Identification Experiment

[PretzelGirl]

It seems that every time that we get into a thread about how we identify, it devolves into a terminology discussion. I would like to try an experiment. When someone says they are a crossdresser or transgender, what does that really mean to those reading it? Obviously there are many interpretations here or else we wouldn't have the constant disagreements. So instead of using these words to describe ourselves, lets get to know each other a little better by being descriptive. From here forward, you can't say crossdresser, transvestite, transgender, middle pather, or transsexual. Let's see what is in your heart. I reserve the right to add forbidden words later if someone tries to work around the list, but I believe those should be the core ones.

So let's get to know who each of us really are without the fluid wording. I try to not put an extra work on our fine moderators, so please do not argue terminology in this thread. Let's see if we can have a better understanding of each other.

I am a relative latebloomer. I had tried on women's clothing for a very short time while as a teenager (as in a few months). I thought about it off and on through the years but didn't really act on it. After I hit my 40s, it started coming on. It first was just wanting to wear women's clothing but as time moved on, there was a feminine side to me that I wanted to express.

Today I wear women's clothing when I can. What this means is not at work and not in front of family members that don't know yet. I have progressively told more people and I suspect that will continue. Many of my best friendships are a result of my female side. I get out dressed often and when I could be dressed in either men's or women's clothing, then women's wins out. While the thought of going full time has crossed my mind as an outside possibility, it is usually set aside as I don't want to go through that at work and I don't feel that necessary drive that makes me have to. My path appears to be bridged between the two sides of me. So I enjoy my time as him with some family, especially my grandkids. I enjoy my time as her when I am alone, with friends, or with my wife and daughters. The interesting part of that is that my wife has already said she is sticking with me even if I was to go full-time, surgery or not.

So who are you?

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm, I've said this many times before Hon. I look at you as Sue the person, not as a this, that or the other thing. I have no problem with that but it seems societal conditioning goes pretty deep and some folks just can't see the forest for the trees. Their loss. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. ;):)

[kimdl93]

I am a relative latebloomer. I had tried on women's clothing for a very short time while as a teenager (as in a few months). I thought about it off and on through the years but didn't really act on it. After I hit my 40s, it started coming on. It first was just wanting to wear women's clothing but as time moved on, there was a feminine side to me that I wanted to express.

Today I wear women's clothing when I can. What this means is not at work and not in front of family members that don't know yet. I have progressively told more people and I suspect that will continue. Many of my best friendships are a result of my female side. I get out dressed often and when I could be dressed in either men's or women's clothing, then women's wins out. While the thought of going full time has crossed my mind as an outside possibility, it is usually set aside as I don't want to go through that at work and I don't feel that necessary drive that makes me have to. My path appears to be bridged between the two sides of me. So I enjoy my time as him with some family, especially my grandkids. I enjoy my time as her when I am alone, with friends, or with my wife and daughters....

So who are you?

Sue, you describe my situation to a 'T'...or is that TG. Sorry, had to get that in there;). All I'd add is I spend about 70% of my life en femme and I can see the percentage going higher, but probably not past 95%. Still, that's way more than I ever imagined possible just a few years ago!

Reading the following responses has prompted this additional observation-I certainly have many male physical and behavioral traits....probably more than the female traits...and yet my preference and default mode of both dress and behavior is female. In those times when I must present as male, I'm always striving to express my female side in the way I relate to others and in making choices and judgments. I believe that this conscious effort, which grows easier and less an affectation as time goes on, has made me a better person.

[bridget thronton]

I have learned from very dear friends to ignore all outward signs of appearance and look only at the person at the behavior. Good people are good people regardless of their appearance.

[NathalieX66]

Hi Sue,
We're pretty similar.

All I know is when I was someone between the age of 6 and 10, and beyond, that I always wanted to dress like a girl, or rather dress as female. I really didn't have the inner need to be female, but I just didn't care for the presentation of being male.
As a late bloomer, I'm discovering that my default presentation as a person is female......don't ask me why, it just is.
I don't dress this way at work, but my neighbors have finally figured me out by now.

[vivianann]

Sue, you have descibed what many of us experience in our lives. And Nathaliex66, you describe me to a tee, as I dont have any desire to have srs. but I'd rather dress as a female, my personality is more female than male, when I am dressed as a female, I feel complete.

[Angela Campbell]

Ok for me I was born a male but knew very soon at least by the age of 4 that it just wasn't right. I was a girl inside and wanted to be a girl. I started wearing my mothers clothing as early as 4 and enjoyed it a lot but never lost the feeling I should be a girl. I grew up with everyone expecting me to be male and I just didn't fit in. I preferred to play with Barbies instead of football, I was smaller and shorter than all the boys and was tormented because I did not fit in. Growing up I continued to dress in female attire as much as I could but kept it a deep dark secret from all. Eventually I got married, had kids, got divorced, got married again and this last year got divorced again. No one still knew I dressed in womens clothes or wanted to be a female.
This last summer I began dressing from head to toe in female attire with a wig and makeup and realized it was possible to appear as a woman if I tried hard enough. I have since met many others like me and spend about half of th etime as a woman and the other half as a man, so I can work and have time with my family who wouldn't understand. My life is much better now than it has ever been but things are changing rapidly for me and I am unsure where this is leading to but I am happy.

[docrobbysherry]

I know "the book" says because I dress I'm TG.

But, as I think u may already know, becoming Sherry makes me more of an FI.

Female Illusionist!

[Luna Nyx]

For me I have never been happy with the way I look. After trying different things I finally came to terms with a lot about myself. I thought more and more that being fem just feels right. I dont really know what to identify as. Im Gender Everything.

[Erica Marie]

I would say my story is similar to yours. It started with experimenting when I was in my early teens. Trying on girls cloths, some of it was more towards the sexual side at that time. As time went on and many changes in my life took place, ie..divorce, loosing a gf after telling her about myself. Everyday I feel more of my female traits poking through. I know I will never dress close to the amount that I would like. But in time I would like to be able to go out in public and express myself for who I am. I am ME. Wether it be in male cloths or a skirt and sweater. I wish the world was openminded enough just to accept me for who I am.

[julia marie]

Sue. Interesting post and question. I still haven't figured out the definitions, and I know I'm not alone. For many years I tried bits of dressing like buying a negligee when on business trips. I think it was a mix of curiosity and sexual urge. I will note, however, that one sign of things to come was that i've always had more women friends than male friends. A couple years ago the curiosity took over, and I wanted to feel more like a woman, and worked up to occasional full dressing (wig, forms, makeup, etc.). Now I do that three or four times a week, and have gone outside a few times (mostly in the yard in the dark but recently daylight in a resort town). I loved it, and can't wait to go back. With that background, I'm a guy who plans to remain a guy (too old and established for srs, and I don't want to put my adult kids on the spot by showing up at a family function en femme). While I say I'm a guy I like to feel how a woman's clothes make me feel. Do a I feel like a woman? I can't say that because I don't know how they feel. Do I let a feminine side come out? Absolutely.

[I Am Paula]

If we needed a term for each of us in the spectrum, we would have millions of definitions. We are each unique, and some find a term we like, and go with it. Some of us never do define ourselves, and therefore don't need/want a term. I am.-Celeste

[Beverley Sims]

I see all the respondents here with a diverse range of backgrounds.
I view them all as members of this board as you and I are.
The person within is either a X dresser by interest, or transgendered/transexual psychologically and physically and also intersexed, I believe a physical state.
Someone will correct me if I am wrong. Please do, it will add to the discussion and I will gain further insight.

[Ms. Laura]

I'm no expert on the banned words anyway..

Let's see. I started experimenting with women's clothes aroun age 8 or 9. Until my 20s, it was kind of a fetish thing. I was a girl for Halloween once, Miss USA, which I thought would be fun, but with a rental wig, makeup, nails, etc. I was so enthralled, it never left.

I don't underdress or partially dress, it just doesn't do anything for me. I like to transform and I feel like the girl I might have been. It makes me feel happy, uninhibited, and free.

I'm not a woman trapped in a man's body, but I do feel like transforming amplifies a facet of my personality which is normally hidden. I don't want SRS, I have fun as a man, I'm married and wish to fulfill that role. I don't find men attractive (actually pretty ugly) though I have fantasized about someone finding me desirable.

I only get to dress once every month or two but it burns everyday between.

[PretzelGirl]

Thank you for those that describe themselves. A couple missed the point of not using those words or talking about labels. If we describe ourselves, then we better understand each other. If you use "those" words, then others perceive you in a way that goes with their definitions and not yours. So this is an attempt to shine light on ourselves instead of repeating the same ole words that cause misunderstandings. Give it a whirl!

[jillleanne]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness, all that whirlling has made me dizzy!! Not to mention my skirt is all messed up now. I'm just a girl, er, a boy, er a girl I think, no,no, a boy, no, yes, yes that's correct, a boy, no, no, now that I think about it somemore, definitely a girl,I think, well, maybe, a girl, or a boy,maybe.............. Oh for goodness sakes, I'm just me!!!!! Who else could I possibly be?

[Dana L]

Sue this is a very good point, because most of us probobly arent sure what to call ourselves. I first started wearing my sisters clothes at about 8 or 9 and probobly didn't know why. I used to have trouble with girls in my classes at school. Guessing at the time I didn't realize that I didn't want to be with them as much as to be one of them. I eventually locked my feelings away and had a very normal dating life and eventually got married and had two kids. Over time those feelings decided to break out. This started in my 20's I came out to my wife in my 30's and now I'm in my 40's. I find I'm socialy more prone to women than men no matter what I'm wearing. Wearing female clothes, hair and makeup gives me an inner peace, like I'm finally being honest with myself. I've used HRT and started having great results until it started to compromise my male role in life, so I had to cut back. My wife loves me and supports me but still wants to be married to a guy so SRS is never an option, but some where in between is. I've only been out dressed for halloween and had one of the best evenings of my life. If I could have this kind of acceptance year round I would go out dressed more often. Even without it I feel someday I'll just have to be honest with myself and go out anyway, I'm not getting any younger. The more I can emulate and live as a woman the better. Till then it must stay within my house and halloween.

[Emma Beth]

All I can say is that I am who I am, and that's all that I am.

Most of the time I don't like terms, but they do serve a limited function in society, IMHO. I think they give a starting point for identification and understanding.

As I read through this thread, I noticed two things. Those who identify with who we are understand this very early, or we are late bloomers. I have always been a late bloomer myself.

I'm not sure when I first wore women's clothing, I only know that it's something that I love and feel like myself doing.

I am still learning about myself and doing it with tact and time, and no regrets. Since I have come to understand how I feel about wearing women's clothing, I am happier with who I am; and that is what is most important.

[Laura28]

Wow Ms Laura, you described my feeling to a "T". There is nothing else i could add.

[RenneB]

I must say Sue this is one of the more interesting threads that I've come across on this site of late. I have a very simular story as a few other posters as I was self-dianosed when I was about 4 and just had to have that dancing dress of the neighbor's (she was 5) on. In time, I managed to be at the house somewhat alone and put the dress on and just sighed with relief that this was what I was 'supposed' to wear. My parents will even remind me of the time when I was about 3, I can't remember this by they do, when I put on lipstick and high heels.... From then onto the next years of my life, now going on 50 something, dang I'm gettin old, I've been on and off, purge and build up.....

Now I'm in my comfy clothes about 2/3's of the time and 1/3 in drab clothes mode... Yea, if the internet was around back when I was making more money than I could spend, I'm sure that I would have 'completed' the change but like you, I think my path for the rest of my life is somewhere in the middle....

Thanks for starting this one girl...

Renne.....

[Leah Lynn]

At age four, I knew something was wrong with me. With two slightly older girls in the house, I desperately wanted to do everytrhing with them, but was often refused because i was a boy. The older of the two, did dress me up occasionally. A few years later, she introduced me to garter belts and stockings. We were quite close, and I got to pal around with her more than my sister. When she was in high school, I often got to tag along with her and her friends. I'd become quite comfortable identifying as one of the girls. I still would rather be in the kitchen with the ladies, over the rec room with the guys. As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a female. I well remember when I figured out what it was that Christine Jorgenson did, that I wanted it done to me. Still do. I don't really want to play woman; I want to be woman.

[TeresaL]

Good thread. My first time with women's clothes was when i put on my mothers nylon anklet, I was four, she caught me, and I was reprimanded. I continually rummaged in the underwear drawers and clothes hampers from then on. Women's garments became a prop for fetish use when I became old enough. It was like porno for me, so the guilt and shame began to grow. In the service there was little opportunity, but I resumed after I was discharged. My first wife was smaller than me, so I didn't wear her clothes, except for her pantyhose. At 21, she died in a car accident, and I lived alone for awhile. I dabbled but did not know to completely dress. It was 1972. I remarried and my new wife is bigger than me, so her clothes fit. When she was out shopping, I would be home trying her clothes on. This onesy-twosy wearing of women's garments was my modus until 1994. Then I discovered the Internet forums, and did absolutely everything. I even pierced my ears with a safety pin and ice cube. I purchased every drug for HRT from overseas. I even contacted a surgeon in Thailand and made an appointment. This was all done behind my SOs back, and I got caught. From 1995 through 1998, I spent countless hours in reparative therapist's offices who pretty much tortured me into submission. I went deep into the closet for protection, and tried my best to never do this stuff again. I failed so many times. I was a miserable wreck. I kept failing and confessing and we yelled and screamed and I went back into the closet and failed. I actually wished my wife would die. She wished i would. Finally, last year I busted out of the closet completely and declared an end to the war we were in. I tried to go slow like this site recommends, but I just couldn't. It had to come to an end, and I made plans to dissolve the relationship. Strange as it may seem, things turned around 180 degrees when I made that stance. That I don't get, but she now accepts and allows me to do anything but surgery. That brings me to today...

Now I'm free to dress as a woman and go into other towns for lunch or shopping, and come back home still dressed without fearing that I will be caught. But I still have a dual role. When in either role, I am fully the gender of that role, and don't carry bits and pieces from one to another. Boxer shorts in male role, no under dressing. But boxer shorts go when in female role, as well as every remnant of masculinity that I can shed.

I'm not proud of the negative history that has preceded my recently achieved freedom. I am however glad for those of you who haven't experienced it.

Yet my love for my wife is higher in priority than anything else, and I will put up with dual role as long as it takes.

[julia marie]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness, all that whirlling has made me dizzy!! Not to mention my skirt is all messed up now. I'm just a girl, er, a boy, er a girl I think, no,no, a boy, no, yes, yes that's correct, a boy, no, no, now that I think about it somemore, definitely a girl,I think, well, maybe, a girl, or a boy,maybe.............. Oh for goodness sakes, I'm just me!!!!! Who else could I possibly be?

Jilleanne. Great post. I think you speak for all of us girls, um, boys, um...

[Jaymees22]

Hi Sue, I believe the first time I dressed was in 2nd grade, I played one of the ugly sisters in the Cinderella play. Before that I remember spending a lot of time at my neighbors house playing with dolls that she had. Then I didn't try dressing again until I was 17, I remember really getting aroused and confused. Then I took a long sabbatical and started dressing again this past May 2012, 50 years later. I really feel good about it now, not confused anymore, and really at peace with myself finally. I dress when my wife is at work, she knows and we are in the DADT phase at the moment, as she has enough problems of her own now without thinking I'm a problem. So this is who I am and where I'm at right now...Hugs Jaymee

[FeminineEmoBoy]

My sex is male and I'd consider mostly my gender male but a very feminine male as I like being a boy however I love the things girls have. :) also I normally wear girls clothes with my boy clothes always have done and think always will, most of the time I am not dressing to pass when I wear girls clothes I just like the clothes and make-up ect, true i get odd looks when wearing a men's top with a skirt or when wearing all boy clothes with makeup on but if it makes a good outfit then I'l wear it. :D
I seem rare here that i wear womens clothes like skirts without trying to pass lots of people here seem to only wear clothes outside their home while trying to pass.

YES DIDN'T SAY THE WORD CROSSDRESSER!!..... oh damn :/ sorry childish me there hehe :P x

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Sue, you have descibed what many of us experience in our lives. And Nathaliex66, you describe me to a tee, as I dont have any desire to have srs. but I'd rather dress as a female, my personality is more female than male, when I am dressed as a female, I feel complete.

Vivianann;
I am also like the two of you. I don't have the desire for SRS, but wouldn't mind having any form of breast augmentation. I love dressing as a women and pretty much have the personality of a women. Hell, I can carry on better conversations about women's clothes than some of the women I know. SCARY, huh? Now the make up department is another story. To end this verbose note, I am a man who prefers the finer things in life as a women.

[Tibby]

My husband started dressing, he thinks he was aged about 8, first in his mothers tights and then trying on her clothes when no one was in the house. As he got older he took the chance when he could but never bought anything for himself. When he was in his 20's he'd looked at a place in London called Transformation and thought about going in to be dressed and given a make over for a short time, but he decided against it, sad he was was too self conscious and worried about being seen. He met me and things have escalated for him, also internet shopping makes it easier for him to but clothes he likes, though we enjoy shopping trips together where I buy the clothes he chooses and if I see something I know he'll like when I'm out that I'll pick it up. He has no interest in changing sex, no interest in going out dressed in feminine clothes, he just likes the feel of womens clothes, how relaxed they make him feel, the feel of the material, the shape of the clothes. He'd never worn make up, wigs or silicon forms until he met me, not that I forced him or pressured him to try, it was just I said he could maybe try some forms to give some of the tops he likes a better shape, he now loves the ones he has and he enjoys when I give him a full make over. Though I'm still trying to find a wig he'd suit. There's some days where he'll sit watching tv in his male clothes but will have some glossy tights and heels on, but he'll only do this when the children are away. He'll sleep in a satin negligee as he's always up before anyone else. He's just who he is, he's not given himself another name and so far he's never felt the need. No matter he did, how he's dressed, if he wanted to do this full time, have another name, none of that changes who he is in his personality or character so I always just see him as my husband who sometimes dresses in very pretty clothes instead of boring jeans and t shirts. It's not about what he wears or what he looks like, it's all about who he is and to be happy in that.

[shawnsheila]

Hmm,
I started when I was 14 with my mother's clothes (although I recall putting on my mom's lipstick and walking around in here heels at 6 vaguely), My high school sweet heart (now my wife) and i experimented once by changing clothes then having sex. and when I was in college, I dressed for Halloween (which was awesome!) and now at 35 I dress in cycles (about 1 week a month I dress up since I work from home). I have always been attracted to women and have never had interest in men so I consider my self hetero so with all that being said:

I consider myself a Hetero - Cross Dresser

:)

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm a part time girl

As a boy, I was very boy. Not the last one picked for the team, but sometimes doing the picking.

But I did have a twist. I always had this thing for feminine clothes and cosmetics, probably as early as age 8, but certainly by age 12. I got into my Mom's panties, bras and girdles around 15. I watched a old movie on TV, and saw Lauren Bacall roll up her stockings and slip them on, and I just had to try it. This was before pantyhose. Then experimented with Mom's jewelry, particularly her earrings (they were clip); then her lipstick; then her other clothes, particularly her evening gowns.

Then I got a girlfriend and didn't have time for crossdressing. But in college I developed a little collection by collecting discarded and lost lingerie in the laundry room. All this time, I thought this was primarily for arousal, so I figured it would go away when I got married. It did. Well for a few monthes it did. Then I got into my wife's discards in the extra closet. I also started intercepting some of the clothes that were supposed to go to Goodwill.

Until about 10 years ago, what I owned could fit into a few boxes. Then I found out about buying over the Internet. I really got into girdles, and found a seller whose primary business was selling girdles to men.

About 6 years ago my wife caught me packing some lingerie for a trip. I've never seen her so angry, before or since. But rather than restraining me, getting caught freed me. Now I shop for Steffi in retail stores (in male mode mostly), met some friends like me, go on girls nights out and have gone to a gender conference.

But, except for the fact that I still cry at movies, I'm a guy 95% of the time. But when I'm a girl, I want to be the best girl I can be, without shaving below the neck, and 100% hormone free.

[Kerigirl2009]

Hmmmm who am I? Well I know how I feel I am. I am a fake, I put on this fake face every day of my life and I go about my day with my family, friends and work aquaintances. I grew up as a boy and until I was nine I was a real boy. At about thirteen I found out that I thought about girly things quite a bit. But I fought through it and lived as though I was real and grew to be a man. I married the woman that I still love today and had a family, four beautiful children. So I am a married family man who wants to be feminine. I am a father with a girly side, a husband with a feminine side and I am still a fake, because I am not being honest with the people that I care about.

I am currenty working on coming to grips and understanding that I dont have to be fake, just be honest with myself and others, And to be honest means admitting that I want to be a woman, who still has all that I have today, just be in a more feminine way,

So I am on the edge of losing who I am known as, but I am getting to the point that more and more people know about me and still like me for being honest with them, which makes me happy. So I guess I am still a man who wants to realize my fantasies of being able to live as a woman, but knows that it takes alot of baby steps to get to the end of the road.

So after all that I am Kevin to most of the people who know me, but I am introducing Keri a little at a time and one day Keri will be honest enough for both of us.

[Courtneigh]

Although being boy needs to be part of my life, I am a girl, allways foremost.
I love being Courtneigh and I want the world to know and stuff the one's who don't want to understand or accept.

[Nathalie Antoinette]

First of all, I would set sexual identity aside as a separate discussion. If you spend any time at all on this site, you quickly grasp that members represent the full spectrum of Kinsey's scale of sexuality, regarless of their outward appearance. I haven't really ever thought seriously of becoming a woman or even dressing as a woman fulltime. I suppose that means I don't have a gender identity issue. But, I have enjoyed my limited experience with crossdressing to date, and hope to learn and experience it more.

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm a guy who occasionally finds a lot of satisfaction from pretending to be female. I have no idea what drives me down that path, but I prefer to do it up right and respect my muse. Body shaping, wigs, make up, presentation traits and accessories are all needed to compliment the clothing. I've had an attraction to women's clothing since I was quite young and dressed in my teens whenever possible. From my 20's through my early 40's the opportunites were much less common, but the desire wasn't as common, so things were in balance it seems. Over the last 20 years I've been dressing more often and more fully than in my youth. I also managed to make the mental adjustment about 12 years ago and accepted this aspect of my personality would probably remain with me for the rest of my life. Once that was done I began to open up first to others doing similar things and eventually was discovered by my wife. Her acceptance has allowed me to avoid feeling shame, cultivate a better wardrobe, pierce my ears, shave a little more of my body and get more time locally with new friends. There are rare times when I feel an actual need to dress and will put off other things to meet that need. There are also times when I can go weeks or even months without dressing and things are still fine. I have a full and relatively satisfying male life and have no desire (except during short intense pink fog episodes) to do anything more than what I already do to achieve that feminine appearance. I'm pretty satisfied with where I'm at for now and don't expect to see much of a change in the overall pattern. But who knows?