I can’t stay long...

[Frédérique]

Because I, I can’t stay long
Let the sky roll on
Just a glance and the glance is gone (John Foxx)

The title does not refer to me, rather it refers to MtF crossdressers who come here, settle in for a bit, do some posting, but eventually, yet gradually, leave the premises. The longer I’m here, the more impressed I am with the patience of the long-standing members – I guess this has a lot to do with the joy and sadness of finally meeting kindred spirits, only to see them fade away over time. At this point I’m more used to the “temporary” nature of some members. I like to engage, via a written dialogue, with every person who seeks me out, knowing full well that it isn’t meant to last. I must say I’m amazed that I’M still here; even though I’ve seen many others come and go...

I suppose a lot of people come here to learn about themselves. They absorb what they can from the many voices of experience in residence, and then, somewhat satisfied or completely bewildered, they slither away back to from whence they came. Personally, I like to interject a comment now and then, or submit one of these lengthy essays about the non-understandable subject of MtF crossdressing, just for fun. There seems to be no end of topics to dust off, so I find myself still amongst my beloved peers, those I admire, on most days of the week. Why do I do it? I think it’s become a hobby of sorts for me – sit down, write a little something, think about it, write a little more, submit it, and then go do something else...

I return again and again, but others leave, and their desire to return is either unknown or N/A. Now and then someone WILL come back, but then they disappear just as quickly. Some of my friends on this site gush all over me and tell me I’m the reason why they hang around, which is flattering (and scary), but then they disappear all the same. I keep wondering why this is. Granted, it takes time and effort to read the posts, write responses, and then respond to the responses, and some of us are not predisposed to enjoy writing. Also, it can be difficult to find something that relates to YOU, and your own particular crossdressing situation, and picking through the communal undergrowth can be very tiresome. The latter kept me lurking for three years, but I digress...

Another factor might be unwarranted resistance from people who are not quite like you are. I see this from time to time on this site, and I try to downplay any differences that exist, but the fact remains that some do not expect any backlash against such a personal thing like one’s crossdressing. It hurts, and it makes you feel like leaving, or wonder why you joined in the first place. I’ve been there, believe me, but I log on regardless, sometimes purely as an act of will. It’s almost a masculine exercise to state one’s case and not retreat, not one inch, even though we are dressing against our birth gender for one reason or the other. This leads me to question WHY we dress, if it is not somehow modifying our behavior for the better. I must say that this site is the least bitchy of all that I have been a member of, but people still leave. You know, I miss my old friends...

I guess people come here, get what they want, and leave by the revolving door, while others set up camp and welcome the new pilgrims. Looking at the threads in the MtF crossdressing section, I recognize few names that were here two months ago, let alone a year or more ago. It seems like a river runs through this place, and water is continually passing beneath the bridge. I’m over here, sitting on the shore, watching the crossdressers float by. Now and then I wave to someone, or they wave at me, but soon they are swept downstream, away from my solitary position. I wish they would stay awhile, for it gets lonely at times, and time is definitely NOT on my side...

What are your reasons for maintaining a presence here? Are you thinking of leaving at some point? How come? :idontknow:

I don’t know... maybe it’s me...:doh:

[Lady Catherine]

I've only been here a short time and I've noticed that people don't tend to stay around long. I recently had a conversation on Facebook with some one I met here who said she no longer comes to this sight because of the "restrictive nature" of what she was allowed to post. She also mentioned that she didn't like how harshly some here would react to something she said or asked. Personally I've never had an issue, but I have "thick skin" so things like that don't bother me. I hope to be here for the long haul, but, I guess, only time will tell.

[ReluctantDebutant]

For me I come and go, perhaps I am following my CDing cycle. but it doesn't matter whether I dress or not I feel that my desire to dress makes me a member of this community. A lot of times I just don't have anything to say.

Perhaps those that "go" aren't gone, just silent.

[kimdl93]

Well, I'm not nearly as verbose as some members, including the originator of this thread. But in a little over two years it seems I've chimed in more than my share. I keep coming back and pitching in my two cents worth..current total value of about $44.40, because the people and the topics discussed are meaningful to me and I think at times...perhaps too often, I have something of value to share. Reason enough, I think.

[Miriam-J]

You've captured the flow remarkably well, Freddy, and got me thinking again.

I've been hear nearly a year now, but I'm not nearly as active as I once was. In the beginning it was all so new and thought-provoking, providing immense help to me as I came to a much firmer understanding and acceptance of myself. After a few months I found that I was learning less and less with each pass through the site, and so I began to focus my reading on the more thoughtful threads - often including yours. While my early participation led me to contribute on a wide variety of threads, I then decided to focus my energies on threads where I could provide a perspective that hadn't been expressed by others already, or amplify key points that I really appreciated from others.

I see my approach as being basically selfish, but it fills my needs and keeps me slightly above lurker status. The low-level participation keeps my head "in the game" without making it a focus of my life. Perhaps others have the same mindset.

[vikki2020]

I remember when I first found this site, and how much it helped me to progress to where I'm at now. The feeling that there were so many others that were dealing with the same issues that I was, and that "hey, I'm really not all that different"!! This was all so new for me, having others to talk to, and the help they offered. As time went on, I moved on also, and some of the posts were "old news" to me, but, I realize that they were very fresh for others. I may not log on as often as I used to, but, I always stop in when I can, and never fail to find a post that has interest for me. Yes, I know that there is a bit of a revolving door here, but, to those that hang in here-- we are blessed with so many great insights, and some very, very, good writing. I've found no other site like this one!

[Angela Campbell]

I have been coming here because it is the only friendly place I have found where I can just be me. I have only been here a few months, and I have noticed some come and go. I too understand the "restrictive nature" Lady Catherine mentioned. Seems restrictive only sometimes though, not very consistent. I can see how someones feelings can be hurt over that sometimes. Why they come and go....who knows. Maybe the ones who leave are the ones who finally figured out why we all do this.

[CassandraSmith]

Really good question Frédérique... I'm very new as you probably already have figured out; however, I have years of experience in another music related forum.

I've gone through all of Tuckman's stages (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuckman%27s_stages_of_group_development)--the Forming – Storming – Norming – Performing model of group development and know the ropes. I also already have a written voice. I know what to expect in a forum and how to behave (usually). I've never been banned in the other one but early in my virtual life, I got into fights and moderators had to step in and give me time outs and infractions.

For those new to this, just mastering the language and the culture could be daunting. It takes a lot of energy and time to post and it's easy in the honeymoon phase and not so easy later on. I would imagine that a lot of people come here to find acceptance and escape exclusion only to find that people are people and they may not be welcomed or liked by everyone here. That would be difficult given the nature of our bent to suddenly realize it when an idealized fantasy might be that we could finally find total unconditional love here.

Also, as Moby once said "People they come together; People they fall apart; No one can stop us now; 'Cause we are all made of stars..." The thing to remember is that people give what they can. It's important to accept that and allow them to move in and out of our lives.

Now I have no idea how long I'm going to be here but right now, this is the most important place on earth. The changes in my feelings about myself, my happiness, self acceptance have been profound just from meeting the ones I have and I've only been here a week! But maybe I'll grow to a different place in a day, month, year? Who knows. If I met some woman and found the complete relationship of my dreams, frankly, I probably won't have time to hang out here much as I'm already pretty busy as it is. I'd simply be so immersed in living, loving her, and CDing, there won't be a lot of time for talking about it much. I'll just be it.

Being advanced-in-years also brings into play a desire to help others also and this is a trait of maturity and age. That's why the mods are often involved. They see a way to give-back to the culture and it's very satisfying. If a young person came here, I wouldn't expect that from them. They're more in a place where they need to acquire experiences and find answers rather than give them. It's natural if they move on because they're not settled yet.

Remember, virtual isn't real life. Real life is what we aspire to do when the stars all line up.

[CherylAnne]

I don't remember when I found this site, but I liked it right away. I plan to stay a long time.
Frederique, one of the first things I do after I log on is do a quick scroll, scan, etc to see if you have posted something new. So, I hope you stay for a long time so I can keep reading your insightful and thought provoking posts. Thank you for your words.

[TGMarla]

I'm sitting on the shore with you, watching the stream float by. I hope one of us brought a bottle of wine. I continue to come here because it is something of a sanctuary for me, where I can wear my pretty dresses without repercussions from anyone. I don't need to find other sites, as whatever needs for such sites I have as a crossdresser are met on this site. I am at heart a simple lady with simple needs. I've seen a lot of people come and go, and like you, I miss some of them. But people come here, derive what they need, and move on, I guess.

More wine, Freddy?

[ReineD]

I've also often wondered why there are only several hundred regular posters in any given period of time, while 7,000 members on average log in during a three month period, and there have been 27,000 registered members since inception of this board.

I suspect that many people register just to see the pics in the Gallery that cannot be seen otherwise? Or they post here a bit then decide they are not interested in the chatter, they mostly like to "play", and the rules here are too strict for them?

I do think that dressing for the vast majority of CDers is kink or sexual. I get this impression from the many porn and meet-up sites and yahoo chat groups out there. I even registered once on one of the Yahoo chat sites (there are thousands), just to see what it was about. And I got an eyeful! So it's not surprising that this site wouldn't appeal to the yahoo-type members. They don't want to talk about the CDing, they have no issue to resolve, they just want to have their fun.

Also, maybe the CDing is not as permanent as some members here feel it is. Maybe some men begin to indulge, and then they get bored or they just don't want to put up with difficulties involved with hiding this from a wife? Or maybe it is just something to do in between partners?

I think the people who do stay here, do so because cross-gender expression meets perhaps a deeper emotional or psychological need than it does for those who move on.

:2c:

[PretzelGirl]

It is a social thing to me. The ability to interact and learn. Making friends never grows old to me and above all else, I do love to socialize as time permits (it has seemed a little cramped lately). And then there is always something else to learn. There are always comments about repeating threads, but while that is true, there are also new thoughts and perspectives that come up from time to time. So I have no idea how long I will be here. I only hope that the duration will be "just right".

[YorkshireRose]

Hi Fred,

Sometimes life just gets in the way and we have other more important issues in life to deal with. I had a break and now life is on a bit of an even keel again, I feel able to contribute more. But despite not posting, I still checked in to read some of the fantastic and thought provoking posts on here. I just wasn't in the right space to be able to post and that is probably true of other CDrs that disappear for a time.

[Marleena]

Interesting topic Freddy.:)

I joined here to find others like myself. I'm retired with lots of time on my hands. My original goal was to try and help others feel good about themselves. I hate negative influences. That said I've seen many people come and go. Do they just stop dressing? Is it even possible? I mean we're CD/TG/TS for life, right?

I have to admit I do have days where I'd love to be able to give this up and join the cisgender world but I doubt that can ever happen. I might get fed up and leave this forum some day. I left a lot of friends behind on Facebook when I got fed up with it.

[Kate Simmons]

I mostly stay here because I have many friends here and gain more all the time. If I can help with understanding along the way, all the better. Those of you who know me know I have had many name changes on this board over the last 7 years but the reason for that is that I evolve as a person and the names seem to evolve along with me. I have balanced my male and female feelings and energies, so for one thing I have pretty thick skin but I realize many others do not but self understanding is the real key to knowledge.I have self doubts just like anyone else sometimes, that's just human nature. I realize one cannot please everyone by the things they say and I honestly do not want to hurt anyone either but do pose questions to make us all think, that is my purpose here. to help my friends. :)

[Tess]

I'm one of those that comes and goes. Over time the subjects become repetitive and I need a break. When I'm gone there are probably beautifully written essays which I would have enjoyed had I kept at it. Every time I return it seems fresh again for awhile before it gets boring for me.

[sissystephanie]

I currently live alone, as a widower, and can go on crossdressers.com whenever I like. However, at my age the time may come when I will have to move into a home for seniors where my computer time will most likely be limited! I just hope that all my friends, and even those who don't like me for whatever reason, remain active on this forum!! I do enjoy reading the posts, and learn a lot!

[Rogina B]

I think Reine is pretty close to it in that if it is just kinky conversation that they are after,it isn't here. If it is just exploration,they can join Fetlife and check out a zillion groups as they wish as they only have to be a member of that group to post..There are more than enough kinks to check out if that is what someone is after. I think many regulars here pick and choose what posts they care enough to reply to in any section of the forum.

[Ceri Anne]

Been here for only a little while..........so it seems, less than a year, but really enjoy the boards. Keep hoping to get out near you Frederique one of these days.

[Amanda22]

Freddy, good post (as usual). I came out to my lovely wife and subsequently many others in my life about two and a half years ago. At that time, I had just come to accept myself as a cross dresser and/or transgendered. I found this forum and made new friends. I learned a ton about myself and others in the process. For me, it was a process of discovery as I emerged from the closet. After several months, I began to timidly venture into public en femme, documenting my experiences on this forum. All of this was met with a huge amount of support and encouragement from the members here.

Since then, I dress en femme nearly daily in public. Achieving that step is again a credit to many wise members here. Dressing en femme in public is now my normal and not an "OMG" moment any longer. I frequent the Transexual Forum much more often than the MTF CD Forum, because the topics on this forum aren't really relevant to where I am on my journey. I know that sounds snobbish. I have some very good friends here and I do take the time to say "hi" to let them know I'm still around, either by a post like this or by an email, visitor message, or private message. I'm sure to many, I appear to have disappeared.

For whatever reason, I've moved pretty quickly down my path and realize that my future is something in addition to cross dressing.

[Caroline C]

I'm one of those that comes and goes. Over time the subjects become repetitive and I need a break. When I'm gone there are probably beautifully written essays which I would have enjoyed had I kept at it. Every time I return it seems fresh again for awhile before it gets boring for me.

I agree with Tess. And it's not only this BBS but other boards that cater to cars, electronics and machine shop equipment., ect. The difference is on other boards a new member will sign up to ask a question that has already been answered a thousand times then never show back when they got their answer. This board is more like a community but the I just got my first ?? posts I now skip. I also very rarely look at the pics gallery. Just too depressing knowing I would never be able to attain those looks.

[Duana]

Good post.

My presence here ebbs and flows based on my personal needs. When I first came here, I was confused and scared about becoming a "full-on" CD. I learned a lot, made a few friends and enjoyed my awakening.

But having an encouraging partner negated a need for much ongoing support. There's only so much you can learn about makeup, dressing, mannerisms and accommodating crossdressing into your life. So my visits became much less frequent.

Then there are times when I'm lonely or have issues which only fellow CDs can relate to, that I return. And in returning, I inevitably get caught up in the stories, the drama and the current events. And so I stick again.

I think the answer lies in your personal loneliness, if I may say that without negative connotations. If you're isolated in your crossdressing, I believe you're much more likely to seek a refuge such as this.

I am not.

I am out to many people. I have regular places I hang out, in the "real world". I have friends who accept me and love to go out with me. I have an SO that loves me the way I am and does not impede my dressing in any way. I have no need to commiserate. I can express my fears, frustrations and successes with people face to face. And I doubt anyone would argue that doing so is not infinitely more enjoyable than doing it in a forum to digital crossdressers.

But please don't misconstrue my words. I do enjoy this place. It serves a valuable purpose. I have no intention of making a final departure. But not all of us need it as much as others.

ETA:

I agree with the comments about repetition. How many "I told the wife", "I shaved my legs", "Am I passable", "I went out the first time" posts can we read without being bored? I realize it's exciting to the poster but I've read dozens and they run together like colors on a palette.

[Ressie]

I'm in other forums that have a similar dynamic. Thousands of members but less than 50 active at any given time. Some start their own groups on FB now days too. I feel kind of new here even though I joined nearly 5 years ago. I'm not one to start threads, but I like to learn from others and put in my 2¢ once in a while.

I find this to be the most active internet forum I've been involved with, and I keep seeing long standing members pop up that don't post often. Using the search function brings me to older threads with posts from members that seem to have gone elsewhere. But once again, I see the same thing on other forums I'm a member of. FB also has an ebb and flow of participation.

[LaraPeterson]

Some of us live in the real world. . .we're not in Kansas anymore. Others of us live in what we believe is the real world, but it really is Kansas. Not that Kansas is a bad place or anything, just a good Metaphor, I suppose. Like Dorothy, I suppose most of us have a dream about how we would like life to be, but alas, the real world keeps butting in. Some of us dream of a brain that works better so we can sort out all the CD thoughts that invade our real world. Still others of us just want a heart that will be understood by those who will probably never understand us. And yet others want some. . .you guessed it. . .courage, to tell those we love the most about the most difficult set a circumstances a human can face alone.

Where is the wizard when we need him? Big, firm boobs would be nice, a hairless body would be great, a face without so many manly features would be perfect. And could someone do something about these big feet? What about a world where we would be celebrated instead of segregated? Or, at least a world where we would be accepted instead of shunned.

Then, there is that whole issue about having enough money to buy all the hose, shoes, dresses, skirts, blouses, makeup, nails, jewelry, wigs, breast forms (better yet implants) that we want and a great big closet to keep it all in. And that begs the question about having that special place where we can casually and without interruption put in all together before we go waltzing out the door.

Oh, that door. Every time we venture out beyond the safety of that door, what awaits us? Cruel comments, disbelieving stares, unapproving glances; that's what's on the other side of that door. Even for those of us who can go and and get by. . .passable. . .there's always that next door. Sometimes it's a door at work, sometimes it's that revolving door at the big box store, sometimes it's the door at the motel, whatever door it is the uncertainty we face makes us want to shrink into the shadows sometimes.

Maybe that's why we come here. Maybe that's why some come and stay while others come and go. Whatever the reason, and however long the visit, it is a nice place to let it all hang out, so to speak. It seems that some come here just to give and take a glancing blow while others come to wax elephants. Whether we're waxing or just sweeping up, it doesn't really matter, does it?

For me, this forum is a nice place to hang my hat from time to time reading and responding to issues that mean something to me. Not everything I read on here applies to me. So, I move on. Sometimes, I read something that really speaks to my situation so I chime in. And sometimes I read something that catches my attention but after reading all the comments by the experts, I just keep moving and laughing.

Psycho babble aside, I'm learning a lot here. Thank you for letting me visit.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Great topic, Freddie! Speaking just for myself, the first few months are pure euphoria, talking about subjects that rarely are spoken of by any of us. But over time, the topics do repeat themselves- no fault of the people who post on the same things, they are new to them, just not to those of us who have been around. That changes things, and we also go through changes- some of us go all-in on dressing and progress to the point where the "crossdresser" label isn't accurate any more,they migrate towards the TS sections. Others realize that they don't have the same interests as the majority of posters (not the same as members); There is some pressure, I don't think it is intentional necessarily, to try to keep up with those who are dressing daily, be open about dressing with the world, and to believe that if you're not advancing "the cause" you're not being true to yourself or other dressers. Once this feeling settles in, it's hard to comment because everything sounds negative, and most of us don't need more of that. And yes, there are some comments that occasionally cross the lines we draw in our own minds that we consider too personal, which do discourage further posts. I think this is pretty rare, though, most leave just because the more you learn about yourself, the more your interests change.

[KellyJameson]

The forum is a microcosm of life Freddy.

Each of us sits on the bank of the river watching everyone float by while we are also in the river floating by them.

Think of the thousands of people who have passed through your life even if it was only passing them on the sidewalk.

All of humanity as "Ships passing in the night"

It is an illusion to think they really have left because like a pebble thrown in a still pool of water that sends ripples in all directions we touch and change each other in ways often beyond our own awareness or understanding.

Life is a river that is always flowing that we are born into and than leave upon death but the river even though always changing is still changed by the time we have spent in it so nothing is lost.

The question is only how we want to ride the river of life while we are in it and in that ride how we want to try and change it and in the changing of the river be changed by it.

Sensitivity creates the desire for a certain measure of solitude because for creatures like us life can be "to much" sometimes and this can leave us to much "outside" the river we are meant to be a part of.

We were created to create the river of life to serve the deeper purposes of life which is the support of this river which is a flow of ever changing consciousness that our consciousness is part of.

When we become to far removed from this river we suffer loneliness which is the rivers way of calling us back.

I came to the forum "was changed" and went back to the river to make my contribution to it but yet I have never left.

All the gifts that I realized from here changed me to than be able to offer gifts to others.

I cannot explain on this forum what I'm doing but I'm helping others that I would not be able to help if I first had not evolved into what the forum helped me become which really was nothing more than seeing what I already was but needed to see through other peoples eyes to understand so I could stop resisting that which I feared to than allow for the "becoming" I had been resisting.

If you would like to write a piece here is a challenge to your imagination. It is a riddle.

When is a crossdresser no longer a crossdresser even though he still crossdresses. (Nothing to do with being TG/TS)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Iv been here simce 19, 5 ,08. I did not come here or any of the many other forums im on to understand about myself as i had done that from age 10. so the info iv seen over the years was about others & i was interested in seeing how others got on the issues they faced & what they were able to do in regard to them selfs , dresser's & trans, along the way i found out about those like my self & others who are intersex.

As for the computer iv only been on one for 5 years so had never used one before that, & does not mean im that good with computers, as it is its been very hard, in many ways,

For my time here has been interesting learnt a lot very different in the views & talks iv had with other members, with it up's & downs .over all i enjoy it here, with our veried views & take's on life & things, & with so many comeing from different backgrounds does tend to liven things up a bit,, so ill stay awhile ....

...noeleena...

[AmyGaleRT]

After I initially joined this forum, and had been here for a couple of months, I went on hiatus for over a year. This was mainly due to the feeling that, as long as I wasn't able to muster the courage to come out to my fiancee (which I had been urged to do), reading and participating here wasn't going to do me very much good at all. Well, it was nearly three months ago now when I finally got over that hump. Since then, in the words of Celine Dion, "it's all coming back to me now!" :)

I am trying to channel some of the natural exuberance I have into helping others here. Some things that I've seen posted by others tell me that my efforts haven't been entirely in vain. Even my fiancee has noticed this, and I think it pleases her. She thinks that I'm being seen as a role model; I am of course intensely flattered and humbled by this.

So I don't think I'm going anywhere. It's been a long time since I've felt this much of a community anywhere online. I thank all of you who help make it so.

- Amy

[Kate's at home]

Hi Freddie,

I've been coming to this site for a little over 4 years or so now. I do not visit regularly, as I'm busy with many other things and there is only so much time in a day (or week or month, and they fly by). I do try to check in though maybe 2-3 times a month. And, I do so to remember that I'm not alone in this. A kind on 'normalizing' if you will. I rarely have anything to say as much of what has formed in narrative I understand at varoius levels, but some days I do feel like chatting and might have something to add.

I do always feel "safe and secure" on this site and appreciate the various perspectives offered. I also consistently enjoy the quality of both your critical thinking and writing. Please keep doing it!

Have you ever considered sharing some of your visual work here?

All the best,

Kate

[RebeccaLynne]

Granted, it takes time and effort to read the posts, write responses, and then respond to the responses, and some of us are not predisposed to enjoy writing.

Frederique, reading posts is an enjoyable pastime for me. I've gained a lot of insight by doing so. Reading really requires a minimal amount of time and effort on my part, and I learn a lot from the posts I read. Listening, rather than speaking, leads to greater understanding of the challenges and difficulties many of us are presented with.

As to posting... I type with one finger, and merely composing a thoughtful response can take upwards of an hour. Unless I've something amazingly prolific to impart, I generally defer to others who will air their thoughts in viewpoints closely mirroring my own. At least one of them will do so in most cases, so I'm free to continue to read and learn.

I've been a member since August 2005. We're friends, and I always enjoy reading what you've written. You're one of my favorites, as are so many here... keep on writing, and I'll keep on reading! :)

[CassandraSmith]

I do think that dressing for the vast majority of CDers is kink or sexual. [...] I think the people who do stay here, do so because cross-gender expression meets perhaps a deeper emotional or psychological need than it does for those who move on.

I've just recently (last few years) begun to break the sexual part off from it. I suspected this might be how I needed to mature as a CDer.


It is a social thing to me. [...] So I have no idea how long I will be here. I only hope that the duration will be "just right".

Exactly!


[...]I frequent the Transsexual Forum much more often than the MTF CD Forum, because the topics on this forum aren't really relevant to where I am on my journey. I know that sounds snobbish.[...] For whatever reason, I've moved pretty quickly down my path and realize that my future is something in addition to cross dressing.

Well it doesn't sound snobbish to me. It's about how far down the rabbit hole one wants/needs to go and I'm thinking that I may follow your path myself.


My presence here ebbs and flows based on my personal needs. When I first came here, I was confused and scared about becoming a "full-on" CD. I learned a lot, made a few friends and enjoyed my awakening.

I agree with the comments about repetition.

I've only been here a week and I already could see that pattern somewhat. Yes, the awakening is an awesome thing. I'll bet that it's enjoyable just to stop in and see it happening to new people from time to time as a reminder of that rite-of-passage that was experienced long ago.


There is some pressure, I don't think it is intentional necessarily, to try to keep up with those who are dressing daily, be open about dressing with the world, and to believe that if you're not advancing "the cause" you're not being true to yourself or other dressers. Once this feeling settles in, it's hard to comment because everything sounds negative, and most of us don't need more of that.

Really interesting observation.


I am trying to channel some of the natural exuberance I have into helping others here. Some things that I've seen posted by others tell me that my efforts haven't been entirely in vain. Even my fiancee has noticed this, and I think it pleases her. She thinks that I'm being seen as a role model; I am of course intensely flattered and humbled by this.

- Amy

I concur. I know I've said it before but you definitely have a gift.

[LilSissyStevie]

I think I come back because of my addictive personality.

"Like a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."

[Frédérique]

I recently had a conversation on Facebook with some one I met here who said she no longer comes to this sight because of the "restrictive nature" of what she was allowed to post.

Funny, but I don’t feel the site is all that restrictive. I guess if you’re a free spirit, just doing what comes naturally, a place like this can seem very restrictive – maybe the crossdresser feels he or she needs to conform, and this conflicts with the person’s prime directive!

In the art world that I inhabit, the artist needs to adhere to certain rules regarding subject matter, size limitations, presentation, and awareness of who will be looking at your artwork. Some find this to be too restrictive, so they spend a lifetime decrying the system. I guess I’m used to it. If I come up against a restriction, I try to work with it, since it benefits everyone to do so. Any thoughts of willful subjugation are…well…subjugated, and I really don’t mind conforming a little…


Well, I'm not nearly as verbose as some members, including the originator of this thread.

Verbosity becomes me. How’s that for a SHORT answer? :heehee:


The feeling that there were so many others that were dealing with the same issues that I was, and that "hey, I'm really not all that different"!! This was all so new for me, having others to talk to, and the help they offered.

Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel! It really helps to come in contact with others, however fleeting this contact may be. I remember a time when I crossdressed in a vacuum – I was happy doing so, but there were no other “voices” to soothe my own troubled inner voice. Loneliness yearns for company, even though I feel crossdressing is largely a solitary enterprise. It’s just nice knowing there are others out there like me, and it’s OK to be happy about one’s crossdressing...


The thing to remember is that people give what they can. It's important to accept that and allow them to move in and out of our lives.

I see individuals like orbiting (or randomly moving) celestial bodies – now and then we encounter one another (our paths cross), we travel together in each other’s company, and then our “paths” diverge for one reason or another. That’s how it is, but it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?
:sad:


I suspect that many people register just to see the pics in the Gallery that cannot be seen otherwise? Or they post here a bit then decide they are not interested in the chatter, they mostly like to "play", and the rules here are too strict for them?

Well, I don't look at the pics in the Gallery all that much – I prefer the avatars or profile images. I suppose some people don’t need the so-called “chatter” (this kept me away for a time when I first joined), but others read and don’t write, or they feel they have nothing to “say.” That doesn’t stop me! People complain about my verbosity (see above!), but they rarely submit any of their own semi-original thoughts for perusal. I can tell you from experience that many come here to complain about something, period, damn the subject of crossdressing. To be fair, it’s like this on other forums. Sometimes, finding a miniscule nugget of wisdom or encouragement can be like panning for gold in the Mississippi River with a teaspoon, but it’s well worth the effort…

As for the rules being too strict, I will often submit something (a thread OP, for instance), and then log off. I come back a few hours later, looking at the screen with one eye closed, expecting to see a PM from a Mod entitled “Thread moved,” or “Post edited,” or even “Thread deleted.” When I see nothing of that nature I feel good, but I always expect the worst. You don’t suppose that’s because the site IS too restrictive, do ya? I guess “you learn by doing” and "be patient" would be my advice to newbies…


Some of us live in the real world. . .we're not in Kansas anymore. Others of us live in what we believe is the real world, but it really is Kansas. Not that Kansas is a bad place or anything, just a good Metaphor, I suppose.

Do you know anything about Kansas? It’s just like anyplace else, but you can actually dress like Dorothy, let your skirt blow in the incessant wind, and gaze at the Milky Way by night. COOL!

BTW, if you happen to visit OZ someday, say hello to Princess Ozma for me…:wave:

[Beverley Sims]

People come, people go, some stay for a while and then move on.
Why? They become dis interested in what is written and look for new adventures.
There is some repetitiveness in threads and some have been there done that and are not great thinkers or scribes like some of us.
Life is faster for them and they thought they were going to find their thrill on crossdressers.com.
Those of us that are left entertain and assist the new and troubled ones.
We give sage advice and understanding and caring where needed and I think if we can help someone we are not wasting our time here.
So don't get downhearted there is always someone you can turn to to help.
If you need a bit of a lift I could probably tell you a few weak jokes.
No we have a section here for that.

[Prissy Linda]

I'm glad you brought up this post Frederique as I have wondered the same thing quite often. I visit the forum every day, several times a day but don't post very often, probably because I don't express myself that well in type, i'm more of a verbal person so I sit here and listen to those who do communicate their feeling and frustrations, hopes and fears. There are some members that come and go as you stated, just when I feel I am getting to know them they disappear from this site.
Who knows why, maybe they found something or someone else to occupy their time, but it puzzles me a bit when I see some member come on here with so much to say then just poof, they're gone. I'm just thankful for those who stay, it's almost like having friends who sticks around although I myself don't contribute very much. I hope this makes sense.

[CassandraSmith]

]I see individuals like orbiting (or randomly moving) celestial bodies – now and then we encounter one another (our paths cross), we travel together in each other’s company, and then our “paths” diverge for one reason or another. That’s how it is, but it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I know that feeling and I've worked to become a glass-half-full kind of girl and be grateful whenever anyone adds something positive to my life. However, I want it known that I am definitely the melancholy type and I hear the undertones of what you're saying.

[Carlene]

Some people sit in the back row in the hope they will go unnoticed and because they feel that they have little to add. Others, are here but don't post very often because they have come to believe that their personal emersion into a transgender world is a private journey.

A great many members have chosen to quietly accept who they are or are becoming, but don't post for a variety of reasons. Please don't think that most of the back benchers don't appreciate your posts.....we do! We have not slithered away.

Carlene:daydreaming:

[Joanie_Shakti]

I come and go at forums. Usually, I joined because of a question or a new interest. Then I'll read back as much as I can on topics I'm interested in. After a while, my participation will lag and I may stop visiting. It didn't help that I did much forum participation at work. Even before policy change, Crossdressers.com is not a site I would think of accessing there.

As for this place, I joined up a few years ago when my occasional dressing turned into something strong. I was semi-active, then tapered off. I had been gone for awhile when I discovered last spring a message a couple of months old, from a participant here who lived in a neighboring town. This person had wanted to meet up a few months previous, but I wasn't open to meeting others yet, nor appearing in public dressed. (Small town, big employer.) I came back online and left a PM back but it looks like she hasn't participated here since shortly after leaving me that message. I felt bad that I missed her. If you're reading this, I hope you're okay.

Anyway, I checked in here on occasion to see if there was a reply to my PM and then dropped out again. Had a lot of time during the Christmas holiday so started reading and commenting here again. Now that I'm back at work, I expect to taper off once more. Most of my posts are "me, me, me," anyway, just like this one.

[Sylvermane]

I know for me I left for a good long while after joining but only because I was so messed up. I'm a paranoid schizo with bi-polar and I was off meds so nothing mattered to me any more. I honestly had forgotten about this place until I found it in a random search trying to find myself and my past. I wonder how many people are in that boat sometimes. I do know its more common than I ever thought. Another reason may be they aren't comfortable with what they are becoming or are interested in. It took me some time to fully understand what I was and accept it. Maybe they are just exploring thoughts they have had but either don't want to or can't go any further than simple exploration.

I have been around for the last couple weeks or so and don't plan on leaving again anytime soon. As I said in my intro post this place was a needle in a haystack for me to find. I would guess that in order to find this place I went through 100+ places which turned out to be fetish / porn sites. I knew there were like-minded people and that I wasn't alone but it was quite hard to find... for me at least. I like seeing the pictures galleries. Seeing other people who have the confidence to go all the way, I kind of envy them and wish I was more open about it. I like reading the many threads that pop up, they all serve to reassure me that I am not alone and tell me that what I am and what I do is ok... and that there is nothing wrong with it.

[SandraInHose]

Guilty of the OP's observation myself. Joined in November '05, posted about a hundred posts in the first couple of months, then left for no reason for a year or two. Oh, I'd check in from time to time, but rarely contributed.

I just happened to log in here right before Christmas, and have been here virtually every day since. But as with this and every forum I belong to, there are things that I personally may find lacking, or uninteresting, or I may just move onto another of my hobbies for a while. For example, I haven't logged on to my astronomy forum in over six months, after being a daily visitor for nearly six years. No reason in particular...I just didn't feel like it held my interest anymore. And I know that will be temporary, and I'll be back before I know it. Sometimes it's as if I'm reading the same questions/opinions/comments over and over again, and I may very well have been guilty of posting my own thoughts multiple times myself. When I realize that, it's time to step back from the keyboard for a while.

[sami1952]

I'm still here for the only reason that this was the first site i came across having to do with crossdressing and it has brought me a long way from the first day i join.I have read ,enjoy reading treads from other members. I have also enjoyed looking at the pictures that are posted and have seen the way cd's look and express them selfs in their female attire.Although i don't post much here but i do visit every chance i get and i don't have to worry about getting hit on from males who only want sex and call us dirty names.this is a great site for me.thanks

[Barbara Ella]

Freddy, what you and some others are doing on that shore, and you may not notice it, but occasionally there is a lifeline thrown out that some will grab, and pull themselves to shore to relax on the bank, feel the sun in their face, smell the grass, and linger, and even occasionally manage, perhaps unknowingly, to cast a line into the current for someone else. I stay because I am learning all the time, as I suspect are you, and to enjoy the company.

Barbara

[Kathi Lake]

. . . she no longer comes to this site because of the "restrictive nature" of what she was allowed to post.What some would call 'restrictive' I would call taste, class and restraint. Having logged onto "those" sites in the past, I am soooo glad that the moderators here keep the sexual stuff to a minimum.

Freddy, as a former member of "The Verbosity Brigade" here, I too have seen many who come, post, learn and grow, and then leave - some for a time, and some forever. I have posted less as of late due to personal issues, time constraints, and the natural ebb and flow of life. Might I return to my wordy ways at some point in the future? Possible. Life is funny that way.

:)

Kathi

[Sandra1746]

I've been a member just under a year now and have averaged slightly over a post a day, not a lot but for me it is significant. I also "lurked" for almost a year before I joined.

I like this site and enjoy interacting with the others here, it has made me think about my identity and what path I want to take. I very much appreciate the moderators "restrictive" attitude if that is what it takes to keep up the civil and decorous nature of the site and its conversations. I've seen other sites that would give a sewage pond a good reputation.

My activity may rise and fall as other interests intrude but I'm not planning to leave any time soon.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Allisa]

Well you got me to respond.I guess I am so sporadic with my participation is that I do not really relate to alot of the threads or they are just repeats of what has been hashed over before.I do enjoy scanning for subjects that seem to catch my eye by the way they phrase thier titles.I post once in awhile just to vent or relate a story to others here,but I really have nothing of interest to say as a rule.I'm just not a social butterfly,but I am drawn to this site as a moth to a flame.Well nuff said.

Bye for now?

[ReineD]

When is a crossdresser no longer a crossdresser even though he still crossdresses. (Nothing to do with being TG/TS)

When he knows he is a crossdresser. Then he dresses true to himself.

[Huntress]

In my forays into CD.com participation, I was initially heartened by all of the engagement. I knew only so much about Internet forums, but quickly learned that they were amazing tools of education and enlightenment and stunted tools of particular political bents.
I saw genius, cruelty, cluelessness, artfulness, and harbingers of hate. Sexism of every stripe in every direction, by every gender & sex. Many truly mean postings by contributors and Mods. alike. I also saw postings of love, fellowship & guidance by contributors and Mods. Too often I would come and see ruthless censorship. The type of which made me participate less. My participation slowly winnowed down to visiting and reading the fun posters, and quickly pushing on. Life is way to short to deal with mean people.
C'est la vie.
De Oppresso Liber,
Huntress

[Aylineira]

I know I don't post as often as I would like but I'm still here! I'm not one to get into heavy matters though on some posts. I like to mainly be in on the happy ones.

This is probably the only real mature place you can go to on the internet and talk about yourself in an open manner. This site has really helped me learn a lot about CDing in general and the people who are just like me.

[Celeste]

What price can one put on therapy,this site is invaluable and sincere in that respect.We should treasure a place where extending ourselves to others is appreciated.I for one will never grow tired of reading well intentioned post that help others with growth and acceptance.It's that"giving" part of ourselves that makes us a special part of this world.

[Frédérique]

We give sage advice and understanding and caring where needed and I think if we can help someone we are not wasting our time here. So don't get downhearted there is always someone you can turn to to help.

I feel I’m responsible for my own happiness, which may explain why I crossdress (!), so I try to swallow any sadness I may feel when another member I love and admire stops posting. At first, I used to feel kinda angry about the site when this happened, but now, after innumerable comings and goings, I can see that it has nothing to do with the site per se. Individuals are just that: individuals, and they do what they have to do according to their own pursuit of happiness. Meanwhile, I’m still here, and I’m wondering why. What’s wrong with me?

Just today my friend Cassidy put an interesting thought into my head:

“…some folks that come and stay may actually believe the confines of this place are in fact their reality. It may be easier to live here than out and about in the real world so to speak. We deal in the every day while some may not so the only reality is here.”

Hmmm…:thinking:


Some people sit in the back row in the hope they will go unnoticed and because they feel that they have little to add. Others, are here but don't post very often because they have come to believe that their personal emersion into a transgender world is a private journey.

So, why join a discussion forum if you’re not going to join in the discussion? I mean, I lurked for three years because I couldn’t find a hand-hold, but I know I joined the place because I wanted to discuss certain things. I keep wondering what I read that made me finally introduce myself and “take the plunge,” so to say. Maybe somebody said (wrote), “WHEEEEEEEEE…”


I would guess that in order to find this place I went through 100+ places which turned out to be fetish / porn sites. I knew there were like-minded people and that I wasn't alone but it was quite hard to find... for me at least.

I didn’t look TOO long before I found this place – I think it was on top of the list. The sheer number of members “viewing” at any given hour attracted me, plus the huge number of thread topics. I figured I could insert something meaningful now and then, as soon as I thought of something! It is very disheartening to wade through fetish/porn sites trying to find a positive depiction or mindset about crossdressing. I think the first time I had access to the Internet I looked up CD’ing, and I had a hard time locating ANYTHING relatively innocent or not aligned with pornography. On another occasion, a search for a decent story about crossdressing netted me a nasty computer virus! That’s what makes this place, and the members within, so valuable to me…


Freddy, as a former member of "The Verbosity Brigade" here, I too have seen many who come, post, learn and grow, and then leave - some for a time, and some forever. I have posted less as of late due to personal issues, time constraints, and the natural ebb and flow of life. Might I return to my wordy ways at some point in the future? Possible. Life is funny that way.

I was thinking of YOU (and others) when I wrote the OP! When my “personal issues” are threatening to overwhelm me, I often come here, settle in, and try to write something, if only to momentarily escape from my troubles. At other times, when I’m away from the site, I think about all the people I’ve met HERE who are still out there, somewhere, dealing with their own particular situation as best they can. I’ve met many individuals on this site that I have great respect for – by comparison, I’m less worthy of respect because I have only a fraction of the expertise and experience that others have. I feel sorry for newbies who have never encountered someone who might have been a crossdressing “role model” for them, but maybe someone will float by any minute now. BTW, Kathi can verbose me under the table!
:doh:

I agree that the site has “taste,” and some of this overly verbose writing can be seen as an attempt to reinforce the former, much like flying buttresses are used for support in cathedrals…


What price can one put on therapy, this site is invaluable and sincere in that respect.

Beyond therapy, it may be more important to be somewhere, however artificial, where one can discuss things that are never broached in mixed company, i.e. real life. A crossdresser may want to talk about crossdressing, but there’s precious little audience for it OUT THERE. On the other hand, we can all relax here knowing that someone, finally, WILL understand how you feel, and it’s OK to be who you are, as you are, and nobody is going to assume you have a problem of some sort. Acceptance and support are more therapeutic than therapy, if you ask me…

Please excuse my verbose (wordy) responses – just sitting here enjoying my “self.” :)

[Jocelyn Quivers]

It's part of my daily routine. Also leaving this forum would involve a big change for me and my very clutterd disorganized life, and if there is one thing I really fear, and don't like it's change!!:2c:

[Monicamaryjay]

Great insights and another great post, Freddie.
There was something about this site from the beginning that said :SAFE:, and I tent to trust my intuition. I realized that, like all good things, there are a few hoops to jump through to gain acceptance in society and this is a micro society of fascinating, bright, creative, literary, musical, technical, entertainig, informative gurls... where else could you find all that.
I also appreciate that this site restricts adult oriented material. Not that I dislike it but there are other places for that.
This place feels like somewhere I can let my hair down and be "one of the girls" without a lot judgement. The world can be pretty tough on gurls like us.
I have been here several months. I have no idea what will happen but I am very grateful for all of you here who care and give something of yourself to others.
A lovely community.
Monica

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Having been a member for just a month, I can imagine how repetitive posts are tedious for veteran posters. In just this short time, I find myself becoming a bit jaded at what were marvelous and novel sensations a few weeks ago. I've begun to appreciate thought-provoking threads like this, so I will probably stick around. But my crystal ball doesn't work any better than anybody else's, so who knows?

I personally like the fun entries by newbies (or newly out) folks like me that express enthusiasm and joy at being able to release pent-up emotions and revel in their newly acquired feminine finery.

What surprised me was the number of members on the TG end of the spectrum. I figured out quickly that this was the largest forum with the best participation, but it initially seemed odd that girls that were solidly in the TG camp or actively transitioning would be represented in such strong numbers--especially in a forum named this way. I suppose in my naive mind there would be a completely separate forum (understand now there is a private section here, but TG participation in the cross dressing section is strong). It is intimidating for rookies to hear comments how being a CD often (in the words of many posters, almost inevitably) leads to more, more, more. For that reason I decided not to share this site with my wife, despite all the terrific role models and information here.

I'm probably on the fetish end of the spectrum, but that's what I thought this site was all about--the sensual, superficial, but immensely enjoyable outward trappings of femininity--hose, heels, etc. I joined to see just how prevalent my little hobby was. Gauging by the number of visitors, I'm clearly not alone. I for one intend to engage the new members who are thrilled at their first purchases, or are on the fence about coming out, or just want to talk about mundane topics like stockings vs. pantyhose. For them (and still me) it's all new and they deserve some respect.

Speaking of respect, while most posters are supportive and cordial, I have noted what others have--that those well along their journey to being the women they were meant to be, or that are fully out to the world--are often preachy, sometimes dismissive, and even presume to know my personal/marital situation better than I do. I guess their crystal balls are fully operational. I admire their courage, but it feels like they are trying to somehow make those of us that are "merely" cross dressers feel that we are less than authentic with ourselves, our SO's, or the world.

On the other hand I have started to glimpse how being a CD enriches us, and posters like Frederique have their fingers on that pulse.

Not sure how my life as a CD will play out. I've reviewed some members' posts going back years and have seen wide-ranging evolutions. I hope to make some friends here and use this forum as a kind of diary for my own evolution, and if I can help some others, so much the better.

Thanks

Shibumi

[happy2cd]

She also mentioned that she didn't like how harshly some here would react to something she said or asked.

I have thick skin as well, but these types of reactions kept me from posting for a while, hence 4 years and under 100 posts. So I read and learn and laugh, and skip the guess what I'm wearing posts for the more thoughtful ones...like this one.