inside vs outside

[GabbiSophia]

Once you have an understanding that the woman inside doesn't match the outside male shell. Which is a huge understanding and one that doesn't seem right at first but makes TOTAL sense after you understand it. Can you live knowing this information or will it tear at you that the way you feel and see yourself doesn't actually reflect in the mirror? Can a person be female and yet be a male? I sit here wondering. I have slowed down and starting to be patient with myself so I can understand myself. Though this doesn't change what I see or understand so far.

If you give into your true self, the person within, how can you openly live as the outward apperance? It's almost like asking someone to dress for Halloween but then wear the costume the rest of the year. At some point they are going to get tired of the costume and take it off.

So how do you deal with it? I am learning that my costume might have a zipper somewhere to get out of it.!.!

Steph

[ChelseaErtel]

I'm sure you will get many different answers and all will be valid. For me I'm weighing my needs with my wife's. If I didn't love her so much and feel I can't live without her (she feels the same) I would transition now.

But, I would not be happy if we separated because I began transitioning. She can't deal with my female side and needs me to be her man. I am what I am and have always been. I know I can't stop dressing and being Chelsea when I travel and am home alone. Can I keep that up now that my inner woman is almost at the surface. When I'm Chelsea and I look into the mirror, I see me. When I'm in man mode, I don't like what I see and never have. I hate my body and want it changed.

We are all different and many don't transition. I'm going to try and live two lives for my wife (and for me). If the balance tips where I become too down, too depressed, and begin to affect my family it will be time to look for a change. If my wife still can't cope with my situation and separation is the only options, then that's what I'll do.

I will set her free because I love her. If she is happier without me then I'll be happy as I can be. I know I can't let her continue in her current state - it will kill both of us.

[SamanthaC]

So how do you deal with it?


In a word, transition. Though it's rarely as easy as that...

My femininity is oozing out whether I like it or not, and is slowly taking hold. If I try to fight it, I get sad and depressed. And why would I want to fight it? Already accepted my future, trying to make the best of it. All each of us can do.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

transition is the ultimate "cure" but any type of female expression will help you feel better

a good idea for you is to try to think small about all this...what are you doing right now? tomorrow?...is there one or two items of clothing that are Steph's only? things you can wear every single day (i hate to say it...panties for example)..a unisex ring or necklace? get electrolysis as something that you are doing just for steph(ie just for you)

all the imponderables and big thoughts about the future are going to overwhelm you.... having gender dysphoria takes away the ability to control your future anyway

[kimdl93]

I think you have to answer that one for yourself. I suspect that the degree of accommodation between inner and outer self really varies almost infinitely between individuals. So one person may feel that she is truly a woman inside and find living and presenting as male to be intolerable. Others may be able to express their femininity without as much discomfort with being perceived or presenting as male. I think you have to see what works for you by trial and error.

[MsRenee]

I have no plans of transitioning. My girl accepts me for who I have become and thats he best thing that could have happened in my life.I feel my life is at its fullest and the smile on my face everyday shows it. Everyone at work always asks my while Im always in a good mood and I wish I could tell them , but I have smartly chosen to not let them know here as its my personnel life.
Happy New Year
Renee

[Marleena]

all the imponderables and big thoughts about the future are going to overwhelm you.... having gender dysphoria takes away the ability to control your future anyway

Agree with above. The dysphoria (if you have it) can make the decision for you. If you don't need to transition, don't. Many who identify as TS are able to take a middle path without FFS or SRS. Then.. age, health, money, social status, family, etc. may also come into play.

[KellyJameson]

I think one of the most important gifts you can give yourself is really "seeing" the truth of being female regardless of what you look like on the outside.

Changing my outside appearance was not enough for me to experience complete understanding of myself that than resulted in complete acceptance of myself.

I struggled to have the experience of the "knowing" that I'm female.

As my understanding increased so did my acceptance and than with this acceptance so did my understanding.

It is a dance with yourself within your own mind which I think of as a journey into self.

This journey was reflected by my making changes to my outside appearance to reflect the person I was discovering on the inside which is another dance but this time between the inside and the outside.

It is movement and in this movement you "become" what you "naturally" were meant to be.

You will be patient until you no longer can be which I think is how the mind protects itself.

For me it was a dance between obsession and trepidation which I understand now was my mind protecting itself from the experience of "to much truth" at once.

It can be very traumatic to realize you were born in the wrong body and I was slow to accept this truth so tried to "sneak up" on it in weird ways.

I wanted to "live" this truth to escape pain but did not want to "accept" this truth because of pain so was in essence trapped in pain.

For me being transsexual requires acts of self creation so you are not only conscious of your own birth but your birth is dependant on your own actions, which normally would be terrifying for a human being to go through.

Imagine what it would be like to be a baby with all that helplessness but who had already experienced their whole life but can do nothing with what they know so must accept being carried along by the fates of life.

The babies mind is protected in its ignorance of what lies ahead because it does not "know"

Transsexualism is experiencing two births in one lifetime so you are both trying to hold onto your sanity while also trying to find it, but in the second birth you are not protected by the ignorance of what lies ahead.

Ultimately the journey is decided by your comfort level with fear against the backdrop of the pain of not "being"

It really is amazing that we are able to survive it and is a testament to the human spirit.

[arbon]

Can you live knowing this information or will it tear at you that the way you feel and see yourself doesn't actually reflect in the mirror?

I think some people do but I did not do very good living with it. I kept trying to find some middle ground but I was pretty much going crazy.

[GabbiSophia]

I think some people do but I did not do very good living with it. I kept trying to find some middle ground but I was pretty much going crazy.

Amen girl!!! Lita of good advice here as always. One thing though I do not have GD. I have parts that do not reflect me but I am not going to go cut them off with sizzors in the back yard. I was really curious how other girls felt with it. I am just learning and have no clue what I will do. I am super jealous of girls that do transition though. It's about finding ny path.

[suzy1]

I think one of the keys to a happy life is not to fret over what you can’t have.
Also it helps to love yourself as you are. I accept that I am not ‘all female’ but I love being me.
I am unique, I am female inside my head, I am Suzy!!!

If you go through life unhappy because you can’t have what you want you are wasting your life, how silly.

How do you deal with it? Become a realist, accept yourself as you are and get the most out of your life. It’s too precious to waste.

[Inna]

A little clarification here regarding Gender Dysphoria.

GD or Gender Identity Disorder, isn't entirely about hating genitalia although it may be its main focus, it does not have to be at all!!!

One with GD may in fact be indifferent to his dangling participles, yet feel disconnect between internal feeling of feminine character versus that of visual expression of masculine self.

So in other words, the mirrors reflection does not match the intrinsic feeling of gender, hence its name Gender Disphoria, and not Genitalia Dysphoria. Many do misunderstand the concept but it is slightly more complicated and intertwined within the visual aspects of perceiving the gender.

So, from your writing in the OP I feel that you are in fact Gender Dysphoric however, the degree of such may vary from very mild, as it is with most CrossDressers, as they may go on their entire lives just dressing up, or it may be severe, where an individual can not live another minute within the body which feels repulsive and wrong.

Mind you I had both, mild CD GD and through letting go of denial and regaining clarity about my transsexuality I became severely Dysphoric, not against my penis, but the body in general, smelly, bloky, thick and Testosterone infected mass of repulsive mounds of rotting meet.........I think that paints a bit of a picture :)

[arbon]

Amen girl!!! Lita of good advice here as always. One thing though I do not have GD. I have parts that do not reflect me but I am not going to go cut them off with sizzors in the back yard. I was really curious how other girls felt with it. I am just learning and have no clue what I will do. I am super jealous of girls that do transition though. It's about finding ny path.

Guess I was always pretty disassociated with what was down there most of my lifeand did not feel like I have to get them cut off or I just cant live life. More recently thought feeling like it has to be fixed. I don't really want to go through the rest of my life with it. And to I am going to meet a man some day and he is going to be expecting a little put out and I want to be able to give it to

[GabbiSophia]

A little clarification here regarding Gender Dysphoria.

GD or Gender Identity Disorder, isn't entirely about hating genitalia although it may be its main focus, it does not have to be at all!!!

One with GD may in fact be indifferent to his dangling participles, yet feel disconnect between internal feeling of feminine character versus that of visual expression of masculine self.

So in other words, the mirrors reflection does not match the intrinsic feeling of gender, hence its name Gender Disphoria, and not Genitalia Dysphoria. Many do misunderstand the concept but it is slightly more complicated and intertwined within the visual aspects of perceiving the gender.

So, from your writing in the OP I feel that you are in fact Gender Dysphoric however, the degree of such may vary from very mild, as it is with most CrossDressers, as they may go on their entire lives just dressing up, or it may be severe, where an individual can not live another minute within the body which feels repulsive and wrong.

Mind you I had both, mild CD GD and through letting go of denial and regaining clarity about my transsexuality I became severely Dysphoric, not against my penis, but the body in general, smelly, bloky, thick and Testosterone infected mass of repulsive mounds of rotting meet.........I think that paints a bit of a picture :)

Thanx for the chuckle!! I do see where further down the rabbit hole I go that this could be the picture that is painted because of the conflict in what I see and what is there !!

[Angela Campbell]

What I have done is consider the need and the costs. Not only the monetary costs - which is significant - but the cost in terms of what else in your life you will have to give up. I so far have found a balance. Yes I want to transition and feel like I should be a woman. I do not like to see the "stuff" in the mirror. I also love a lot of my life I have spent over 50 years building. I will balance what I want because I cannot have everything. If I can appear to look like a woman and live that way a majority of the time and keep the other things I love in my life then I can be happy with that. I am working on my body and looks and so far with the short time I have been doing so I have made remarkable progress. I am not there yet but I have seen enough improvement that I know things will get better in time. I have lived with this for 50 years and I can still wait a bit longer for my goals. I have made the decision not to fully transition but rather to do a partial. I will get electrolosys, diet and waist train, grow out my hair and still at least have a slightly masculine look when needed. I might one day consider HRT. I can have some of my cake and eat some of it too. I just can't have all of both.