Getting walked in on while dressing up... still my deepest fear from childhood

[Valerie Nova]

I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not afraid of the unknown. I love the dark. When I walk through a woods at night, the thought that something bad might happen to me never even crosses my mind. I'm not afraid of trying anything. But that singular fear... getting walked in on while halfway through dressing up is still the one that I just can't ever get over. Seriously, I'm locked in my room, and all I want to do is see how this one damn skirt looks with this pair of shoes that I don't really like but got suckered into buying because they were less than $15 with the BOGO deal. And I can't shake the fear that my parents, who are a hundred miles away, are going to burst through that door as soon as I start to put on a bra. What the hell?

Usually I do it anyway, but I'm still scared every time. It never even happened to me when I was a kid, at least not that I can remember. Probably because I was so damn scared. I could tell exactly where people were in the house by the way it creaked, at my parents' house. Still can.

[suzy1]

Rice spread over the floor outside your room [Crunchy sound when they step on it so you hear them coming] and a boiler suit ready to put on over what you are wearing. [I was just about to do some decorating]

What makes you think I have been there, done that then?:straightface:

[Valerie Nova]

Rice spread over the floor outside your room [Crunchy sound when they step on it so you hear them coming] and a boiler suit ready to put on over what you are wearing. [I was just about to do some decorating]

What makes you think I have been there, done that then?:straightface:
I always have to have everything hidden from view, if someone immediately burst into the room. Like, I've sort of gotten over that fear, but only if I know I can hide all the evidence and throw a blanket over myself in under 30 seconds. I know the fear is irrational, but it's still the thing I'm honestly afraid of the most. How much sense does that make? Like, rationally, I suppose I'm most afraid of being sentenced to life in prison for a crime I didn't commit, but nothing else can hold a candle to the sort of visceral fear I have of being walked in on, specifically when I'm only wearing underwear and whatever padding I plan to have under the clothing. Once I'm all the way dressed up, I'm still scared, but not quote as much. But then, I guess everyone is a little scared of being walked in on when they're half-naked, even if you're just getting dressed in the clothes you wear every day.

edit: and now I have a new fear! Someone will read this, recognize me, and arrange for this to happen somehow. I don't even know how!

[Mollyanne]

I can relate to your fear as well, but in my case I was "caught"!!!!! I got home from school early one afternoon (many many many years ago) and my mom was at work. I went into her room and opened up her dresser and took out a pair of stockings, garter belt, panties and a bra. I had just put on the garter belt and started rolling up the stockings when she walked in and saw me. I guess I turned all different shades of red and couldn't talk when my mom came over and sat down on her bed next to me and said to me that she understood my experimenting but I should have asked her first. I can remembering just nodding my head yes. She then said that I should finish what I started and that she would be coming back to see me in 15 minutes or so. I did finish putting on the lingerie and mom helped me and bought me my own things. This is how it all stated.

Molly

[Persephone]

Perhaps something happened in your early childhood to leave you with this feeling? Something you may have repressed?

Or, something I do believe, perhaps something happened in a past life. That could leave you with the fear without the memory.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[sandra-leigh]

Install a Nightengale Floor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nightingale_floor)!

I don't have that fear, but I don't like people seeing me when I am right in the middle of changing between obvious clothes and stealth clothes. I'm fine with them seeing me in obvious clothes (without wig or makeup or anything else), but not while I am half-way through. It isn't "modesty", exactly, but I'd rather someone (other than my wife) see me naked or with a dress or skirt on than with panties on. It isn't even the fact that I'm wearing panties; I never worry about people seeing the top of my panties, for example.

I think what it is for me is the "assumed sexual criminal" factor: that if someone happens to sees you partly dressed, in your femme undies, then the assumption would be that you are a sexual pervert preparing to, or just having, or on your way to, "expose" yourself, and then it becomes "Lock 'im Up! Think Of The Children!!", which is a reaction you don't get (at least not much around here) if you are already dressed. And for me, the aversion to "getting caught" in that kind of Assumed Sexual Criminal situation carries over even into locker rooms, places where brief nudity is not unexpected and so the Voices In The Back Of My Head don't worry at all about the nudity, but still get caught up in the transitory state.

I also do not find it all that comfortable to put on a bra when there are guys around: seeing my development is one thing, because it can be just thought of as "odd" or "moobs", but putting on the bra re-frames the development as "Breasts", which then becomes a cross between Weird and Sexualization. Though, mind you, I don't think any guy has seen my development since I started HRT nearly 2 years ago; the last time I was topless in front of guys was pre-HRT and I already had a bit of natural development anyhow, but at that time I was saying to myself something like, "Yah, so, this is natural: if the other guys notice, they can just Get Over It." I can't say that to myself anymore...

[noeleena]

Hi,

iv never had that & iv had Dejarn our grandaughter who has spent a lot of time with me allmost from the time she was born shes now 10 as of now today , one neat kid,

& jos has helped me over the last 15 years, many times & those who know me . our group did a show for another group of older people so we just got dressed or helped each other no big deal most of us are women & dont care,

well your changeing clothes many times so we do need help i did, i got stuck in my clothes so needed help. we dont think about it its that trust we have in each other, & a lot of fun, & Dejarn was dressed as well. we do all sorts of things, i think there were 130 people there, on the day,

...noeleena...

[Angela Campbell]

I still have the same fear, although I have it the entire time I am dressed. I spent so many years hiding this that the paranoia is ingrained and may never go away. I am good at it though, I have been a crossdresser for 50 years and never once got caught. I always wondered when people say they feel more relaxed and dress because it relieves stress, why it is the opposite for me. It is very stressful for me but I do it everyday anyway.

[immike]

Hi,my name is Michelle.I share your fears&I live by myself.I have sisters&brothers whom live 15-20 minutes away from my place&
my sisters sometimes surprise visit me.When I was younger,I was petrified my mother would walk in&find me trying on her clothes,which is how I started. I still order dresses,shoes,pantyhose,skirts&tops online

[Annette Anderson]

Living alone in my own home.I still have fears like this.Somebody once gave me a half joint of pot,I dressed than took a few tokes to unwind,God, i was so paranoid i could not stand it.Thanx for the thread i was starting to think i was the only one who was still carrying this fear.

[Jenniferathome]

I think we all had that fear when we were young. It was something I carried with me until I came out to my wife. Now, there is no fear even though I prefer she not see me mid transformation.

[EllieOPKS]

Is this a version of the fear of being at school only to realize you are in your pajamas? What I would suggest that might help a little is deadbolts in the doors....and don't share the keys. If someone is pounding on the doors, tell them thru the door you are taking a shower and come back in 20 or 30 minutes. That should give you ample time to get changed, and you might want to spritz you hair a little for authenticity.

[WifeofWrenchette]

Well no wonder my husband freaks out if I walk in on him dressing then. I see him dressed en femme a lot. but he gets this "deer in the headlight" look on his face if I walk in on him getting dressed. I thought it was just him so I'm glad to know this is common with cross-dressers.

[Valerie Nova]

Yeah... the safest place I ever felt was in a motel room. I got a really cheap one once, then hauled in bags full of clothes and shoes and boots and the like. I was still a bit nervous, but at least if anyone saw me it wouldn't be anyone I knew.


Rice spread over the floor outside your room [Crunchy sound when they step on it so you hear them coming] and a boiler suit ready to put on over what you are wearing. [I was just about to do some decorating]

What makes you think I have been there, done that then?:straightface:
Heh. I can see a thin strip of light at the bottom of the door to my room at night. If anyone starts to walk towards my door, they'll cast a shadow there, and theoretically I'd be able to see them coming.

[Stephanie47]

When I was a teenager I was absolutely paranoid I would be discovered. Living with the parental units I had no privacy. I use to wear my mother's clothing when I had the chance. Once, while en femme I thought I had enough time to undress and throw my mother's garments into the extra clothing closet. I did not gauge how quickly the elevator would travel from the first to the sixth floor. The security chain was on the apartment door. My father almost broke the chain trying to get in. I was able to get the clothing put away, and, told them I was in the bathroom. I suspect they knew I was messing with my mother's clothing, but, had no proof. Back in the 1960's cross dressing was equated to be a 'faggot and queer.' My parents were homophobic. I'm sure I would have been beat to death.

My wife knows I cross dress. I would not want to be 'caught' in the act because it would upset her. My kids have keys to the house. A 2 x 4 length of wood between the bottom of the front door and the opposite wall works fine, but, they never enter without calling first.

My biggest concern, not fear, is the discovery of sixteen Zerox boxes of women's clothing in the 'playroom.' It's not a fear, only a concern, because, when discovered I'll be dead.

[Angela Campbell]

Yeah... the safest place I ever felt was in a motel room. I got a really cheap one once, then hauled in bags full of clothes and shoes and boots and the like. I was still a bit nervous, but at least if anyone saw me it wouldn't be anyone I knew.

I felt that way once too. Not long ago I was in a motel room and all dressed up with wig and makeup and the fire alarm went off and someone went door to door to tell us all to get out of the building. So here I am in skirt and heels standing in front of the hotel with about 30 other guests. I have been out in public several times now but that was a bit of a rush to say the least. What if there had been a fire and all I had left was these clothes and had to go to work the next day?

[RitaCD]

I've had the same fear since childhood. I was caught once by my mom when I was about 13. Mom was working and I got sick at school and walked home. Instead of getting in my bed I put on one of her nighties and got in her bed. I fell asleep and was awoken when she walk through the door. She saw me and asked if I felt OK. I told her I got sick at school. She asked if I needed anything. I told her no. She asked if I was comfy and I said yes. Then she said "enjoy your nap" and never said anything else about it.

I was always ready to run to the bedroom or bathroom after that and had many close calls but never got caught.

[Beverley Sims]

As you grow older the fear will fade.
I had the same fears, same creaks in the house and my room was my solitude.
I love dangly ear rings too. (Smiley witheld.)

[Miriam-J]

I share your fears, even though they're no longer necessary. Somehow 30+ years of hiding left an impulse in me while dressing that can't be fully suppressed. But it has improved in recent years since I gained the acceptance of the woman who is now my wife. While I still get the 'deer in the headlights' look and an adrenalin rush, I can calm myself in a few moments and carry on. Perhaps in another five years I won't even get that much reaction.

You should be able to manage this transition yourself since you live alone. If insecure about the location of your parents, perhaps call your mom just before dressing - she'd probably enjoy the call anyway.

By the way, this is another good reason to tell a future SO early on in a relationship, and gaining her acceptance, so you avoid building up such reactions around her.

Miriam

[TxKimberly]

I recall when I was in my 20's thinking that if anyone walked in on me or discovered me, i would have no choice but suicide. I honestly think that I would have back then too. These days, I really couldn't give a shit less. This is me. I kind of like me, and I'm OK with being me. If someone else finds out, it's a long way from being a show stopper . . .

[Valerie Nova]

When I was a teenager I was absolutely paranoid I would be discovered. Living with the parental units I had no privacy. I use to wear my mother's clothing when I had the chance. Once, while en femme I thought I had enough time to undress and throw my mother's garments into the extra clothing closet. I did not gauge how quickly the elevator would travel from the first to the sixth floor. The security chain was on the apartment door. My father almost broke the chain trying to get in. I was able to get the clothing put away, and, told them I was in the bathroom. I suspect they knew I was messing with my mother's clothing, but, had no proof. Back in the 1960's cross dressing was equated to be a 'faggot and queer.' My parents were homophobic. I'm sure I would have been beat to death.

My wife knows I cross dress. I would not want to be 'caught' in the act because it would upset her. My kids have keys to the house. A 2 x 4 length of wood between the bottom of the front door and the opposite wall works fine, but, they never enter without calling first.

My biggest concern, not fear, is the discovery of sixteen Zerox boxes of women's clothing in the 'playroom.' It's not a fear, only a concern, because, when discovered I'll be dead.
Personally I think if someone discovered my stuff, it'd bother them more than me. Still, I prefer to be considerate. Someone finding clothes never seemed to be as scary of a proposition.

[Tara D. Rose]

I felt that way once too. Not long ago I was in a motel room and all dressed up with wig and makeup and the fire alarm went off and someone went door to door to tell us all to get out of the building. So here I am in skirt and heels standing in front of the hotel with about 30 other guests. I have been out in public several times now but that was a bit of a rush to say the least. What if there had been a fire and all I had left was these clothes and had to go to work the next day? WOW, almostalady, that is a good story or an awesome story. It sounds about like something that would happen to me in the same situation. I don't know what I would have done in that situation. Maybe hurriedly put on the guy pants, shirt, and throw the wig on the bed and go. Was all ok out there?
Vir Nova, I think I know how you feel. To me, when we're in the half way there point, it can be more embarrassing to be seen at the half way point than completely done. I usually don't like my wife to see me at the halfway point. It's only the before and then the after. I used to back in the 90's drive 250 miles to the beach to become Tara in the motels there, until I bought a second home to do this in. Still had the fear that maybe my then wife might take the trip 50 miles south and just catch me all dolled up.

[Joanie_Shakti]

Out of high school and living at home I actually had that happen. I had just received a cheap dress in the mail that I ordered from an ad in a tabloid magazine. No one was home, so I went to my room to put it on. Now, my room was in the back of the house and I had a lock on the door to keep my brother out. Not only did he steal my Playboys and Penthouses, but he also stole panties from me once!

Anyway, I had just put the dress on when I heard a key turn in the lock. My mom opens the door to put laundry away and sees me standing there! I threw myself face down on the floor and she averted her eyes. She thought I had gone out with a friend who had just left before I checked the mail.

Other than been discovered, the worst thing is that the dress looked terrible on me and was a waste of money as I never wore it.

[sandra-leigh]

Not long ago I was in a motel room and all dressed up with wig and makeup and the fire alarm went off and someone went door to door to tell us all to get out of the building. So here I am in skirt and heels standing in front of the hotel with about 30 other guests.

The first crossdressing convention I went to (Edmonton), during our gala evening, some drunk joker (not one of us!) pulled the fire alarm. So out we went. It didn't bother me, but some of the people had never been in public before. The two never-gone-out at my table took it very well. Pictures were taken of a bunch of us standing in front of the fire trucks.

[Valerie Nova]

I recall when I was in my 20's thinking that if anyone walked in on me or discovered me, i would have no choice but suicide. I honestly think that I would have back then too. These days, I really couldn't give a shit less. This is me. I kind of like me, and I'm OK with being me. If someone else finds out, it's a long way from being a show stopper . . .
I never felt that way myself, and honestly the same fear may have prevented my suicide. A few years ago, my whole life was pretty much destroyed by some criminal accusations, and over the next six months I lost my job and my girlfriend, and had to drop out of school. All my friends gradually drifted away. I kind of had this notion in my head that based on what I'd have to plea bargain to, I'd either continue on, following my own judgment, continue on while doing what people around me advised, or just end my life. I had a set of rules drawn up in my head, such that if I had to agree to an option worse than X, then that was it for me. My lawyer told me my options, and they were all worse than X. They weren't even close. They were bringing down the law on me, and there was absolutely nothing I could do short of rejecting society and my family. Anyway, I had a few copies of the note I wrote printed out, some emails saved on my computer to copy and paste to certain people right before the incident. And, I had to somehow get into a house I no longer lived in, where my things were stored, and destroy a garbage bag full of dresses and shoes and crap. Suicide was just too much work for me to do in that state of depression, and I just gave up at giving up, and went back to bed. The next morning, I remember my dad was trying to get me to act like I cared about my life, so they would give me this shitty plea bargain that my lawyer claimed was "an incredibly generous deal". It was a terrible deal. Nobody deserves five years of being under the thumb of the justice system for having a small quantity of a chemical they were planning to eventually ingest later, and had no intention of distributing. Five years of probation may not have been a huge problem for some people, but I had plans to move to a different country the following year and pursue a career in a field I was fascinated with. Now I was forced to live with my mom and dad like I was in high school again. I couldn't even spend the night anywhere else without the judge's express permission. And I might never be free to travel outside the country. Anyway, my dad was furious at me that I wasn't being grateful to all the people that were trying to "help" me, and did some combination of punching me in the face and choking me. I didn't even flinch or put my hands up or anything. I just let him hit me right in the face and throw me on the floor without offering even the most reflexive resistance.

Anyway, things are slowly getting better, no thanks to the "justice" system. This ordeal has given me a deep first-hand understanding of how the world works, and why people act the way they do. so maybe when this is behind me, I'll be a better person for it. These days, the most common problem people have is that they're too boring. They have nothing interesting or noteworthy going for them, and nobody remembers anything about them. At least that will never be me.

[BillieJoEllen]

It happened to me twice, three months to the day, when I was 15. First by my mother (didn't go well), and the second time by a complete stranger. I was too cowardly to commit suicide at the time although I had given it serious consideration. Looking back now though I'm glad I didn't go through with it.

[~Joanne~]

Well no wonder my husband freaks out if I walk in on him dressing then. I see him dressed en femme a lot. but he gets this "deer in the headlight" look on his face if I walk in on him getting dressed. I thought it was just him so I'm glad to know this is common with cross-dressers.

I think it's common with anyone getting dressed really. Sometimes everyone just needs a little privacy. No matter how many times you may have seen them getting dressed in the past. My GF knows I dress and I have a hard time with her walking in while I am getting ready. She did it on halloween and freaked me out a bit. I am hoping to overcome this at some point ;)

[Kate Simmons]

I'm not afraid of much of anything these days, much less that. If someone does it, it's their problem, not mine. In any case, I got ready for the Christmas show at the club a couple of weeks ago in front of my GF for the first time. She was quite impressed really at how quickly I transformed and made the comment that I "clean up nicely."Made my night anyway.:battingeyelashes::)

[steftoday]

I recall when I was in my 20's thinking that if anyone walked in on me or discovered me, i would have no choice but suicide. I honestly think that I would have back then too. These days, I really couldn't give a shit less. This is me. I kind of like me, and I'm OK with being me. If someone else finds out, it's a long way from being a show stopper . . .

Aw, Kim-
We like you, and we like you being you, too! :)

I only worry about this these days if I am already dressed, and someone comes to the door a knocking.... my awesome wife has seen me many times in various states of dress/undress, and it's no big deal.
But, I don't even "go there" if our kids are home from school, though. Stephanie takes a little vacation...

[lingerieLiz]

I had never dressed infront of my mother but had stayed with her a few days to see her. She knew I CDed and being nosey had gone through all my things as usual. I was getting ready to leave and put on a long skirt to see how it looked. I was going to change to slacks to leave and then put the skirt on. All of a suden she came into the room as I was standing there with thin sweater, boobs, skirt, and hose on. She asked me a couple of questions and then looked down and said, "are you going to wear that?" I said yes and she said, oh and left. I said my good byes and got in my car and left. She never said another word about it. Nor have I.

[Angela Campbell]

WOW, almostalady, that is a good story or an awesome story. It sounds about like something that would happen to me in the same situation. I don't know what I would have done in that situation. Maybe hurriedly put on the guy pants, shirt, and throw the wig on the bed and go. Was all ok out there?
.

Well there was time to try to put on pants but not enough to get the makeup off and I thought it would draw much more attention looking that way. As it was I looked like just another woman who was dressed for work, like many others out there so no one noticed as far as I can tell. I have been out in public several times and it is always a bit stressful but it was ok. In the end it was no big deal.

[WifeofWrenchette]

I think it's common with anyone getting dressed really. Sometimes everyone just needs a little privacy. No matter how many times you may have seen them getting dressed in the past. My GF knows I dress and I have a hard time with her walking in while I am getting ready. She did it on halloween and freaked me out a bit. I am hoping to overcome this at some point ;)I hope you can overcome it at some point and my husband too. it's a shame that after 7 years it still freaks him out if I walk in on him changing. He has no issue whatsoever (that I can tell) being dressed enfemme in front of me, it's just the changing part. Glad to know it's not uncommon though. Kind of nice to know he's "normal"....whatever that is ;)

[Dana L]

I'll never forget when I was 9 my dad walking in on me wearing my sisters pantyhose, heels and swimsuit. It's kind of scaring. I still have this fear even when I know it's not possible. I don't mind dressing in front of my wife, as a matter of a fact she usually dose my hair and make up, but it still startles me when she just walks in unannounced while I'm dressing or in the tub shaving.

[Asche]

My own attitude is that I'd rather not be hiding anything, so I won't have anything to be found out about. The idea of hiding and pretending and worrying about awful consequences is just to anxiety-provoking. (I'd make a _terrible_ spy.)

I do "dress", but I dress with the expectation that I'll go out and be seen that way. If what I want to wear is something that I would be embarrassed to be seen in, I try to get to the point where either (a) I don't get embarrassed any more or (b) I don't want to wear it, anyway. I don't want to have to worry about being caught doing something I can't wholeheartedly defend, at least to myself.

I think it comes from having spent much of my life feeling that I would never be accepted unless I made myself (or successfully pretended to make myself) a different, more acceptable person. It almost killed me and now I take the attitude that I'll just try to be me and the people around me can like it or lump it. Maybe someone will kill me for it, but even if they do, I'm no worse off than if I'd kept trying to pretend. At least this way, I'll have had a few good years.

Just to be clear, I'm not criticizing those people who haven't made my choices. I realize other people are different and that they live in different circumstances.

[GinaD]

I remember when my sister came home early with a friend and busted me in a leotard, heels, wig, and full makeup. At that moment I felt like an antelope in front of a lion. She only smiled and blew it off, threatening bodily injury to her friend if he ever said a word. My mom discovered my stash and expressed disappointment, but never told my dad. I wouldn't be here if she had. Hiding from my wife was the most stressful. When she did walk in on me, it was the worst feeling in the world. The fear of discovery by those you don't want to know never seems to fully go away, even now that I live alone.

[LaraPeterson]

VN, I've been dressing for a long time and my family still does not know, so at a level I share your fear. I hope I never have to face that fear, but if I do, I'll "cross that bridge" then. If you love what you are doing, CDing that is, no amount of fear is going to deter you. You will find a way to do it, no matter what. Maybe if you can adjust to that way of thinking it will ease the fear somewhat.

Still, don't let those around you prevent you from doing what feels right. You'll never be satisfied with sort of life.