Has the Novelty Worn Off for Anyone Else? Does the Thrill Return?

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Kindred spirits, I ask for advice from your experiences.

Just before the holidays I came out to my wife of 12 years and she has been wonderfully accepting and supportive. I've shaved my legs every day for the last 3 weeks, often right in front of her, and have underdressed many days. Last night as I packed my suitcase for a business trip, I did so wearing the satin robe she purchased for me and a pair of off-black hose over shaved legs. No big deal, right?

Well, it wasn't a big deal, and that's my problem. I felt such a naughty thrill a few weeks ago. I pushed the envelope by purchasing three pair of stiletto pumps with her knowledge, and she accepted that--though she was not overly happy when she saw the full effect. But then she said heels were OK except for bed, and in fact she complimented me on them and even suggested I buy her a similar pair in her size. So far, so good, right? I crossed the line by telling her I wanted to buy a skirt when we were exchanging her gifts. That unsettled her and we had a serious talk--I reassured her I would respect her, didn't want to be a woman, etc. So we kind of shifted into a new normal...now as we get ready for bed, I take off my male clothes, and if underdressed I put on my satin robe, or if not, first I make a show of putting on a pair of pantyhose or stockings. I suppose I am testing her acceptance. Since we usually wind up making love--this after a cooling period in our marriage--she has been very, very appreciative. So again, I was feeling good about all this.

Here's the thing. I purchased a few skirts online because I wanted to see how they looked, and had them shipped to my work. I did that behind her back. But now that they have arrived, and I did my obligatory posing in them (pic attached) I am very surprised to feel very blasé.

No real thrill at all. I'm sitting here in my hotel room with smooth legs, a new pair of pantyhose, a skirt, and a nice pair of pumps--and I feel let down. I'm wondering if maybe I need my wife to see me, to be with me, to feel I am doing something taboo, to be excited by this? I remember when she was trying on her Christmas gifts, some gorgeous clothes from BCBG, including some pencil skirts that looked like they were painted on her, and I was sitting there with my sheer hose, 5" stilettos, and seeing her in hose and heels and then seeing them on myself was overwhelmingly exciting.

My question to the forum is if the novelty wears off, or if it comes and goes, or if maybe I am just a fetishist? I would love to dress completely but I would not look remotely feminine from the waist up, and that would ruin the illusion. Maybe I have achieved all I can, and feel disappointed I will never make my outward appearance match what's in my head? If I could snap my fingers and be a decent looking woman, I would want to try that, but the process to reach that goal in real life just seems so exhausting, and would come at such a cost.

Have any of you gotten bored or tired of cross dressing? I'm thinking of just packing up my stuff and waiting until I get the strong urge again.

It feels nice to sit here in heels and hose, and finally a skirt, but I feel bad because I bought the skirts without her knowledge. She is not here to caress my legs or share in the experience. I think part of the excitement for me is precisely that she knows (at least about everything else) and without her it's no fun. I feel bored, stupid and lonely.

I'm rambling, but I wonder if I have just had my fill and it's time to take a break.

Any of you ever feel like this?

Shibumi

[darla_g]

actually no. My wife always knew about my crossdressing and never had a problem with it, but about a year ago I told her I really wanted her to participate since i was mostly doing it alone. Since then it has been wonderful. We go out and shop together and she plays photographer whenever i dress up. Its not the thrill of being deceiptful that i miss. I totally like here acceptance and participation.

[Eryn]

Guess what, you've grown! You've gone from the 13-year-old girl experimenting with makeup behind her mother's back to an adult woman confidently using makeup, all in the space of a month. It takes GGs a decade to do that!

Gone is the thrill of the forbidden. It's been replaced with a sense of familiarity, a much different sensation.

Don't forget that you've also acquired the responsibility of holding up your end of the relationship. Remember that this is not all about you. You have to show your wife how much you appreciate her acceptance. You should both gain from the new equilibrium in your relationship.

[KiwiKate]

Hi Shibumi.My wife has never really participated so when I get to the chance dress up it it is always a thrill.Maybe if it was something that happened everyday maybe that thrill would lessen but I think it would be something I would still enjoy.I love exploring my female side.I know how you feel about stupid and lonely though, one on the unfortunate side effects of my dressing up .As for taking a break by all means if that's how you feel.Don't do it because you think you have too though only if you want too.

[Angela Campbell]

Depends on what part of the thrill you are wondering about. For the most part this thing is a life sentence....it may wane at times but it never goes away.

[suzy1]

I think it is deferent for all of us. Some here have said it ‘comes and goes’ and others say it is always the same.
I suspect it’s all about if we are just excited by the clothes [A crossdresser] or like me have a real feminine side to us. [Trans something but I never get my head around the labels]
And then there is the crossdresser that seems to drift towards it being more than just the dressing as they age and then it becomes a way of life, a part of who we are.
I am always happy and satisfied lounging around the house in an old sweater and tatty skinny jeans as long as I am dressed as my inner female side likes.

[Teri Ray]

I also go through phases of desire to dress. I have a meter inmy head that shows me between "extreme pink fog" to "I just am not interested today". I cannot explain any reason for for the swings but I know they do occur. For me my passion tends to wane slowly but seems to recurr with much greater speed.

I agree with others here. Your passion to dress may diminish from time to time but never goes away.

[kimdl93]

Don't sell yourself short. There came a time not so long ago when simply getting dressed wasn't enough for me. I wanted to be out in the real world, to interact with people and be open with those closest to me. The clothes lose power, but your life can be enriched.

[Maria S]

For me it is past the novelty stage it is becoming a part of every weekday life. I am beginning to think as dressing is the norm and going back into boy mode is because I have to. As an example I am sitting here dressed at present but will have to semi-change shortly as today is my signing on day at the job centre at 2.25pm. The only time dressing wears a bit thin is the time it takes to get ready and change back at the end of the day. In boy mode I can be ready to go out in 10 minutes in girl mode about an hour. No longer do I nag my wife when she takes a long time to get ready but at least she does not need to shave.

Maria

[I Am Paula]

There's alot of good points here, but no one touched on one. I think for most of us, it starts with a sexual gratification stage. Mine didn't last long, but we're all different. Then the sexual part goes away, and CDing becomes more of a relaxation/stress reduction thing. A wearable martini. Finally comes the 'It's just who I am stage.' -Celeste

[Cheryl T]

There is no loss of interest for me. Since I came out to my wife and she is accepting I've been able to be ME more than ever in my life and it is simply more fulfilling each day. I no longer hide and sneak and of course that "thrill" is gone, but then so is the worry about being caught and the guilt over the time I stole from her.

[Jenniferathome]

I would say that the feelings from taboo dressing to open cross dressing is different and I enjoy the ability to talk to my wife about this than when I hid it from her. If you are hiding purchases but open to your wife, something is amiss. Maybe that is the taboo rush you are looking for. I find it far more of a "rush" to talk to my wife about a dress I want to buy than to just buy it.

And after two days in Las Vegas where I went out both nights in girl mode, the thrillis always still there. Just different but thrilling none the less

[Frédérique]

Has the Novelty Worn Off for Anyone Else? Does the Thrill Return? Have any of you gotten bored or tired of cross dressing? I'm thinking of just packing up my stuff and waiting until I get the strong urge again.

George Harrison once said that “everything goes in cycles.” He was speaking cosmologically, as it relates to human existence, but you can certainly think of crossdressing as a cyclical passion. I have never gotten bored of CD’ing, but I’ve taken steps to keep the bloom ON the rose. For one thing, I don’t dress-up all the time. I delay pleasure, and look forward to a special time when I’ll be able to dress and heighten the experience of whatever I’m doing. Spontaneity is incorporated into this way of doing things – I know I want to dress, I know I will be dressing, but I don’t know quite when. That helps. I may decide to go out and do something, bringing my CD world along for the ride, or I may just walk around the house doing everything I normally do, but crossdressed. Of course, I’m lucky to be in a situation where I can dress-up all the time, since my sister knows about me, but I choose not to – this serves to alleviate boredom…

On the other hand, I’ve never purged my CD stuff, but I have put it away (not too FAR away, mind you) from time to time. I just wait for the cycle to come around again, and, trust me, it will…
:)

[NicoleScott]

If you want the thrill to return, purge (everything). It's guaranteed to come back.
Really, just kidding. Don't purge.

[Stephanie47]

If you do not feel the need to dress, don't! There is nothing wrong in taking a "vacation." Life is all about balance. The issue I see with you buying the skirts after your wife gave a mild objection was your desire for reaffirmation. I see her reluctance as not wanting to progress from a fetish (hosiery) to appearing more and more as a woman. She probably thinking the heels are giving you the desired womanly stance, hips and legs, maybe a wiggle? Add a skirt? Now we have the lower half of you dolled up as a woman. Half man, half woman! Next? I'm very sure it would not take too much effort to convince yourself to buy a top. I suspect your wife fears seeing her manly man slowly disappear into someone she was not expecting.

Sometimes the boundaries are explicitly stated, some times they are implied.

Cross dressing is a serious issue in a marriage. Listen to your wife's words and body language.

[famousunknown]

Guess what, you've grown! You've gone from the 13-year-old girl experimenting with makeup behind her mother's back to an adult woman confidently using makeup, all in the space of a month. It takes GGs a decade to do that!

Gone is the thrill of the forbidden. It's been replaced with a sense of familiarity, a much different sensation.

Don't forget that you've also acquired the responsibility of holding up your end of the relationship. Remember that this is not all about you. You have to show your wife how much you appreciate her acceptance. You should both gain from the new equilibrium in your relationship.

That's one school of thought, another is - what if this is a case of CD burnout? It happens. We don't all have to be a member of this club for life.

[SandraInHose]

As with every one of my hobbies, they are cyclical. Although CDing is more than a hobby, it still falls into that overall category, as it's something I like to do when I can.

Don't wear yourself out by pondering "is this all there is?" Although we've communicated that we both have totally non-passable upper-bodies, my overall desire never goes away, but it does ebb and flow. And I also have been on business trips, sitting in my hotel room fully dressed (sans makeup), and having those similar thoughts.

I'm at the point where I can and do wear pantyhose 24/7, even though I have to keep it hidden from everyone but the wife. I'm grateful I can do it but there are those days when I might not even notice I have them on. Of course, there are other days I'm totally tuned in and slightly turned on every time I move my legs...it just depends. Remember, it's YOUR hobby...enjoy it when you WANT to!

[ReluctantDebutant]

I came to the same crossroads back in october. I wasn't just bored I too was getting disappointed in my look as wells as getting fed up with doing the same old thing. I couldn't think of a way to change what I was doing and still feel comfortable. So I Stopped CDing. At least until I feel I can do something that will be new and fun. I have slipped once since then gave into an urge to do the same old thing only to be unrewarded with zero fun. I am begining to think I have developed some sort of CDing callouse. It would be folly to say I have quit for good i will just let nature take its course on this. Life has been calm without it and I can't really say that i would care if it ever came back.

[docrobbysherry]

Shibumi, I can only relate to one part of your experience. Because I don't have a partner and I dress mostly for myself.

I was so disgusted with my facial look in my mirror when I began, I nearly quit dressing before I got serious about it. I was 50 back then and all I saw in my mirror was a skinny old man in a dress. What I wanted to see was a young, pretty woman who didn't resemble me.

Now, well over 10 years later that is what I see! And, if anything, my dressing is more exciting than ever! If u want something badly enuff, u can often make it happen!

[vivianann]

I miss the thrill of dressing enfemme, however I do enjoy the sense of belonging while dressed enfemme, and the freedom I feel when wearing a dress. I can understand how you feel right now because you want to share the moments with your wife. and you seem to have regrets now for buying those clothes without telling her. Just tell her when you get home what you bought, and then model them for her to see. Crossdressing is never boring for me, I enjoy wearing dresses, it is more for feeling better about myself, and being comfortable in my skin. I am sure when you get back home to your wife the desire to dress and to share it with her will make it not boring anymore.

[Foxglove]

Yeah, I remember the thrill of dressing. That's pretty much gone now, and I don't miss it. Recently I've discovered a new thrill: actually being out in the world as yourself. Will that thrill fade? Quite possibly. But I won't stop doing it--because it's me.

I think the question is: are you looking for a thrill or are you looking for yourself?

[Beverley Sims]

When you start out it is excitement all the way, as you progress goals and excitement are still there but it is a different aspect of dressing.

[wilt575]

Kindred spirits, I ask for advice from your experiences.

Just before the holidays I came out to my wife of 12 years and she has been wonderfully accepting and supportive. I've shaved my legs every day for the last 3 weeks, often right in front of her, and have underdressed many days. Last night as I packed my suitcase for a business trip, I did so wearing the satin robe she purchased for me and a pair of off-black hose over shaved legs. No big deal, right?

Well, it wasn't a big deal, and that's my problem. I felt such a naughty thrill a few weeks ago. I pushed the envelope by purchasing three pair of stiletto pumps with her knowledge, and she accepted that--though she was not overly happy when she saw the full effect. But then she said heels were OK except for bed, and in fact she complimented me on them and even suggested I buy her a similar pair in her size. So far, so good, right? I crossed the line by telling her I wanted to buy a skirt when we were exchanging her gifts. That unsettled her and we had a serious talk--I reassured her I would respect her, didn't want to be a woman, etc. So we kind of shifted into a new normal...now as we get ready for bed, I take off my male clothes, and if underdressed I put on my satin robe, or if not, first I make a show of putting on a pair of pantyhose or stockings. I suppose I am testing her acceptance. Since we usually wind up making love--this after a cooling period in our marriage--she has been very, very appreciative. So again, I was feeling good about all this.

Here's the thing. I purchased a few skirts online because I wanted to see how they looked, and had them shipped to my work. I did that behind her back. But now that they have arrived, and I did my obligatory posing in them (pic attached) I am very surprised to feel very blasé.

No real thrill at all. I'm sitting here in my hotel room with smooth legs, a new pair of pantyhose, a skirt, and a nice pair of pumps--and I feel let down. I'm wondering if maybe I need my wife to see me, to be with me, to feel I am doing something taboo, to be excited by this? I remember when she was trying on her Christmas gifts, some gorgeous clothes from BCBG, including some pencil skirts that looked like they were painted on her, and I was sitting there with my sheer hose, 5" stilettos, and seeing her in hose and heels and then seeing them on myself was overwhelmingly exciting.

My question to the forum is if the novelty wears off, or if it comes and goes, or if maybe I am just a fetishist? I would love to dress completely but I would not look remotely feminine from the waist up, and that would ruin the illusion. Maybe I have achieved all I can, and feel disappointed I will never make my outward appearance match what's in my head? If I could snap my fingers and be a decent looking woman, I would want to try that, but the process to reach that goal in real life just seems so exhausting, and would come at such a cost.

Have any of you gotten bored or tired of cross dressing? I'm thinking of just packing up my stuff and waiting until I get the strong urge again.

It feels nice to sit here in heels and hose, and finally a skirt, but I feel bad because I bought the skirts without her knowledge. She is not here to caress my legs or share in the experience. I think part of the excitement for me is precisely that she knows (at least about everything else) and without her it's no fun. I feel bored, stupid and lonely.

I'm rambling, but I wonder if I have just had my fill and it's time to take a break.

Any of you ever feel like this?

Shibumi
For me after the "novelty" or thrill as you call it "wore off" to me it just became the normal and natural everyday lifestyle for me and who I feel I really am, female.

[sometimes_miss]

It's not a novelty for some of us; it's what we do to feel normal. Dressing every day as a guy to go to work is the 'novelty', and we do it to make money.

[LaraPeterson]

Shibumi, I'm with Lexi. I've been doing this a long time and there is no novelty in it for me. I can't wait to shed the male for the female. In this socially perverted world, being feminine, or trying to anyway, makes me feel as normal as I can be. The shapes, touch, and odors of that which is feminine and beautiful give me solace for my soul.

On the other hand, please don't feel guilty about the way you feel. Enjoy is you can, put it away if you can't. Our lives are too short for drama that has no end.

[whiterabbit25]

Hi Shibumi, I feel that I would probably start experiencing what you are experiencing. I started crossdressing as a thrill and fetish, but then I realised what I really wanted was for my fiancee to appreciate me as a pretty girl. She lets me wear her clothes, but I have not worn a wig or makeup for her before and I'm not sure if that will happen. I would probably give up if she outrightly told me she didn't like me as a girl, its meaningless to continue to crossdress without someone close to share it with.

[Aylineira]

I think the way you are feeling is normal. As some has already pointed out by their posts here, for some CD'rs it comes and goes.

In my own experiences, I have found that I love dressing up and being as feminine as I can be - as well as having those times in which I love throwing on any drab clothes and not needing to shave my legs.

Some of us will dress every day, some others not so much. Just find what is right for you. I think as long as you're not hurting anyone (especially your SO) than you should explore your feelings and find out as much as you can about yourself as possible.

[Karren H]

I crossed the line by telling her I wanted to buy a skirt when we were exchanging her gifts. That unsettled her and we had a serious talk--I reassured her I would respect her, didn't want to be a woman, etc. So we kind of shifted into a new normal...now as we get ready for bed, I take off my male clothes, and if underdressed I put on my satin robe, or if not, first I make a show of putting on a pair of pantyhose or stockings. I suppose I am testing her acceptance.

Well her and her divorce lawyer will put excitement back into your life if you keep pushing her like that...... imho....

[Jenniferathome]

I pushed the envelope by purchasing three pair of stiletto pumps with her knowledge, and she accepted that--though she was not overly happy when she saw the full effect. But then she said heels were OK except for bed, and in fact she complimented me on them and even suggested I buy her a similar pair in her size. So far, so good, right? I crossed the line by telling her I wanted to buy a skirt when we were exchanging her gifts. That unsettled her and we had a serious talk--I reassured her I would respect her, didn't want to be a woman, etc. So we kind of shifted into a new normal...now as we get ready for bed, I take off my male clothes, and if underdressed I put on my satin robe, or if not, first I make a show of putting on a pair of pantyhose or stockings. I suppose I am testing her acceptance.

This is confusing me. You bought pumps WITH her knowledge but "pushed the envelope"? She knows you dress but was unsettled when you said you wanted to buy a skirt? Have you really told her everything or are you sort of parsing it out. The worst thing I read was "I am testing her acceptance." One word: DON'T. Big mistake. Talk to her about everything. No more secrets. Secrets are what kill any chance of real acceptance

[Sacpatty]

Being able to share with my wife has made it more satisfying if not more exciting. And freed from the guilt over time stolen

[Danielle_cder]

The thrill is definatly not gone for me it's always exciting

[Sallee]

I will say you are pushing to hard to fast But thats me. Karen may be right about the divorce court excitement if u continue.
As far as the thrilling wearing off, that happens to me when I dress a lot after 3 or 4 days of constant dressing The thrill is kind of gone.My wife knows but is not all that accepting so I do get that naughty thrill you talked about which I enjoy
Good luck hope it works out

[Staci Roberts]

I completely agree that the novelty comes and goes. Sometimes I cannot get enough, and just keep going. Other times, like right now, I am completely dressed, in a great outfit, and cannot wait to get changed. It is just not working for me today!
It is like any "behavior" though. It is very important to keep it in moderation.

[Audreyanne]

The thrill was different when I began. Now that it has become more commonplace to be dressed, I have found other things about it that keep my interest.

[Nanaya]

I must say that I never dressed for any kind of thrill or novelty. I never felt any thrill from dressing, perhaps because of my point of view. To me, clothes are clothes, and I don't divide them into gender groups. So to me,wearing male or female clothes is basically the same thing. I wear both because I like them both.

[lowxr]

In 40 years of dressing, I have purged, rebuilt and purged again. Like many things in life we do times change and we go different directions but I've always come back and dressed again. No more purge, if I feel that way I put everything in storage and the need will ALWAYS come back.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Thanks everyone for your replies. There is some very good advice here. I intend to stay within the boundaries she establishes precisely to avoid divorce lawyers, but since this is so new I had to find out how far I could go. As I have said before, I would love to dress completely, but I know I would look ridiculous, so I won't. While that desire is there, it is tempered by the knowledge that the illusion would not be convincing, so why bother. But from the waist down the skirt completes that partial illusion and is very visually stimulating, so I wanted her to allow that. I'll see how it goes and if she continues to be accepting (and realizes I was sincere when I told her I was not TG) I will tell her about the skirt purchase.

[MonicaCD]

Interesting thread.

I have gone through active and dormant periods with my crossdressing.

Dormancy has come on for a couple of reasons: feelings of guilt that what I was doing was wrong and needed to be suppressed; feeling that things were going too far and that I was venturing into risky activities (meaning I was opening myself up to being found out); and the whole hassle of being a closeted crossdresser.

I still find a thrill to it, and enjoy the "pink fog".

I'm still exploring what it all means, and what part of my life I want it to occupy, and to those ends this site is a fantastic, stimulating, and rich resource.

[ArleneRaquel]

For moi the thrill has never left, but it has decreased at times. Being virtually 24/7 now has been a great experience.