest.. To view it objectively requires seeing the macro and the micro all at the same time.

A couple of obvious observations. Most of us started at an early age, earlier even the on set of puberity ~ which when it did come about certainly didn't help matters much.

Because of societial taboos against males in Western Christian/Judea society attaching anything feminine to themselves, that kicks in the guilt, the remorse, and because of the limited availability/ accessability for some in terms of items and oppotunitiy ~ kicks in the obssessive/compulsive part of it!

For, me it was one part having a natural pre-disposition to cross dress and natural attraction toward femininty and all of its trappings + having being dressed as a girl at an early age + the on set of puberty (I actually thought, ~ to understand women, become one, or at least dress like one).

Enter, the lessons of having been raised in the Deep South ~ with its sub-culture of re-enforce masculinity. Men do this! Men do that! Men wear this! Men wear that! Men play rough contact sports! Men are competitive! I mean most of us have had this relentlessly pounded into our heads. Over and over and over and over!

Enters the conflict between one's true nature and true self. Even prior to the on set of puberty ~ I prefered girls as playmates and as friends. And, I was severely chastised for it!

Enter the conformation! You become the sqare peg being beaten to mold and fit the round hole! But, now you're just a sqaure peg in the hole where the round peg is suppose to go?

That's the problem with a lot of this! People not thus "affliceted" (sorry my thesaraus is out on loan) cannot get it wrapped it around their head that cross dressing is much more than just being this or being that! Give me 100 cross dressers, and while their experiences may all be SIMILAR, their reasons, motivations, etc are each and individually unique. They're all the same and they're all different.

Is a man dressing as a woman, or dressing in the manner of women, or being attracted to the trappings, interests of "normally" associated with women an addictioin? No more so than it is for a woman! No more so than a "Tomboy" being attracted to the interests, wants, needs, and desires, clothes traditionally associated with men, yet they can still retain their sexual orientation, as heterosexuals, and as women. As individuals, without compromising thier very integrity, they're very being!

For anyone who has ever studied Economics, as I have, one of the first things that you are informed of in Eco 101, is that generationally, any given generation is destined to repeat the errors not of their parents, not necessarly of their grandparents ~ but certainly of their great grandparents.

Why, simply because human beings have a finite life span. Thus, while you may have learned not to make the mistakes your parents made, or even your grandparents, the lessons of your grandparents are more and more less disminished with each passing generation!

Ok Dana, what in the Hell does this have to do with anything? You may ask?

Simple this! Some would say current civiliazation only goes back 5000 years, with clearly defined roles for men and women. We, as a society are still trying to come to grips with something that exsisted five thousand years ago.

Five thousand years ago, the horads came off of the Stepps of Asia, and invade the modern world First it was the Hittites, then the "Sea People" invading. Every man fought! Every man was a warrior. There wasn't any for emotion, nor femininity in any man! (Source: "Why Men Don't Get Enought Sex, and Women Don't Get Enough Love)

Through five thousand years, of social and cultrual condidtion ~ men aren't suppose to be emotional, to be spiritual, to be interested in the things that women are interested in, like, enjoy!

Enough for now! But, if anyone wants me to expound on this ~ I will!

To close, men and women are NOT that far removed from one another ~ and if we are it is only through perceived societial and cultural condistioning ~ which isn't anything but fluuf!

[sherri]

Honestly, I find some of the arguments in this thread convincing, others not so much. I'm mindful, for my own sake as well as others, that denial and rationalization are quite often characteristics of addiction.

Fact is, lots of things can be addicting - they don't have to be, but they can be. Can eating be an addiction? Of course it can. Buying shoes? You bet. Playing golf, or gambling, or drinking, or sex, or makeovers? Absolutely.

What's more, I don't have to be a drunk to be an alcoholic, and alcoholism is definitey a type of addiction. And I can quit drinking and still be an addict, or so say recovering alcoholics.

Something else - I believe crossdressing is about much more than just the clothes, and we can be addicted to any aspect of it. I know I have seen evidence of addiction on this forum, and I know I've contended with it myself. Heck, this forum can be an addiction. Since rejoining it a few days ago, I've spent a lot of time on here - too much time, really. If I sustained that level of preoccupation too long, I might have to start wondering if I was addicted to it.

But having a drink doesn't make you an addict. Buying a pair of shoes, or several pair, doesn't make you an addict. Having your nails done doesn't make you an addict. Being a passionate audiophile doesn't make you an addict. If it's something you have a grip on, okay; if it's a compulsion over which you have too little control, then there may be issues.

Thinking about this stuff can become a matter of semantics, I suppose. To me, it's useful to ask myself if crossdressing or any other activity is having a detrimental effect on my life. Is it causing problems? Am I neglecting other aspects of a healthy life? Is it costing me relationships or emotional well-being or something else important? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then there's a problem, and it behooves me to face up to that problem, call it what it is and do something about it.

Or I can choose to do nothing about it and let the chips fall where they may. In many ways, life is, after all, a matter of trade-offs. To each her own.

One argument I do find convincing concerns self-expression. I think it is not only possible but valid to distinguish between that and addiction. Painting with broad strokes, there are crossdressers who are basically fetishists whose fetish becomes an addiction, and there are those who are outwardly manifesting authentic character traits. Expressing an authentic nature that flaunts social conventions can, of course, have negative fall-out similar to that of addiction, but the distinction is still an important one. In both instances, however, it behooves us as individuals and as a community to strive for balance.

At least those are the things I think about.

[Veronica E. Scott]

This has been a day for internal thought and reflection and I for one am mentally tired. Lets all go shopping and relieve the stress.By the way I am dressed and ready to go.OOps I forgot my purse now where did I put it.

[maryjanecapri]

Just ask a therapist or psychiatrist. They will all agree that CDing is not an addiction. I've had therapists say it's more a personality trait. it's like being left or right handed. But like has been pointed out many times here - addictions tend to be born from a need to numb or distract from problems. But the primary difference (as has been brought up here) is that an addiction gets in the way of living ones life. An addiction has a serious impact on ones health.

An addiction is not a personality trait. An addiction is not born of a confused gender (well an addiction could be the result of that). But CDing, to me, is a healthy way of dealing with a conflicting gender issue. There are other, far less healthy ways to do so....like addictions.

[_Janelle_]

Wow - lots of interesting replies! There is such a broad spectrum in the world of crossdressing and transgenderism, that to try to pigeon hole into into a simple explanation such as addiction is probably not realistic (as has been pointed out several times!!). However from reading threads and putting 1+1 together, it seemed to me that alot of what is posted, seems to fall within the parameters of addiction. Addictions don't need to be detrimental to ones health, they don't need to be harmful or shameful, they don't need to consume every waking hour, and so forth. There just seemed to be a lot of similarities in what I read on the forum, and what is considered addictive behaviour. That having been said, it's something I am not planning on giving up anytime soon. I'm not constantly thinking about it, but it is always in the back of my mind (I always notice how a woman does her eye make up for instance). It is progressing - I know I will eventually dress fully - I'm up to the neck so far! It feels great to dress for me - it's relaxing, its stress relieving (but not in a sexual way), I love the way I look.

Anyway, as someone has said already - enough psychobabble!

You may now return to your regularly scheduled thread!

Janelle.

[MichelleGray502]

I would to argree with the fact it is not a addiction, like most of us has said on this thread it just part of our daily life to dress as femm as we can if we can't fully dressed at th time. i have been dressing now for 'bout 25 years and not once have i ever throught 'bout quiting and never will. 'Th reasoning being that i always thought it was inside of me to women's clothing and knew when i stated to wear femm clothing i would never stopped and never will and once again i dont think 'th word addiction is right for cd'ing.

[Mona]

CDing for me is fun, lots of fun, and I get to express part of my personality that can't be expressed otherwise so it is a liberating thing. I don't think that qualifies as an addiction, though the experience is different for all of us.
Mona

[christine55]

As I have grown older CD'ing is very much like an addiction. I would consider it an addiction if I had not had such strong desires to dress in girls clothes and or be a girl from such a young age. I have memories from before kindergarten. When something starts at such a young age I don't know if it can be rightly classified as an addiction. It is probably the guilt involved that causes many of the addictive aspects.
Hugs, Christine

[Kierci]

Nope Nope I am not addicted, I am obsessed If I was addicted that would mean I could be cured. This is not something any of us can be cured from. Sorry I have to disagree Not an addication.

[Jan W]

Well done Janelle, great topic. Also well done to all the girls who have contributed to it.

I experienced a lot of feelings while reading the posts but decided on my response after reading Tammy's post.

I gave up cigarettes which are definitely an addiction but I could no more give up dressing than fly to the moon!

Actually upon reflection one of my motives for not smoking was to divert the money to support my dressing - perhaps to justify my spending. Where is Dr Freud when you need him?

Keep up the good work.

Jan

[Kierci]

LOL Jan You have a very good point nice cliche LOL

[kwebb]

Hi all, I am a newbie here and feel blessed to have found such an enlightening conversation on the matter of CDing. I have CDed since I can remember, often not knowing the why's of it. But one thing is for sure, it is the most dominant thought in my life. What I seem to think about most of all is what would others say if they knew this about me. My best friends, co-workers, extended family.

I started a very similar topic on a couple of the other boards. I had seen a program on Oprah about porn addiction and found alot of similarities in some of the guy's stories. One said he had gone to a dumpster and thrown away his 'stash' only to find himself at that same dumpster later that evening to try and retrieve it. I have been there with some pantyhose back in the early 90s. Maybe for some CDing never had a sexual or erotic component to it, but I'd be willing to bet, honestly, if you look back over your life and this part's development you will find that in most cases.

It oft starts before you even know what sex is. Which is a common argument that it's not about sex. But it is different now than it was way back then in most cases, its changed into something else, esp during the pubescent years. Somethng sexual. I am beginning to think it to be about much more than the clothes in my case and that the sexual element may have been some almost clinical 'by-product' or 'fallout', if you will, from something that is fundamentally more about personality than sexuality, although sexuality is certainly tied up in there somewhere, FOR ME.
It may be addiction but is it so in the negative connotation, like the way they portrayed the porn addictions on the Oprah program? Its often been called 'paraphilia' by psychiatrists. Which also hits me in a negative way. And 'autogynephilia' in TS circles.

Do you wish sometimes you could just go back to when you first started dressing? What I mean is, when you had no idea of what CD,TV,TS or any of this meant. When it was just you and what you were/did. Just stripped down , when you thought you were the only one in the world with this. In a way I do. I want to just forget about all of the Peggy Rudd, Virginia Prince, JJ Allen, Richard Doctor stuff I've read and get to the root of it. The real me. Devoid of all of society's judgements. Devoid of all of the experts. A direct line to my own personal reality. I don't think I'll truly find peace with this until I am able to do that.
We are all soooo different. But there seems to be this common thread throughout the maturation phases alot of CDs go thru. At first its not about sex, or not consciously about it as far as you are aware of at the time. Then it becomes sexually charged. Then that part of it wanes, but it is still there at the same time, am I making any sense out there.

[freshfrankie]

We are all born with bodies and brains that are all very differant. People like us are part male and female but to all differant degrees. The addictive behaviors(drugs and alcohol) come into play because we are not allowed by society to be the persons that we are. We are forced to live a life of solitary confinement. We can never feel comforatable in our own skin. We try to protect everyone around us at our own expense. It makes all of us feel like bad people and we turn to drugs and alcohol to num the emotional pain. In my mind we are transgendered people who are demonized by society. If we were allowed to be the people we were born all the drug and alcohol problems would vanish.We all would be better men and women. "You can never love another if you don't love yourself" People like us are never allowed to love ourselves. How sad. Just read some of the posts on this site. You will never find more warm, caring and sincere individuals anywhere. As the song from Hedwig and the angry inch "Wicked little town" says "Only God could ever plan,more than a woman or a man" We are all just a part of nature and should be allowed the right to be ourselves without comdemnation or ridicule.I Love everyone out there and wish you all the most comfortable lives. You are the best of both worlds. Big Hugs.

Love
Jeannie

[Jill]

I've actually had this idea on my mind for quite some time now. More seriously as of late, but I did bring it up once on a different and less friendly forum and was nearly black balled permanantly from the group. Ever since then, I've been a little scared to bring it up. I graduated from college as a psychology major and as a profession I am a supervisor at an adolescent treatment program which I have been doing for nearly 5 years. What I am saying is that even though I am not an expert, I do have relatively good knowledge and experience with addiction.

In my opinion, the answer is yes, CDing is an addiction. Granted, it doesn't fit all the criteria, it doesn't match the characteristics of a chemical addiction but it's also grossly and vastly unexplained. The first question I ever asked when I got on the internet with other CDers was "why." I didn't learn anything from asking that question and I got a lot of responses. Everyone's reasons why were the same as mine, because it's fun, it's enjoyable, it creates pleasure.

Again, CDing lacks certain characteristics that would constitute addiction but I don't think that means that it can be dismissed based on those things because I believe that it also has some scary similarities. I know as well as anyone that with dressing comes a very strong compulsion to do so, especially when you haven't done it for awhile. Like an addiction, it seems that people have to "increase the dose" in order to achieve that original gratification. By increase the dose, I am talking about how the first time I dressed, I was incredibly satisfied just from wearing a pair of pantyhose and a dress. Then had to move up to shoes and underwear. Then on to wigs and makeup, and then going out in public and so on and so on. Dressing becomes less gratifying so we take it further to make it gratifying. The people that I have known that have been addicted to a substance often sacrifice everything valuable and precious to them in order to feed their addiction. In my years of reading forum posts about relationship problems, when it comes to choosing between a wife and a pile of female clothing, it seems that many choose the clothes. I've read posts from men who gone to a bar dressed as a woman instead of being with their family on christmas eve and then becoming angry with their family because they don't understand them.

My point is, that the mentality behind addiction is frighteningly similar to that of CDing. Including perhaps, that element of denial. Ask any addict in the act of using if they have an addiction and the answer will always be no. But really, this is just my opinion, nothing more. But I do think Janelle put some good things in her post and maybe these are just some things to think about. Just my opinion.

[Jan W]

Jill,

I certainly would not try to pretend to be in the same ballpark as you education wise but can't addictions be addictions without ever increasing doses?

I know people who smoke the same number of cigarettes each day for years, and I know of others who have a couple of drinks each night. When these are deprived of them it upsets their system. I also know people who develop a headache if they do not have coffee each morning.

CDing on the other hand does seem to increase as time goes by. Using my own and other's experiences it seem to become a stronger compulsion as we age. Not all but a pretty healthy(?) percentage of us increase our involvement at a steady rate.

Then again who is to say a compulsion is or isn't an addiction?

Very interesting thread and responses girls!

Jan