Coming out errors (on the other foot)

[Stephanie47]

I just was reading Kim's post entitled, "Coming Out Errors." I was pondering whether any of you who are married found out before or after the knot was tied, whether your wife told you something that other men would have considered deal breakers.

[Miriam-J]

My wife and I had a set of major secret sharing sessions from three to eight weeks after we got seriously serious - which happened pretty quickly for us. It was her openness of her 'deal breakers' that made me comfortable to share my own, including my crossdressing.

Everyone has secrets, and everyone has their own biases that could close their minds to those secrets. I would hope that those of us with secrets like crossdressing would have minds more open about nearly everything, but I doubt if that's really the case. Unfortunately, many of us would find other choices and secrets to be unacceptable.

Miriam

[Kelly Smith]

I just was reading Kim's post entitled, "Coming Out Errors." I was pondering whether any of you who are married found out before or after the knot was tied, whether your wife told you something that other men would have considered deal breakers.

Absolutely! The potential deal breakers occurred before we met and I was never too concerned about them. Many other men would have trouble. I won't get into the specifics.

[kimdl93]

As I've mentioned before, I came out to my wife before we were engaged and she took the opportunity to tell me about her bi experiences since her first marriage ended. Some men might have considered that a deal breaker. It wasn't for me.

[Angela Campbell]

In my first marriage I found out about 4 years into it that my wife (at that time) had sufferred severe sexual abuse as a child from her father for many years which left her with huge emotional and psychological problems. I mean huge. She didn't even remember most of it until we had our first child, and at that time began blaming me for everything wrong in the world and for years actually I beleive hated me because I was a man. Sexual relations died of course, and she kept this from me for years. She finally told me after 10 years of marriage but refused to go to any kind of counselling of any form. She was abusive to me and the children. After 10 more years we finally divorced. I tried to support her as best as I could but with no desire to get help it was doomed from the start.

No it would not have been a deal breaker that she was abused as a child, but to have the severe emotional and psychological problems would have been.