honesty is the best policy

[andrea lace]

I first started to cross dress when i was very young. I was 5 or 6 when I began to wear my mums panties. I wore any item I could get my hands on right up until i was the age of 16. I joined the army and the cross dressing stopped for obvious reasons. I enjoyed my time in the army and left when i was 21 this is when the cross dressing happened again. i lived in a shared house and there was a female and while she was out I regularly used her lipstick and was careful to not use to much or put it back in the right place. I had a couple of girlfriends at this time but kept my cross dressing a secret. I met my wife in 1994 and early in our relationship I crossed dressed for a laugh or so she thought. I landed a good job after I married my wife and still I was crossing dressing when the opportunity arose with panties and lipstick but when she wasn't around. Whilst at work it was a popular thing to go down the pub with everyone one evening the conversation turned to the topic of 'gays' and I felt embarrassed by this and left the table we were all drinking around. Everyone must have noticed because after that everyone at work was calling me gay. I found this very stressful and even told my wife about this. After a while it got so bad I ended up suffering from depression. I was so stressed out. I had had gay fantasies before but didn't think I was gay as I don't fancy men. The bullying continued to get worse and I started to doubt my sexuality. I was heavily drinking by now. I wasn't just fantasying about men i was fantasizing about women too. I was even fantasying about Carol Vorderman but I didn't want to go on Countdown! I decided I would try gay sex and have a sexual encounter with a man one time. I must say I did enjoy it but it didn't blow my mind which brings me back to my cross dressing. no matter what fantasy I had it would always include me wearing woman's clothes. I have been honest with my wife about this and she has decided to support me. i have since left my job and I am a lot happier. The smile has come back onto my face. My wife and I have decided to go on this journey together and discuss our insecurities with each other, if and when they arise.

[Eryn]

I judge by your language that you are in the UK.

I don't know about the laws there, but here in California being harassed at work over your sexuality, whether true or false, would make you the victim of a hostile work environment and could bring action against the employer who allowed that environment to exist. Do similar protections exist in the UK?

I think that your decision to keep communication open with your wife is the best choice you could make. Sometimes simply being able to talk things out will reduce the stress to a manageable level and you may be able to come up with solutions that would otherwise be hidden.

[mariehart]

I think the rules in the UK are not dissimilar but this is neither here nor there andrea's problems. Potentially andrea is bisexual and frankly we all fantasise about Carol Vorderman. (Sorry Yanks, not sure if you have a similar icon. An intelligent but sexy woman.) I do like her replacement too.

Andrea I will say that your 'friends' probably noticed something about you and bullied you for that reason. Something similar happened ot me but my friends were real friends and looked after me.

You're not gay, maybe bi, if you are happy with your wife. I suggest some counselling. The NHS is good for stuff like that and it will no doubt help you and your wife.

Don't over complicate things though. You clearly have a woman who loves you. That is golden. But don't put too much on her shoulders. It's a shared experience.

[SandraInHose]

I think the rules in the UK are not dissimilar but this is neither here nor there andrea's problems. Potentially andrea is bisexual and frankly we all fantasise about Carol Vorderman. (Sorry Yanks, not sure if you have a similar icon. An intelligent but sexy woman.) I do like her replacement too.

Thanks to the Daily Mail Online, Carol Vorderman's appeal has already reached our shores, stretching all the way to where I sit in the Southwest Deserts!

[Beverley Sims]

Stay with your wife and work it out together.
Think of yourself as CD and probably not Bi.
One outing as an experiment does not make you Bi.

[andrea lace]

thanks for your input girls i realy like this site it helps with some good advice from people that know what they are talking about

[AmyGaleRT]

You're in a really good place right now, Andrea, as far as your dressing is concerned. You have a wife that accepts and supports you, something far too many of us don't have.

I wouldn't worry so much about your sexuality right now; you were "curious" but are probably not gay or bi. Instead, explore your feminine side more. Your wife may be able and willing to help you with this, building up your wardrobe, learning to create outfits and accessorize, learning the art of makeup, learning how to present yourself as a woman. Keep tabs on how all this makes you feel. If I'm guessing right, it'll feel good, and it'll feel right.

You are on a wonderful journey, a journey to learn more about part of yourself that most men can't express, but you can. Enjoy the ride, and see where it takes you.

- Amy

[kimdl93]

It's unfortunate that not being blatantly homophobic was enough for co workers to label and abuse you. It's worse that you bought into it and suffered needlessly suffered depression and self doubt. Being CD is not the same as being gay. You can be one , the other or both, but most of us are hetero. I'm glad you've escaped that environment and are recovered from the depression.

Now, moving forward, you have a supportive wife. That's great. But my sense is that you have a ways to go before you fully understand and accept yourself. So spend some time getting to know yourself and clarifying your view of how CDing fits into your life and your marriage.