Would Like Some Help, Confused :/

[xxLaurenCDxx]

Hi all,


Looking for some help/discussion here.

The idea of crossdressing keeps entering my mind. I spend hours looking at clothes websites for the stuff I want, checking sizes, etc I've even ordered things before then either returned or not collected them.

I seem to get to a point where I start doubting myself about whether I should be doing it or not. Problem is I stop myself but within around 3 months I'm doing it all again.

It's confusing me and I don't know what to do really.

[Karren H]

Sizes vary so much if you want to know for sure go to a store and try them on.... if you apprehensive try a store like Kohler.... where the mens and womens depts are on the same floor... then just go select a few skirts or dresses and go try them on in the mens dressing room... rule of thumb your skirt size will be your waist minus 21.... dresses may be a size larger for men since they are heaver on top... once you find your right size.... all your confusion just melts away!

[Maria S]

Hi Lauren

It seems to me that you are potientially a cross dresser otherwise you would not keep getting repetitive feelings. I suggest you start small perhaps a few bits from a charity shop or Ebay then if you feel it's not for you nothing lost.

Love Maria

[Annaliese]

This is part of you, some of us here have spent years doubting our self, then at some point accepting, and regretting all the clothes we have tossed out and all the time wasted.

[Barbra P]

It would help if you supplied a little more information. First, how old are you, approximate age is fine if you don’t want to give your exact age. How long has this been going on? Knowing your location (a little more exact than just England) might be beneficial as well; you may live close to a member who would be willing to meet with you, or direct you to someone who will.

I’d guess that just about everyone here was confused as to why they wanted to crossdress, and a good many of them are still confused even many years later. Medical science doesn’t have the answers yet, so there is an excellent chance that no one can tell you why you want to crossdress. Do you know what you hope to achieve by putting on women’s clothes? Do you just want to wear some articles of women’s clothes or do you want to completely dress as a woman? Some members here are content to only wear panties or panties and bras, while others want to dress entirely in women’s clothes from head to toe, with makeup, jewelry, perfume, and a wig (I fall into this category). Most crossdressers start out in the closet, they don’t want anybody to know what they do, and they only crossdress in the privacy of their home, or room. You’ll find a lot of others here who like to go out dressed as women and go shopping, go eat or have coffee, and go to clubs in the evening. What I’m trying to explain is that there is a wide variation when it comes to crossdressing, so your situation is somewhat unique to you. Do you feel like you should have been born a girl, do you just like the way women’s clothes look and /or feel – well if as yet you haven’t yet worn women’s clothes than I guess you don’t yet know how they feel.

For the most part this is a very friendly forum and there are a number of members who will try to answer your questions and help you if they can. But your post is just a little vague and there is much information to base a really helpful reply on.

[CassandraSmith]

Hi all,


Looking for some help/discussion here.

The idea of crossdressing keeps entering my mind. I spend hours looking at clothes websites for the stuff I want, checking sizes, etc I've even ordered things before then either returned or not collected them.

I seem to get to a point where I start doubting myself about whether I should be doing it or not. Problem is I stop myself but within around 3 months I'm doing it all again.

It's confusing me and I don't know what to do really.

If I could phone myself when I was 13, I would have said "Don't be afraid of who you are. Seek out someone to explore it with like the various specialty makeover consultants that seem to be in every big city. It doesn't mean your not heterosexual. You will find a woman who understands but you've got to be up front with them and let the ones go who aren't into it. Be bold. Accept others too. Oh, and when this company called Microsoft comes on the scene around 1982, buy about $500 of their stock and hang onto it until 1997 then retire."

Cassy

[Jenniferathome]

So you have never dressed? We have all felt the "shame" of dressing or wanting to but most reach a point where dressing is more important than reflecting on the shame. Just remember, youa re not doing anything wrong. It's just odd. But so is a lot of shit out in the world. Perhaps you will dress and find you do not like it, or maybe you'll love it. Either way, you will know. Enjoy yourself.

[kimdl93]

As others have stated, doubt is something we've all had in common for much of our lives. It doesn't stop when you begin dressing regularly. Your perspective can change, however. To do so, you must be willing to look deeply into yourself, willing to confront and challenge some of your own deep seated notions about gender, and willing to accept the reality that there's nothing wrong with you. Once you can accept the fact that cross dressing is not a disease, a crime or a perversion, then eventually you may come to accept yourself and be able to dress as you choose.

[Jaymees22]

Hi, It sounds like you want to try it, so I would say just do it. Dress once and you will know right away if it's the thing for you....Hugs Jaymee

[Ericaxd]

As I write this, I'm sitting at my computer in a new red dress and feeling quite good about it. But like you, I have had plenty of anxiety and guilt (and wasteful purges). Fortunately, I found places like crossdressers.com and other places where we have a supportive community. I learned I'm not alone, and that this is OK. And it is as much a part of me as my head and heart.

[Stephanie47]

At age 23 you're doing what the vast majority of young men do? You're engaged in the battle of allowing your total inner self to express all facets of your being vs. suppressing that part of your self society feels is inappropriate. For most of us it will be a lifelong struggle. Even when we fully accept ourselves, it will be a struggle with others to accept us, especially loved ones. For most of us it is obtaining a balance in meeting the needs of our inner self and getting along in society.

[Angela Campbell]

What would it hurt to just try it? Will anyone be hurt by this? If you try it and do not like it then no problem. It seems to keep coming back, and like all of us you will probably find it never really goes away. It is hard to admit to yourself that you like something you are not supposed to. It will take time to do that.

[xxLaurenCDxx]

It would help if you supplied a little more information. First, how old are you, approximate age is fine if you don’t want to give your exact age. How long has this been going on? Knowing your location (a little more exact than just England) might be beneficial as well; you may live close to a member who would be willing to meet with you, or direct you to someone who will.

I’d guess that just about everyone here was confused as to why they wanted to crossdress, and a good many of them are still confused even many years later. Medical science doesn’t have the answers yet, so there is an excellent chance that no one can tell you why you want to crossdress. Do you know what you hope to achieve by putting on women’s clothes? Do you just want to wear some articles of women’s clothes or do you want to completely dress as a woman? Some members here are content to only wear panties or panties and bras, while others want to dress entirely in women’s clothes from head to toe, with makeup, jewelry, perfume, and a wig (I fall into this category). Most crossdressers start out in the closet, they don’t want anybody to know what they do, and they only crossdress in the privacy of their home, or room. You’ll find a lot of others here who like to go out dressed as women and go shopping, go eat or have coffee, and go to clubs in the evening. What I’m trying to explain is that there is a wide variation when it comes to crossdressing, so your situation is somewhat unique to you. Do you feel like you should have been born a girl, do you just like the way women’s clothes look and /or feel – well if as yet you haven’t yet worn women’s clothes than I guess you don’t yet know how they feel.

For the most part this is a very friendly forum and there are a number of members who will try to answer your questions and help you if they can. But your post is just a little vague and there is much information to base a really helpful reply on.

I'm 23 and from South London. It's been going for at least 5-7 years, thinking about it has at least, but it's only in the last year or 2 I've actually looked at websites and thought about ordering things, or sometimes actually doign it then regretting it.

I don't know what I want to achieve, there is just something about womens clothes, especially heels, that I want to experience. I would like to dress head to toe including wig if the opportunity arose, however I don't feel I was bron into the wrong body :)

[xxLaurenCDxx]

Thanks for all your replies so far, they're very helpful.

I know there is nothing wrong with doing it, makes me feel good when I have had the rare opportunity to try something on but I always end up stopping myself because I start thinking I shouldn't. I don't know why I think I shouldn't though. And I think it's one of those things I should try instead of forever wondering/

[DonnaT]

If you could forget the feeling of it being wrong, when you've had rare opportunity to try something on, how did it feel?

I think, with the way things have been going, at least you aren't wasting money. Usually, when one feels it is something they shouldn't be doing, they just bin the clothes and waste money. You seem to have managed to avoid that part.

What I suggest, quit looking and ordering. Instead, go to the thrift store and find something cheap. If the urge to get rid of it comes up, then take it back to the thrift store.

[Beth Wilde]

Thanks for all your replies so far, they're very helpful.

I know there is nothing wrong with doing it, makes me feel good when I have had the rare opportunity to try something on but I always end up stopping myself because I start thinking I shouldn't. I don't know why I think I shouldn't though. And I think it's one of those things I should try instead of forever wondering/

Hi Lauren,

It may be nothing more than your upbringing that makes dressing feel wrong. Boys are brought up wearing boys clothes, girls wearing girls clothes. You learn what is male and what is female as a child and this ends up deep in your mind.

That said, there are soooooo many of us out there who have overcome the feelings of wrongness, got dressed and never looked back. It may not be the same for you, but I feel absolutely fantastic when dressed and made up. It gives me the opportunity to feel lovely and feminine for a few hours or perhaps a night out and then back to male mode for my day to day life.

It sounds like you have more than the occasional temptation to dress so the best advice I can give is to do it, ignore the wrongness, fight it and get yourself some nice clothes. Charity shops are good, Ebay is great for privacy! Dress up fully in a nice outfit and give in to the wonderful feeling.

The big question is, can you live with forever wondering how it will feel? You are young enough to have many decades of pleasure and happiness ahead of you, don't deny yourself that pleasure!

Good luck.

[Ariamythe]

Been there, done that. Rode the cycle of want and don't want; did the browsing and the almost committing and the shaming and the running away. It won't work.

I didn't make any progress until I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. It's only been about two weeks, but they've been some of the most zen of my life.

[AmyGaleRT]

Lauren, a lot of us have been there. It's okay to be who you are! Are you harming anyone by slipping into a pretty dress? No, you're not. Are you breaking the law by strapping on a pair of heels? No, you're not. Instead of beating yourself up over dressing, try doing it, then sit there and evaluate how you feel. You may find, at first, that there's one particular item of clothing that makes you feel better than others. (For me, that was nightgowns.) It may be only later that you change your mind and decide to fully dress the way a number of us do. For now, explore your feelings, without feeling bad, guilty, or ashamed. Try different colors or styles, see what appeals to you most and what looks best on you. You need to accept yourself first and foremost.

Oh, and here's Amy's Dress Sizing Tip For Newbies: The bust is the most important measurement in figuring out your dress size. Other measurements can be "fudged" a bit by finding the right style of dress for you. Don't forget to add the size of any breast forms you'll be wearing with the dress. This measurement will carry over into tops as well.

Good luck! :)

- Amy

[Cheryl T]

Welcome to the club.
That self doubt and indecision is something we've all experienced at some time in our lives.
You want to dress, then you do and feel guilty, then you purge, then you want to dress....and so on and so on.
Then comes the day when you realize you are not "weird", you are not a perv. You understand that this is part of you and who you are. That acceptance allows you to keep your purchases and enjoy them as you always wished you could. It allows you to be whole.

[xxLaurenCDxx]

If you could forget the feeling of it being wrong, when you've had rare opportunity to try something on, how did it feel?

I think, with the way things have been going, at least you aren't wasting money. Usually, when one feels it is something they shouldn't be doing, they just bin the clothes and waste money. You seem to have managed to avoid that part.

What I suggest, quit looking and ordering. Instead, go to the thrift store and find something cheap. If the urge to get rid of it comes up, then take it back to the thrift store.

It felt good. Walking around in a pair of heels felt great, if a little unsteady at first.

Great idea, might try that :)


Hi Lauren,

It may be nothing more than your upbringing that makes dressing feel wrong. Boys are brought up wearing boys clothes, girls wearing girls clothes. You learn what is male and what is female as a child and this ends up deep in your mind.

That said, there are soooooo many of us out there who have overcome the feelings of wrongness, got dressed and never looked back. It may not be the same for you, but I feel absolutely fantastic when dressed and made up. It gives me the opportunity to feel lovely and feminine for a few hours or perhaps a night out and then back to male mode for my day to day life.

It sounds like you have more than the occasional temptation to dress so the best advice I can give is to do it, ignore the wrongness, fight it and get yourself some nice clothes. Charity shops are good, Ebay is great for privacy! Dress up fully in a nice outfit and give in to the wonderful feeling.

The big question is, can you live with forever wondering how it will feel? You are young enough to have many decades of pleasure and happiness ahead of you, don't deny yourself that pleasure!

Good luck.

This is what I keep thinking about, I should just try it properly and see how I feel instead of constantly wondering.

I had a pair of heels once and it felt grreat wearing them but returned them once I started doubting myself. I should stick with it and see if the doubt passes.


Been there, done that. Rode the cycle of want and don't want; did the browsing and the almost committing and the shaming and the running away. It won't work.

I didn't make any progress until I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb. It's only been about two weeks, but they've been some of the most zen of my life.

Sounds like you were doing the same as me, I should take note of your experience.


Lauren, a lot of us have been there. It's okay to be who you are! Are you harming anyone by slipping into a pretty dress? No, you're not. Are you breaking the law by strapping on a pair of heels? No, you're not. Instead of beating yourself up over dressing, try doing it, then sit there and evaluate how you feel. You may find, at first, that there's one particular item of clothing that makes you feel better than others. (For me, that was nightgowns.) It may be only later that you change your mind and decide to fully dress the way a number of us do. For now, explore your feelings, without feeling bad, guilty, or ashamed. Try different colors or styles, see what appeals to you most and what looks best on you. You need to accept yourself first and foremost.

Oh, and here's Amy's Dress Sizing Tip For Newbies: The bust is the most important measurement in figuring out your dress size. Other measurements can be "fudged" a bit by finding the right style of dress for you. Don't forget to add the size of any breast forms you'll be wearing with the dress. This measurement will carry over into tops as well.

Good luck! :)

- Amy

Thanks :) That first bit is really helpful, I'm not hurting anyone by doing any of this, only myself by trying to stop it.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

If I were magically 23 right now and knowing that the world is changing toward more acceptance I would dress fully as a woman for the rest of my life. That said it is how I feel and you need to do what you feel is right for your situation. I am married and have a career that would not allow me to change now so I stay mostly hidden and only a very few know of my crossdressing. If circumstances allow for you to experience and give in to your urges than you should try it and see what comes of it. If you weigh your options and find that it would not hurt anyone in your life than what the heck, go for it and let us know how it worked out. I can say that the first time out dressed en-femme is the biggest rush of your life as you are doing it.

[Barbara Ella]

Lauren, you are in the questioning phase where the ingrained societal dislike for what we do is still present in your psyche. It will just take your doing this enough, and seeing that you survive and the world continues to spin. I suggest you not purge or return. Get a toolbox or something you can lock, and just lock them away and tell yourself you will never to it again. When you are drawn back, and you will from what you write, they will be there. Progress slow. you know what you want to look like, but first get comfortable with little things. Just wear the panties and hose and forget about the sexy heels etc. Just get comfortable with the thought. Right now it is just the thought.

Barbara

[tdon]

Hi, I'm tdon and this is my first time here. I'm 62, "plus sized gal, live in Wareham, MA and been dressing in one form or another since I was a teen. I've gone through the purge and collect cycle several times myself so I understand. I have no hope of passing so I content myself with dressing at home. I have recently felt the need to expand my experiences so I dress in what might be called unisex clothing. I have also found a couple of small thrift stores where I have been able to build a rather nice wardrobe. Any ideas or comments would be very nice.

[Beverley Sims]

Go and buy things and try them on.
If you need to try a charity shop as well.
When you have something that fits wear it for a while and you will eventually get the idea.
There's no doubt about it.
You may like crossdressing permanently.