Frédérique
01-01-2013, 09:34 PM
“It is in the nature of children to form perverse allegiances.” (a line from The Hound of the Baskervilles)
You could also say, with a straight face, where did it all go RIGHT? It all depends how you look at it, all things being relative, or subjective, as the case may be. I don’t think that things have gone horribly wrong – look, Ma, I’m only crossdressing! I confess I may not be in accordance with an established standard, and I may not be suitable or appropriate, but, believe me, I am not at all immoral (IMHO). I am functioning properly, and I am aligned with truth, in fact I hold these truths to be self-evident. Male clothing shows the “wrong” side of me, so I literally turn things inside-out and show the other side of me that everyone insists I hide from view. Have I wronged anyone by doing so? Have I wronged MYSELF, I wonder?
As indicated by the quote (seen above), it all began in childhood. I was developing normally, as a boyish boy of the boy persuasion, and something happened. I don’t know what it was. Either I was admonished or scorned badly at school, or I was the victim of an emotional upheaval at home. This episode is buried in my psyche, and I’m either in denial that it occurred, or I’m being too acute in my personal research – maybe nothing happened, other than a boy gradually seeing (and feeling) that he is something other than a boy. As such, I became withdrawn and isolated; looking within for truths I did not yet understand. I developed my artistic abilities, slowly but surely painting myself into a corner, and crossdressing grew out of this condition as an offshoot...
Art and crossdressing are definitely “perverse allegiances,” innocent by nature but inextricably linked with the senses. For me, anything visual was fascinating, but other boys formed their own perversions, even as they kept up normal appearances, so to say. My love of beauty didn’t jibe with boyish perversions. Some boys were fascinated by horror, or violence, while others couldn’t complete a sentence without inserting a scatological reference. Now that I’m grown (physically if not mentally), I can recognize these other grown boys sprinkled throughout real life and the media. Since horror, violence, and bathroom humor are accepted norms for male behavior, why isn’t effeminacy seen in a good light, at least once in a Blue Moon? We MtF crossdressers are wronged repeatedly, meaning everyone thinks badly about us, without justification I might add...
Some boys are going to go in this direction, namely getting in touch with their inherent feminine sensibilities, and it becomes a courageous struggle to exist, much like a round peg trying to fit into the proverbial square hole. I went through the normal (and accepted) period of violence that most boys experience, but I emerged on the other side, feeling guilty about what I had done. Gradually I became more and more aware of my true nature, in line with my mother’s gentle compassion, and I sought to be less of a boy and more of a girl – no easy task when you’re NOT transgendered in any way, but at least I could wear girl’s clothes and sooth my troubled spirit. Being young, and being told continually what NOT to do, I gravitated towards something truly wrong, not only socially but sexually as well. The truth is, I felt I was only doing what came naturally – if I had not tried to wear girl’s clothes, I would forever injure myself by being untrue...
Wrongness, first cousin of perversion, is always attractive to the young – if you’re being told not to do something, over and over, you WILL end up doing it, perhaps as soon as possible. On the other hand, if there is something you’ve never heard of, or something you’ve never seen, you will hear about it, or see it, and you will be inspired to try something that is WRONG in the hearts and minds of others. However, at the end of the day you can still appear innocent, even appear normal if the situation demands it. I strive to keep my mind forever young, always knowing there is a new perversion just over the horizon. As Oscar Wilde once said, “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it...” This is how I (thankfully) came to form a perverse allegiance with MtF crossdressing, and I am devoted to the cause. I’m forever grateful that things went WRONG, in fact I couldn’t help myself. Well, gotta go – I have to look for more perverse worlds to conquer…
:battingeyelashes:
Where did it all go wrong (right) for YOU? :thinking:
You could also say, with a straight face, where did it all go RIGHT? It all depends how you look at it, all things being relative, or subjective, as the case may be. I don’t think that things have gone horribly wrong – look, Ma, I’m only crossdressing! I confess I may not be in accordance with an established standard, and I may not be suitable or appropriate, but, believe me, I am not at all immoral (IMHO). I am functioning properly, and I am aligned with truth, in fact I hold these truths to be self-evident. Male clothing shows the “wrong” side of me, so I literally turn things inside-out and show the other side of me that everyone insists I hide from view. Have I wronged anyone by doing so? Have I wronged MYSELF, I wonder?
As indicated by the quote (seen above), it all began in childhood. I was developing normally, as a boyish boy of the boy persuasion, and something happened. I don’t know what it was. Either I was admonished or scorned badly at school, or I was the victim of an emotional upheaval at home. This episode is buried in my psyche, and I’m either in denial that it occurred, or I’m being too acute in my personal research – maybe nothing happened, other than a boy gradually seeing (and feeling) that he is something other than a boy. As such, I became withdrawn and isolated; looking within for truths I did not yet understand. I developed my artistic abilities, slowly but surely painting myself into a corner, and crossdressing grew out of this condition as an offshoot...
Art and crossdressing are definitely “perverse allegiances,” innocent by nature but inextricably linked with the senses. For me, anything visual was fascinating, but other boys formed their own perversions, even as they kept up normal appearances, so to say. My love of beauty didn’t jibe with boyish perversions. Some boys were fascinated by horror, or violence, while others couldn’t complete a sentence without inserting a scatological reference. Now that I’m grown (physically if not mentally), I can recognize these other grown boys sprinkled throughout real life and the media. Since horror, violence, and bathroom humor are accepted norms for male behavior, why isn’t effeminacy seen in a good light, at least once in a Blue Moon? We MtF crossdressers are wronged repeatedly, meaning everyone thinks badly about us, without justification I might add...
Some boys are going to go in this direction, namely getting in touch with their inherent feminine sensibilities, and it becomes a courageous struggle to exist, much like a round peg trying to fit into the proverbial square hole. I went through the normal (and accepted) period of violence that most boys experience, but I emerged on the other side, feeling guilty about what I had done. Gradually I became more and more aware of my true nature, in line with my mother’s gentle compassion, and I sought to be less of a boy and more of a girl – no easy task when you’re NOT transgendered in any way, but at least I could wear girl’s clothes and sooth my troubled spirit. Being young, and being told continually what NOT to do, I gravitated towards something truly wrong, not only socially but sexually as well. The truth is, I felt I was only doing what came naturally – if I had not tried to wear girl’s clothes, I would forever injure myself by being untrue...
Wrongness, first cousin of perversion, is always attractive to the young – if you’re being told not to do something, over and over, you WILL end up doing it, perhaps as soon as possible. On the other hand, if there is something you’ve never heard of, or something you’ve never seen, you will hear about it, or see it, and you will be inspired to try something that is WRONG in the hearts and minds of others. However, at the end of the day you can still appear innocent, even appear normal if the situation demands it. I strive to keep my mind forever young, always knowing there is a new perversion just over the horizon. As Oscar Wilde once said, “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it...” This is how I (thankfully) came to form a perverse allegiance with MtF crossdressing, and I am devoted to the cause. I’m forever grateful that things went WRONG, in fact I couldn’t help myself. Well, gotta go – I have to look for more perverse worlds to conquer…
:battingeyelashes:
Where did it all go wrong (right) for YOU? :thinking: