Yesterday I got laughed at

[Michelle James]

So I'm driving down the road yesterday between thrift stores as Wednesday is my buying day for my Ebay business. I was as usual presenting as my usual self. A fat middle aged white woman. Normally I blend well and rarely get a second look. Not because I believe I pass, as I believe most of us don't. In fact I think few do. I think that most people just don't pay any attention and those that do either accept, are too polite to say anything or just don't give a s&*t. I'm OK with that. It took me a long time to get to that state of mind. I go about my daily grind basically not caring or thinking about all of the above. Until 3:55 pm yesterday when my belief system was shaken off it's foundation in a hurricane Sandy sort of way.

I pulled up to a red light and was aware of movement in the vehicle next to me. Why the F&^% did I look. All I had to do was keep my eyes forward and this entire post would not exist. but no! I had to turn my makeup encrusted fat face to the left and look right into the eyes of two young women laughing hysterically. At first I thought maybe they were laughing about a joke they just heard or something like that. At times like this we all want to believe that it's not about us.
I looked away hoping I was right, but alas when I looked back a few seconds later they were still laughing and this time pointing right at me. Still trying to salvage what was left of the bricks of my foundation I really wanted to believe they were laughing at the fat lady and not the transsexual. That I can live with. I've always been large and it's something you get used to. No that wasn't it. Why was I blessed with a natural talent for reading lips? When I looked for the last time just before the light changed I clearly saw one of the saying over and over again "tranny" "tranny" "tranny". Just as it was confirmed the light changed and about a block away I turned into my next destination. I went inside and began to shop, but as I walked around it seemed as though everyone was looking at me in "that way". The veil was lifted, like the crew of the Black Pearl in the moonlight everyone was seeing me for what I am. A fat middle aged white man in a fat middle aged white woman's clothes. Some days I just want to throw in the towel.

[Jenniferathome]

You can't fix ignorant or stupid. Not worth worrying over

[whiterabbit25]

They're laughing because they accept what others tell them like good little sheep.. so don't worry about it.

[~Joanne~]

I agree that very few of us will ever truly pass but you have the right mindset to be yourself and not care what others think. Kids will be kids, they are a product of their parents who probably do the same stupid crap when faced with anything they don't understand. Their closed minds are a product of society conditioning. I agree with jennifer and Whiterabbit completely.

[Aylineira]

Don't worry about it. I believe in Karma and some day, somebody will laugh at them.

[Beverley Sims]

You got laughed at yesterday, what about a lot of other days when it is easy.
These things happen and probably not now for a while yet.
I say, ferget it. I know that is not easy, but.....

[happy2cd]

Normally I blend well and rarely get a second look. Not because I believe I pass, as I believe most of us don't. In fact I think few do. I think that most people just don't pay any attention and those that do either accept, are too polite to say anything or just don't give a s&*t. I'm OK with that.

Hang on to this part of your post since it is part that matters the most and forget the rest. Those two girls are insignificant compared to you. You have been very courageous to get yourself out and about on a regular basis and should continue just the same.

[Rogina B]

You have to grow a thicker skin than that!!!Let a situation like that roll off like water off a duck's back!

[Michelle James]

You have to grow a thicker skin than that!!!Let a situation like that roll off like water off a duck's back!

I was a fat kid, a fat teenager, a fat adult and now a fat older person of varying gender. I have been laughed at to my face and behind my back since I was about 5 to be sure. The fact that I am still breathing and not incarcerated is testament to the thickness of my skin.

[Sacpatty]

You should stay strong, though it is hard
P

[Joanne f]

Think of all the hundreds maybe thousands of people that you passed by and said nothing but I know it only takes that one or two stupid people to upset your day , it is a price you pay for being a sensitive person , but I know that I would rather be a sensitive person than a stupid one .

[Paulette]

I agree with Jennifer , you cannot fix stupid. I also prefer to think of myself as a plus size girl and not the nasty F word. If one looks around there are people of all different sizes and shapes and BTW round is still a shape.

[Terri Andrews]

I have had similiar experences ,but if we let it get to us then they win and they are just narrow minded ,small people .

[famousunknown]

No, it's not right. No, people with common sense or manners don't ridicule others. But...does anyone truthfully believe this type of situation will never occur in society today? If you do, you're only fooling yourself. It's going to happen.
If you're living your life as you wish to live it, the best case scenario is just go on with your day like you didn't see or hear anything.

[mikiSJ]

Right before christmas I went into a Nordies to buy some Spanx tights. I went early (10:00 AM) so there would not be too many shoppers. The first SA I approached was a temp and needed to call for a more experienced SA. When she came out I explained what I wanted and what size. She had to go into the back to get the size. I was feeling good about shopping, although in drab, obviously for me. I paid the bill and the SA came around the checkout counter as the Nordy SAs do and handed me my purchase, and I walked off.

Then I heard the little giggles coming from where I just left. Oh well! Like Paulette said: "You can't fix stupid", or of being inconsiderate of our money!

[Debra Russell]

Welllllll you know if you dismiss the whole degradation of it -- you were made ! it's not a secret. I would have smiled at them and blew them a kiss - roll down your window and tell them being a girl is fun. It was an isolated incident with two young (teenage) women, laugh with them = no problem..................................Debra

ps don't let it get you down - it's not worth it

[stephNE]

Hi Michelle, You can't change what others may think, and as they say, you can't fix stupid. Don't worry about those girls, and focus on yourself. Do what makes you happy, and all will be good. I believe in karma, and so those girls will need to do a little soul searching and I bet they will eventually regret their pasts. Steph

[heatherdress]

Sorry it happened and made you feel bad - but let it go. As most others have already said, you seem to blend and this is a rare incident. Stupid is as stupid does - they are stupid.

[KiwiKate]

Hi Michelle.I'm really sorry you had to go through that,it must have been really horrible.Some people are just ignorant a-holes.They get their kicks by trying to make other people feel small.They'll learn a hard lesson one day.I take my hat off to you that you are brave enough to go out ( actually I take my hat off to all those here that go out dressed) as this is something I cant ever see myself doing.I hope it hasn't put you off being who you want to be.Take care.

[Ressie]

Welllllll you know if you dismiss the whole degradation of it -- you were made ! it's not a secret. I would have smiled at them and blew them a kiss - roll down your window and tell them being a girl is fun. It was an isoladed incident with two young (teenage) women, laugh with them = no problem..................................Debra

ps don't let it get you down - it's not worth it

Yes I agree. Next time you'll be ready with a good response like the one up above. You could also laugh and point back at them or any other number of sarcastic gestures. Have fun with it! The ability to laugh at one's self can change everything. Of course you could stick to your original plan and keep looking straight ahead thus ignoring them.

[Foxglove]

Hi, Michelle! People are funny, you never know with them. But it's not impossible: some day, perhaps 20-30 years from now when they're older and have seen more of life's nastiness and had some of it aimed at them, they may recall how they treated you and be truly mortified at the way they behaved. That sort of thing does happen.

Perhaps they won't. In that case, they're simply beyond redemption and there's no point in worrying about them. "As you judge, so shall you be judged." And they were judging themselves pretty harshly.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[ReineD]

I'm sorry, Michelle. What an unfeeling, inconsiderate, ignorant, and immature thing to do. If they were my daughters I'd make them feel ashamed of their behavior.

[Angela Campbell]

It seems that in this day and age many people have forgotten common courtesy. There are no more manners, there is mostly selfishness. People only thinking of themselves and everyone else is just an object not a real thinking, feeling person. It is sad. These girls are the kind to make fun of anything different, they would likely laugh at a small person, an amputee, or even someone with a learning disability, or someone with a different accent. They would laugh and ridicule and feel good about it. When it comes down to it you have to wonder what kind of contribution they make to society? Is this the kind of person who would go into medicine and care for the ill, or go into social work and care for the poor, or are they selfish spoiled young people who expect Mom and Dad to pay for all their wishes. They likely are more pitiful than mean. You should feel sorry for someone like that. It may be they will grow out of it and become honest decent people but many don't.

Is this the same kind of people who go to a store and park their shopping cart in the middle of an aisle and stand between it and the shelves, and do not move when someone else is trying to go by...and even gives a look of aggravation because you said excuse me, just to get by them? You know it didn't used to be this way.

[CassandraSmith]

Well, they're just not very evolved that's all. I remember many years ago, I was playing bass at this coffee shop and I looked up and saw a bunch of women smoking pipes and sitting closely with other women out in the foyer. At first, it shocked me and made me really nervous. Then I started laughing. Of course, I had the sense to look down and stifle it because I don't think it's my place to point and laugh but the feeling was there. I had to remind myself that I was a terrified cross dresser who had never told anyone and at that moment realized that they were in the same place as I was. Still, it took me a while to come to terms with transmen because it seemed absurd to me at the time.

Fast forward many years and I made a point out of being respectful regarding gender issues but there are a lot of people who've never faced this sort of thing and they just are frightened because it's so foreign to them.

So, as with many things, it really says more about where they're at than anything wrong with you. They need to learn what tolerance really means. Thank goodness Rosa Parks had the brass to sit in the front of the bus or we'd all still be in a world of suffering. I also think we're entering into a new era of intolerance in some ways as people don't seem to get this concept without legal teeth behind it at times.

We lived in a messed up world, that's all.

On the bright side, you may be the person that first opened their eyes to gender identity issues and they may meet someone while they're talking about it who helps them understand diversity more. After all, we were all silly and foolish at one time, right?


Cassy

[STACY B]

They caught you off guard ? Or you were Slipping ? Or I just can't put my fngure on it?

Because as long as you have been doing this you missed your Shot !
I will BET YOU one thing if that would have been me an they were laughing Like that I would have Blew them a KISS ,,, An the rolled the window down an Started yelling ,,,
Come Back ,,, Come Back ,,,,
Those Little Boyz would have had a Heart attack !!! :devil::devil::devil:


TRANNY gone WILD !!!!!!!!

[YorkshireRose]

Hi Michelle, Almostalady snuck in there with exactly what I was about to say. (great minds think alike), my young daughter is blind and rocks her head from side to side and I have heard people snigger and laugh at her, then look away when I've turned to give them a piece of my mind. These are the same kind of ignorant, thoughtless people that you encountered. Don't let these idiots get you down, the world is full of ignorant people sadly.

Charlotte

[LauraBird]

I would have smiled at them and blew them a kiss - roll down your window and tell them being a girl is fun. It was an isolated incident with two young (teenage) women, laugh with them = no problem..................................Debra

ps don't let it get you down - it's not worth it

THIS ^^ :)

I've found the best way to get over someone insulting or laughing at you is to "flip the script", so to speak. If they laugh, and you become visibly uncomfortable, slink down in your seat - then they have won. By being confident, even silly, and doing something like blowing them a kiss... well... you just flipped it around on them. Now it's a "Yeah, I see you - so what?"

Maybe a little childish... but it's kinda like getting the last word in an argument. :)

[Amanda22]

Michelle, that must have felt horrible. I'm sorry you experienced it. You know they were acting childish and mean-spirited, but that doesn't help. No one likes being made fun of. You did nothing wrong and didn't deserve that.

[Angela Campbell]

We accept you as you are and will never laugh at you.

[Michelle James]

We accept you as you are and will never laugh at you.

While it was horrible at the time I tried to write it with a little humor so you can laugh at that.

[Kittie]

They laugh because you are different, we laugh at them because they are all mundane and the same. :thumbsup:

[sonna]

They're laughing because they accept what others tell them like good little sheep.. so don't worry about it.

very well put..........

[Lorileah]

some day, perhaps 20-30 years from now when they're older some young teenager will point and laugh at them

[Stephanie47]

Michelle, I feel your pain. However, you experienced young immature girls acting like assholes. What is to be really feared is the silent majority who say nothing when bigotry is thrown around. Fear those in power who rant and rave at those in society who are not like themselves. Fear those who strive to deny your right to be different.

[Eryn]

When something like that happens it's better to just consider that you've brought a little amusement to their lives. Their need to ridicule others will eventually come around to bite them when they shoot their mouths off in the wrong situation.

In the meantime, remember the wisdom of Eleanor Roosevelt:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

[Nicole Erin]

It is always annoying to be laughed at regardless of why. People get really brave when in their car. I guess this doesn't help but if their car had suddenly broken down at that moment, they would have been crapping bricks.


my young daughter is blind and rocks her head from side to side and I have heard people snigger and laugh at her, then look away when I've turned to give them a piece of my mind.
And some people have the f*cking TESTICLES to laugh about this?

The fact that some pricks make jokes about us TG people is one thing but hearing about people laughing at your daughter honestly pisses me off.

[Tracii G]

I've been laughed at for being a fat man and a fat tranny and I know the feeling.
They were just two immature girls with low self esteem nothing more.
Roll on doing your thing and get on with life.

[Sheren Kelly]

Michelle,
When someone is rude to me, I recall that their actions reflect who they are and have nothing to do with who I am. That these 2 could have "fun" at your expense tells us that they are either heartless or hopelessly insecure. At least you have the courage to live your own life.

[Ceri Anne]

Can't let small minds direct your feelings. They were obviously imature, rude, and not worth a second thought. I'm sure we have all had a moment where we were laughed at. Even as a guy it has happened. So pull up your panties again, relize who YOU are and keep moving forward. Huggs

[RenneB]

Ya know, those are probably the same type of girls that would laugh at a wounded veteran for being disfigured for saving their freedom... I've been there girl, I had the 20 somethin' point at me and say within earshot "OMG it's one of them" to me. The next day, I got dressed up again and went right back to the same store. Never had another issue... Oh, I'll get the 'scan' and the occasional smirk, but I just go about my business...

On a side note, I throw up the pink radar when coming up to a traffic light... I usually leave enough room between my car and the car ahead to adjust my car if the two of ours are starting to line up... I also will during the day, pull down the sunvisor over both doors just as an added measure of not making eye contact...

Renne.....

[Barbara Ella]

No matter how often you have gone out and prepared yourself for this eventuality, it cannot lessen the impact. No one can know how they will respond. All we can do is give you our support and love and wish you the best as you continue to do what you must do. Don't ever stop. We all must live with these individuals, hopefully your encounter with them is completed.

Barbara

[Celeste]

Sweet justice would come if maybe one day ,one of them or one of their children might discover they were trans.Then they would have to look back at how they treated you and feel awfully disgusted with themselves.Even so ,if they're honest with themselves,when they get older they will look back and remember how hateful they were towards you..and have to live with the memory of that.

[litangel]

Hi Michelle,

I am sorry that happened to you. I had a tough interaction today too. (chronicled in another post).
They laughed because of the "no-mans land" of unacceptable behavior between the two gender boxes, for men. They laughed out of the discomfort of you being in no-man's land, and also not living up to societal pictures of beauty.
What you do is courageous, it is healing society, and bringing liberation, so that someday how you dress, will be no bigger deal than some woman looking a little butch.
Keep on sister.

[Amanda M]

Michelle- hang on in there! Don't let ignorance win. One point - I notice you said in your post "fat child, fat teenager etc". Seems like the F word causes you pain. Would it be worth your while changing your body shape? I'm NOT suggesting that you need to or should , only that it might make a lot of difference to you.

Amanda.

[kimdl93]

Like someone said, you can't fix stupid. In all your experiences, this one stands out. But it shouldn't. Remember the hundreds of times you've been accepted for who you are. The problem wasn't you. It was with them.

For the record, my step daughter chuckled a bit the first time she saw me en femme. It was a spontaneous thing, and she caught herself and apologized (unnecessarily) acknowledging that it was going to take her a while to get used to seeing me as a woman. But she's family and I'll credit her for intelligence and compassion - something those two girls seem to be lacking.

[rachel_rachel]

You can't fix ignorant or stupid. Not worth worrying over

Great point there.. pretty much the answer for the entire post without going any further.

[Michelle James]

Michelle- hang on in there! Don't let ignorance win. One point - I notice you said in your post "fat child, fat teenager etc". Seems like the F word causes you pain. Would it be worth your while changing your body shape? I'm NOT suggesting that you need to or should , only that it might make a lot of difference to you.

Amanda.

No actually the word fat does not cause me pain. My intentional overuse of the word in my post was an attempt to inject some humor into it. I may have missed the mark.

[Foxglove]

Until 3:55 pm yesterday when my belief system was shaken off it's foundation in a hurricane Sandy sort of way. . .

The veil was lifted, like the crew of the Black Pearl in the moonlight everyone was seeing me for what I am. A fat middle aged white man in a fat middle aged white woman's clothes. Some days I just want to throw in the towel.

Hi, Michelle! I've been thinking about your post. I've been considering saying something. I've hesitated over it, but I believe I'll go ahead and say it. Maybe it will help you. If it doesn't, I offer my apologies in advance.

The bits from your OP above bother me a great deal. You used to feel good about yourself. These girls who laughed at you have completely undermined your sense of well-being. That's not a nice thing to do to someone--to make them feel so bad about themselves.

Now as everyone knows, a couple of months ago I came out full-time and I've got a very good reception from the people of my town. They've been so understanding and accepting, it's simply amazing.

A couple of days ago, though, a woman laughed at me--and yet it didn't bother me in the least.

The situation was this: I've known her for years since she works in a shop that I frequently go into. She's a very nice woman, always pleasant to deal with. A couple of days ago, her boss was introducing me to her. That is, the boss now knows me as "Annabelle", and he's been very nice to me, so he was introducing me to her as "Annabelle" so she'd know who I was.

As I pointed out to him, there was no need to introduce us because I'd already had dealings with her as Annabelle. She knew who I was and she was perfectly accepting. But when he introduced us, she laughed a bit. In fact, her boss is one of two men who, whenever they see me, smile and sometimes have a bit of a chuckle. And as I say, this sort of laughter has never bothered me.

For this reason: everybody gets laughed at on occasion because we all have our eccentricities, and sometimes people simply find them funny. Being trans is my eccentricity, and so if on occasion people laugh that's just something everybody experiences. So the laughter I've experienced with these three people is in a way just a normal thing, and the important thing is that there's no malice in it. These three may laugh a bit, but they've always been very accepting and very good to me. So why get upset if they find me a bit odd, since the fact of the matter is that I am a bit odd?

There's different kinds of laughter: some of it is good-natured and some of it is extremely nasty. I got the good type, you got the bad type. But laughter in itself shouldn't undermine our sense of well-being. If you'd got the good type of laughter, it wouldn't have done that. You got the bad type because you ran into a couple of very nasty people. So don't let their laughter undermine you: it says nothing about you other than the fact that you're different, which you already knew. It says everything about them: they're the nasty sort. Alas, such people exist in this world and there's nothing we can do about it. They're the ones who should feel bad about themselves, not you. But they haven't got the sense to do that.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Amanda22]

Annabelle, what a beautiful, thoughtful, measured response. You have actually helped me in my world. Thank you for that!

[TxKimberly]

I dont know how to make you feel any better, but I can tell you that you are not alone. I've had the very same thing happen before, but it was a car full of teenage boys. I guess we just have to suck it up and drive on, 'cause I sure as hell dont plan to lay down and die. :)

[Ressie]

The last time I got laughed and pointed at (at a stop light) I was wearing a cowboy hat. Just kids...

[natalie_cheryl]

i dont think there is anything i can say that would help you feel better, im sorry that this you had to go through this. they are just terrible

[Momarie]

I am so sorry this happened to you sweet pea.
Please don't take it to heart.

You said:
....."Not because I believe I pass, as I believe most of us don't. In fact I think few do. I think that most people just don't pay any attention and those that do either accept, are too polite to say anything or just don't give a s&*t."

This kind of level headed thinking just shows how balanced and well adjusted you are.

Remember this...
You is kind, You is Smart and You is Important.

[jules]

Like everybody said dont let it get you down. A lot of young people today are small minded and they make fun at anything. I spent my childhood being made fun of because we were poor. But I prevailed:)
Years ago I was in a trift store and when I paid for my purchase the said have a nice day mam. And the woman behind me chuckle.
I turned and look at her and in my male voiced asked her. ( did the clerk say somthing funny? I musted of missed it. Can you please repeat what she said I would not want to leave here thing I missed a good joke) the people behind her looked away and she turned red and never said a word.
I never let it get me down. It was like water on a ducks back.
You are who you are. Walk with pride and never back down. You have people on here that will always be here to offer you support and help when you need it.

Just my thoughts.

Later
Jules
Jules

[Foxglove]

Annabelle, what a beautiful, thoughtful, measured response. You have actually helped me in my world. Thank you for that!

Thanks, Amanda, and you're welcome.

[GinaD]

Sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes people just suck!

[MonicaCD]

I'm sorry that happened, but appreciate you taking the time to tell us. Thank you for being Michelle!

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Michelle, I'm sorry you had to experience that degree of ignorance. I have not read all of the replies so apologise if I am repeating advice better expressed elsewhere.

I know from very recent experience that no matter how thick a skin you may develop, it only takes one inconsiderate remark or gesture to cause immense pain. Please do believe and understand that you are much better than the ridicule to which you were exposed. You are also a valued member of these forums and I am glad that we can be here for you at times like this.

I'm sorry though, I must challenge one thing that you said

The veil was lifted, like the crew of the Black Pearl in the moonlight everyone was seeing me for what I am. A fat middle aged white man in a fat middle aged white woman's clothes.

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT a man in a woman's clothes - you are a woman who has a birth defect that resulted in years of poison seeping into your body. At least now you are getting support to try to overcome the ravages of that poison (testosterone).

Please also try to remember the family motto: Nils Illegitimus Carborundum (Don't let the Bar Stewards grind you down) - you are worth so much more

[lauren.h100]

It wouldn't have bothered me in the least. Just bear in mind that at the genetic level humans are 98.5% identical to chimpanzees. And then some people are even closer.....

[Laura_Stephens]

Very sorry to hear about your experience.

I have been laughed at in public although I NEVER go out dressed. I deal with severe plaque psoriasis. Most people try to be polite and merely stare. About once a month I get laughed at or hear some insult behind my back. As much as I try to ignore those who are truly ignorant, it can be d@mn difficult to do and it does cut like a knife from time to time.

"T" people didn't ask to be wired they way they are and no one with psoriasis asks for that condition either. People who laught at us are, in essence, blaming us for something we are -- not for something we chose. It is the height of ignorance.

[Foxglove]

Well said, Laura!

I didn't know anything about plaque psoriasis, but I just googled it. It boggles the mind how anyone could laugh at something like that. I think it's worse than ignorance. I'd call it "sickness" myself.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[veronica66]

I think if you are a man and go out dressed as a woman you have to expect that. If you are passable then maybe not. I have only cross dressed in public a couple times at a bar where that was common

[Leah Lynn]

Some people have a need to ridicule others in an attempt to make themselves feel superior. It's only because they are insecure to begin with. Be strong; we are the better people.

Remember the line from "Rent", when they are talking about Angel, and one said a guy hassled Angel. Angel responded that she was twice the man he (hassler) would ever be, and twice the woman he could ever get. By our nature, we are twice the person anyone else could be!

Leah