so told my SO im bi..

[Tracy - new dresser]

ill try to keep this post short, my SO and i were talking the other night (we were drunk and in bed) and she was asking me what turns me on.. Anyways it eventually got to guys and i told her i kinda like them.

well shes fine with me dressing and being bi but shes worried now she cant satisfy me 100%

and well to be honest she cant... how do i tell her that? or even.. should i ?

[AllisontheGoddess]

Even if you can't satisfy you sexually, Is satisfying you emotionally enough?

[Paula DAngelo]

Maybe I'm missing something here. If you're in a relationship with someone what difference does it make if you're straight, bi, or gay? If the relationship is important to you why would you be thinking about some one else? IMO If the person that you're in the relationship with isn't able to satisfy you then you're in the wrong relationship. Sounds to me that you're looking for a reason to be able to fool around.

[Vickie_CDTV]

She has a right to know that, so she can make an informed decision on whether or not she wants to continue the relationship and risk potential heartache down the road.

[Erica Marie]

This is a tough one. I have been in the same place. Sorry I dont have a solid answer for you, in this situation only time and true love will prevail.

[DonniDarkness]

Tracy,

Do you mean "Satisfy" in the physical sense? or the Emotional sense?

If its physical,(as in sex) thats something that the two of you can work out by communicating to her what you want. If its emotional, (as in you need male validation) your gonna need to tell her that.

Either way, If its bothering you..... talk to her about it.

11 years married,
-Donni-

[EllieOPKS]

Donni's advice is spot on. Continued communication will identify both of your comfort zones.

[Jenniferathome]

If you can't be faithful to her, the you must tell her. If you don't plan to act on this, then it is irrelevant. That said, I believe this will drive a wedge between you. Sorry

[Lorileah]

You have a SO who doesn't mind you dressing, doesn't mind you being bi and will talk with you about these things and you STILL are not satisfied?:brolleyes:

I expect 90% of the people here are wondering exactly what you want.

[April_Ligeia]

You have a SO who doesn't mind you dressing, doesn't mind you being bi and will talk with you about these things and you STILL are not satisfied?:brolleyes:

I expect 90% of the people here are wondering exactly what you want.




Well, one would assume the one thing a female SO does not have to offer...

[Miriam-J]

Perhaps this isn't as much of a problem as you think. It's perfectly healthy to have unfulfilled wants and needs. Nearly everyone goes through life without finding full sexual satisfaction, and we do just fine. There are always more adventures and fantasies that are foregone in the interest of safety or to reinforce our relationship with the SO. Only you and your spouse can determine the degree to which your bisexual tendencies can and should be satisfied, and this should be explored in honest discussion that also explores her needs and wants.

My wife and I have had many such discussions, and we've found ways to satisfy a portion of our interests - with more to come in years ahead. There are avenues to explore your interests in relative safety, but it must be done in a way that reinforces your relationship in positive ways.

Miriam

[Lynn Marie]

You're 22 years old, drunk, and in bed, and your SO asks what turns you on. I'm thinking she already knows she doesn't, and being a smart girl, she's trying to find out what she can do to help the situation. This makes me wonder if you are aware of what turns her on.

[Taylor186]

For many SOs it's not so much about you being bisexual as it is about you being monogamous. Your post suggests that that is not in the cards for you so it is a point worthy of more discussion. But really, if you are only 22, now is the time to explore and not to get serious.

[Ann Louise]

At 22 years old there's a chance you might not even remember your SO's last name in 30+ years! If you are bi-curious I suggest you gain some sexual experience and find out just what your cup of tea is. Life IS too short, so adventure forth! Hugs, Elfin

[Tracy - new dresser]

thanks all for the feedback :)

i know it must sound like i want my cake but b able to eat it too though i would never cheat on my SO and we do have a great relationship on an emotional level but just for me being so young i guess sex is a big part of my life and i dont want to look back in 30years and regret not doing things :s


either way i think we're going to need another chat :s

[GondorRachel]

without getting into details, there are toys and role-playing that might hold you over...if she's into providing that...

[DonnaT]

Seems you've never experienced a man, so you have no idea if one will satisfy your needs.

I don't think you should tell her she's not 100% satisfying, unless you no longer want to be in the relationship.

Tell her fantasy is one thing, but you prefer the real relationship you have with her.

[Annette Anderson]

Alice Novice who wrote a book describes this,how she loved her wife and wanted to stay married ,but also loved a man.She was lucky enough to make it work so she could have both.I did not get a chance to read her book so i don't know the details,but i think she said it was something like one night a month with her boyfriend that her wife agreed too

[Annette Anderson]

It was Alice Novic,sorry about the spelling

[MsJanessa]

For many SOs it's not so much about you being bisexual as it is about you being monogamous. Your post suggests that that is not in the cards for you so it is a point worthy of more discussion. But really, if you are only 22, now is the time to explore and not to get serious.

This thought is spot on---since you refer to her as your SO, I'm assuming you are not married. Now is the time to explore your sexuality and detemine the direction you want to head in. If neither she or you are getting sexual satisfaction out of this relationship, particularly at age 22, then it may be time to move on and try to find a relationship (or relationships) that satisfy you. Good luck

[talkwithmihrimah]

Hi Donna, I am brand new on here. Thank you for your post. I recently discovered my CD hubby has had some sexual experiences with both genders before we started dating. Some recent toy purchases have me wondering. But monogamy is the most important thing for me and our marriage! (We have been married just a year and are like rabbits...yay!) It is encouraging to hear that some fantasies really do need to stay just that. I am a fan of our marriage vows.

[kimdl93]

One question you need to ask yourself before you discuss this any more with your SO, is whether you imagine that you might be attracted to guys or if you have already had some sexual experience with guys. If its a fantasy that you have no desire to pursue, fine. Tell her that. If it was something you did in the past and enjoyed, but don't intend or choose to pursue in the future...no problem, just tell her that.

I suppose the third option is that you do like guys, with or without past experience, and want to explore that further. In that case, you would drastically redefine the nature of your relationship with her...and it wouldn't bode well for the long term.

For the record, like many young men, I had some bisexual experiences before I was married. However, that was the end of it. Since then, I've considered byself a bisexual in a monogamous heterosexual relationship.

[ReineD]

thanks all for the feedback :)

i know it must sound like i want my cake but b able to eat it too though i would never cheat on my SO and we do have a great relationship on an emotional level but just for me being so young i guess sex is a big part of my life and i dont want to look back in 30years and regret not doing things :s


either way i think we're going to need another chat :s

If I were your girlfriend, I'd want to know that you want others.

This happened between my now ex and I when I was 21. (He was 28). He got drunk one night and told me he wanted other women. The next day I started looking for an apartment for myself. I found one, bought myself a television (I had odd priorities then :)), and started to pack my stuff. Turned out the ex and I worked it out ... until 28 years later. I should have listened to my instincts the first time around. Early 20s is way too young to settle down for life.

The two of you should part as friends, and then meet up again in about 4-5 years to see if there are any sparks ... if both of you are still free. :)

[Beverley Sims]

If you are leading a happily married life you do not need to deflate the issue by telling the truth.
Do not lie but there is nothing wrong withholding some facts and practice some more.