What about your wife?

[julie marie1]

For those of us who are married how does our wife feel about your female persona?
Is she: In the dark; Over my dead body; Unenthusiastic but not opposed; Accepting but not participating; A participant, or (I expect in unusual cases) The initiator?

[5150 Girl]

Somtimes I think my Polar bear actualy prefers Wynonna over ugly.... However, she'll never admitit, as she has a touch of lez-a-phobia

[Luna Nyx]

My wife loves it. She laughs and calls me out when I stop in the store and look at shoes or cloths that I think I would look good in.

[GabbiSophia]

Over her dead body will she live with a woman but she understanda I am tying to.figure stuff.out so I can hang it up.

[darla_g]

my wife is truly great about everything. We have kids at home and I don't dress around them, but when we have an opportunity she doesn't mind playing photographer. like recently http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?187771-How-many-looks-could-I-pull-off&highlight=

[lilly_anne]

My wife is totally into it. We bought each other lingerie for christmas. She said to me a wile back that she feels lucky to have a girlfriend/husband in her life that enjoys the same things.

[xdressed]

My SO is accepting and participating, although it's still quite rare that I have the chance to dress when I'm with her as we're rarely alone.

[Richelle]

I say a combination of Unenthusiastic but not opposed; Accepting but not participating

She knows that I occasional go out as Richelle. But we never talk about it and I only do it when I know we will not be home.

Hover at the same time, we went out cloths shopping last month. I was in male mode and we bought be paints and tops from the womens department. I ware these in male mode. Also, we get our manicures and pedicures together.

Richelle

[MsRenee]

My girl totally loves me dressing. Always finding something cute for the other or something for us to share. We just happen ro wear rhe same size heel, so you can imagine if we both wanna wear the same ones its rock ,sxissors,paper to the winner. lol
Renee

[natalie_cheryl]

my wife knows but has no interest in seeing me, much to my dismay

[SandraInHose]

Somewhere between DADT, and over my dead body.

What I wouldn't give to have her want to participate and dress together, but that just isn't in her DNA. Just like wearing only men's clothes isn't in my DNA.

[cdinmd206]

Mine is basically ok with it. As I have said on here before, when I am dressed she looks upon me as the older sister she never had, but she also quickly adds that when it comes sex and me being dressed she ain't into incest.
Oh well I will take what I can get. After all, she does puts up with me and that sure a hell ain't easy.

[Jaymees22]

Hi, My wife is unenthusiastic and somewhat opposed but willing to live with it...Jaymee

[Christie ann]

Very opposed and tries at every turn to "get me to change"

[Alice B]

Accepting, but no participation.

[Allison Chaynes]

Mine is all over the place, one day it's great, the next she hates it... never know on any given day really.

[Stephanie47]

It's DADT! When we were first married she found me wearing one of her nylon nightgowns in the kitchen. I told her that I liked the feel of the fabric, which was/is true. At that time we were young and uninformed. We had some bedroom play with lingerie. We did shop for some nightgowns for me. She bought me some hosiery. Later, after our first child was born she asked me not to wear the nightgowns to bed as our child's crib was in the bedroom (one bedroom apartment). OK. Later, we both discovered what cross dressing was all about. That turned her off. I figure was was about 12 years into our marriage. I have no desire for her to participate in my private affair with Stephanie. I know part of problem is issues she has which occurred prior to me even knowing her.

Frankly, with her non acceptance, I would not even attempt Halloween en femme.

[Emma Beth]

Mine is currently in the dark. I have my fingers crossed that she will accept what I enjoy doing. Today I sort of tested the waters. We went out window shopping and had a wonderful time looking at all the cute clothes and accessories, make up, and other stuff. I was very subtle and careful, but gave her some clues. I'm not so sure that she noticed, I had to point out to her that I shaved my mustache and goat off this morning; so I will continue taking things with her slowly and get a bit more blunt next time. I may get to a point where I may need to use a sledge hammer, lol.

[Mickey_39]

I don't really have a female persona. My wife and I both know, and accept, that I'm a guy in a dress so to speak. That being said she will often encourage me to underdress on saturdays when she has to work and I don't. We have a child in the house so we have to be discreet though. When my step daughter spends the night with her dad my wife will admit she looks forward to being suprised with my outfit of choice if I decide to dress. Other times when we are alone being a heel lover as am I she will suggest a certain pair that she likes even if I don't feel like dressing. I obviously oblige as we all know not to upset the spousal unit.

[S. Lisa Smith]

My wife is accepting and accommodating. We have actually been shopping for shoes together. That all being said she doesn't want to meet Lisa although she will go out so that I can dress. I am lucky to have her!!!!!

[Teri Ray]

My wife know I dress but chooses not to see me dressed. She knows that when she is away I will likely dress. So I guess I am in DADT territory. I am happy she knows and accepts to the extent that she can. For me its way better than trying to hide all the potential evidence of my dressing. I am thankful for what I have. I love my wife and she knowing that I am a crossdresser still loves me. Thank God.

[Dusty815]

I would say that mine is a participant in that she loves to shop for clothes with me, helps with my makeup, takes my pictures but she doesn't encourage it and does have some reservations. I have not been out in public yet other than driving around, even picking her up from work all dressed and made up. One time we went out to pick up a DVD she wanted and I wanted to go into the Best Buy with her (I was dressed) however she was uncomfortable with this so I stayed in the car. I figured that she has been supportive and I just need to give her more time. She has said that we can take a vacation and I could bring my clothes and we can go out dressed so I am looking forward to that.

Dusty

[Tess]

In the dark which is just where I want her.

[jillleanne]

Totally accepting and supportive. We do everything together regardless of who looks like what. It matters not to either of us.

[Danielle_cder]

my wife enjoys danielle, admittedly i dont force the subject but danielle is totally out with my wife:D and i love her regardless...:D

[jackie_p]

Accepting but doesn't want to see or participate. She understands that it is part of
who I am and loves me so she accepts that it is something that I do from time to
time on my own.

[kimdl93]

Participant. but she needn't be asked to initiate...I do that every morning.

[Sally24]

My wife has known from the beginning and helped me out the door the first time. While its not always wine and roses I would have to classify her as enthusiastic and participating.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

She is a participant that has established limits. I wouldn't call her enthusiastic except for what it has done for my libido, and the tremendous increase in intimacy and lovemaking that has resulted from my coming out. Just the ability to be open with her has been a weight off my shoulders and has brought us closer together. For me that's enough and I am content not pushing the issue further.

Would I love to progress beyond shaved legs, hose and heels to dressing fully with her enthusiastic participation, acting like girlfriends as she does my makeup and chooses dresses for me to wear? Sure. But the downside is she probably wouldn't view me as her husband or a man anymore, and that scares me.

[JBPerry]

my wife is accepting and a participant.....her only request, which for the most part, I honor is that if we are on base, no makeup (besides toes being polished), no overtly feminine clothes (if i wear a overtly feminine top, then i have to wear a jacket over it.....if we go out in town and we are coming back on base, no facial makeup or colored fingernail polish. I can wear feminine clothes, just have to wear a jacket over the top of whatever im wearing

[Jodi Anne]

Accepting,and participation at time. She shops with me most of the time, I still have a problem doing that alone except small things at CVS.

[suchacutie]

Tina started life with her complete participation, actually suggesting that Tina needed a dress the first time I was partially dressed. She thinks Tina is "sweet", in fact too sweet as we had a lesson about how a woman might be "less that sweet" at times. Tina and my wife are girlfriends (no romance involved) and it's fun just to have a "girl's night" every so often!

[mikiSJ]

I an interesting couple of months for me:

Late November, tolerant and sometimes participating, to
Mid December, we might be separating, to
Late December, accepting, to
Early January, accepting, participating and encouraging (at groups)

Ahhhhh, the value of talking out your problems!

[cdsara]

mine was in the dark for a long time. I slipped and she found some things and thought I was cheating. I confessed about it all and she freaked. We had a really rough time went through therapy and we are working on it. No she has asked me to stop completely. I am trying but its really tough. wish me luck (or not!)

[sissystephanie]

I told my late wife that I was a CD when I proposed to her. She accepted me "as is," and was an active participant in my crossdressing activities We had almost 50 years together!

[Rogina B]

My wife is fully accepting of the fact that Rogina is part of the household. She is a pretty Venezuelan with the body and flash..My 11 yr old daughter is a combination of us..so,it is two and a half girls and a half boy living under the same roof..Gets interesting at times!

[Diversity]

Actually my wife is in a slightly different category than the ones you mentioned (which, by the way, highlight the complexity of the issues we all face as CD'rs and TG'rs). Mine is more of an "Not Accepting that I do this; Acknowledging that I do, but NEVER wanting to see it or participate in or encourage it".
To me this is unfortunate, as these past few months, all I can think about is doing it! Just can't get this out of my system, and am actually not trying to, because I enjoy it so much! That's the truth of it, and I must be honest with myself as well, or the stress will come, and I don't want any stress in my life.
Di

[Jacqueline Winona]

Knows to a certain extent (limited by her choice, e.g. she actually says "I don't even want to know"), doesn't like it, doesn't want to know more about it, prefers to pretend it doesn't exist.

[AmyGaleRT]

My fiancee is very accepting of me; she has me come out to the living room whenever I dress, so she can see me. (I give her a little twirl as I do, just for the full effect. :) ) If she knows I'm dressed, and needs me for something, she will sometimes call for me saying, "Oh, Amy dear?" We haven't really been able to do anything yet that would count her as "participating," but I plan to accompany her to Walmart one day...just two ladies out shopping. (They'd probably look more at her than they would at me...she drives an electric cart in Walmart, and is more of a traffic hazard. :) )

- Amy

[Jenniferathome]

I came out to my wife 2 years ago and she accepted me for who and what I am. In fact she was grateful that I would trust her with such an Intimate secret. I can not begin to explain the relief I feel since telling her

[Laura28]

My wife is fine with it, she encourges me at every oppotuniuty, she buys me stuff and is fine with me dressing. However i struggle dressing in fron of her even though she is fine with it??? What is with that???

[Rox_Fa]

My wife found out by accident, something I was definately afriad of happening. But from that point on, after I had explained it to her she has beocme more and more accepting and supportive. We shop for both of us together and she has even bought clothes and jewelry for me as gifts. I'm so glad she found out! It's wonderful sharing with her and its made me much more comfortable as Roxanne since I don't have to hide her anymore.

[heatherdress]

My wife is totally accepting, comfortable and supportive. She actually prompted my first crossdressing experience and helped my development. She feels that my crossdressing is part of an intimate sharing that we have which has strengthened our relationship.

[JillHill]

My wife is somewhat suportive but doesn't participate much. We have gone out twice with me as Jill. Yet, she bought me ear rings and a new makeup kit for Christmas. She has also borrowed some of my jewelry and some dresses, which I do not understand because she is so much smaller than me. Not fancy dresses and she only has worn them around the house.

[Vanessa5]

My wife is simply wants me to be "cured". She now is convinced that a therapist will give a pill that will take away my urge to dress. I don't believe that to be likely. My hope is that she can become tolerant of my femme side.

[alice clair]

my wife totally accepts me as i am.Almost every gift she gives me is feminine, i got a new ankle bracelet for christmas along with panties and two new dresses. She is fun to shop with and helps me with matching of clothes and acessories, she waits for me to try things on in any store we go in and gives her opinion on everything we buy so i will look my best. She bought me my first forms and paid 365.00 for them, so i wouldn't trade her for a new box of puppys. LOL

[danielletorresani]

My wife found out, despite me trying to hide it. At this point, it's a pretty much DADT thing in my house.

[Jenniferathome]

Mine is currently in the dark. I have my fingers crossed that she will accept what I enjoy doing. Today I sort of tested the waters. We went out window shopping and had a wonderful time looking at all the cute clothes and accessories, make up, and other stuff. I was very subtle and careful, but gave her some clues. I'm not so sure that she noticed, I had to point out to her that I shaved my mustache and goat off this morning; so I will continue taking things with her slowly and get a bit more blunt next time. I may get to a point where I may need to use a sledge hammer, lol.

Jamie, just a word of advice: you can't hint or divulge this secret slowly. If you are ready to talk to her and your relationship is strong, just sit down and talk to her. It will be the hardest conversation you ever have but the result will be freeing, regardless of the answer.

[Cheryl T]

Accepting, participating and we shop together all the time and share clothing as well as style and makeup tips.
She's asked me to shape her brows as she loves how I do mine.
We go out together all the time and we both love it.

[Carla4Guage]

You hit the nail on the head; with the catagory "Accepting but not participating". Those with even accepting spouses often don't realize or appreciate what some of us only dream of.

[WifeofWrenchette]

I am a wife. I am accepting and supportive of the en femme dressing.

[andrea lace]

I am very lucky.
My wife has just read these threads and her remark was really reassuring to me. She said "......surely some of the wife's of cross dressers on this forum cannot truly love their husbands". She said, "..... her understanding of love is (with me and Andrea) unconditional and my dressing hurts no one." "Why would you want to stop somebody do what is so important to them, a part of them?"
I have only just come out and she is in a good place with it. It is like a renewed bond of love and trust between us especially as I have had such a hard time coming to terms with my feelings and my cross dressing.We live in a small and very bigoted part of the UK and my wife recommended that if we were ever to leave the house together it be at night when we take the dogs out for a walk. I have told her that I have no desire to leave the house and she remarked that if I ever did want to go out anywhere as Andrea she would be right beside me.(I love my wife so much we have been taking each other for granted for many years we now have a renewed love for each other) "you are so special to me"

[Emma Beth]

Jamie, just a word of advice: you can't hint or divulge this secret slowly. If you are ready to talk to her and your relationship is strong, just sit down and talk to her. It will be the hardest conversation you ever have but the result will be freeing, regardless of the answer.

Jennifer, I appreciate the advice. With my wife I do have to warm her up to some things because even though she is rather liberal and open minded, she can be very conservative in some ways. As a result of doing this, I am working toward the best result possible.

[Kelley]

My wife is accepting and participates. She lets me do pretty much what I want just don't let friends and family see.

[ReineD]

My wife has just read these threads and her remark was really reassuring to me. She said "......surely some of the wife's of cross dressers on this forum cannot truly love their husbands". She said, "..... her understanding of love is (with me and Andrea) unconditional and my dressing hurts no one." "Why would you want to stop somebody do what is so important to them, a part of them?"

It's not just a question of how much you love someone. I'm sure the wives who have a hard time accepting, love their husbands very much. But everyone is raised differently and has different beliefs about gender and sexuality. Take for example, a GG who supports her husband through transition (changing voice, softer curves and skin through hormones, breast growth, sexual reassignment surgery), and so the couple lives as lesbians. Would it be right for the GG to say that the GGs who do not support transsexual husbands do not love their husbands (new female partners) enough? No.

To answer the OP, I'm 110% supportive, have been from the day she told me, even though we've had our ups and downs. I'm not convinced the down parts were all CDing related though. Sometimes it's hard to separate CDing issues from garden-variety couples issues. I often suggest we go out and do something dressed.

[Jillian Faith]

Mine is all over the place, one day it's great, the next she hates it... never know on any given day really.

This sounds like my first wife! Thank good my second wife has transitioned from DADT to fully accepting and participating. We have even gone out shopping as girlfriends.

[Lacey New]

I think that an accepting and participating spouse is the best there could be for a CD'er. Fortunately for many on this forum, you have a wife like that. and, to a certain degree, I'm envious of that. Mine is very straight laced and the few times I have tried to hint that crossdressing is not so "bad" and it could be fun and sexy, I have been met with a rather sharp comment. So, i know that I have a choice, stay in the closet or bye-bye. So, I'm in the closet. But oh well, we all make the best of the choices we make.

To all you GGs out there who support your CDing SOs, thanks - you are wonderful. One conversation at a time, you are capable of changing a lot of attitudes.

[Courtney_Glenn]

Somtimes I think my Polar bear actualy prefers Wynonna over ugly.... However, she'll never admitit, as she has a touch of lez-a-phobia
I'm basically in the exact same boat.

[audreyinalbany]

After thirty years, I'll say that my wife ha sort of stopped fighting it, although she still hasn't exactly embraced it. She'll kind of casually ask if I dressed after I've has some alone time and gives something between a smile and a smirk when I tell her I have, but that's about the extent of it.

[MonicaCD]

Somewhere in the middle.

She's cognizant that I like to wear women's clothes - I have my panties, she has hers - and she accepts that it's part of me, but she doesn't encourage or participate.

[kristinacd55]

we're separated, THAT's how she feels about it. Although it's a lot more complicated than just my tg life.....

[Wonderwho]

The one thing that i have learned from this thread is that if you tell your SO no matter what the outcome
you as a person will feel better about yourself. If this helps you be more secure in your own skin then you will most likely be a more understanding person to live with.
You can only hate yourself so long before you hate everyone.
Wonderwho

[SandraV]

Hello.
My wife is unenthusiastic and semi accepting. Does not want to see me or participate. Hates the changes I have made to myself (not that many really). Still she's trying to come to grips and learn to live with this.

[Meg East]

My wife is accepting. Lately she has started to comment on my outfits which is positive; she called my new nightie modest.

[LaraPeterson]

I want to believe that my wife is in the dark, but I can't help but wonder when she sees me come out of the shower with a freshly shaved body and painted toenails if that is really possible. I'm not sure we've ever even danced around the subject; we certainly have not talked about it. I suspect she suspects; and she probably suspects that I suspect that she suspects. And that's OK with me.

[AllyCDTV]

My wife is totally in the dark. I've suspected that she would not accept it and I have been winding things down with the objective of quitting entirely. I had a chance to confirm my suspicions last week. I have been watching reruns of the Twin Peaks TV series from about 20 years ago. In one episode, David Duchovny had his network television debut playing a crossdresser. She didn't know about his debut so without describing the role he played, I asked her is she would like to see it. When she saw the scene she turned to me and said I just ruined her image of him. Then she stormed out of the room. That confirmed to me that even if our marriage would survive my coming out, she would never look at me the same way again.

I am only a recreational crossdresser, dressing at most once a week for a couple of hours so I feel I stand a good chance of quitting. The incident with Duchovny's crossdresser role has given me even more incentive to quit. I feel that just going cold turkey would not be the best method of quitting. I have a plan which includes a bucket list of things I want to do before I quit and figure that the list will be checked off within the next week or 2. At that point I will stop.

[KatieGG]

Well for me I knew my husband crossdressed when we first met back in high school which wasn't that long ago. This was the time it began being popular for the "skater" guys to wear girls jeans so most people didn't think anything of it. However I had a major crush on him and noticed he sometimes had vpl and even caught a glimps of his panties peaking out over his jeans once in a while.

[Jacqueline Winona]

The one thing that i have learned from this thread is that if you tell your SO no matter what the outcome
you as a person will feel better about yourself. If this helps you be more secure in your own skin then you will most likely be a more understanding person to live with.
You can only hate yourself so long before you hate everyone.
Wonderwho

Before you conclude that, realize that for many this is reality:
(qouting AllyCDTV above)


My wife is totally in the dark. I've suspected that she would not accept it and I have been winding things down with the objective of quitting entirely. I had a chance to confirm my suspicions last week. I have been watching reruns of the Twin Peaks TV series from about 20 years ago. In one episode, David Duchovny had his network television debut playing a crossdresser. She didn't know about his debut so without describing the role he played, I asked her is she would like to see it. When she saw the scene she turned to me and said I just ruined her image of him. Then she stormed out of the room. That confirmed to me that even if our marriage would survive my coming out, she would never look at me the same way again.

. . .
(apologies to Ally, not trying to parse your post, just quoting the part that I thought that summed things up best for me.)
There is no one answer that will fit everyone's situation. If you're not doing this very often, don't want to continue, know your wife is not going to take it well, etc. I don't blame you for being discreet. Just know that there will be hell to pay if you do get caught. It's easy to say love is unconditional, spouses should accept you, your marriage is strong enough to overcome this, but that's just not how many women (GG's) really feel about dressing; it is a big turn off for many, and it does affect the quality of your marriage. Hopefully you hit the lottery and find a spouse who not only accepts, grudgingly, but participates. IF you do, you better feel like the more fortunate person in the world because most pray for that every day.

[Emma Beth]

Mine is currently in the dark. I have my fingers crossed that she will accept what I enjoy doing. Today I sort of tested the waters. We went out window shopping and had a wonderful time looking at all the cute clothes and accessories, make up, and other stuff. I was very subtle and careful, but gave her some clues. I'm not so sure that she noticed, I had to point out to her that I shaved my mustache and goat off this morning; so I will continue taking things with her slowly and get a bit more blunt next time. I may get to a point where I may need to use a sledge hammer, lol.

I have an update. I discussed the issue with my wife and she actually fits into the category of what's good for the goose, is good for the gander. She is supportive, and a participant in that she wishes to get more men's clothes of her own. She is also willing to share clothing and other stuff that fit.

[Samantha45]

Mine knows of it and has seen it and indulged me on a few things...but she doesn't seem to want much to do with it overall.

[t-girlxsophie]

My wife is completely accepting of my dressing,she loves to go shopping with me and choosing outfits she thinks would suit me.and we spent one of our anniversarys together in hotel,and going out in the city doing "normal," activities.
She has not been in the best of health and I've pretty much been the housewife these past two years.as long as she gets to see her man every now and then she has no problems at all with my femme side,and I appreciate that so very much

Sophie

[Aylineira]

My wife is accepting and she admits that she doesn't even notice that I'm dressed anymore. She just sees me! :)

[Vicky Peters]

My wife is accepting & might participate. Over the holidays she saw Vicky for the first time and made positive comments about the dress that I was wearing. Discussed what type of makeup to use and even purchased some the next day. I will never pass in public but now it will be fun putting the total package together.

[Fiona K]

She hates it (me) totally and viscerally

[NV Susan]

My wife knows I wear panties 24/7, also knows I dress but it's kind of a "don't ask don't tell" thing around the house. I'll only go out as Susan when one of us is out of town, but if I'm out doing things while she's at work I'm in bra, panties, ladies jeans and shoes with a male looking top.

[Beverley Sims]

Accepting but not participating; I am in here. A participant.
My wife runs hot and cold. When we are away I get encouragement. At home don't let anyone know.

[Petra_Briar]

My wife accepts it but is close to DADT. She has given me a drawer in her dressere for my underwear so our kids don't find panties and bras in Dad's dresser if they go snooping. Has on occasion bought me lingerie, a bloouse and a dress over the last however many years. But has alos told me that she does not find me a turn or have any attraction to me when I am dressed. She has a lot of questions about my sexuality but they have seemed to lessen as time has gone by...all and all, I will take what she gives and appreciate that she let's me explore my feminine side.

[*ROXY*]

My wife is accepting and participates in that we have been shopping together for clothes and for shoes.
We often joke about it and her attitude is it's still me no matter what I wear. My personality doesn't change when I'm dressed. We'll often critique womens dresses and makeup on tv especially Tess daley on stricly come dancing lol
I usually sleep in knickers or nighties but recently toning it down as have a 3 year old who saw some knee high boots and said "daddies boots" lol. We will discuss it when she's old enough to understand but don't want her getting bullied cos daddy wears dresses :-).

[PretzelGirl]

My wife is accepting and an enthusiastic participant. She is always willing to go out with me no matter where we are going. She regularly goes to TG or Tri-Ess groups with me and should be going to Diva Las Vegas with me this year (family issues have blocked her for the last few years and I really hope she makes it, she has earned it.). I believe from our discussions that she would be okay with coming out to everyone, so I am actually the throttle on who knows instead of her.

[Newcdguy]

Hot and cold. Started hot. Full sexual encounters. But it cooled. Got hot again and back to cold.
Stephanie

[Jocelyn Quivers]

My wife is supportive, accepting, and participates in a way that could be described as a dream come true. Also to her credit she loves, accepts, and most importantly put's up with my male persona, and many of the annoying traits I share with the male persona. It's bad enough that in guy mode I leave underwear, socks, and clothes scattered about. One can only imagine my wife's frustation with pantyhose, bras, shoes, panties, make stains in the bathroom, etc. being scattered about. Her one rule is no permanent Jocelyn 24/7, and pick up my clothes.

[Jenniferathome]

My wife is fine with it, she encourges me at every oppotuniuty, she buys me stuff and is fine with me dressing. However i struggle dressing in fron of her even though she is fine with it??? What is with that???

Laura, I still feel "weird" dressed in front of my wife. I think mostly because I am not being a "man" when dressed. She has zero issue with it. I always ask her for feedback on the outfit or makeup and she is great with objective, constructive criticism. Once I get past my first appearance, I always settle down. It's a little funky but all part of the fun.

[Maria S]

My wife is half way between accepting and participating. She fully accepts my female persona but will not been seen out with me. She says this is because she would feel for me everyone looking and passing comments even though I have tried to explain that that is not the case. However she does participate by buying clothes with us both in mind and ensuring quality management is maintained in how I look.

Maria

[Shirley Anne]

My wife is accepting and supportive, buys me lots of female gifts and quite happy to go shopping with me.

[Launa]

My wife is somewhere between participating and being the initiator. She just doesn't want to come out into the public limelight with me.

[JamieG]

My wife is accepting with occasional participation.

[MissTee]

My wife is supportive, encouraging, and helpful. She knows all about it and helps me pick out my wardrobe. Heck, we love shopping together and I even buy clothes for her. We have occasional getaways where I can dress in full, but we stay inside. We don't go out and I've never been in misty mode in public. Friends, family and kids do not know and my wife and I desire to keep it that way.

[Raychel]

My wife is accepting and honestly tries, But most of the time I really get the feeling that she wishes it would just go away.
She tolerates it because it makes me happy.

[Joy3]

My wife knows and accepts and loves me. She would prefer I did not dress but has no desire to end our relationship. I also love her very much.

[Bree Wagner]

My wife is accepting with occasional participation.

I'd say pretty much the same thing, though the participation is reluctant at times. She's been out twice with me (a third is in the works) and had much more enjoyable times than she expected, but not without a lot of trepidation.

I told her shortly after we started dating and it's been a roller-coaster ride to get where we're at today. I'm sure that if she had her wishes she'd much rather this was never in our lives but because she realizes how much it means to me she's done her best to understand, accept, and help where and when she can. The ride isn't always smooth but I wouldn't trade it or her for anything.

-Bree

[Tibby]

For those of us who are married how does our wife feel about your female persona?
Is she: In the dark; Over my dead body; Unenthusiastic but not opposed; Accepting but not participating; A participant, or (I expect in unusual cases) The initiator?

I guess I'd have to be a participant with many times being the initiator. Many times I find excuses to get the children out of the house so he has time to relax properly, and when the children go off to grandparents during school holidays I often say "why are you not pretty yet?".

[Valerie Sparks]

I told my wife before we were married and she seemed open at the time to trying to understand. But I was very nervous about it and I didn't handle it as I should have. As we've gotten older (we've been married almost 30 years) we've settled into a DADT routine. She knows I underdress daily and I feel my crossdressing is the elephant in the room.

One of the reasons I started on this board two weeks ago is to try to figure out a way to break the logjam and get the conversation flowing again.

[Tibby]

I told my wife before we were married and she seemed open at the time to trying to understand. But I was very nervous about it and I didn't handle it as I should have. As we've gotten older (we've been married almost 30 years) we've settled into a DADT routine. She knows I underdress daily and I feel my crossdressing is the elephant in the room.

One of the reasons I started on this board two weeks ago is to try to figure out a way to break the logjam and get the conversation flowing again.

Like with anything the spark has to be ignited again, maybe the spark needs to be found again. If you've been married for so long then something must be going right. Is this a part of you that she feels hard to be part of, as in it's something which can't be enjoyed together. I mentioned before in other posts that we play games together, not sexual games, just dressing up games. We had one where we each had to guess which outfit the other was thinking of and without saying anything go and put it on, 9 times out of ten there would be a shout of "biatch I was going to wear that one". We also had a game where in an hour we had to take turns to dress in the most outlandish outfit ever, mixing various neon colours and going for serious random looks. I'm working on a game at the moment based on battleships, making a huge game board but instead of the ships it's a card with a code on it that corresponds to a packet containing an item of clothing. if one of us scores a hit on that point we have to put on the item of clothing. It will leave us both wearing a right mish mass of clothes but it'll be one hell of a laugh and certanly gives us something to talk about.

[Kelli Ca]

My wife for now is in the accepting and supportive bu not participating

[Sometimes Steffi]

Mostly in the dark, by choice, but seriously opposed when I want to go out, but not talking of divorce. DADT doesn't work when I go out because she is (rightfully) concerned if I'm out later tyhan normal and she doesn't know where I am.

[mexdresser]

My wife is*unenthusiastic but not opposed. Meaning I can dress in front of her, but she usually like I guess it's okay to dress. Love her very much and grateful she allows the occasional dress up time.

[Alisa]

I say a combination of Unenthusiastic but not opposed; Accepting but not participating

She knows that I occasional go out as Richelle. But we never talk about it and I only do it when I know we will not be home.

Hover at the same time, we went out cloths shopping last month. I was in male mode and we bought be paints and tops from the womens department. I ware these in male mode. Also, we get our manicures and pedicures together.

Richelle

Ditto... sigh....


My girl totally loves me dressing. Always finding something cute for the other or something for us to share. We just happen ro wear rhe same size heel, so you can imagine if we both wanna wear the same ones its rock ,sxissors,paper to the winner. lol
Renee

Lol.... this is where I wish we were!

[Cheryl James]

My wife believes that dressing in clothes of the opposite sex is perversion and that anyone who does this is a pervert. It is an unhappy situation for both of us.

[Tibby]

My wife believes that dressing in clothes of the opposite sex is perversion and that anyone who does this is a pervert. It is an unhappy situation for both of us.

Throw away every single pair of her trousers/jeans, afterall following that train of thought she'd be one too :doh::brolleyes: :heehee:

[StephanieJ]

Strangely, I know what both sides are like. My ex wife was basically bi-polar so we would go through a month of her being totally accepting followed by a month of absolute rejection! At one point she would be doing my makeup and helping me shop for clothes and a few days later she would throw away everything in my closet and tell me never to dress again.

Not surprisingly this same "flip flopping" behavior was manifest in other areas of life as well, hence she is now my ex-wife. If I ever re-marry it will be with a partner who loves both me and Stephanie.

[NicoleScott]

Accepting but not participating. Rather indifferent.

[Gwen01]

I feel for those of you whose wives aren't accepting. Even though mine is, there are times she has told me, it just feels repulsive to her.
Thank God it's not that frequent. I just wish I knew what to do or how to help.
I know sometimes she wishes for the masculine to come out (which it does, and we do). We do try to keep things balanced.
All I can do is help her through this as I don't dress 24/7.
Any suggestions are appreciated.

[Bravesoul]

Mine is all over the place, one day it's great, the next she hates it... never know on any given day really.



My wife is the same. It's always a mistery. But every now and again, she will buy me something, and I think things are going in the right direction, then about face.

[Gwen01]

I guess all we can do is hope for the good times and keep an open line of communication. It works for us...especially when my wife gets a nice surprise for me.

-Gwen

[Jessica86]

My wife accepts me for who I am. Where she is at on the scale? I am still trying to figure that one out....lol.

[TeresaL]

My wife has come a loooooonnngg way.

[EmilyLynn28]

My wife is "over my dead body." :(

[Carol A]

My wife knew before we were married as my dear mother told her and show her photo's of her daughter. But to the question, well at first it was all fun and roses going out as two women and now after 49 years she doesn't care one way or the other as she just see me as Carol Ann everyday. No she no longer goes out with me as she saids we are to old to be doing this and the fun in it is all gone so Carol goes out by herself anymore. For what it's worth the fun is still there everytime I step out the door in heels and looking my best.

[veronica66]

My wife knows I like to dress but I do it when she is away because it doesn't really do anything for her. When we go on holiday she is Ok with me wearing my small bikinis on the beach. She supports my laser hair removal (likes me smooth). I could dress around her - maybe will some day

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Julie, It's a DADT thing with my wife.

[ginafaye]

my wife loves it, anything in private , she shops for me,and i do the housework

[DanielleO]

My Girlfriend was reserved but accepting at first ( a few weeks ago) , But read up more on the subject , and even found a few articles that brought her around to helping me shop and contribute ideas to improving my passability ... http://www.gendertree.com/Helping%20Wives%20Of%20Cross%20Dresers.htm and http://differentspirits.hubpages.com/hub/Loving-My-Crossdressing-Partner-Not-Just-Dealing-With-Him It feels so good to have support !

[MonicaCD]

Those are some good articles, Danielle.

On Thursday, when we were talking about plans for this weekend, I asked my wife if we could spend some time together to talk about my wearing women's clothes. She knows, we've had brief discussions in the past, but I think now is a good time for further discussion.

Thanks to this place, and articles like what you posted, I have a better understanding of who I am, and will be able to assuage some of the fears she's expressed in the past. We'll see.

[Joanne Curl]

Totally unaccepting. I'm one of those terrible people who tried to keep it secret. Two years ago she found out that I was on this site and asked me why. I told her the truth- I'm a cross dresser and have been since I was very young, long before her and that it has nothing to do with her. It rocked her world and her feelings towards me. I think she would have left me if not for the children. It ruined our relationship and she has never looked at me the same. She investigated cross dressing and discovered that I'm probably not gay (as she at first thought), that it will probably never stop and that there's no therapy that will stop my need to dress. Her biggest problem is that I didn't tell her and give her the chance to decide if she wanted to continue our relationship once she knew about my secret. I love her more than anything and will do anything to save our relationship but I cannot deny that I am and always will be a crossdresser.

[Courtneigh]

Accepting...she'll ask me why I am not dressing up or when are you going to dess-up agin ?
She'll sometimes tell me or inspire me t get dressed.

She does my nails and toe nails sometimes and help me with my make-up and buys me clothes, under wear, shoes, make-up
and jewelry.
Sometimes she'll come home and tell me about someting she's seen that I might like or will suite me.

But...I am still not sure how she "REALY" feels about it deep inside....

[Gwen01]

Coutniegh?
That sounds very familiar! My wife enjoys it, shops for me ( she likes the surprises) and what not. It's just that sometimes it turns her off
because she feels less lady-like. I understand her thoughts for the most part...it is still a hard concept to grasp when we have very open communication,
and I've tried everything under the sun to get her back to the point of feeling like a woman. Is there such a thing as two alpha females when one is her husband?
If so, how do we find a valance?
-Gwen

[Brianna in Hose]

My wife knows but doesn't want any part of it. She doesn't want to know what I do or when I do it. She has a come a ways with accepting that I am a cd but when she found out that I have been out dressed she wasn't happy at all. I am hoping that in time she will be accepting enough to let me go out with fellow crossdressers or a good female friend.

[Megan L]

My wife used to be involved and enjoy ,she would shop for the things i needed and so on. One day she did a back flip now she knows but wants nothing i mean nothing to do with it, she gets all mad when she see my dress ans skirts hanging in the closet, she used to make me dress be for sex now if i even say anything about it she goes and sleeps on the couch. I don't understand her at all.

[tara t]

mine accepting and participating but there are still some boundries , like all good relationships it's still a work in progress :-) . we were always very close but since i became completely honest (i said it was into dressin up for a long time) we have become even closer .

[Intertwined]

My wife hates me and Marsha

[MonicaCD]

Those are some good articles, Danielle.

On Thursday, when we were talking about plans for this weekend, I asked my wife if we could spend some time together to talk about my wearing women's clothes. She knows, we've had brief discussions in the past, but I think now is a good time for further discussion.

Thanks to this place, and articles like what you posted, I have a better understanding of who I am, and will be able to assuage some of the fears she's expressed in the past. We'll see.

UPDATE: We talked this morning. I led off by saying: "I assume you've noticed that I've been wearing more girl clothes lately."

She said, "Well, yeah. What's up with that?" I told her that it was just a part of me, that it was something that is relaxing and makes me comfortable, that I've been doing it on and off since I was a boy, and that I just wanted to be open with her about it. I reiterated (we had a similar discussion years ago) that I had no desire to undergo transformation and that it wasn't a gay thing.

To paraphrase her response: She's accepting but not encouraging; she doesn't completely understand why, but knows it's part of who I am; and she doesn't want to be embarrassed.

Baby steps, but it's progress, and the lines of communication are still open.

[antonia_bee]

My wife knows and is somewhat accepting, but stuggles with a few things. Hopefully we can work through it (see my own posts for more details)

[Stevie]

My wife knows but not to what extent. I was too afraid to tell her until recently and it's been a roller coaster since. She currently is accepting and participating only for me. She has no interest in me dressing.

[Jenni Yumiko]

Currently-
I usually walk around ,when the kids aren't around, and sleep in a tshirt/panties and ballet slippers (The slippers are COMFY!!). If it's cold, im generally in leggings or footless tights.
We had sex while i was in a Dorothy costume once, but that was after a quite a few Jager shots. I asked her about wearing corsets, babydolls, bra's and she is a no. Mainly because it's "weird" to her. She is an awesome and supporting wife in every other way except that point. Since "Dressing to the 9's" (or 7's cause no wig or makeup) is mainly a sexual thing for me, it has unfortunately hampered our sex life. No, i'm not being selfish, I always meet her needs first than mine, (well except for the occasional bar bathroom or back of the truck quickie) and do it exactly like she wants it, but she is very structured, we have a list for everything.
Ex Wife:
Very very pro, do it all, she wanted me in girl mode all the time, the downside was she was very domineering, selfish and a crap parent. (I have full custody of the ex'es and my two kids) So the end didn't justify the means.

I told my wife last year I think, and bring it up every so often. While she's not a resounding no, she hasn't said yes either. She has two aspiring goals in her life right now and I am helping her to achieve these. Once those are met, I'll bring it up again, this way everything she wants and needs are met, leaving just the same likewise :-) (I know it sounds selfish, it's just coincidental though.

[Gwen01]

Jennialy...ending up with custody of the kids IS a huge win! I think that we are selfish in our endeavors, but when it comes to kids, we really need to do what is right for them and do our thing aside from that.
I hope this doesn't upset you...I would love to have the vest of both worlds like each of your SO's.
Trust me, I LOVE to dress as much as possible, even aside from sex, but our children are first and foremost.
-Gwen

[Jenni Yumiko]

Thank you!
No offense taken, I hung around so long because my inner girl was being very satisfied and ignored what the rest of me knew what was right.

[Diversity]

Accepting but not participating. Also not enthusiastic by any means....
Di

[Robbin_Sinclair]

In the dark which is just where I want her. I am reluctant to speak that way about my wife but, damnit, it is true.

I like dressing but I want to be alone. I do theater, so having make up around the house isn't a big deal. I have leg issues, so panty hose is fine, since it helps and has been prescribed by a doctor.

This is what I do when alone because I wish I wasn't. With her, I'm happy being the boy with some feminine sense, perhaps a little bit eccentric. She likes that in me. I'm a pleaser.

[Allison Chaynes]

I don't know if this helps anyone else, but we started seeing a therapist a few months back and she gave me some thoughts. My wife has been to see her twice, we have not been together yet. One of the things the doc suggested was marriage is full of compromises, and even though I can't make her love the girl side, I can help her see it as at least kind of a good thing if I work at it. I've been trying to do more stuff around the house for her without making a big deal about it, trying to listen better, and just doing small things I wouldn't ordinarily do that I know she appreciates. In my case it seems to help. Even though she is back and forth (and a lot of that seems to be due to outside stressors too) I think things are getting better. I see her making more of an effort at other things too, especially not giving me a hard time when I get home from work and trying to focus more on "us time" when she can.

[Foxglove]

Hey, Gang!

I found this thread very interesting, since it was an opportunity for members to say how they feel about their relationships insofar as they affect their CDing. A lot of people may be aware that I personally prefer evidence to speculation and hard evidence to the flimsy sort. So I've gone through this thread and at this point, since the thread seems to be pretty well played out, attempted to quantify what people are saying.

We all know about the pitfalls that statistics present. So I'm fully aware that the evidence I'm presenting here isn't nearly as hard as I'd like it to be. But you do the best you can.

There were a total of 113 replies. These I grouped under five categories:

[1] The situation couldn't be worse. Perhaps the member's SO is still in the dark, perhaps she's vehemently opposed to the member's dressing, perhaps they've split up over the question, that sort of thing.

[2] I considered a DADT situation to be a good yardstick.

[3] In the middle. (Duh!)

[4] I considered, "Accepting but not participating" to be a good yardstick.

[5] The situation couldn't be better. The member is totally happy with the SO's handling of the situation.

These categories are of course subjective, as was the manner I went about classifying people's replies. Furthermore, I rated a reply according to the member's subjective feeling about the situation, not according to the situation itself. That is, A and B might be in a very similar situation, but A seemed happier about things than B. Therefore A would get a higher rating than B.

Finally, I would adjust a rating where it seemed appropriate. E.g., a member might be in a generally DADT situation, but might say something that made the situation appear to be a bit more positive than a 2. So I'd bump it up to a 3.

In other words, my whole procedure here was very subjective. If someone else wants to have a go at it, they might come up with results quite different from mine. If you feel like having a go, be my guest. I won't complain.

Anyway, things panned out like this:

Category 1 = 15
Category 2 = 18
Category 3 = 24
Category 4 = 18
Category 5 = 38.

These results are largely positive. Note that the largest category is 5, while category 1 is the smallest. (Could this be because those who are happiest about their situation are more eager to talk about it?) The average score here is 3.41, which is a bit on the plus side.

So we can conclude that when we consider the situation of a transperson in a relationship, on the whole there are more positives than negatives to report.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Michelle (Oz)]

These results are largely positive. Note that the largest category is 5, while category 1 is the smallest. (Could this be because those who are happiest about their situation are more eager to talk about it?) The average score here is 3.41, which is a bit on the plus side.

So we can conclude that when we consider the situation of a transperson in a relationship, on the whole there are more positives than negatives to report.

Best wishes, Annabelle

That's an interesting analysis Annabelle. I didn't respond to your survey (to avoid being negative) but would have put me at a 1. This perhaps confirms your conclusion why the outcome was more positive.

[Foxglove]

I didn't respond to your survey

Aye, well, this wasn't my survey. It was Julie Marie's thread. She was the inspiration. I merely did the dirty work. This seems to be a theme in my life.:sad:

[ClosetED]

I lost track of the thread and did not respond, but I fall into the 1. It is certainly likely this is a study with a biased subset, but considering that, about equal parts 1-4 and double that for the wonderful 5

[Ann-Marie]

My wife is accepting and participates by helping me shop and doing makeup. I consider myself vey lucky

[Julie Denier]

Totally unaccepting. I'm one of those terrible people who tried to keep it secret. Two years ago she found out that I was on this site and asked me why. I told her the truth- I'm a cross dresser and have been since I was very young, long before her and that it has nothing to do with her. It rocked her world and her feelings towards me. I think she would have left me if not for the children. It ruined our relationship and she has never looked at me the same. She investigated cross dressing and discovered that I'm probably not gay (as she at first thought), that it will probably never stop and that there's no therapy that will stop my need to dress. Her biggest problem is that I didn't tell her and give her the chance to decide if she wanted to continue our relationship once she knew about my secret. I love her more than anything and will do anything to save our relationship but I cannot deny that I am and always will be a crossdresser.

Similar to my experience. Wife came home unexpectedly, discovered me dressed. I swore off dressing, was drawn back after a year and a half. Back to dressing on more limited basis in secret ...

[2B Natasha]

For those of us who are married how does our wife feel about your female persona?
Is she: In the dark; Over my dead body; Unenthusiastic but not opposed; Accepting but not participating; A participant, or (I expect in unusual cases) The initiator?

I would have to say. About 65% " A participant " and 35% an initiator.

She didn't start me on this path. But she has known since the very start of our relationship. That said. She does vocally get annoyed and worried about me when there are long stretches none dress.

[Lacey New]

I'm a 1. Perhaps a minus 1

[cathie pantyhose]

my wife didn't' kick me out so I guess we're doing good since she found the pics back around 2008. She asks that I don't dress in front of her or the kids and only knows where my panties, tights and pantyhose are in the house. She doesn't want to find the heels, dresses, skirts, etc. and she has no interest in seeing me dressed fem

[MssHyde]

the old saying burying the hatchet, well my wife would like to bury it in me. shes like a woman scorned.

[aussie cd]

she's ok with it now it just takes time

[Jana]

She's aware, but we live in DADT.

[KiwiKate]

My wife knows I dress and understands to a certain degree.She lets me wear her panties sometimes.I think she would prefer it if I stopped.I actually told her early on in our relationship but I guess out of sight out of mind.Now I'm getting older and bolder my fem side is beginning to surface a bit more.Guess well have to see.

[julie marie1]

It has been enlightening to read the many responses to my question. I must agree with Annabelle that statistically the sample of replies has not been random. It is nice to know that some of you have supportive spouses. My wife and I love each other very much, but my being a crossdresser is something she can not deal with. When we were much younger she would occasionally participate. After awhile the crossdressing disappeared for several years. When it resurfaced she just wanted it to go away, to be in the past. Her anger, I think, is really related to an unexpressed (and maybe not well understood) fear. Admittedly, I am uncertain myself as to how well I have dealt with it over the years. While many times being unable, or unwilling, to deny the urge to get dressed, I have at the same time weird or abnormal for wanting to do so. Often feeling very alone, since sharing the experience had uncertain consequences. It is nice to have a site like this where I can begin to understand myself a bit better in the bigger picture

[Shelly117]

My SO knows but prefers not to see me dressed at all. It really bothers her.

[Ms. Laura]

My wife has known since before we were married. Though the concept that it's more than a sexual kick has only recently dawned on her. (After 20 years)

She accepts just fine. Obviously, NOT in front of our little one, but just her, she seems not bothered at all. If it interfered on our time it might bother her, but the act itslef is fairly transparent to her. We can hang out all day, no problem, though that RARELY happens. She has OK'd branching into a support group.

So I guess that outs me in the lucky 5! Maybe 41/2 as she will NOT be going anywhere with me dressed, but who can blame her. We have a mask of sorts, they don't.

[Pearl]

i fall into your unusual cases category. i mentioned to her in conversation that i had worn panties in the past on a couple of occasions, and she didn't seem to question it much.
so she surprised me with a corset and stockings, then put drab clothes over that and took me out for drinks and dinner. i don't remember dinner....

[Tora]

The spectrum is complex. She purchased my first nylon nightgown, allows panties. We sleep in nice nightgowns almost every night. She was not happy with my clean shaved face, but it was grey-to white, looking too old. The rest is DADT.
I don't look for any change, but she is a "keeper". I respect her fear of being embarrassed.

[Ariamythe]

My wife is accepting but not participating. And for now I'm okay with that.

[Allison2006]

I am bleeds to be with a wife who not only accepts, but encourages me to dress.

[Rachael Jones]

My wife is in the dark. Only my parents found out (not accepting though) once or twice. I did confide in someone who thought it was wrong and I needed help. If my wife found out it would be game over for the marriage. The only positive thing is that we have separate time away from each other one evening a week to pursue our own activities - she goes out, I have the house to myself for nearly four hours. Plenty of time to get dressed, grab a glass and relax. Generally for me anyone finding out is a negative. Glad many on here have positive experiences, doubt that would be the case for me.

[Mikkigurll]

My wife is very supportive with my crossdressing. She knew about my "hobby" before we were married. She almost begged me to dress for her after I had told her about it. She also became very active in the CD club that I was instrumental in starting. She also appeared with me on the "Geraldo" show that was aired in 1994.

[DeeDeeB]

My wife is good with it. For example, she gives me jewelry for father's day, and attends conferences with me. She is as interested in learning about who I am as I am. She does know that it is a part of me that was not on the forefront for many years together, but that it is a part of what makes me up. It helps that she has always been accepting of divergent lifestyles (one of the things I love about her).

:fairy1:
DeeDee

[Rachelakld]

While I'm allowed to dress at home in front of the family (not friends etc), wife knows a lot of Aucklanders so will only go out with me when we are out of town.
Her and the kids recommend clothes for me when we go clothes shopping. Daughters and I swap clothes, wife wishes she was slim enough to wear them.
Photos on my blog site

[Solar Flair]

My wife is my instigator! If she hadn't told me that she wants me to fully be who I am, I would still be 'not me' all the time

[Kelli Ca]

She used to say it was ok but Now She tells me she's. never liked it and doesn't want it in our lives. Got some serious thinking to do.

[KellyM]

Mine doesn't know. Well, I think she sort of does. She's found tidbits of my stash a few times and said "What's this?" But she doesn't press the issue. I think it's DADT.

[alwayshave]

My fiancee is accepting and encouraging. Her only disappointment with my dressing is she likes a hairy chest which I have removed.

[renaej7]

My wife is very supportive. We have children and I absolutely do not dress when they are around. We don't directly shop together, but she knows what I am doing when I get lost all of a sudden. I have never dressed in fromt of her and I don't smother her with it. We have a very heathy balance and I am thankful for that.