more advice would be welcome thanks

[andrea lace]

hello every body i have been reading a lot of posts regarding c-ding and transgender personality.I personally just like to wear the clothes and make up and dont feel like i am transgender.I read the word emulate and this is a word i used to try and explain how i am to my wife.If i see a sexy girl in the street with nice clothes on i find sexy i would like to dress copy or emulate her.If i was to dress up i don't think i would like to act like a woman just to dress like one.My wife is reading some of these threads in an attempt to support me but but as she reads the threads she gets a bit miffed as to what she thinks i want

[Jenniferathome]

There is a spectrum here. Some, like me, just enjoy emulating or presenting as a woman from time to time. I have felt this way since I was about 8. I do not want to be a woman. I love my wife and kids and would never contemplate being with a man. I think this is the most typical condition for cross dressers. Along the continuum there are bisexual, gay, transsexual people,just like in society at large.

What you can do is talk to her and answer every question. At someone she, like my wife, will come to know that you are just an ordinary crossdresser.

What she can do is join the FAB forum which is for women only. I think that will help her. There are many genetic women here who have gone through what she is.

[Ariamythe]

Right there with you Andrea. The labels can be discomforting. For me, the clash between "transgender" and "straight male" seems especially hard to wrap myself around. I think we just need to decide which labels fit us and which don't, and own them ... while not resenting others for using different labels.

FWIW, all social communities go through this. I'm a longtime member of the "atheist" community, but whether someone is an atheist, an agnostic, a freethinker, a skeptic, etc., is always a topic of discussion.

[happy2cd]

Everybody is different, so please remember that as you read the posts. I like to wear women's clothing, makeup, the works. I do not think of myself as a woman, nor do I think that I act like a woman when dressed or not. I would like to look as nice as possible when dressed but I know that my mental image of myself does not in any way match the way I actually look, but so what. I am fatter than I think I am if I have on a dress or pants. I am older and more masculine looking than I perceive myself to be. I know this but do not care.

We do not all want to be women. We do not all want to transition. We do not all want to have sex with men. We do not all want to sign off our posts with: hugs; love; xoxo or whatever. We are all different and we want different things. You may not know exactly what you want exactly, but you can probably say where you fall with regards to some of these matters and honestly share them with your wife.

For me I want my wife to know that it is the clothes and accessories that I like; they calm me down, make me feel nice and all the other things that have been explored in other threads.

My main fantasy are about her accepting me as I am and allowing me to dress in her presence, and to give me a hug when I was dressed. I do not want to go outside of my marriage with this, so I hope for her acceptance.

I hope that this helps.

[Janelle_C]

Just like Jennifer said there is a big spectrum here. The only thing that I would say is think about what you want and be honest with your self and your wife. I'm not saying that you aren't being honest, but sometimes we under state what we want and need because we are embarrassed or ashamed.

[~Joanne~]

My wife is reading some of these threads in an attempt to support me but but as she reads the threads she gets a bit miffed as to what she thinks i want

I personally would love for my SO to join and learn a bit more myself but for the same reasons your wife is finding, I don't and haven't asked her to. I don't want the wrong ideas to be put into her head as to what this is about for me personally.

This whole CD/TG thing is different from girl to girl. Each have their own needs, wants, desires, and where this is going to lead them but like Jennifer said, the spectrum is HUGE. It ranges from the occasional dresser to the one that wants to transition to everything in between. Only You can tell your wife what this means for you and the only way to do that is to communicate with her. Have some talks, meaningful talks, and answer all of her questions.

If she is coming here for direct answers, she won't find them. Even after a while, she can join the fAB forum and talk to other wives that have a CD/TG partner but I have mixed feelings about that to as some of the SO's seem like they are here just to bash us and I can imagine what is said behind closed doors. Not implying that is what takes place but it has the potential.

[andrea lace]

perfect sounds just like me me and my wife read this and it has eased some of her fears. she thinks that i am going to enjoy it so much that i am going to want to be a full time woman thanks

[NyssaF]

think about what you want and be honest with your self and your wife. [...snip....] sometimes we under state what we want and need because we are embarrassed or ashamed.

That was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I have been guilty of this many times since I met my wife. Back when we were first dating, I said that cross-dressing was just a lark, something fun to do. When we were engaged, I told her that I could probably put all of this behind me. After we were married and I started wanting to dress again, I told her again it's just a lark, just an odd thing I like to do.

I've been trying to be more honest lately. It's hard, though. I'm not in a big hurry to tell her about my excursions yesterday, for example. I don't want to cause issues or sadness on her part, but I want to be true to myself and stop living within a cage.

[andrea lace]

thanks for your help Ariamythe its a strange time for us both me and my wife all help and advice is welcome and helping both of us

[Cheryl T]

You must talk to her and explain what it is that YOU want.
We all have different reasons for dressing and different ways we express this side of ourselves.

There is no ONE version of a crossdresser. We are all different just as all women are different from each other. Only you can explain your feelings and your reasons. All we can do is share ours so that someone can see that we are not all the same and that there are many, many reasons we do this.

[DonnaT]

As others have said, we are all different.

Your wife should not be judging you, or be miffed at you, based on another persons needs.

[dizzy]

Andrea Lace,

I am at the same place as you i sounds like. I love to wear womens clothes, shoes, makeup, jewerly and try to "emulate" women as much as possible, I know there is a wide range of ladies here but there are also the ones that just want to wear the clothes because its fun and women clothes are so cute compared to mens. I have no desire to go any further because I enjoy going back and forth, my wish is I could wear any clothes I wanted out, without problems or issues.

[Stephanie47]

In a relationship there are two people involved. Firstly, there is you. You are probably going to explore your inner feelings and utilize Andrea to express them. Cross dressing is an on going process. There are members of this site who are content with just wearing ladies' panties or pantyhose. Personally, I consider that a fetish. On the other extreme there are those who have relationships with men while en femme. Reading those varied posts will confuse your wife. I can understand why a wife will be confused. Cross dressing is something totally contrary to the upbringing of most women.

Secondly, your wife is going to have to give some input into what Andrea is becoming. Marriage is a continuing series of negotiations and renegotiations. Start of wearing a limited wardrobe around the house? That may be all your wife can absorb for a time. If you suddenly declare you must take Andrea outside the home, you may find some resistance. I had to look up 'stones.' If you're six foot one and approximately 225 pounds, you may run into conflict with your wife. Although she may accept you because of a mutual loving relationship, she may fear public ridicule.

There are always boundaries stated or implied. It's best to discuss what your wife wants from Andrea. Beware, or at least be prepared, cross dressing is always an ongoing exploration of one's self.

[WIFE GG/SO]

As a GG with a CD'ing husband, I want to respond. Please be completely honest with your wife from the get go. Don't sugar coat it. In my case, my husband really downplayed the CD'ing while we were dating, and after we were married it came back to bite him in the a**. So we made allowances, but always in the back of my mind is, "Is there more that he's not telling me??". Trust is SO important. Don't downplay what you feel you need. It's better to come clean upfront so that there will be no surprises down the road.

That's just how I see it as a wife of a CD'er. Hope that helps.

Di

[Beverley Sims]

Di, in thread#14 has got it right here.
Do not embellish the situation and I usually advise answer the questions that are asked.
Words like emulate float around here and do confuse.
Remember you are a X dresser and like to make yourself up to look like a woman.
You do not necessarily want to change sex or associate with men.
Your wife is your first concern so give her the love and consideration she needs.
If you want to dress in front of her and she does not want to see it, do not get moody and disappointed it only works to deteriorate the situation.
Just smile say alright, I will wait for a more suitable time.
This tactic does work even if it seems slow to you.

[~Joanne~]

Trust is SO important. Don't downplay what you feel you need. It's better to come clean upfront so that there will be no surprises down the road.

Di

Trust is always important but the hard cold truth is, your husband may have not known at the time what he needed. A lot of us start off very small, maybe panties, maybe pantyhose and at a later date it just blooms from there. We don't ask it to, and may not want it to, but it just does. A good example of this is the elder CDer's on the site. It didn't happen in their youth but at some point that changed at a later date. It's just really hard to know what you need from the offset.

[DeeInGeorgia]

Andrea Lace, you exhibit transgender characteristics, but only you can decide if you are transgender.

[pamisme]

Hi I am a male I do not want to be male , I want to be a female BUT see big BUT Iam male i can not be female. wish in my head I was female but I am not . Not bi SO dos not know you are lucky your SO cares

[Bo-peep]

thanks for your help Ariamythe its a strange time for us both me and my wife all help and advice is welcome and helping both of us

Hi there ... I am pretty new to this too ... my SO told me he likes dressing in womens clothes a few months ago so I joined this forum to find out more ... I feel my SO is just like you ... he likes the clothes but does not want to act like a woman or become a woman. I am supportive and we have grown much closer since he told me ... I hope this happens for you and your wife too :)

[sometimes_miss]

Andrea, one of the problems is that what we want can change over time. One day you want to do nothing, the next, might want to wear a dress all day. It's fluid. Your wife is probably just overwhelmed by the writings of those who state that they started with crossdressing and then eventually wound up with SRS and living as a woman for the rest of their life. It's a scary thing for a woman to read about, because there doesn't seem to be any way to know what's on a guys mind; this especially because, well, very often the guy doesn't understand why he's feeling what he does, himself. So the concept that he's still going through self discovery often means to her that she won't know what to expect will happen between she and her SO. However.....keep in mind that what, 99% of us just keep being what we are: Guys who like to dress up as females. It rarely goes any further. It's something that we had to learn to live with, and I hope you can too. Me? Just one of those guys.....who happens to enjoy very much wearing girl cheerleader uniforms.

[noeleena]

Hi,

As i read these many different post's & the talk is about as youv said to emulate. then theres Feminine or Lady like, plus a few others, my issue is im not so sure id measure up to any of those well i dont think so,

allthough im a female / woman. it does not mean all of us woman are like that, many are, i have a good idear of those men who are trying to be like that, & no dought would be far better than i , for my self i dont accept i have to be like that , i dont need to prove im a woman, being a woman by being female from birth even if that take's in to account im intersex, does not mean we all have to be the same in all aspects of who we are as women.

Theres far more to being a woman than clothes makeup shoe's & some of those other details that men take as being this feminine female well trying to be like a woman , i have a life that is far greater than what i wear or if i have makeup on or act, as if i can act like a woman you see im about real life its sure not an act. nore can it be

...noeleena...

[Joanne f]

Yes it can be very confusing for a wife/so when they start to read all the threads about being just a cross dresser or a transgender,(I put just a cross dresser as I am talking about gender issues as I think that you have to be a lot more dedicated to be just a straight forward cross dresser than you do if you are transgender ) and that is where the difference lye's.
This is just in my opinion , a cross dresser wants to emulate or copy a female as much as possible so they will take a great deal of care in copying every detail to look as feminine and passable as possible , that is their goal, so this can very much confuse a wife/so because they assume this is done because the CDer wants to be a woman and not just look like one for a while.
A TG is different in the way that they feel feminine whatever they have on and the feminine feeling never goes away so the dressing can be a bit different , lets say more conservative for they are feeling what's already there so they do not necessary need this big push for detail in emulating a female all the time when they dress, ( TGs don't get me wrong in what I am saying as I know most will still go to great lengths to look good ,it is the reason behind it that I am trying to explain, (OK not very well):D.
In my opinion there are some simple signs that you can look for but that might just confuse things at the moment but if you see a distinct difference from when dressed to not being dressed then I would say you are cross dressing and not TG , but as I have said this is just my take on it and there are a lot more on here who have a lot more knowledge about it than I do , as I have said before , it is the reason inside of you that makes the difference and that can be hard to explain to a wife/so as they can see what you are doing but they cannot get inside of your head to know why and that is where a lot of communication comes in handy between you both .

[Claire Cook]

Andrea,

I think that you have to reassure your wife that you are you, and as Wife and others have said, be as up front with her about your feelings as you can. One of the worries that wives and SO's have (including mine) is that deep down we might want to transition. It's taken me literally years to convince my wife that, as much as I embrace my feminine self, I'm still her husband, lover and best friend and will reamain so.

[ReineD]

hello every body i have been reading a lot of posts regarding c-ding and transgender personality.I personally just like to wear the clothes and make up and dont feel like i am transgender.I read the word emulate and this is a word i used to try and explain how i am to my wife.If i see a sexy girl in the street with nice clothes on i find sexy i would like to dress copy or emulate her.If i was to dress up i don't think i would like to act like a woman just to dress like one.My wife is reading some of these threads in an attempt to support me but but as she reads the threads she gets a bit miffed as to what she thinks i want

A note on terminology:


Some transgenders (the transsexuals) feel they are born in the wrong body and they will strive to transition through HRT and perhaps surgeries. Transsexuals can be either attracted to men, attracted to women, attracted to both, or attracted to neither.

Other transgenders (the crossdressers) do NOT feel they were born in the wrong body, they do not feel they are women, and they will not seek to transition. Crossdressers can be either attracted to men, attracted to women, attracted to both, attracted to neither, attracted to themselves while they are dressed, or attracted to other crossdressers.


In terms of fantasy, some CDers have erotic fantasies while dressed and for them the experience is sexual. While for others, it isn't.

Please tell your wife there is a very large spectrum and in my opinion, it is the CDers who fantasize the most, who are the loudest in here at times. This is why it may seem as if most members here want to be women. But in reality, most will not take any steps to transition.

We do have a rather silent majority of CDers who are like you.

Edit - You can also tell your wife that I (and many other GGs) also took it that my SO was in denial over wanting to transition, based on the threads that I read here when I first joined. I know better now. :)

[MsJanessa]

It sounds like you might be confusing the term transgender with the term transexual---we are all on a transgender spectrum, with some of us being completely at one end, merely underdressing and/or occasionally wearing lingerie to bed and on the far other end, those of us living full time as women and contemplating or actually having gone through GRS (gender reassignment surgery). In otherwords, some of us a little transgendered, others a lot--and the rest somewhere in the middle

[AmyGaleRT]

There's all kinds of ways people see themselves, even among those who crossdress but don't transition or go full-time, Andrea. Some will do it strictly as a fetish, because it arouses them or gets them excited, and will keep it strictly at home, maybe even confined to the bedroom. Some enjoy the feel of the clothes and the way they look in them, but still see themselves as male throughout, and are just "emulating" women; this is where you are. Some see themselves as having a feminine side to themselves, and dressing expresses the woman they carry within themselves; this is where I believe I am. Some actually blend the categories, mixing male and female clothing, embellishments, and mannerisms as suits them (this category is sometimes called "genderqueer" or "genderfluid").

Your wife should keep all this in mind when reading these forums. Some things that apply to full TSs or those seeking to transition and live full-time won't necessarily apply to you. Heck, some of the things that apply to me won't necessarily apply to you, because we're looking at ourselves in different ways, your emulation vs. my part-female soul. Ultimately, what Princess Leia once said applies to all of us: we have to find our own paths, no one can choose them for us.

- Amy