Contacting others on this forum...

[Lacy PJs]

From time to time, I'll see a picture or read about something that makes me feel like I want to ask the poster more about their post... but I don't. Have you ever felt that way?

Perhaps it is a state of mind but I can't bring myself to contact another member because I don't want to be seen as being forward. I mean, how do you say to another guy, "Hey, I like your strappy heels. Where did you get them?" without feeling uncomfortable doing it? Maybe with time as I do look back at the way I feel now and the way I felt when I joined this forum; I have changed, but I'm not ready to take that leap yet.

It's one thing to have a "guy bond" like sitting around and talking about football or cars or other "guy things," but it still seems extremely unusual to talk about "girl things" with other guys even if they are like-minded.

Roosevelt said that the greatest thing we have to fear is fear itself. I can relate. Until I get over this fear of being misunderstood, I will live with that same fear. To those of you who have moved past that fear, more power to you...

Anyone else in the same boat/feel the same way? Why?

Lacy PJs

[Karren H]

I chat with members here with PMs....... via email... and on face book every day... we talk about anything from hockey to where did you get your corset to how did you get your breasts to do that..... lol. not an issue really..

[MissTee]

Not an issue for me. It's the whole kindred spirit thing.

[Jenniferathome]

You're not trying to pick them up,just get info on shoes or a dress. It's just a question, not a date. Relax. Ask away, that's how anyone can learn.

[Angela Campbell]

I look at it more like two girls chatting.......

[Kate Simmons]

Don't have that problem at all Hon. In fact my CD friends and I can talk about sports or cars in one breath and nail polish or lingerie in the next. It's all comfort level I guess.:)

[STACY B]

Maybe just talk about other things to start an then bring up the girl stuff when you feel like it ?

Me I feel Bad if I don't ask ,,, I am just like that I guess ... So don't be afraid ask away ,, Its our favorite subject why else would we be here ?
If we wanted to talk about Football we would be on the Football site ,,,lol,,,,

[AllieSF]

I am with the others. Just politely, and not apologetically, ask what you want to know, compliment when appropriate and wait for the response. If they react negatively, they are probably very sensitive or maybe just not the type of person you want to communicate with. We are all humans so just treat us that way. Good luck.

[Angela Campbell]

Maybe just talk about other things to start an then bring up the girl stuff when you feel like it ?

Me I feel Bad if I don't ask ,,, I am just like that I guess ... So don't be afraid ask away ,, Its our favorite subject why else would we be here ?
If we wanted to talk about Football we would be on the Football site ,,,lol,,,,

OMG....! I thought this was a football site. All the talk about pads and stuff. I thought I finally found a football site I could relate to.

[Barbra P]

I frequently PM other members with questions and comments and occasionally leave a visitor message on their profile. I like to hear from other members and I have several ongoing conversations with other members and have met a few of them. But I notice that you joined almost six years ago (Mar. 2006) and yet you only have 143 posts and here I feel sort of bad that I only have 862 posts since May, 2011. Take a more active part on the forum and you will get to know some of the regulars and soon you should be trading replies, PMs, and maybe even Emails. But you do have to let your guard down a bit, on here you are not one of the guys, you are one of the girls and as such we talk about strappy heels, bras (and boobs), panties, hosiery, dresses, makeup, shaving our legs, etc.

You joined the forum so I’m assuming you have feminine feelings, I think you will enjoy life more when you allow yourself to express those feelings – enjoy being a girl when you feel like being a girl.

[ArleneRaquel]

Lacy,
I PM or leave visitor messages to many members, ususually complimenting them on their looks, opinions, clothing, legs, and more. I have done so thousands of times and I've had no complaints, YET ! HUGZ!

[Gaby2]

... I mean, how do you say to another guy, "Hey, I like your strappy heels. Where did you get them?" without feeling uncomfortable doing it?

... Anyone else in the same boat/feel the same way? Why?

Lacy PJs
We're all in the same boat, Lacy!
And some (many?) of us have at some stage felt the same way as you.
But it's quite easy really...
Simply say: "Hey, I like your strappy heels!" and/or "Where did you get them?"
And not only once but whenever you feel like it.
You'll feel comfortable in no time!
:hugs:Gaby:)

[MsJanessa]

no sorry I don't feel the same wayand never have had a problem with contacting other CDs over the net--not much of an issue for me--although when I first starting meeting other CD's in person, I felf very nervous--feeling went away as I met more and more people--feel free to contact me if you want---

[Eryn]

From time to time, I'll see a picture or read about something that makes me feel like I want to ask the poster more about their post... but I don't. Have you ever felt that way?

Perhaps it is a state of mind but I can't bring myself to contact another member because I don't want to be seen as being forward. I mean, how do you say to another guy, "Hey, I like your strappy heels. Where did you get them?" without feeling uncomfortable doing it?...

First of all, you're not talking to another guy. You're talking to me, Eryn, a CDer who understands your feelings better than any of the muggle guys you know. When you're talking to another CDer, the guy rules are obsolete and don't apply. You've gone beyond that and become a better person. You aren't trying to be the alpha dawg, nor should you be afraid of showing a weakness. We're not poised ready to heap ridicule on you like ordinary males.

Hey, I love shoes! I like makeup! I love sharing what I know with people I know will appreciate it. Let's talk! :bh:

[PretzelGirl]

I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I never contacted someone on this site. I am far more social in person that I am in type, especially in email. But just do it. If they don't want to talk, they won't answer. But the friends you can make are wonderful.

[Ceri Anne]

Almost a Lady said it best, its just two girls chatting. I talk on fb regularly with Karen, Kate and others who have already posted. We all have been in your boat before and by talking you grow comfortable. I'm going out tonight with a "girl" from here, just as friends and to get to know each other. This is a great place to make friends who understand you, can inspire you, or when things are challenging, provide support and encouragement.

[Norma_CD]

Yes, I feel the same way. I am very hesitant to initiate the contact, but I have no problems responding to anyone asking me for info.

So far it looks like everyone doesn't seem to mind. Good to know!

[Nicole Erin]

most people are plenty happy to get contacted personally thru a PM.
If you are worried about asking a "guy" about his heels or whatever, there is no need to worry. Whether one identifies as TS or CD or whatever, we are in good company here.

Like it was said - if someone really didn't want to communicate on PM, they just won't respond. I doubt anyone on this forum has ever given someone the 3rd degree over contacting them. Well unless the PM was inappropriate like saying, "How I would love to run my tongue up the seams of your hose!" But just asking them for more deatails about something, no one is gonna mind.

[Sandra1746]

I have no problem responding to others who PM me although I have yet to initiate one. As long as the request is reasonable I'll answer nearly anything. To me it's similar to meeting a friend at a party or in the neighborhood. I however admit to being slightly "behind the times" as regards the current social media technology.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Lady Catherine]

I used to be nervous about PM's myself, but everyone here is so nice and helpful, that goes away quicker then you can say Jumpin Jack Flash.

[stacycoral]

First of all, you're not talking to another guy. You're talking to me, Eryn, a CDer who understands your feelings better than any of the muggle guys you know. When you're talking to another CDer, the guy rules are obsolete and don't apply. You've gone beyond that and become a better person. You aren't trying to be the alpha dawg, nor should you be afraid of showing a weakness. We're not poised ready to heap ridicule on you like ordinary males.

Hey, I love shoes! I like makeup! I love sharing what I know with people I know will appreciate it. Let's talk! :bh:


I look at it more like two girls chatting.......

it would be hard to add to these two statements, we are all girls here, hugs.

[justmetoo]

Yes, I feel the same way. I am very hesitant to initiate the contact, but I have no problems responding to anyone asking me for info.

So far it looks like everyone doesn't seem to mind. Good to know!
I feel like this as well. I'm not very active on this board so I auppose that makes me more hesitant, but on other boards I am on for other reasons (such as hobbies) I'm also reluctant to pm people. I guess I feel like I would be bothering them, even though most people are happy to be contacted or at least fine with it. The rest will probably just not respond. It seems the lesson is, if you feel like contacting someone do so and if you don't get a reply don't take it personally. There could be numerous reasons why people don't reply (maybe they just haven't been on to see the message, for example, or maybe they're having "real life" issues at the time. Who knows.)

[RenneB]

Girl you've been here for over 6 years so you should know by now that this is a great site to chat and ask others about just about anything. I know I have and have found everyone to be supportive and very friendly. Okay, early on I came across one admirer and told 'him' that I was not interested in anything outside of my current relationship. Other than that one incident, I have met some of the best friends GG and CDrs alike from this site...

Really.....

Renne..

[AmyGaleRT]

Lacy, don't fret; we're all women together here, part of the "sisterhood." I for one love the "girl talk" aspect of these forums. :battingeyelashes:

Don't be afraid to leave me a PM or visitor message if you like something and want to know more; you'll probably make me feel really good and I'll be happy to reply and send back hugs. :hugs:

The same probably goes for most of the ladies here.

- Amy

[Diane Smith]

I'd love to exchange more emails and PMs with other members here, but I've found this to be a relatively quiet bunch compared to some other online forums I frequent. I actually like to write quite long emails to friends of all kinds.

On the other hand, I hate online live chatting where I feel rushed and like I'll be judged for every error in thinking, spelling and grammar. I much prefer having the ability to edit my words at leisure before I hit send.

- Diane

[Barbara Ella]

I have to admit I fall into that category. I lack the experience, hence confidence that anything I could ask about a post would be relevant or interesting beyond the fact that I just did not understand, and usually another post in time will clarify, so i bide my time and try not to confuse others with my thought train. Conversely, I am very much like a lot of others here, and i thoroughly enjoy getting a PM or visitor message where I can try to explain my thoughts (not an easy task) and get to know the person and their thoughts. I learn so much from this, but even knowing this, i am not an initiator and remain mainly in the ethers of simple posting. I know I am missing a lot, but I am getting so much as it is.

Barbara

[Rebecca W.]

Dear Lacy,
This forum is the perfect place to open up and express your feelings. It can be any topic from a hobby to an extremely personal question. Please.try responding to some of postings and you will quickly loose your fear of it being a guy to guy thing.

Just press the reply button like we have to your post and say a kind word to someone or ask a simple question. Your fear will melt away when you get your first response back from a question that you had asked.

[Amanda M]

Lacy - here's a little secret or two. First everybody loves a compliment - ESPECIALLY girls. And, I think, that's what we are here.

Secondly, everybody loves a listener, and often the chance to talk about themselves and tell their stories - so just relax and dive in. The water's lovely.

Amanda.

[Teri Ray]

I agree with others here. I love the ability to exchange information with other girls. I feel being here is being with friends. Sadly some friends here have more shoes than me and don't share well. (JK).

[Leah Lynn]

Once you've asked about the shoes, ask girls in your area if they'd like to hook up for a GNO. Fun times can come from that.

[Rhonda Darling]

Lacy:

I generally don't offer up blunt advice, but here goes: "Get over it." "Be not afraid." "Go for it." Those of us who are older gals lived for years thinking we were the only one on the planet who felt as we did. The fear, guilt, need to always hide and be guarded ruled our early CD lives. The available literature was scant at best. There was no internet, computers, or other ways to safely reach out. With the spawning of personal computers and the internet, the world opened up. Now we can see that we are many, that we are not freaks, and that we can be normal in either girl or guy mode. We have the now-taken-for-granted ability to reach out and talk to any other CD/TG who chooses to be out in the internet world. The freedom this has brought to all of us is spectacular. The most important thing to keep in mind is that each of us has a different comfort level, but all of us want some level of interaction on-line. When I'm Rhonda, I can talk girl stuff, guy stuff, any stuff. Embrace this freedom and feel free to talk to others at whatever level you like.

I apologize if this came across as a rant -- not intended.

Regards,

Rhonda

[carolinewalker_2000]

One of the principle reasons for joining a forum like this is the opportunities it gives to interact with like-minded folk. Just ask away!

[Kelly Smith]

From time to time, I'll see a picture or read about something that makes me feel like I want to ask the poster more about their post... but I don't. Have you ever felt that way?

...
Anyone else in the same boat/feel the same way? Why?

Lacy PJs

Never. I have contacted dozens and dozens of these ladies and every one of them has been very helpful and nice.

[Ressie]

It's one thing to have a "guy bond" like sitting around and talking about football or cars or other "guy things," but it still seems extremely unusual to talk about "girl things" with other guys even if they are like-minded.

Lacy, you seem to be a bit shy or have reasons to be inconspicuous. Or maybe you're not into the culture of this website? Would you like to talk about your feelings on this? PM me if you need to talk :)

[Melissa Rose]

I do not mind if someone contacts me via PM or Visitor Message. Sometimes including a small amount of background or clarification the first time is useful if there is a chance of misunderstanding or miscommunication. A simple greeting followed by a simple question or comment is perfectly fine. The worst that can happen is the message gets ignored. You have nothing to lose except for a few minutes of your time and a lot to gain by reaching out. I have made some great friends that started with a simple personal comment, question or message.

There are a few types of messages that send up warning flags for me. Warning flags go up when first contact wants or gives too much information, way too fast; comes across as extremely needy or clingy; wanting overly simplistic answers to a complex questions or issues; shows signs of massive laziness; or anything hinting or overtly of a sexual nature. Messages with extremely poor grammar and spelling also catch my attention in a bad way. If you take make the effort and time to write a half-way decent message, the responses received will be better, not just by me, but by almost anyone.

[Frédérique]

Roosevelt said that the greatest thing we have to fear is fear itself. I can relate. Until I get over this fear of being misunderstood, I will live with that same fear. To those of you who have moved past that fear, more power to you... Anyone else in the same boat/feel the same way? Why?

Oh, don’t hesitate to contact other members – in all but a few instances, I think everyone appreciates “behind the scenes” contact, and PM’s are fun to construct and send off. You may never get a response, but you must give to receive. Same with VM's. I’ve been contacted by the kind of people who I KNOW must be out there, but they are too shy to do much posting in the main forum. My most memorable moments on this site have come about that way – someone will contact you out of the blue, a friendship is formed, or bolstered, and it makes you feel more REAL, if that is even a possibility. In the past three years+ I’ve sent off a wheelbarrow-load of PM’s, and I’ve received an equal amount. The only problem is they can build up, responses get delayed, and I worry about alienating someone…

I can honestly say I’m not fearful of being misunderstood – contacting other members can be a probing exercise whereby you learn about each other. Much like the proverbial onion, you never get to the bottom of someone, but, once you accept this awkward way of communicating, the exercise itself can be very rewarding. Believe me, other members WANT to hear from you…
:)

[Beverley Sims]

By all means PM people on this site, if you have a question about a post or reply it can be easier than including it in the post.
As has been said the worst you can experience is be ignored.
If you get an unsavory reply you know not to contact that person any more.
Most reply and most contacts lasts two or three overs any way.

[Beth Wilde]

I love getting PM's! By all means ask questions if you want to know more, we all have things to learn from others and there's nothing nicer than knowing there are loads of other people out there like us. People have messaged in the past asking where I got clothes etc, always happy to answer them.

Essentially, just do it :)

[Lorileah]

Ya never know til ya ask. What's the worst? They ignore you? send them a PM and ask your question or make you comment :)

I always enjoy the PM's

[Lacy PJs]

Ok, I have read each and every reply to my original post... TWICE... just to make sure I didn't miss anything that anyone said. So it's time to reply a little to a few of them. No, I won't mention anyone by name as I haven't figured out how to go back and forth between my comments and your posts.

Maybe I am concerned that someone will think that I am trying to pick them up or hit on them. After all, in the world outside of this forum, a compliment is one way to break the ice. My 30+ year wonderful marriage started with a comment about a really big, bright smile...

I enjoy women's clothes but have no interest in really going beyond that and embracing the lifestyle. GNO is not at all interesting to me. Neither is the ladies' restroom. I'm probably more like the "guy in a dress... or night gown" in that regard.

Since I am a professional person in a conservative community where crossdressing would be frowned upon, I must be cautious about anything I do or say. Heck, I'm even concerned about the packages I receive from ladies' clothing places that come in my wife's name (Yes, she knows and is extremely supportive...). Crossdressing is optional to me, providing a living for my wife & family is a mandate. I respect those of you who have "gone public" but for me, that is just not an option nor do I really have any interest in going that route.

Funny that some of you mentioned that I might be shy or quiet... believe me, I am far from that. Those who know me know that I'm very outgoing, out-spoken and seldom meet a stranger. But in this case, it is far more the topic of conversation than it is the conversant.

If looks could kill, I'd have been dead a long time ago! When I look at myself in the mirror with a wig & some make-up, that face staring back at me says, "You have got to be kidding me..." This vertically enhanced frame and rotund body just wasn't cut out for a dress. So to me, dress-up time is relaxing and simply feels good. I don't think it will ever go beyond that.

Finally, I do want to thank each and every one of you for your kind comments, your thoughts, your PMs and your willingness to reply to posts or PMs. I do know that probably 99.9+% of the people here are friendly people just pursuing something that they like to do. The others can be ignored.

Thanks again...

Lacy PJs

[Kate Simmons]

I just want to convey that I will always reply to anyone who sends me a PM. I consider it friendship anyway and friendship is the basis for anything else.:)

[Dawna Ellen Bays]

I feel the same way. There are a few girls here I PM from time to time, but I try to keep it to a minimum, because I don't want to "bother" anyone. It's the number one reason I could never be in "sales." It's also why I never, EVER put in "friend requests."

[kimberlybates]

I am always happy to reply to a PM. I think most find there way through issues they cross when in this lifestyle, but try to help if I feel I am able.

[April_Ligeia]

If someone is posting a picture of a pair of heels, it is unlikely that a question about where they were purchased would be misconstrued. I take personal messages at face value. This isn't a dating site, so I don't worry.

[Nikki A.]

There are times when I'd like to PM someone but I'm lazy I guess. However I have PMed and been PMed also. Everyone has been very friendly and I think I have made some friends over the years.

[Marleena]

Since this is not a dating site I have no issues contacting others by PM. I have done so many times and have made some great online friends here. Only a couple of people have ignored my PM's. I'm harmless.:)

[Ms. Laura]

I love hearing from other girls!

If they don't like it, they won't answer you.

[AllyCDTV]

Maybe I am concerned that someone will think that I am trying to pick them up or hit on them. After all, in the world outside of this forum, a compliment is one way to break the ice. My 30+ year wonderful marriage started with a comment about a really big, bright smile...
If your compliments are sincere and lack ulterior motives, then any misunderstanding about it being an attempt at a pickup are on the receiver's part. If they do misunderstand, it is an easy thing to clear up. Also if somebody is in a distant location, it is highly unlikely that they will think you are trying to pick them up. I must admit that I am somewhat hesitant about contacting others near me for that reason. I sometimes contact others to compliment them when I see a picture of them in a style I like and I certainly like it when others contact me for that reason. It always feels good to know that what you do is appreciated.

[Xandra]

I used to feel that way but as I have become more comfortable with who I am it's no longer an issue. Connecting with like-minded souls feels right. And I no longer have any qualms about telling a guy dressed as a girl that I like the way they look.

[suzy1]

Girls love to chat, that’s what we girls do!
As Amy said, we are a sisterhood.

What better way to start the day than to wake up to a P.M. from a sister.
And it’s a good way to make friends here too.

All part of the fun girl:)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Well it could be a bit different for myself as im a woman i do email others here & ill give our Phone no. & i ask for thiers, because i do ring different ones & no im not looking for a relastionship its never been a thought iv ever had,

Im a Kiwi form down under we live in the south isl of New Zealand in Waimate. im very open with people & they can get to know who i am as a person & as a woman. so no problems here, & i do answer my emails ,

...noeleena...

[AmyGaleRT]

What better way to start the day than to wake up to a P.M. from a sister.
And it’s a good way to make friends here too.

Oh, when I get a nice PM or visitor message from another lady here, it gives me such a warm happy feeling! I sometimes get a little effusive in my replies as a result. :)

- Amy

[ChelseaErtel]

I PM and receive PMs all of the time. Sometimes the PM is response to my post and the sender doesn't want to post the reply, or has a question or just a word or two of support. Of course it will differ depending on your situation. I'm having a rough time with late in life realization I'm TS so I have more issues than your situation would dictate.

But, a PM is private. You can answer them or ignore them. I can't see any reason not to PM if you feel the need. If you ever do want to meet someone else, just be very clear of your or their intentions. I have met girls from this forum who live close by for lunch and a chat and it has always been nice.

Go for it, no worries.

[Suzy Parker]

Girls love to chat, that’s what we girls do!
As Amy said, we are a sisterhood.

What better way to start the day than to wake up to a P.M. from a sister.
And it’s a good way to make friends here too.

All part of the fun girl:)

It is a great thing to get a nice note for a sister, but Lady Popular, often times your PM folder is full, I know it's rough being the most popular cheerleader but you need to clean house once in a while.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Perhaps it is a state of mind but I can't bring myself to contact another member because I don't want to be seen as being forward. I mean, how do you say to another guy, "Hey, I like your strappy heels. Where did you get them?" without feeling uncomfortable doing it? Maybe with time as I do look back at the way I feel now and the way I felt when I joined this forum; I have changed, but I'm not ready to take that leap yet.


As someone said before, if you like my strappy heals, PM me and say "Hey, I like your strappy heels. Where did you get them?" I'll be glad to tell you. It's way easier to PM then to tell a girl in the elavator, ""Hey, I like your strappy heels. Where did you get them?" (I've done it) Or to tell you psychiatrist, "I love, love, love your pink heels. Where did you get them?" (I did that too, the answer was TJ Maxx. Unfortunately, they didn't have them in my size.)

I've met about half of my friends FtF, sometime in girl mode, sometimes in boy mode. I've gone on GNO with them, or I've arranged to meet them when I'm in their town.

I've done more than some and less than some others. I've gotten advice about makeup and perfume, and I've help some other girls find thier inner girl.

So, PM me. I enjoy it.

[Jana]

It's one thing to have a "guy bond" like sitting around and talking about football or cars or other "guy things," but it still seems extremely unusual to talk about "girl things" with other guys even if they are like-minded.

"Other guys"? What are you talking about? There are only girls here... ;)

[Lacy PJs]

"Other guys"? What are you talking about? There are only girls here... ;)

I know that this is sacreligious to most of you but I haven't gotten my arms around that one yet...

Lacy PJs