abigailf
01-01-2013, 02:23 PM
I posted the original in the wrong place. So here we go again.
Happy New Year everyone.
I was alone on New Years Eve this year. It was the first time ever in my life I spent it by myself. Oh, this was not a bad thing and in part done by choice. I had a friend ask me to join her as she went off to end the year with a bang but I declined. I wanted to start 2013 in a much different way than I have ever done before. I want 2013 to be different, better than any other year in my life and I needed to break the mold.
2012 was certainly a year of turmoil for me. Sure, the last few years have been too, but this was the worse. So far to date the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life was come out to family and friends as being transsexual. It definitely wasn’t easy but it had to be done. The stress alone probably took five years off my life; which upsets me, not for the shorter life span but because that is five less years I get to spend as Tammy.
My resolutions for 2012 were to come out as Tammy and to start my physical transitioning. Sure, I started on hormones in 2011, but it can’t really be considered physical. Most of those effects could be reversible if for some reason I thought I was making a mistake. After starting them I did have some moments of doubt, but only because I knew the journey I was about to embark on was going to be devastating to those I love. I soon realized I can’t let my feelings towards others dictate what I need to do for myself. I needed to transition. As a survivalist I needed to. If I didn’t transition I would not be writing this today, but perhaps instead someone else would be writing my eulogy. Think of it as a choice all you want, but I and every other transsexual in the world today knows otherwise.
So, consistent with my behavior throughout my life, I met these goals. This year I came out to the world as you all know. It was not pretty, but it resulted much better than I thought it would. I had work done on my face to feminize my appearance ever so slightly. I even got involved and started some advocacy activities in support of transgender people. I have always been excellent at accomplishing my goals. Many of my friends and colleagues know this about me already. It was one of my qualities that allowed me to be so successful in life. Of course, that’s if you want to call growing up in the wrong gender successful.
So, 2013 has to be difference. I am determined to bring happiness back into my life and those around me who have also been devastated by this condition. I needed the silent reflection of New Years Eve to review my life and plan my 2013. I needed it to represent change. I needed to clean my canvas so I may start again and rebuild the person who I am and the life which was started by my male counterpart many years before me. This year, 2013, is the year of Tammy.
My resolutions;
- Connect with new friends. Meet people who even though may know I am transsexual will never have any preconceived notions about Tom or who Tom ever was.
- Reconnect with old friends. Spend time with those people who have stood by me through this even though it was difficult for them to understand or be comfortable with it. A chance to show them the new me and that even though I may present differently or even behave differently with respect to gender, that I am still the same person. I still have a stupid sense of humor, I still enjoy being active and sucking at things like poker and wallyball. I can still apply myself in an intelligent way and think critically. Most of all, I still enjoy spending time with those I care about.
- Start dating again: I am now separated from my wife. I have now come to the understanding and acceptance that even though we may one day again be friends, that we are never ever getting back together. The problem here is I never was good at dating when I last did it as a male; over 30 years ago. Now I need to figure out how to do it in this new age. Remember, I was never socialized as a girl; I have no clue what I am supposed to do. There are many other complications to this goal as well, but now is not the time to get into them.
- Start a book. I plan to start a book, a biography. No it is not about me, that would be an autobiography and I already started that last year in the form of this blog. It was my 2012 stretch goal which I seemed to achieve as well. This book will be about my grandmother; Mary. She was a fascinating person in her own right and I still miss her very much. I believe I can bring her story to life and in a sense, bring her back to the family in which she has touched so incredibly so.
- Complete my transition in a physical sense. Personally I don’t believe transitioning ever ends. As a transsexual woman I have 48 years of female wisdom to learn just to catch up to today. I am fairly sure I will not be alive in 48 years. The physical transition however does have a distinct end. For those of us born with the incorrect parts, there is a procedure to modify that. I have decided that this is the year to do it. Again, there was never a decision about whether it should be done, that was chosen for me by my genetic sequencing. But the timing is my choice – somewhat. I would not be able to hold off forever because even that too will eventually kill me and I should do it now while I still have some of my youth.
- Continue to be an advocate to the transgender community. This stretch goal is to become much more vocal and involved, but I already have a long list of things as this list does not account for my full list, which includes some work and educational goals.
Again, I wish only the best to you all for 2013. Let’s make it great!
Happy New Year everyone.
I was alone on New Years Eve this year. It was the first time ever in my life I spent it by myself. Oh, this was not a bad thing and in part done by choice. I had a friend ask me to join her as she went off to end the year with a bang but I declined. I wanted to start 2013 in a much different way than I have ever done before. I want 2013 to be different, better than any other year in my life and I needed to break the mold.
2012 was certainly a year of turmoil for me. Sure, the last few years have been too, but this was the worse. So far to date the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life was come out to family and friends as being transsexual. It definitely wasn’t easy but it had to be done. The stress alone probably took five years off my life; which upsets me, not for the shorter life span but because that is five less years I get to spend as Tammy.
My resolutions for 2012 were to come out as Tammy and to start my physical transitioning. Sure, I started on hormones in 2011, but it can’t really be considered physical. Most of those effects could be reversible if for some reason I thought I was making a mistake. After starting them I did have some moments of doubt, but only because I knew the journey I was about to embark on was going to be devastating to those I love. I soon realized I can’t let my feelings towards others dictate what I need to do for myself. I needed to transition. As a survivalist I needed to. If I didn’t transition I would not be writing this today, but perhaps instead someone else would be writing my eulogy. Think of it as a choice all you want, but I and every other transsexual in the world today knows otherwise.
So, consistent with my behavior throughout my life, I met these goals. This year I came out to the world as you all know. It was not pretty, but it resulted much better than I thought it would. I had work done on my face to feminize my appearance ever so slightly. I even got involved and started some advocacy activities in support of transgender people. I have always been excellent at accomplishing my goals. Many of my friends and colleagues know this about me already. It was one of my qualities that allowed me to be so successful in life. Of course, that’s if you want to call growing up in the wrong gender successful.
So, 2013 has to be difference. I am determined to bring happiness back into my life and those around me who have also been devastated by this condition. I needed the silent reflection of New Years Eve to review my life and plan my 2013. I needed it to represent change. I needed to clean my canvas so I may start again and rebuild the person who I am and the life which was started by my male counterpart many years before me. This year, 2013, is the year of Tammy.
My resolutions;
- Connect with new friends. Meet people who even though may know I am transsexual will never have any preconceived notions about Tom or who Tom ever was.
- Reconnect with old friends. Spend time with those people who have stood by me through this even though it was difficult for them to understand or be comfortable with it. A chance to show them the new me and that even though I may present differently or even behave differently with respect to gender, that I am still the same person. I still have a stupid sense of humor, I still enjoy being active and sucking at things like poker and wallyball. I can still apply myself in an intelligent way and think critically. Most of all, I still enjoy spending time with those I care about.
- Start dating again: I am now separated from my wife. I have now come to the understanding and acceptance that even though we may one day again be friends, that we are never ever getting back together. The problem here is I never was good at dating when I last did it as a male; over 30 years ago. Now I need to figure out how to do it in this new age. Remember, I was never socialized as a girl; I have no clue what I am supposed to do. There are many other complications to this goal as well, but now is not the time to get into them.
- Start a book. I plan to start a book, a biography. No it is not about me, that would be an autobiography and I already started that last year in the form of this blog. It was my 2012 stretch goal which I seemed to achieve as well. This book will be about my grandmother; Mary. She was a fascinating person in her own right and I still miss her very much. I believe I can bring her story to life and in a sense, bring her back to the family in which she has touched so incredibly so.
- Complete my transition in a physical sense. Personally I don’t believe transitioning ever ends. As a transsexual woman I have 48 years of female wisdom to learn just to catch up to today. I am fairly sure I will not be alive in 48 years. The physical transition however does have a distinct end. For those of us born with the incorrect parts, there is a procedure to modify that. I have decided that this is the year to do it. Again, there was never a decision about whether it should be done, that was chosen for me by my genetic sequencing. But the timing is my choice – somewhat. I would not be able to hold off forever because even that too will eventually kill me and I should do it now while I still have some of my youth.
- Continue to be an advocate to the transgender community. This stretch goal is to become much more vocal and involved, but I already have a long list of things as this list does not account for my full list, which includes some work and educational goals.
Again, I wish only the best to you all for 2013. Let’s make it great!