Best Therapist Advice Or Worst Horror Stories? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Ariamythe

01-11-2013, 04:16 PM

I am currently trying to find a therapist that is accessible & affordable (i.e. near home or work and accepts my insurance) to help me with my current situation. So I'm curious about the kind of therapist stories the rest of you have.

If you've gone to see a therapist before please share your experiences. I'm wondering what to expect when I go, what techniques or whatnot they employ, and how they handle big dudes sitting in their office claiming to have a female side.

Frankly, I'm scared of being laughed out of the office! Or worse yet, told that I'm sick and need to be "cured." I've spent the last 20 years telling myself that, I don't need it from someone else. I don't want to be "cured."

If there have been other threads about this, I apologize. My search-fu is weak. Links would be appreciated.

EDIT: Obviously, I'm not expecting you to share intensely personal stuff. I don't want to seem nosy. Just general experiences.

Ericaxd

01-11-2013, 04:31 PM

My one experience with a therapist was not good. She was very welcoming and listened--I do not think you need to fear being laughed out of the office or being told your sick. That is not likely to happen. But, based on my experience, if I were you one of the most important criteria for me would be to find some one who has a specialty in TG issues. The generalist I had did not really seem to understand the issues.

Edyta_C

01-11-2013, 05:05 PM

It will be difficult to find someone who takes your insurance and who is up to snuff with TG issues. I was lucky to find help with a professional that deals with both depression and gender dysphoria. She has referred me now to a TG specialist counselor. This gal also does not take insurance but is cheaper that the Doctor. I think your success will depend on the area you live in and how much professional help is available. In Central Texas there are a number of alternatives, but in some other areas of Texas I think you might have trouble.

Edy

Sarasometimes

01-11-2013, 10:53 PM

You need to search for a gender aware therapist! Any others will probably take your money and learn from you. I taught many therapists unknowingly until i found a LGBT therapy practice and now all is good. Good Luck.

Eryn

01-11-2013, 11:37 PM

Whenever I hear of someone going to a therapist who doesn't have specific experience with TG issues I think of this old VW ad:

195602
Is someone learning how to fix Volkswagens on your Volkswagen?

The same logic applies. You're paying for the therapist's expertise, not for the therapist to learn a new expertise!

LaraPeterson

01-11-2013, 11:44 PM

Therapy (Latin therapīa; Greek: θεραπεία) literally means "curing, healing" and is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis. In the medical field, it is synonymous with the word "treatment". Among psychologists, the term may refer specifically to psychotherapy or "talk therapy".

I saw one, one time. He was walking down the street toward his office. That's as close to those people as I ever want to get. I'm not prejudiced or anything. I just don't like being around idiots who think they know it all. Ariamythe, you are not sick and as you said, you don't need to be cured. Try to find someone else who is facing the same sort of challenges you are; ie, other CD's. You will get much more benefit from them than you will someone who has read a book and didn't understand much of what they studied.

lingerieLiz

01-11-2013, 11:51 PM

My experience with a therapist was not good. Neither were the cources I took in college. It was suggested I not take any more cources as I was causing issues.

The therapist that I met with had more issues than I did. She almost cost me a divorce. We found out later that two other couples we knew had fired her. She hated men! Never knew I was a CD.

Not that all therapist are bad, but shop for what you want to resolve and don't worry about hurting their delicate feelings.

sandra-leigh

01-12-2013, 12:10 AM

I saw one, one time. He was walking down the street toward his office. That's as close to those people as I ever want to get. I'm not prejudiced or anything. I just don't like being around idiots who think they know it all. Ariamythe, you are not sick and as you said, you don't need to be cured. Try to find someone else who is facing the same sort of challenges you are; ie, other CD's. You will get much more benefit from them than you will someone who has read a book and didn't understand much of what they studied.

Sounds to me like you are prejudiced.

I am going to gender therapy but I am also going to what I refer to as "life therapy" (because I have more strains in my life than just gender.) My therapist for that unfortunately moved away this year, but she was very good. She had not trained in gender therapy and never claimed to have. On the other hand, she had worked for two years at the inner-city clinic that provides all the official trans health services for the city, so she "got it" and was comfortable speaking to me about gender issues when I raised them in therapy.

The CDs and TS's I know are not trained in therapy, and have their own lives to deal with.

MeganHenry

01-12-2013, 12:14 AM

Here we go...
One said this isn't what normal boys do...(male)
Another...I still don't know why you would want to do this...(male)
Next...if I could see the panties and what he wears I could tell you more...(female)
And then...id recommend if you can not dress for a week buy yourself a little gift like a cd or something...(male)
Finally...what's the big deal? Let's work on what's really here, what you are feeling, what has you concerned etc..(female) The best bar none that I met with.

LaraPeterson

01-12-2013, 12:16 AM

How could you tell? Maybe it's because I have about 30 years in the discipline and two post graduate degrees. I've worked around these so-called experts most of my adult life and I can tell you that most of them are quacks. If you have one you trust, good for you, really.

whowhatwhen

01-12-2013, 12:26 AM

I've had nothing but good experiences so far, and in fact I've opened up way more than I thought I ever could.
The biggest thing is trust, and with therapy you'll only get out what you put in.

- Find a therapist with experience in TG areas
- If they mention conversion therapy run for the hills
- Don't expect a quick fix, therapy is talking and it's up to you to put in the work

Don't let other people's negative experiences deter you.
For me, therapy has been the best thing that has happened to me and I would absolutely recommend it to anyone.

Therapy (Latin therapīa; Greek: θεραπεία) literally means "curing, healing" and is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis. In the medical field, it is synonymous with the word "treatment". Among psychologists, the term may refer specifically to psychotherapy or "talk therapy".

I saw one, one time. He was walking down the street toward his office. That's as close to those people as I ever want to get. I'm not prejudiced or anything. I just don't like being around idiots who think they know it all. Ariamythe, you are not sick and as you said, you don't need to be cured. Try to find someone else who is facing the same sort of challenges you are; ie, other CD's. You will get much more benefit from them than you will someone who has read a book and didn't understand much of what they studied.

Or, maybe other CDs aren't interested in hearing about how much you dislike your parts.
They also cannot give a letter if you need to start HRT, or greenlight SRS.

I don't know about you, but there is no way in hell I would dump my gender identity issues on anyone I considered a friend close enough to tell them I was having them in the first place.

Silmaril

01-12-2013, 12:38 AM

I have had positive experiences, and (as others have above) encourage you to find someone who has training and experience with TGs. I agree: you don't need to be "cured." In fact, I think it's pretty well established that TG behaviors don't go away, so looking for a cure would be a fool's errand.

But I also think being TG has *huge* potential to be a more complicated matter than many would have you believe. I'm sure any of us would want to help one of our sisters, but in the end, that kind of input may be no more than opinion.

My suggestion is that if you think you'd like to do a little work on yourself, you'd be wiser to seek out a trained professional. There can be a lot of layers of crap that can build up around your psyche over the years, making it hard to determine which parts of your pattern are truly you and which parts are unhealthy reactions that you might improve through counseling. An experienced professional can help you clear away the psychic flotsam and jetsam and find your true self.

Don't be afraid to shop around. Be a good consumer; after all, it's your dime. I think you have no reason to fear being laughed at.

Krististeph

01-12-2013, 12:50 AM

therapists are neither geniuses nor panaceas.

Go to whomever you choose. Be up front and disclose your worst 'fears' or 'secrets' within 10 minutes, preferably less.

The ploint it get out why you are there right off the bat: You are legally and ethically protected. if you do not like the therapist- walk out before the session is up. If anything 'bad' happens because of this, you basically inherit a significant percentage of their worth...

the point is- pick a therapist- open up right off the bat, and if you get a good vibe- great. if not- try another. you will find one quickly, and the law says you are protected no matter what (unless you talk about hurting yourself or others (which if you do, you are a true douchebag)).

This is one realm we a fully covered in... :-)

My therapist loves me- i come in with the craziest sh!t, and we just dish. 3-4 hours (sessions), he tells me just keep true to myself, essentially. And he gets 3/4 grand.

it's worth it. by far, I call it a bargain the best I ever had.

Kristi

Ariamythe

01-12-2013, 03:15 AM

One thing I've quickly learned to appreciate is how willing to share this forum is! Thanks for your experiences, both good and bad.

I will definitely heed the advice to find a therapist with trans experience, if I can. So far, I haven't had any luck with the magic combo of trans experience AND in the insurance network, but we'll see what tomorrow brings ...

Paula_56

01-12-2013, 07:17 AM

There are may good ones out there, where are you located? PM me if you are near Boston and i will tell you about my therapist. They do help girl!

Amanda M

01-12-2013, 07:49 AM

Therapy (Latin therapīa; Greek: θεραπεία) literally means "curing, healing" and is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis. In the medical field, it is synonymous with the word "treatment". Among psychologists, the term may refer specifically to psychotherapy or "talk therapy".

I saw one, one time. He was walking down the street toward his office. That's as close to those people as I ever want to get. I'm not prejudiced or anything. I just don't like being around idiots who think they know it all. .

Methinks the lady doth protest too much! We are not all idiots, you know. Sopmetimes we actually manage to help, as some of our friends here have said!

Best, Amanda.

kimdl93

01-12-2013, 09:16 AM

I spent the better part of two years in therapy, beginning with two sessions a week, later tapering off to bi weekly then monthly sessions. But I only had ever worked with one therapist. She was a fine, knowledgeable professional and although she didn't specialize in gender issues she helped me a great deal, especially in learning to accept myself.

michelleky53

01-12-2013, 02:47 PM

I worked with a therapist after my divorce. She was very helpful and professional. It was her suggestion that I be able to dress during my visits to her office and she would schedule me to be her last client of the day. I changed clothes in her bathroom and her receptionist would make sure the previous client was gone before I came out. Both women were very helpful and I appreciated them both.

Sheren Kelly

01-12-2013, 02:58 PM

It's not the therapist's job to cure you. They are there to get you to face your issues and help you find the most appropriate strategy for dealing with them. If a therapist throws a judgement at you for your dressing, RUN (don't walk!) and find one who will work with you in a supportive role.

Sandra1746

01-12-2013, 04:41 PM

The worst problem is that very few seem to be aware of transgender issues and such basic concepts as the BENJAMIN SCALE. The one LCSW I did see was very friendly and non-judjmental but was not familiar with TG issues. I took in a printout of the WIKIPEDIA page for Benjamin Scale and Transgender and she scanned it while we talked, that seemed to help and she thanked me for the information.

What that visit did was get me off my dime and I made an appointment with a local health group that has a significant LGBT practice. This is where I finally did get some positive results. Not sure about your area but there is likely one nearby, especially if you live near a large city. You can GOOGLE various keywords and your locale and find leads, that worked for me. Mostly you have to dig out the places for yourself, they are there.

Good luck and ask lots of questions first,
Sandra1746

Allison Chaynes

01-12-2013, 04:47 PM

Ariamythe,

A couple things I can tell you:

First off as many have said, find one that has experience with CD/TG issues or you're wasting your time. This is where I found mine:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/

Once you find one, research that person and find any feedback you can from others (Yahho! Local may have some).

Second, define what you want to get out of therapy. If you have no goal, you'll never get there.

SandraInHose

01-12-2013, 05:45 PM

I think therapy has it's place, but unless that therapist has either walked in your shoes (no pun intended) or has extensive experience with TG issues, I save my money. You'd get more practical advice hanging with a local group of TGs.

Having had a dozen counseling sessions (for non-CD issues), I felt that although I did receive some good advice, the majority of the interaction was me enlightening the counselor as to the pro's and cons of my problems.

CassandraSmith

01-12-2013, 05:57 PM

So I'm curious about the kind of therapist stories the rest of you have.

If you've gone to see a therapist before please share your experiences. I'm wondering what to expect when I go, what techniques or whatnot they employ, and how they handle big dudes sitting in their office claiming to have a female side.

Frankly, I'm scared of being laughed out of the office! Or worse yet, told that I'm sick and need to be "cured." I've spent the last 20 years telling myself that, I don't need it from someone else. I don't want to be "cured."

If there have been other threads about this, I apologize. My search-fu is weak. Links would be appreciated.

EDIT: Obviously, I'm not expecting you to share intensely personal stuff. I don't want to seem nosy. Just general experiences.

I can say without a doubt that Marilyn Marshall in Spokane, Washington would never make anyone feel humiliated or judge anyone from their attire or mannerisms. She's one of those who has exceptional empathetic skills and also knows how to draw out stuff without prying or being invasive. Most people almost feel compelled to confide in her immediately as she exudes unconditional positive regard (yes, she's highly Rogerian when appropriate) and she knows how to listen at the most profoundly deep level.

Since I don't consider CDing a disorder myself, what I think would be beneficial would be to find one that enjoys the Rogerian approach (active listening; Carl Rogers) with skills in cognitive emotive (Beck). Gestalt can be a good adjunct as it can help with working through dialogs with imaginary family members. I've also found Family Constellation Therapy to be very insightful and had some healing come through that for the minor abuse I took from a step parent.

Mostly, you'll know the right one because you'll feel totally safe with them. If you feel like you're in peril talking to them right off, they aren't right or qualified.

Now I do have a funny story. When I had returned to college, I was getting pretty stressed around exam times and thought, maybe I'll try one of the student counselors in training in our psych department. So I went in and made an appointment. Once in her office, I met a very nice young woman in her early 20's (I was in late 30's) and we sat down. The dialog went something like this:

"Hi."
"Hi."
"How are you doing?"
"Fine, I'm feeling a little stressed out and I'd like to work on my stuff if that's possible." I asked.
"That's good but first I need to ask you, have you ever been molested?"
I paused for a moment, got a somber look and said, "Well, yes... but only by myself."
I smiled and winked and thought to myself this is the worst opening I've ever heard in my life for a therapist. This is never going to work.
I think she realized that that pretty much killed it also and I said that I didn't think this was going to work for me.

It was a little disappointing though because they only were charging $7 an hour but then I thought "Well, you get what you pay for."

CassandraSmith

01-12-2013, 06:09 PM

Amanda M

01-14-2013, 03:52 AM

Nice one, Cassandra!

Miranda-E

01-14-2013, 06:36 AM

Rogina B

01-14-2013, 06:49 AM

The CDs and TS's I know are not trained in therapy, and have their own lives to deal with.
I think that talking to another person that has a similar world never hurts and perhaps they know someone that is clued in on it all.Eryn is correct in that many professionals try to fluff up their resume [or their areas of expertise] by learning something at another's expense.

SarahMarie42

01-14-2013, 07:37 AM

I've never once had any therapeutic experience even remotely similar to those which you've described in your original post. Every therapist I've ever encountered has been encouraging and affirming as I've revealed my feelings to them -- of course, I've found a good couple of therapists in all my years and haven't had to shop around much, so my base sample is n=2, which isn't the best o.-, but the policy statements of the APA and NASW (assuming you live in the US) would indicate that they're the norm. My current therapist is very much LGBT-affirming and extremely helpful when it comes to trans issues. Most therapists who ARE LGBT-friendly/affirming will, particularly in areas otherwise devoid of LGBT-affirming therapists, advertise themselves as such. I'm not quite sure where you live, but, given your fears, I'm assuming it may be characterized by a certain social conservatism? Either that, or you've had little exposure to the therapeutic process. Either way, I'd go so far as to say that the majority of licensed therapists are LGBT-friendly. Go for it. :]

EDIT (additional resources):

http://www.socialworkers.org/pubs/code/code.asp (National Association of Social Workers' Code of Ethics)
http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.aspx (American Psychological Association's Code of Ethics)

Violations of these respective codes by members of these respective organizations can result in expulsion from the group and the revocation of a license to professionally practice in either of these two overlapping disciplines -- if someone discriminates against you or ridicules you, you have the right to report them.

It's great to have rights, isn't it? :]

ClosetED

01-14-2013, 10:02 AM

I also suggest the link given by jessicawife. They list specialty in TG issues and which insurance they take and location

SAMANN

01-14-2013, 10:31 AM

I have seen more therapists than I care to count. My mom drug me to them as a kid whenever a new philosophy on child rearing came out.

As an adult I have seen 2 the first one told me I was demon possessed and needed an exorcism.�� Needless to say I stopped seeing her and went into what I call the great hide told my wife I was cured and we have not discussed it since. I am now seeing a new therapist have only seen her twice so far. She has limited experience with CD but listens and asks questions that make me think. She has encouraged me to tell my wife which I want to do but am afraid to do.

I think when looking for a therapist do t be afraid to leave them if they are not a good fit. That don't have to be experts in the field of TG but they do have to be willing to learn with you. Look for someone who meets these criteria at the least.

. 1. Licensed
2. Willing to treat you.
3. Honest about their experience level
4. Do you click.

So far so good with my current counselor but time will tell.

shawnsheila

01-14-2013, 11:29 AM

I would recommend seeing a Counselor that specializes in TG/Gender issues. They job is not to tell you what you are doing is good/bad, right/wrong. Their job is to help guide you to cope/accept/love yourself and help you work out your issues.

My wife went to see a Therapist who specializes in gender identity and it helped her cope and even accept me (to some degree) as a cross dresser and it has really helped our relationship quite a bit.

Nichola

01-14-2013, 11:37 AM

TeresaL

01-14-2013, 11:50 AM

My recent therapist is weening me back to occasional visits. I asked her why, and she said I don't really need her as I'm comfortable, and do not mind being in Teresa mode. She wants to apply her energy to someone who is stressed about being a cd, TG, or TS.

There have been a few occasions that she's helped me to feel better. I've always felt coarse and manly. But on my first solo visit, maybe just to be polite, she told me she called my name twice because she couldn't pick me out from the GG in the lobby. She has more than once told me that i am a convincing female. Albeit, I'm going to accept it at face value as if it were true, and not question it -- I have to present, and it does no good to doubt again.

On another visit, she told me that there is nothing wrong with me, irregardless of what society thinks. And yes, I've asked for the nonexistent blue pill,and she always assures me that there is none.

My lack of self-confidence to express and blend in female role has been helped by her therapy. I think that is vitally important if we are in public and fear being outed by appearance.

Sometimes Steffi

01-14-2013, 07:29 PM

I saw one therapist for about 5 years. I'll call her "Sue".

I laid out certain ground rules in the beginning. (1) I didn’t feel that I need to be cured. (2) My parents had both passed, so we couldn’t go about blaming them. (3) She had to come up with diagnosis and treatment codes that were not “Crossdresser”; I might need to get my security clearance back.

I found Sue very helpful in understanding myself, understanding how to talk about this with my wife, and understanding that I couldn’t change my wife’s reaction, only my wife could.

My graduation, so to speak, was when I asked my wife’s “permission” to go to a TG conference for 4 days. My wife gave me permission.

While she didn’t encourage it, Sue allowed me to dress for the sessions if I wanted, and occasionally, I did.

My adult daughter was always getting into some sort of "situation" which was causing me quite a bit of stress. We often spent a whole session on how I could deal with the stress my daughter was adding to my life. Sue helped me out greatly.

While she was out of network, Sue was covered by my insurance as an out of network doctor.

I saw a second therapist, I'll call her Fay, for about 3 months during those 5 years. Without doing any serious evaluation, Fay decided I was gay. This was very helpful to me, because after some serious thinking, I decided that Fay was wrong. Fay encouraged me to dress for the sessions. As you might guess, I didn’t need much encouragement, so I showed up dressed for every session after the first one, each time in an entirely different outfit. Fay gave me lots of positive feedback and encouragement on my girl look. In fact, she didn't recognize me the first time I came in dressed.

Therapy is supposed to be a no judgment zone, and Fay probably broke protocol by complementing my girl style. Sue never said anything positive or negative about my dressing for sessions. I loved the sessions with Fay for the positive feedback I got on my dressing, but it very quickly became clear that Fay wasn’t helping me. I couldn't get her past the gay thing.

Overall, my results were positive. Just remember, "Therapy is a no judgement zone." The therapist should help you to "find youself". He/she shouldn't give you his/her answers. If you are being judged, you have the wrong therapist, and you should find another one.

BillieJoEllen

01-15-2013, 12:36 PM

When I was fifteen I got into some CDing trouble. The judge recomended therapy for me. I went to a psychiatrist for six months and then to a pyschologist for another two years. The pysychiatrist beat me up brutally in my first five or six sessions. He wanted me to be 'open' about my CDing. After that he went to belittling me about my CDing. After six months I was transferred over to a psychologist. My CDing was only mentioned in the first five or ten minutes of our first session. After that it was just talk for about two years. Nothing ever helped me that we talked about with these two men. I was not 'open'.

After fifteen years of marriage my wife went to a psychologist and he really put CDing and me down. She reported just about every thing they talked about. He encouraged her to take me to see a psychologist in a different city that he knew that helped TG people. Our first counseling session was with both of us together. He promised to help me work through issues and eventually 'cure' me. After about two years we only talked about CDing in only my first session. He was content to let me talk about anything I wanted to do. He was also content to collect the insurance money he was being sent and my weekly co-pay. As you can guess my heart was never really in 'therapy'. Never did me any good. Perhaps if I would of sought therapy it might've done some good but rest assured it never would have 'changed' me.

Stephanie47

01-15-2013, 01:03 PM

Aria, I read through the thread and I found nobody has asked you "Why are you seeking a therapist?" Sure, I with everyone else recommends a therapist who specializes in gender issues. However, what is driving you to seek a therapist? Is there disharmony in the home, i.e., the wife is totally opposed to your cross dressing.

If you 'do not want to be cured' because you have accepted yourself, why therapy? It is one situation when the cross dresser is repulsed by his behavior, and, it's another thing if the wife is repulsed by his behavior. Reading thread after thread after thread of wives totally repulsed by a husband's cross dressing, I wonder if the woman does not need therapy. Therapy with dealing with cross dressing.

I go to individual and group therapy for combat related PTSD. My wife and I attempted to go to couples therapy. After awhile I just had to bag the couples therapy because all of my wife's issues she did not want to acknowledge. They were issued from her life before I even knew her. Anything that was contributing to conflict in our marriage was due to my PTSD. When you're married to someone for over forty years, you kind of know what the issues and faults of the spouse are.

I'm not prying, but, if you're comfortable with your cross dressing, then what are the issues needing therapy?

TeresaL

01-25-2013, 12:26 PM

..., but, if you're comfortable with your cross dressing, then what are the issues needing therapy?

That was for the OP, but I'm applying it to my therapist who is releasing me because I'm not under stress with my SO. My GID is being treated through medication, and I have no need for other counsel.

CassandraSmith

01-25-2013, 05:27 PM

FYI:

I've got some training and experience in counseling and was even a crisis counselor which included suicide triage and some of the stories here could likely be valid malpractice cases. The counseling and APA related trades do have codes of conduct and beating up clients is definitely not an effective treatment modality.

Also, counselors and psychologists are just people and they can be really stupid just like anyone else in the world. You have to be careful dealing with this industry. It wasn't but a decade or two back in which introversion was considered a disorder.

Cassy