Why do i not beat up people that gossip??

[jsunic_1978]

Moderator note:

This post uses a word that would normally be edited out as offensive. However, it discusses a specific use of that word by others so editing would remove meaning from the post. Therefore, use of the word will be permitted in this thread.

THERE ARE THE PEOPLE I REALLY WANT TO BEAT UP! No one will call us faggots to our faces, but thell tell our frirnds, ditch the faggot!!! our friends tell us after the bar has closed so we cant get into a fight and arrested. I WANT TO FIGHT SOME AT RANDOM JUST FOR FOR THE HELL OF IT NOW!!! I really just want to go to bed. I just wanted to vent and I appreciate evreyone on here greatly.

[Nanaya]

While I know how you feel, violence isn't the answer. I've fought more than I care to in my life, and trust me, punching someone doesn't feel good. It isn't liberating. And it certainly won't get your point across, it will only lead to more violence.

[Angela Campbell]

I prefer to just keep people like that out of my life. I have no room for aggressive, belittling or abusive behavior and just stay away from people like that. You will not stop someone from calling you names behind your back by hurting them, so it is best to not have them in the picture at all.

[Asche]

Why do i not beat up people that gossip??
Uh, because if you did, you'd spend the next few years or maybe decades locked up with violent criminals, and that's a lot worse than being gossiped about?

Was this supposed to be a trick question?

[Cheryl T]

The answer is not in confrontation it's in being a better person than those that wrong you.
Yes, turning the other cheek is hard, but it's the right thing to do. If you fight then they just point a finger at you and say more about you, if you let it pass and write it off to their being a lesser person than you are then you have won.

[Deedee Skyblue]

If you beat up people, think how the gossip will change... your friends will avoid you, and the people you beat up will get their friends and come looking for you. No way to win by beating them up. What you could do, is join a fighting club, and get to be really well-known as a very tough fighter - and some of those people will stop talking about you.

Deedee

[Kate Simmons]

I don't waste my efforts on such people my friend. :)

[YorkshireRose]

No point getting worked up about people like that. Take the moral high ground and if anyone says anything to your face, tell them why they are wrong.

[STACY B]

Let um talk !!
There leaving someone else alone !! Thats what the Jerry Springer Show is for .
Lady Remember ,,, Act like a Lady ,, An just walk away ,,If they call you all kinds of names ,,
One things for sure you don't have to worry about lending them any $$$$$$$$$$$

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Another reason not to fight, imagine all of the clothes and make up you could buy with all of the money you would waste on medical bills, court cost, fines etc. That's a lot of potential dresses, and shoes. :2c:

[Beverley Sims]

Faggot. Just another word taken out of context.
Don't worry about the insults, just progress beyond that and achieve something else.

[kimdl93]

Do you think someone's opinion of you matters? It doesn't. If they say it to your face, feel free to ignore it. If you express anger over someone's opinion of you, you are giving them the power to control your emotions. Do not give up that power.

[ArleneRaquel]

At this point in my life I don't give a darn what others think. My next store neighbor hates/dislikes many types of people, but he is especially a hater of gender queer people, meaning moi. Well I just tried to avoid any contact with him, after a year or so went by since he called me a spiritual f*g he has mellowed and been cordial to me, it started 4=5 months ago when we had an encounter, I was totally enfemme and he said Hello and that I was looking good. I don't remember what I was wearing, but I do remember that I was a bright sunny warm day, so it is likely I was wearing shorts and thereby showing off my hairless legs. So sometimes people will change & act human, so I say ignore the bigots and gossip mongers. People will think what the want anyway.

[bridget thronton]

I think i have decided for myself that I do not care what others people say beyond my back. People who know me will not believe lies and people who do not know me do not matter.

[NathalieX66]

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said: ‘My son, the battle is between ‘two wolves’ inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.’

The grandson thought about it for a minute, and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’
The old Cherokee simply replied: ‘The one you feed.’

[vivianann]

Stay away from bars, when you mix testosterone and alchohol it is a disaster waiting to happen, also do not start a fight, however be prepared to take down the aggressor if he assaults you, and be where there is alot of video surveilance, it has saved my butt from going to jail when I have defended myself every time. As far as the name calling let it go, it is not worth going to jail for. When you ignore them, they are a lesser being, especially in todays society, I know it may not seem like it at the moment, but it eventially does, because peaple will see them for what they are, rude jerks. My freedom to go out dressed enfemme is more important to me than what a rude jerk calls me. I know who I am, and that is all that matters. my friends and family accept me as I am and I am happier because of it

[Sylvermane]

While all of the above are valid reasons I have a simple one for you. It's not ladylike. Those things are inevitable these days. The LGBT and CD thing is less taboo but it is still a problem for many people, similar to there still being many racists out there. Ignore it, turn the tables by making a joke about yourself sometimes even to show them that it doesn't bother you and you won't let it bother you.

For me it's a non issue as I only do my thing at home where no one can see me. But for the ladies who like to go out it is something they will have to deal with. Intolerance is more common than tolerance and this type of thing is still a taboo for many people. It's sad really but that's the way it is. You can always take comfort in the fact that odds are good they are trashing on you because they are unhappy about themselves in some way, maybe even a CD or LGBT but don't want to admit it. I would imagine it is more common than they would like to admit. I don't know the word for it but there are many people who are LGBT / CD who are so in the closet that they dump on anyone who is "free" about expressing themselves because they cannot.

*EDIT* Wish I could take my own advice and maybe try going out sometime but I'm just to terrified.

[Badtranny]

I'd be a lot more concerned with why they wanted to "ditch" me, then the names they called me. What's wrong with being called a faggot? Better than being called a liar, or a cheater, or a deadbeat.

You've written before about your self esteem issues and I think that's the real problem here. If you learn to look inward for validation instead of outward then you will eventually overcome your handicap and become the kind of person that people want to invite instead of the kind they want to ditch.

Your first task is to stop giving words like faggot so much power. You're a CD so accept that you're in the 'family' and move on. Who cares if the guys think you're gay anyway? In the meantime, you're hanging out with their girlfriends.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

This is one of the nicest thread that I have ever read. I wish I could quote the ones that have special meaning to me but there are so many.

I dealt with family violence as a job for so many years. Post #1 talks about being in a bar until it closed. God, what an awful time to start thinking about anything people say. I can draw many more conclusions about age and local but my "go to" thought is that anger just takes so much out of you. You are giving that fool something of yourself, not to mention dignity. There was a reference to Jerry Springer. Who wants to look like one of Jerry's guests?

I hope the night's sleep did some good after the post. Ignorance fueled by alcohol is a great inducer. These days, I read Jane Austen or think of myself in a silky skirt with a stretch top to quell stress. xxr

[Stephanie47]

I will only say violence begets violence. In our society there has been a legal tolerance for offensive speech under the guise of "free speech." And, there has been an over reaction by people to find all usage of some speech to be offensive. Those people lack a sense of history.

I will say the term the moderator finds offensive was used extensively decades ago by everyone to describe male sexual behavior they did not agree with. It is still used. I have read of the high school generation still using other terminology that most find demeaning, whether or not the intended recipient is gay or not.

When you talk to a cross dresser who started dressing in the 1950's through the 1970's, you'll find that term wrecked havoc on his self worth.

[jarts55]

It all has to do with mind over matter. I don't mind because they don't matter. Everyone has a secret thay don't the rest of the world to know. Ever wonder what their secret is? Just maybe they wish they had it in themselves to go out in public wearing their pink dress too.

[Miriam-J]

So some ignorant slob issues some epithets that only reinforce their own stupidity. That subtracts from their own worth, but not yours.

You retain your greatest asset, your dignity, and only you can give it away. A violent or angry response is the only means by which you can throw away that dignity, so never allow anyone to incite that type of reaction.

Beyond your own reputation, please also consider the harm you do to our community as a whole when you so easily cast away your own dignity. Since these people know so few representatives of our community, you are the example that they may connect with us forever.

Miriam

[Michelle M]

Don't beat up anybody. Nobody wins. They won't change their attitudes, and you won't feel any better about it.
Put you hands in your pockets and walk to your car, or to a taxi if you've had too much.
If someone hits you, or pushes you down, that's assault. Call 911.
The cops do more than pull us over in our skirts! They work for you and me, and they will arrest him.
Signing the complaint which sends him to a judge will give you more satisfaction than whacking the guy in the jaw. And it will hurt less.
Michelle

[Melissa Rose]

I'm sorry you have to go through this unpleasant experience. Words only have the power that you give to them. You cannot control what others think and say, but you can control how you react. This does not mean the words do not hurt, but hurting back allows the words and those who utter them to control and hurt you. As already mentioned, why give others the power and control over your sense of self worth and place in society? Why overly concern yourself with what others think and say? Validation from within has to be there before being able to truly accept or reject what others think or say.

There two questions that come to me after reading your original post. Why do you feel the desire or need to resort to violence? Perhaps examining why this experience elicited a violent desire is worth undertaking. Why hangout out with "friends" who tell you hurtful things when they could have easily kept it to themselves and spare you the hurt and pain? No good could come from sharing the information so their motives do not feel like kindness, helpfulness or compassion were behind them.

[AmyGaleRT]

I actually read something good the other day, quoted by a blogger I follow, that's relevant to this:


"I don't understand your viewpoint," she said. "You broke his nose, yet he had done you no harm of any sort. You expect me to approve that?"

"But Persephone," he protested, "you ignore the fact that he called me a most insulting name."

"I don't see the connection," she said. "He made a noise with his mouth -- a verbal label. If the label does not fit you, the noise is meaningless. If the label is true in your case -- if you are the thing the noise refers to, you are neither more, nor less, that thing by reason of some one uttering the verbal label."

[Robert A. Heinlein, "Coventry"]

Something for us ladies to remember, I think.

- Amy

[LaraPeterson]

Kill 'em all!!!! REALLY. I understand how you feel and sometimes in my gut I just want to let 'em have it. But like so many have already said, it won't truly accomplish anything and you will end up being the one who is hurt more than the idiot with the small brain using small words.

When I was much younger, I was a very violent person. My dad sat me down one day and said, "Son, you have to find a way to stand your ground without pushing your enemy down." I said, "Dad, how do I do that?" He said, "BE the better person." That has never let me down, and it stopped my fighting spirit dead in its tracks.

[jsunic_1978]

OMG how many shots did I do last night??? LOL also it is VERY VERY RARE I HAVE ANY NEGATIVES. It isnt like the whole bar bashes me behind my back. Just one idiot, WHO CARES! ALSO AS JEFF in womens clothes I look pretty good :)I do that more and more oftern as well and fgeel REALLY GOOD ABOUT IT. I LOVE WEARING UGGS :) just jeans and a cute sweater, even as jeff :)

I had a great conversation whth the bar tender as she has my back 100 percent! also, I know shese married so I wont try to pick her up anyhow she really respects that we talk clothges and shoes everytime i stop in I showed her my uggs and the outfit i had on. :)

I have NO ISSUES NOR PROBLEMS ON THE WEST SIDE since im low on gas till my check clears om tuesday, I think ill shop at the east side anenue clothiong store and see if i get the same FRIENDLY consideration. HUGE NIGHT N DAY DIFFERENCE east verses west side! west siders (most) dont treat me any differently nor even pretend they dont motice me azs a cross dresser. THEY SEE ME AS A PERSON :)

[sometimes_miss]

I prefer to just keep people like that out of my life.
I have no need to do that; the ones that I told, removed themselves from my life on their own.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Why do i not beat up people that gossip?? Setting aside everything else about anger and hostility, for me, the easier answer is: Because I can't.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Following up on this. Anger and angst are closely related in more than spelling. There is a reason why angst is not good for you.

It takes your soul. Your beliefs and your life. And who did it? The person who needed someone to pick on because he/she is a looser. Why is he/she there at that hour with nothing better to do than think about you? He wanted you to be possessed by his anger. And he succeeded.

That's why you don't beat him up....or shoot him....or wish him evil. You are not Dexter. There is no such person and there never should be. Don't bother to let him feel good about what he does. That's why.