it is really great to meet all of you

[JustTif]

I am not a cross dresser so I hope it is ok to post here. Thank you for any responses. Please be patient with me, I am a very open minded person, I have just never been face to face with this
My name is Tif and I have recently started dating a man who opened up to me about crossdressing. I actually consider him a throwback boyfriend since we dated 10 years ago in highschool. When we were together then he had told me he experimented with a guy. He didnt seem like it personally shamed him, but was scared for others to know. Well fast forward to present he has opened up about experimenting a little farther with men while also wearing panties. I was really intrigued so I brought some in the bedroom with us. Things were fine but I didnt think about it going further. It surprised me when he talked about wearing a dress and wig and the whole shindig. He is still worried about anyone finding out. To me, this is surprising, but I cant say I dislike the idea. The more I am letting it sink in I am getting more comfortable and more anxious.
The concerns I do have is the way he is selfconscience about it. I don't think he will ever be open about it, or if he even wants to. Is it possible to keep this to only in the bedroom and use crossdressing in place of lingerie? Another concern is how I act during the time. I don't fully understand the turn on to this, but I am sure he doesnt understand some of mine. I think this could be really great and I don't want to ruin it by saying or doing something to make him feel less. He is a really great guy and I don't want to damage because I don't understand

[Roberta Young]

Tif, I dont think anyone understands Crossderssing. Its just the way we are wired. If You accept dressing in bedroom then just enjoy each other as human beings, lovers. If He wants to express a little more info let him. Come to a mutual agreement on everything. Hugs Roberta

[MsRenee]

Welcome Tiff.
The best thing to do is just talk about it together nothing easier than that.
It can be fun doing it together wether he wants to go full dress or just to keep it in the bedroom.
Renee

[suzy1]

I think you two need to just talk to each other as Renee said and let each other know what you really want tif. You wonder if it is possible to keep this to only the bedroom and use crossdressing in place of lingerie? Well ask him.
Does he want to ever be open with it? Again ask him.

You sound like you have the makings of a great and hot relationship going here girl.

Of course if you need any help and encouragement then we will give you loads of that.

All the best,

Suzy

[Andinera]

Whether it stayed confined to the bedroom is up to him and how much influence tou have on him. Everyone is different. It cN replace lingerie but that doesnt mean it should. A mixture of the two is very appetizing.

Researching this is a very wise thing to do. I personally never make a decision on anything I dont undertand 100%

[Angela Campbell]

For most men being found out about this is worse than death. It is the way we have been socialized. Many take decades to even be comfortable to admit it to themselves, much less someone else. I had one girlfriend years ago who was the only one I ever told this to. She was very accepting and we had a very intense relationship and this was a big part of it. She didn't understand anything more than I liked it so she accepted it as I accepted all of her desires. Trust is the biggest key. He trusted you with the biggest secret he will ever have and it is important that he always feels like this trust is sacred. Share your secrets with him and he will feel more connected to you as well. This is something that can bring your souls together because it is something no one else is a part of, and is very intimate.
As far as how far it goes, who knows. It is very likely it will grow, but that will not change what is between you but add to it.

[JustTif]

I am so glad I posted here. Thank you so much for the imput. I am definitely accepting him expressing himself and being who he is. I do feel a deeper connection with him since he confided with me. I just want to be good for him. My biggest fear is that I will not meet his expectations while he is dressed. Is that a silly fear? I know the first time he will be vulnerable and I feel like thats THE make it or break it day.
I do have to say I applaud this group. You are strong. I have read some of the other posts on here and I am amazed by the stories I have read. You have faced society and declared your place. You are so inspirational

[Angela Campbell]

Tif, I think the best way to handle how to treat him when he is dressed is the same as any other time. Treat him as you would wish to be treated. Offer to go shopping with him, look at clothes on line and discuss. He is not doing this to replace you he is doing this because it is him.

[DonniDarkness]

I do have to say I applaud this group. You are strong. I have read some of the other posts on here and I am amazed by the stories I have read. You have faced society and declared your place. You are so inspirational

wow Tiff. Thanks for the compliment.

sounds like for new BF is in the beginning phases of understanding or moving to explore this side of him. The best thing you can do for him is just be there for him when he needs it.

This site is a treasure trove of information that would be invaluable to him in these first steps of his relationship with crossdressing. If he he mentioned wigs and being dressed as a woman, then he may more than likely be needing validation from you. When we first come out we seek validation from those we are closest to. Sounds like hes picked you....Thats a really good thing.

My wife was the first person i came out to and i was in the same place as your BF...shame, guilt and fear of rejection kept me from being proud of who i was. We have been married 11 years, 2 great kids and have a very successful life together. She accepts me because we have ventured this journey of my Transgenderism together....Communication is the best advice i could give you looking back who we once were, keep that part of your relationship intact and all the rest comes naturally.

Best wishes,
-Donni-

[kimdl93]

It's hard for all of us, at least when we first acknowledge that we like dressing. Most of us learned to hide and usually to dislike this part of our nature. It takes some time to overcome all that negative conditioning. Just keep gently coaxing him out , positively encouraging and make sure he doesn't retreat back into slag doubt.

[Nikki A.]

Welcome Tif, It is hard for some us to express ourselves and there is a fear that if we say too much we may lose the person we've opened up to. Just be there for him, keep the lines open and be supportive.
Don't be afraid to ask questions and if there are things that do bother you or you're not ready for, let him know also. It's best when both partners are comfortable.
Basically be patient with him and eventually he will be more forthcoming.

[Ally 2112]

Welcome Tif glad you joined the site ! .This one of the few places were you can find straight forward intelligent info on crossdressing .I hope all works out for you remember communication and listening are very important :)

[audreyinalbany]

let me adcd my greeting to the others.Im glad you're here, Tiff. Don't worry too much about "meeting his expectations while he is dressed." Do worry about your own feelings and do what is comfortable and right for you. Keep the dialogue open and honest and don't sublimate your own desires and expectations.

[Kate Simmons]

Welcome Tif, My GF is totally accepting of Ericka (my club persona) and really likes being out with me and dancing with me. The thing is, pretty much up front I told her about all of this and she was like: "So what?" It didn't affect who I was as a man or a person, in fact it enhanced it. The other thing is that we talked about what both of our expectations from the proposed relationship would be. We have yet to be disappointed. The main goal in my mind is to forge an equal partnership. Not to mention talking, talking and talking which many guys have a problem with sharing their feelings. Those are the important things in my book anyway. :)

[~Joanne~]

Welcome to the forum Tiff :) Your off to a great start to learning a bit about us as CDers but keep in mind that each girl here is different and while some similarities may actually be how you think your BF is, they also may not be. The best way to find out is through communication with each other which can never be stressed enough.

He will probably be self conscience about this side of his being until he fully comes to terms with it. Some girls here have, some like myself, are about 50/50 and struggle a bit, and some may never. Please don't push her about it and let it develop at it's own pace. You said the idea turns you on in the bedroom so explore that to it's fullest and have fun with it but for the day to day life, it's better to talk and not push. Can it be contained to just the bedroom? That I don't have an answer for. It possibly can but when the pink fog rolls in it may even go outside the house ;) Are you ready for that? Would you been seen in public with her? or go shopping in drab? or femme?

I wish you the best and have a great weekend!

[Michaelasfun]

Hi Tif, welcome!

I think you just need to be yourself, nothing special needed from your end. It sounds like you are already being supportive and really that is a big thing all in itself. It's up to him as to whether he ever wants to take it out of the bedroom or not, and then you'll have to decide whether you're comfortable with that or not and talk it over in any event so you both are ok with things going forward. Encourage him to join the forum here as well!

[Monicamaryjay]

Hi Tiff,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. It shows that you care enough about your lover to do some research into your situation. That takes courage on your part and I applaud you for being open minded enough to entertain the idea and explore it.

There is an inherent vulnerability in expressing femininity in our culture when one is not not a genetic girl (G.G). But there can be deeply satisfying and rewarding treasures within it all.
Focussing on communicating feeelings and desires to one another may become part of your first new experience, so that it becomes more like a process than a goal.

You have been handed an opportunity for discovering your own attraction to your lover.

BTW, Thank you for your compliments. We need more supportive and understanding people like you n the world.... And I think your lover is very fortunate to have re-found you.

Monica

[MsJanessa]

If he is a really great guy and the crossdressing isn't a turnoff for you, my advice is to talk to him---seems like he may be bisexual and if your ok with that and the dressing, then it could turn into something beautiful---Hint---if you want to get him comfortable with his dressing, plan some dates involving dressing and you two going out, maybe to drag night at the local gay bar etc.

[FeminineEmoBoy]

not sure if im too late or if this will help, but i happen to be a bisexual crossdresser who has experimented with both sexes so i think i can try to help.
personally i currently have a gf who seems to think the same as you, she doesnt understand and tries to accept ect. the key thing is you gotta BOTH be happy so talk about it cleary, my rules are im allowed to crossdress just mostly at home and not all the time im allowed to wear face makeup but not nail polish. my point with telling you that is to make it clear to each other what you BOTH can accept, you should respect him and he should also remember to respect you and you can make up little rules if you must. the healthiest thing to do is talk and express what you need to.
you say he is self concious maybe your the first person to accept and this is new to him so he is sort of unsure what to do?

Hope i helped im bad the way i write things, any more help just ask :) x

[Beverley Sims]

I am assuming you are gay and he may not be.
I would be considerate of his feelings and you will find that nothing wil probably go out of the bedroom anyway.