Mirror, Mirror - Seeing Men (And Myself) In A Very Different Way

[Persephone]

Hi!

Can the crossdressing mirror reveal things about our male selves? I think mine did tonight.

My behavior as a woman does differ from my behavior as a man, and I suspect that is true for most of us.

Out in the real world acceptance comes from behaving in ways that are socially expected. Rewards and expectations are different for men and women. Men "show off" in different ways from women.

Most of my friends and associates are middle-aged to mature men and women and, like most others, I tend to conform to their expectations. Maybe because I want to "fit in," maybe because my expectations are similar to theirs, who knows? Who cares?

No, it isn't about trying to live stereotypes, it is the way things are.

Tonight one of my women's social groups had a Christmas party and, for a change, spouses and SO's were invited.

I was there as a woman, of course, and was seated diagonally across from one of the husbands.

A college professor by trade, he is one of those guys who knows everything and is perfectly willing to tell others what is "right" and what is "wrong." A rather pompous blowhard who is used to dominating conversations and setting the parameters of nearly any subject.

Frankly, he's one of the reasons we have a "women only" policy for most of our meetings and events. One guy like him can seize control of the conversation, particularly with a group of women who do not feel that they will gain points by stridently debating an opinionated man.

I wasn't particularly in his conversational group and I certainly wasn't going to bother debating any points with him. Why bother?

But suddenly something struck me. In male mode, although I am certainly not as pompous nor blowhard as he is, I am used to being an Alpha male, typically accepted as a leader.

It has been a very successful strategy for me in business and in social life. But I was seeing male behavior from the other side of the line tonight and I was less impressed. And I thought, "Is that me? Is that what I sometimes sound like?"

The crossdressing mirror was turned and suddenly reflecting "guy world," and my own male reflection.

Is it possible that crossdressing can help us become better men as well as better women?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[tiffanyjo89]

In some ways, yes...

Think about this, a lot of guys would hate being in the women's sections of stores holding their SO's purse. Crossdressers who are out and have been doing it long enough don't care about being in "feminine areas" of the store and can mostly turn off the femininity, so they can appear indifferent about holding a purse in a store, while a normal guy would look like he wanted to run.

Also, since accepting crossdressing requires a analysis of one's feelings, it can lead to a CDr who is more open with their feelings (a common complaint about men is that they shut themselves off and hold everything in) and more willing to listen to others (another common complaint about men).

Also, being able to do what you did and see that some typical male behaviors (taking charge when they maybe shouldn't, being blowhards, being rude (yes, a lot of guys can be rude when they refuse to shut their mouth and let someone else talk)) are abrasive and actually know how to not do those behaviors.

[mikiSJ]

Growing up, as a teenager, I was a Super Double A personality and lacking the maturity to channel my "gift" I was constantly out of control. I continued this way through most of my time in the Navy. It was after one incident that went totally awry that I literally sat down on the floor and started laughing nearly hysterically at my self for being such a fool. At that moment I knew I had to change and an extreme way.

While I dressed as early as 6 y/o, I finally found solace and comfort in dressing in my mid-twenties that really calmed me down. It has taken a lot of energy to keep me in the middle and dressing, which I really enjoy, has been my antidote to a very "A" male personality. If I didn't have this place to go, I doubt I would have made it to 66.

[Beverley Sims]

I am absolutely certain that having interests like I do has helped me to be better at interacting with everyone.

[Nanaya]

I actually never went out of my way to "show off", except if it was useless knowledge or video games. My behavior is always the same regardless of what I wear, though. To be fair, I like arguing, but because I find it fun! I know when to accept I'm wrong, I'm not looking to be dominant or anything.

[Rogina B]

Women usually listen a whole lot better and are generally way more engaged when speaking their minds.Guys seem to just be thinking of what they are going to say next,rather than listening...I'd take a girls only group as well!

[Laura912]

Is this a bit of chicken and the egg conundrum? Was the personality that became a CD altered by dressing to become less alpha like or was the personality inherently capable of being less alpha so behaved more feminine? The answer is probably "yes."

[docrobbysherry]

Food for thot, Persephone. As a young man, I was usually "rite".
As I matured, I realized that altho I knew a little about many things, I knew very little about those things compared to others who studied them in depth.

Now, as an older man, I KNOW I've forgotten, or can't recall much of what I learned and worse. Have come to realize how little I know or ever knew, about the important things in life!

Since I began dressing late in life, I'm uncertain what, if any, changes can be attributed to dressing!

[I Am Paula]

Men say 'my take on it is...'
Women say 'what's your take on it'.
Women want to hear all the angles, form an opinion, then comment.-Celeste

[Stephanie47]

Blowhards bore the crap out of me. I tend to just pick myself up and move or just turn to another person for conversation. I just tune them out unless they are putting out totally false information. I guess that may be the womanly approach to a male blowhard. Maybe a male would engage him in conversation, maybe not?

Cross dressing relaxes me, reduces stress. It may have made me more aware of the second class status society has conferred upon women. That I totally dislike. You'll find me encouraging young women to pursue their dreams in a male dominated world, and, kick the guys in the nuts when needed.

[Joanne f]

I would imagine that it could work both ways as some will see it in the same light as you whereas others may find that they need to be outwardly more masculine to compensate or cover up their feminine side , maybe it would determine on whether you are out or not as to which line you will take , if you are out and showing your feminine side then not much point in trying to be the Alfa male when not dressed whereas if you are in the closet then you could very well have a subcutaneous reaction to wanting to look very macho as not to give any clues away .

[KaylaCD]

I don't think CDing has made me any different personally, as has been said it's a chicken and an egg. My money would be on the personality has always been there.

[carhill2mn]

I happen to think that being a crossdresser makes many men more aware of "male traits", many of which are not so nice and as a result, they may be "better" men.

The "blow hard, know it all male" is one reason I usually prefer the company of women regardless of how I am presenting at the time.

[kimdl93]

I know that accepting myself as transgendered has had two clearly positive effects. First, I'm at peace with myself, which seems to make it easier to accept differences in others. Second, I do think I've toned down a bit - in both male and fem modes - since I'm no longer subconsciously over-compensdating for my feminine attributes. Instead, I try to let them shine on through. And life is better as a result.

[Miriam-J]

I've been thinking about this very topic for a few weeks now, Persephone, and I think you've got it right - or as close to it as we seem to get. My "research" began with the observations from a friend that my wife seems to be far more assertive than most women. As my wife and I discussed this and shared our observations of other women, the point became even clearer. I don't know if it's due to genetics, social conditioning, or just my own biased perspective, but women tend to be more quiet and deferential, and rarely display what we call 'alpha' characteristics. The exceptions like my wife (and one of my sisters) easily stand out from the crowd, though not all men are bright and confident enough to accept them as the wonderful partners they can be.

When I first started fully crossdressing, my wife commented to me that I tended to be more tentative and deferential as well. This may have been due to my nervousness and lack of confidence in the role at the time. Since then I've experienced less and less of those qualities as my growing confidence has enabled my usual personality traits to emerge even when in gal mode. It'll be interesting to see how this evolves in coming years.

Miriam

[Persephone]

I don't know if it's due to genetics, social conditioning, or just my own biased perspective, but women tend to be more quiet and deferential, and rarely display what we call 'alpha' characteristics.

We're probably saying much the same things, Miriam, and having much the same developmental experiences, I too was much more tentative and deferential at first, but, like you, as I grew in confidence as a woman I developed my own sense of communications style, very different from "his."

In actuallity I find my spouse very interesting to watch. She's spent years as a Director in a large organization and literally had hundreds of people, mostly engineers, working for her. Believe me, she can be very macho and Alpha at work! But she is definitely not that same person in social groups, either mixed or all women. Her entire communication style changes.

There are definitely Alpha women at the heart of every women's social group, but their behavior and the way they get things done within the group is very different from the ways in which Alpha males would behave.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[ReineD]

Persephone, do you think the gender differences that you perceive are more prominent in people who are past middle age?

Younger women (and even many women my own age) are much more independent than their predecessors. My best female friend is staunchly independent (she has never been married so she is accustomed to fending for herself), she is also a college professor and she can be rather opinionated, to put it mildly. This does not offend me though, since I enjoy the debate. The younger women that I know were not raised to be self-effacing and they have just as strong opinions as do men on a variety of topics, in fact, perhaps stronger. My oldest son's girlfriend is an athletic trainer and she is into sports big time. Do not debate this woman on the merits of various football teams. lol. Also, more women are getting college degrees (http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2012/feb/21/edu-women-overtake-men-in-earning-degrees-at-all/) now than men and I think that education makes a difference when it comes to having opinions on a variety of topics.

Overall I don't see as many gender differences (other than physical strength and biological function) that many of the CDers do on this site and I don't know why this is. Maybe it is because generally men are better behaved when they are in the company of women, so I have not seen all the posturing that genetic males have been subjected to in male locker rooms while growing up. Or, maybe I'm accustomed to placing myself on the same footing as the men around me and I imagine that most contemporary women do the same. But, when I see an opinionated male, I don't think of him much differently than I do an opinionated female. I do know one or two alpha males who hang on to the chauvinistic attitudes though, but honestly I believe they are a disappearing breed. :)

[Michelle55]

Needing to be the loudest in the room is not limited to men. Both my sister's are very loud and feel they are always RIGHT. The truth is more often than not they are not right.

I learned a long time ago to pick my battles with them. When something is important to me I don't give in, but then I find I'm getting even louder to just try to be heard.

One of my sisters and I were to share the family farm when my dad passes away. The problem is I've found I can NOT partner with her as everything has to be her way. She will not listen to any discussion once she gets an idea in her mind.

Oh that's right, she's just like my dad! I figured out when I was just a teenager I wouldn't be able to farm with him either. This sister has lived across the road from my dad for over 30 years.

I take this to mean we learn from our parents (and some other role models) and either act like them or recognize the problems and tend towards the opposite.

Hopefully we can all do this and have the wisdom to know which is the better course for our own life.

[Angela Campbell]

I have never liked men or when younger boys, much because they tend to spend a lot of time proving they are better than everyone else especially whoever they are talking to. Most women only make fun of your faults when you are not around LOL.