First Week of HRT

[Anne2345]

Almost a full week into HRT, I have noticed some amazing and incredible changes.

For instance, I now have perky c-cup size breasts, my dangly parts have shriveled up and fallen off, I have developed some crazy ass amazing body curves, my voice has become more feminine and higher pitched, my hair has grown thicker, softer, lusher, and now lies below my shoulders, my feet have become smaller and daintier, and I have shrunk an astounding eight inches in height to a more manageable five foot eight!

Sigh.

Ok.

I’ll admit it . . . .

None of these things have happened.

In fact, so far, nothing has changed at all.

Of course, I am not naïve. I know the deal, and what I may reasonably expect now and in the future. I also know that it is way too soon for the spiro and the E to have any real, noticeable, tangible, substantive effect on my mind or body this early on.

But this ain’t what this is about.

Instead, what’s important now is that I am doing it, whatever it may be.

And in so doing, I feel absolutely fantastic about myself! I feel really, really good about the decisions I have made. I feel simply awesome, in fact!!!

I am actually – gasp! – even quite proud of myself for having faced and conquered some of my fears and personal demons.

In this regard, my friend Kaitlyn Michelle put it quite well earlier when she said that for the first real time in my life, I am actually doing something for me. The thing is, Kaitlyn is absolutely 100% correct. I am doing this for me, and because of me.

Me, me, me, actually . . . .

But that’s ok. It’s as it should be. It’s as it needs to be. Because I have ignored myself, denied myself, and fought myself for sooooo long now, it’s now time that I do what I have to do to survive and make my life legitimate, bearable, and authentic. I have to be me, whoever I may be.

Regardless, this is a good start. It is a great start. And it is a real start.

It’s all crazy, though. Just plain crazy.

So crazy, in fact, with just a little bit of luck and more hard work, it just might end well after all!! :heehee:

[JohnH]

Almost a full week into HRT, I have noticed some amazing and incredible changes.

For instance, I now have perky c-cup size breasts, my dangly parts have shriveled up and fallen off, I have developed some crazy ass amazing body curves, my voice has become more feminine and higher pitched, my hair has grown thicker, softer, lusher, and now lies below my shoulders, my feet have become smaller and daintier, and I have shrunk an astounding eight inches in height to a more manageable five foot eight!

Sigh.

Ok.

I’ll admit it . . . .



Well, after about 15 months of being on HRT I am finally getting B cup breasts, a more feminine fat distribution, and the thinning areas of my hair have filled in. However, my voice is still the deep basso profundo that it was before and I really want it to remain that same pitch.

I will say I feel much better about myself: I have rid myself of the testosterone-induced feeling of tension and have gotten a figure that is something else other than an Alfred Hitchcock profile.

John

[elizabethamy]

Congratulations, Anne! You have faced some tough things this past year or so -- I'm so glad for you now!

e.

[morgan51]

Anne; there is no way to tell another t what actually starting ht will feel like its a little different for each. It seems if you're truly ts ht just feels like heaven though right from the start. I do know the feeling of doing something for me finally and commend you on that. None are easy decisions tough stuff, this.:-)

[KellyJameson]

I love the word perky and I'm noticing you feel about squirrels the way I feel about raccoons even though I never tried to put a curler on a racoons tail.


I do not know if you cry much Anne but I have always cried easily, not so much from having my feelings hurt but from the feeling of being connected. Driving while listening to a song that brings me to tears or sometimes just remembering fond memories. Friends have stopped going to movies with me because of the water works and subsequent social embarrassment.

I certainly can cry for myself but I seem to be in-between the usual life crisis that is a staple of life at the moment but I'm not beyond falling into moments of utter despair because it is like taking a shower and I always feel better afterwards even if I think it will never end while its happening.

I'm very emotional and always have been but do not struggle much with depression and wonder if there is a relationship between the two where the crying protects me from the depression.

If you do not cry much but find yourself all of the sudden crying more I hope you just go with it and allow it to "come" without trying to shut it down. If you already cry than you may find yourself becoming calmer but at least the tears will not scare you if you find yourself crying more.

You may feel like you are out of control and "losing it" but you are not really losing it but "finding it" which is you.

Before you see a difference you may "feel" a difference in your emotions and wonder "what the F" is happening.

I think of "normal" as going back and forth between calmness and emotionality for no other reason than I am in life and living it so life is acting on me and I am naturally responding so it which comes from being fully in the moment so affected by the moment.

As you move farther down this path ask yourself whether you need to unlearn the "man act" you were taught or adopted for survival that is unnatural to you concerning your emotions by letting go of "emotional control" so you discover your natural emotional equilibrium.

In the end you may find you are actually calmer than you have ever been or you may find you are more emotional than you have ever been but no matter what you will change from what you were "unnaturally" to what you will be "naturally" but the natural may at first seem "unnatural" because it is new and different but once you become comfortable being this way you will never want to go back because it "feels" so right and life sustaining.

Everyone is different but I have had friends who were at first scared by how emotional they were becoming so thought I would share my thoughts with you in just case you experience something similar.

In a way testosterone is like wearing blinders and its absence gives you peripheral vision but on an emotional level so your mind "see's more" so you "feel more" and you will see more because you were born to naturally see more.

[Ceri Anne]

Congrats Anne, and while the perky C cups may not come with the HRT as well as expected, this bring you that much closer to matching the image you see in the mental mirror looking back at you.

[Barbara Ella]

Anne, it is wonderful to see your posts recently filled much more with the positive side of your thoughts and life. I know you are on the right road, and in spite of the individual bumps that are sure to occur, you have your eye on the bigger picture, and I am happy for you Dear.

Barbara

[prene]

Anne,
SO nice to hear such positive thoughs and look on what you are doing.
I hope someday I get the positive energy and drive to do it.
I do have a therapist and hope to be following you.
prene

[ReineD]

Congratulations, Anne! :hugs:

[Pamela Kay]

I too am really happy to see you putting up happy posts now Anne. You had me worried there for awhile but like I told you earlier, you've crossed over, you're one of us now! lol

Girl you are so screwed! (But in a good way!)

:heehee:

[kimdl93]

Hey, Anne! So glad to hear that you are finally on HRT and had such spectacular initial results. Makes you wonder what you'll look like after a month!!!

All kidding aside, KM was absolutley right. Doing is rewarding. That's when you start feeling a sense of movement and accomplishment that cannot be realized through hoping, dreaming or planning.

And although you say this is for "me, me, me...." its not so self-centered as you might believe. We do have to take care of ourselves. We need to do things for ourselves. If we fail to care for ourselves, we eventually diminish our ability to care for others in our lives....physically, financially and emotionally.

There's noting selfish about this. Its like the flight attendant says, "first put on your own mask, then assist those beside you".

[melissaK]

So, Neo takes the red pill and the adventure begins (really? What was Lana Wachowski thinking writing a script with him take a "red" pill? Estrogens are blue or white! Maybe she didn't know that then, maybe she was going with blue for boys pink for girls kind of approach. :-) )
or
Alice has fallen down into the rabbit hole, and the adventure begins.
or
Frodo has left the Shire and so the adventure begins.

well, here's a toast to your new adventure Anne!

[sweetjessica]

Well congrats Anne on starting your HRT. Today marks Week 2 on my journey. Am sure we can compare notes and changes, since we have started the journey about at the same time.

For me the first two week have been pretty similar to the one you described. Of course, there have been absolutely no noticeable physical changes. But, mentally I have kind of become more at peace with myself. I have never felt more contended. This entire last week, I was seemingly smiling (A LOT) :D. Many of my friends have taken notice of at least that, and have asked me to share with them the reason for my joy, gigglesss.

But sigh, I can't wait for the physical changes.. I wish it happened yesterday, but I guess patience is the key.

Cheers to you girl and congrats. xoxo ~Jessi

[Katelyn B]

Hi Anne,

Congratulations, it's been a really long time coming. The one thing I do remember from the first week of starting on Oestrogen was the sudden internal temperature swings, which are annoying but everything else made them a small price to pay. Really pleased you've found a path to navigate towards a better future. x

[stefan37]

I am glad Anne you have started to feel good about yourself and your future path. I hope the hormones have a positive effect on you and help take the edge off your gid. Now comes the hard part trying to figure out the pace and your place n all of this as you navigate family and work issues. I wish you the best of luck

Stef

[LeaP]

Well Anne, things will now start changing and getting interesting again ... just in new ways. I've found them mostly positive, but as the months pass, it becomes increasingly obvious that more choices lay ahead. You have truly stepped into a state that few will ever experience or understand. Yet it will make perfect sense to you. (I believe)

I'm happy for you - you went through a lot of difficulty getting here.

[kellykellykelly]

Anne,

The first thing that HRT does for you is to empower you then the other changes come later.

It sounds like your well under way to a new and better life filled with promise for the future.

[JohnH]

I hope your experiences are something like what has happened to me:

Here are more observations that I see after being on HRT for 15 months:

Most of the time I wear ordinary men's clothes and I speak with a deep male voice. However, I wear lipstick and have a femme haircut, along with a figure shaped much more like a genetic woman than a typical man. I do not bind my breasts - I wear underwire bras to enhance the shape of my breasts.

Yet, I have gotten zero and I mean ZERO flak about my appearance. I have been able to climb out of my decades long depression. In spite of my appearance I am MUCH better able to interact with others than before I went on HRT. I also have a much better attention span than before.

So I say don't hide the effects of your body when changes do occur. If you are meant to take estrogen you will feel liberated as I have been.

John

[Angela Campbell]

There's noting selfish about this. Its like the flight attendant says, "first put on your own mask, then assist those beside you".

I have also heard them say...if you have several children put the mask on your favorite one first (after your own)

It is not selfish to do for yourself if it hurts no one else. I am happy to hear you are doing well and you should be proud of what you are doing.

[Breanna Jaqueline]

Thanks for sharing this Anne, it is very inspiring for me.

[Raquel June]

But this ain’t what this is about.

Instead, what’s important now is that I am doing it, whatever it may be.

I know what you mean. Just doing something was very important for me. In the years before I started HRT, I tried to kill myself with pills twice, had severe insomnia, had trouble holding down a job, and basically went through life looking for distractions to keep from thinking about the fact that I simply couldn't picture anything positive in my future. And anti-depressants didn't help at all.

And when I started HRT, it wasn't really anything magical. It didn't do much. But it was something. It was doing something to take me in the direction which I knew was the right direction. Getting laser was also something. And making friends in the trans community was a very big something.

It was enough to keep me from being cripplingly depressed and get my life together to some degree. But it was also enough to make me a little complacent regarding having the balls to really be myself.



But that’s ok. It’s as it should be. It’s as it needs to be. Because I have ignored myself, denied myself, and fought myself for sooooo long now, it’s now time that I do what I have to do to survive and make my life legitimate, bearable, and authentic. I have to be me, whoever I may be.

Regardless, this is a good start. It is a great start. And it is a real start.

It's definitely a real start. Just make sure you're OK with where you're going and take it all seriously.

For me, for awhile all the "somethings" turned into their own distraction keeping me from looking too hard at the big picture of how I was going to get the whole way to where I needed to be. You need a real plan for your life that leads to a happy place, whether that's 1 year or 10 years from now. Because there are a lot of people who pine away on forums having done a whole lot of somethings without ever getting their life together.

[AllieSF]

Congratulations Anne. Everything I would like to say to you has been said above. Good luck and have a great trip.

[GabbiSophia]

congrads Anne!! The beginning made me laugh to funny!!

[ronda]

Anne glad to hear you are now happy with yourself and where you are going in life and are doing something for you and you only we all need to do that from time to time please keep us informed of your progress Hugs Ronda