just came out as a cross dresser

[andrea lace]

Ijust told my wife about my cross dressing and was surprised at her reaction she was cool with it and even bought my first lacey thong hence the name Andrea lace.I have kept my cross dressing a secret all my life and it was a huge relief to tell my wife i was sure she had an idea as i used pretty much all of her red lipstick and gloss.at first my wife thought it was just fetish and something for the bedroom but i would really like to do it in more than just the bedroom.yesterday i was looking for a good website so i could chat and get advice.The web site i went on had pictures of male genitalia and a very intimate picture of two gay men.My wife then saw the website and the gay remark came up well we didnt talk that much as i felt she betrayed me by insinuating that i was gay.the next morning i realized that my cross dressing was a big deal for her to get her head around as well as it was for me.I am feeling a little insecure at the moment and coming out to my wife was a huge thing for me and i am glad to have found this site that offers advice from people like myself.My male persona hates things like shopping but the idea of shopping with my wife for Andrea would be great just knowing i can go home and try on the clothes would be brilliant.I was thinking of shaving my legs but dont know how long it takes for them to grow back?.i am planning for my wife to meet Andrea on Monday so i am looking forward to that.I also want to buy a wig i think Andrea would be a brunette plus my wife said she doesnt want her new friend to be blond

[STACY B]

You are Lucky to have found this place . An you better get Busy on your appearance its lots of work ,,, Welcome to your new world . We call it HOME !!

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

Wow! Congrats on having a supportive wife. Sounds like things are moving at breakneck speed. Be careful not to break your neck! My advise is slow down a bit. Make sure you keep communications open with your wife. I'd also suggest going to a library and finding "My Wife Betty." It is written from a wife's perspective and the best thing I got out of it is to remember not to be a jerk. Your wife has feelings and opinions that need to be taken into your perspective.

Believe me, shopping for women's clothing is a much more exciting and enjoyable experience than anything you will encounter in general shopping. Women have all the cool clothes, shoes, and accessories and when you get exposed to all there is to offer, you will love it even more. Welcome to the world of CD's!

By the way, get into your head right away, (if you can) that it's okay to try your new clothes on at the store. You will enjoy shopping a lot more and I guarantee you will have much more success. It's amazing what you think might look good on you at the store (or on-line), doesn't quite work out when you get home. The reverse is also true, things you wouldn't think about, turn out to be amazing! Work with the sales associates at the stores. They will guide you, and if they don't sell you too much, you can save a lot of money and disappointment making sure you like your things when you buy them.

Good luck. I look forward to more stories from you.

Kathleen Ann

[Karan49]

Hi, The title of the book mentioned by Kathleen is "My Husband Betty". Please take her advice and slow down. Be open with your wife and answer all of her questions honestly, if you don't know something then say so. This is an excellent resource for your wife as well. After ten posts of her own she can talk with GG's [Genetic Girls] to get the support she may need to accept you and to understand what to expect of you.

Good Luck, Karan

[Julie Gaum]

Andrea: Your wife didn't betray you nor was her remark an insinuation but rather a fear that you foistered by being on a gay website. For most husbands when they "spring" the information upon a previously unsuspecting SO that they cross dress is the reaction "Are you gay?"
If you are not then I suggest that you put her mind to rest as quickly as possible for otherwise that lingering doubt will haunt and perhaps eventually destroy your marriage! Only you can decide whether you should visit a gay website again for that prediection opens new options for you (And perhaps not even options but new paths). One last suggestion: You just came out to your wife and feel insecure and yet you are eager to buy a wig and other items --- slow down and let her digest and accept before the "pink fog" sinks you
Julie

[andrea lace]

thanks karan49 for the good advice

[Alice B]

Welcome and gald you found this site vs the other you checked out. Maybe your wife can join also as it will help her get her head around your dressing. She is already showing exceptional support, but be sure to take it slow and easy for her and you to adjust and find balance.

[ReineD]

My wife then saw the website and the gay remark came up well we didnt talk that much as i felt she betrayed me by insinuating that i was gay.the next morning i realized that my cross dressing was a big deal for her to get her head around as well as it was for me.

It's good that you realize that your wife will have questions and also a need to redefine things that she has taken for granted up til now, such as gender, how it affects your relationship, and how her own gender now fits in with yours.

You might want to read these two posts, and print them out to also give them to your wife:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t

And this is the link that my own SO sent me, when s/he told me about the CDing:

http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html

[andrea lace]

it wasnt a gay website it was a cross dresser one and many thanks for the advice

[andrea lace]

thanks for the advice my head is spinning at the moment

[andrea lace]

thankyou stacy b

[Barbara Ella]

Andrea, some sound advice here. Remember, it is best not to make decisions or take actions when one's head is spinning. We have a hard enough making rational decisions with it on straight...lol

Another book I recommend for first time exposure is by Dr. Peggy Rudd, "My Husband Wears my Clothes." It does not go as far into the questions of moving beyond crossdressing, as does "My Husband Betty," and the second book in her series, I forget the name, but her husband actually progresses to become a woman. havint that thought so early on to worry about can be overwhelming.

Barbara

[Jenniferathome]

Be very careful moving too fast. Make sure you ask her if she is ready to see you dressed. That is a big step for most wives.

Slow and steady wins the race. Remember that

[Leah Lynn]

Andrea, some sound advice here. Remember, it is best not to make decisions or take actions when one's head is spinning. We have a hard enough making rational decisions with it on straight...lol

Another book I recommend for first time exposure is by Dr. Peggy Rudd, "My Husband Wears my Clothes." It does not go as far into the questions of moving beyond crossdressing, as does "My Husband Betty," and the second book in her series, I forget the name, but her husband actually progresses to become a woman. havint that thought so early on to worry about can be overwhelming.

Barbara

The second book is "She's Not The Man I Married". This volume goes on after Betty decided she wanted to transition. I would not foist this tome on your SO yet.

[kimdl93]

A little food for thought. Next time you want to share information from any CD-related website, make it a point of going there beforehand and checking it out. It seems a good many of such sites really cater to sexual fantasies rather than providing useful information for CDrs and their SOs. You're lucky that your wife didn't react much more viscerally to the images on that site.

Also do not presume that your wife in some way "betrayed" you by insinuating that you might be gay. Its one of the very first questions that SOs typically ask of their partners upon learning that he/she is a CDr. Given the commonly held, but erroneous belief that CD=gay, its a reasonable assumption, but one that can be put to rest.

My other suggestion is that before you introduce your wife to Andrea, give her some time to digest what she's learned. And before you present yourself en femme, have at least a few conversations with her, giving her ample opportunity to express any concerns or ask any questions she may have. If you can give it a rest and give her some time to adjust, it will make it easier on both of you in the long run!

[Tracii G]

Its a good thing you found this site its the best one out there,no nasty porno pics and trashy stuff.
Get your wife to join too and when she gets enough posts have her join the FAB section for wives of CDer's, all her questions will be handled properly with the wonderful GG's on here.

[Beverley Sims]

If next week does not seem right, wait until you are asked.

[jennyday]

Andrea, there is no telling how much a supporting SO can help you along your journey. BUT you must go slow and give her a chance to learn about you and your lifestyle. Going too fast or moving forward when she does not understand can lead to problems down the line. Go slow and enjoy.
Jenny

[Cheryl T]

It's probably the most common thought/fear for a spouse to think her husband might be gay wanting to dress like a woman. I went through that too. Talking ABOUT EVERYTHING related to your dressing is the thing that I found assuaged her fears. The other thing that really made it good for us was finding a group. We joined Tri-Ess and by that she discovered that so many of us have so much in common and are "just regular joes" outside of this. That helped her understand more.
You wife sounds like she's open minded which is a great thing. Keep it that way by talking.

I never wanted to shop with my wife either. I didn't want to give myself away by being seen as too interested in clothing and such, plus if she went alone it gave me some time to dress. Now we shop together, talk fashion, share clothing and have become even closer than before.

Good luck to you...you're on your way.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Barbara is right, get "My Husband Wears My Clothes". It is written by an SO and talks about heterosexual transvestism, and only heterosexual transvestism (which I assume you are.) Anything else on the periphery might scare her right now.

Dr. Rudd has also written some other books as well, which I also recommend for wives.