Would he be different If we never met?

[KatieGG]

Before my husband and I started dating back in high school, I knew he wore girl's jean which was pretty common among the "skater" kids. Most of them wore very unisex looking skinny jeans, but his always looked a little more fem, some didn't have back pockets or had a little design on them or whatever. But just the way they looked on him was different from all the other guys. Then one day I noticed he had panty lines. This was back when he was just a guy I had a crush on,

Anyway to speed this up a bit I got the nerve to talk to him after school one day, after some awkward small talk I just blurted out "You wear panties don't you?" I'm pretty sure I was more embarrassed then he was, but I could tell he was taken by surprised for a minute but he recovered and said " Umm yeah don't you?" then he smiled and I laughed, and watched him ride away on his skate board.

Well after a while we started dating and he told me he just wore the jeans and panties and aside from dressing as a girl for halloween once he never really thought about crossdressinng, and one night just for fun he put on one of my skirts and I did his make up, and it just kind of grew from that point.

Ok after all that the point of this thread before I rambled on so much is do you think he would have gone past jeans and panties if I never asked himi about it or if I wasn't with him holding his hand? Just something that I think about every once in a while, and would like to see what everyone thinks.

[Erica Marie]

I think in time he may have ventured farther. For alot of us our level of dressing seems to come in stages. He is a very lucky person to have you as a SO.

[Laura28]

I think he would have, clearly he liked it if he is now doing it. So the urge may have been always there and he just surpresed it by wearing "Unisex clothing" . In my case i just started with a panties and slips when i was young stopped for year and years, then off and on over the years mostly in the winter i would get the urge really strong. Now i am at peace with it and my wife is very supportive with it as well. But i have taken it further, i want enjoy the whole effect totally dressed make up wig etc...

[Edyta_C]

I doubt that your involvement had any effect except to speed things up at this moment. If he was born leaning that way, he would still be leaning that way without your encouragement. But he is very lucky to have an SO that can accept him as he is.

Edy

[DebbieL]

He may have had desires to do much more, and maybe even did more. Boys are conditioned at a very young age, usually 5-7 years old to do anything necessary to avoid the "Sissy" label, especially in areas where being labeled could lead to being violently attacked.

As they get older, being to feminine becomes associated with being gay. Most women are attracted to more masculine men.

He was very lucky that you were so observant, and also that you were willing to take the initiative. Many transgenders struggle intensely during their teens and early 20s, and many end up becoming very self-destructive, even suicidal. If he hadn't met you, his life would have taken a number of ugly turns. Fortunately, you have shown him that he can be who he is and can still be loved by a beautiful woman. You may have been EXACTLY the best thing that could have possibly happened with him.

[Marleena]

Katie you didn't do anything wrong. It was in his genes..or jeans already.:D

[monalisa]

He was very lucky that you found him and accepted him. Sounds like you both are happy so just look to the future.

[Jenniferathome]

yes. no one lets their girlfriend dress them up if they are not already curious. it may have taken longer to achieve whatever level he is at today but it would happen.

[sissystephanie]

I believe that the other people who have posted here have pretty much all said the same thing. Yes, he would still have dressed more, regardless. He had already experimented, and obviously like wearing womens clothing. So the urge to expand his dressing was most likely already there! As others have said, he is very lucky to have you!!

[Angela Campbell]

Oh yeah he was one of us for sure, from the beginning. You probably helped him a lot but he still would be a dresser, just in secret.

[TeresaL]

Katie, you didn't have anything to do with his proclivity to crossdress. He had this before you met him, and would more than likely, have proceeded into dressing more. What has happened though, is he latched up with a wonderful woman.

[KatieGG]

Thanks for all the feedback! Everyone here has been so nice and helpful for me. What everyone is saying makes sense. I guess since even though it's been 6 years I still feel very ignorant to a lot of aspects about cross dressing outside of my marrage. To me it was just part of him and something we had fun with. Until I found this site I never read or heard to much about it. Honestly before I met him the thought that some guys do this never really entered my mind which is why I think I was SO drawn to him.

I wouldn't be shocked if he had tried it more times than he was willing to tell me. He just seemed very natural in my skirt and too willing to go along with it and like everyone said I guess I just helped speed up the process or even gave him the courage (yay me!) to do it.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Hey Katie.

I think he would be slightly different. Being with a partner helps shape us be it CDing or anything else. I know I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't met my partner. She's so supportive. If it wasn't for her I would never had stepped out the front door in public. And Kim wouldn't exist in the way she does right now. And I'm glad I did meet her. I'll always thank my GG friend for introducing us.

I think your husband is lucky to have you :-)

And those lines, "you wear panties" "yeah, don't you" so sweet. That's amazing you pretty much started your relationship with those words. I think he knew you were special.

[Shelby]

Your Husband is so lucky to have someone like you who excepts him. You are a rare jewel, I wish I could find someone like you who supports me. Being single and trying to be up front and honest about my cding with women I meet hasn't worked out to well. If I withheld that info and we developed a relationship, then I would be afraid that I lied to her and she would feel cheated on. As a result, I feel like I am suppressing this side of me more and more and have even started to resent the fem side of my life. I dress less and less. I recently moved and most of my girl clothes are still packed in totes. It is a shame because, I liked that the Fem side of me brought out a more real and understanding man. When he put on your skirt, you may have brought out the best qualities in your man. He will make for a better partner in life, embrace that.

[Kathi Lake]

Katie, my first response that came to mind was, "Well, she's definitely a woman, all right. Her first response is guilt." :)

Would he have turned out the way he did if he hadn't met you? Not at all. He would have been an entirely different person. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is this; Has he turned out to be a decent, kind, loving human being? If so, then you have done well. You have helped him navigate the waters of marriage and love and family. If that is the case, then you should be justifiably proud of your man - no matter how he chooses to dress at times.

:)

Kathi

[justmetoo]

I think he would've been a less happy person if you never met.

[KatieGG]

So is it common for teen crossdressers to wear panties to school? Was there more vpl that I didn't see?? After I asked him about it I was so sure I just embarrassed the hell out of him and blew any chance I had with him.

[Kathi Lake]

Common? Sure - and probably more than you think. See, we know that no guy would ever notice VPL, or even know what it stood for. :)

Girls would notice and probably not care nearly as much. I'm glad that it wasn't a total deal-breaker for you.

Kathi

[SarahMarie42]

I don't really have anything substantial to contribute, but . . . I just wanted to say that this is one of the sweetest (tender & cute) threads I've ever seen. Not only are you accepting of his cross-dressing, but you would be proud to think you helped ease him into it. That's really, really great. :]

[justmetoo]

So is it common for teen crossdressers to wear panties to school? Was there more vpl that I didn't see?? After I asked him about it I was so sure I just embarrassed the hell out of him and blew any chance I had with him.
I doubt it was common in my day in the schools I went to, because we had gym everyday and we all had to change into our gym clothes in pretty open spaces. No hiding panties there!
But outside of school, when there seemd to be little chance of getting caught? Sure.
You probably did embarrass him, but his response was great. And I guess you didn't blow your chance with him, eh? :)

[busker]

Before my husband and I started dating back in high school, I knew he wore girl's jean which was pretty common among the "skater" kids. Most of them wore very unisex looking skinny jeans, but his always looked a little more fem, some didn't have back pockets or had a little design on them or whatever. But just the way they looked on him was different from all the other guys. Then one day I noticed he had panty lines. This was back when he was just a guy I had a crush on,

Anyway to speed this up a bit I got the nerve to talk to him after school one day, after some awkward small talk I just blurted out "You wear panties don't you?" I'm pretty sure I was more embarrassed then he was, but I could tell he was taken by surprised for a minute but he recovered and said " Umm yeah don't you?" then he smiled and I laughed, and watched him ride away on his skate board.

Well after a while we started dating and he told me he just wore the jeans and panties and aside from dressing as a girl for halloween once he never really thought about crossdressinng, and one night just for fun he put on one of my skirts and I did his make up, and it just kind of grew from that point.

Ok after all that the point of this thread before I rambled on so much is do you think he would have gone past jeans and panties if I never asked himi about it or if I wasn't with him holding his hand? Just something that I think about every once in a while, and would like to see what everyone thinks.

Katie, in physics there is something called the "observer effect, and I think it applies equally well in anything we are involved in. If you smile at someone, you change them at that instant--good or bad, is immaterial. If he had the inclination, then, yes, you did change him by giving him encouragement and perhaps having him start something sooner even though he may have had a tendency. It may have come later in life, maybe not at all, but as Kathi said, if he is a better person for it, and happier, then that is the change you made and kudos to you.


In science, the term observer effect refers to changes that the act of observation will make on a phenomenon being observed. This is often the result of instruments that, by necessity, alter the state of what they measure in some manner. A commonplace example is checking the pressure in an automobile tire; this is difficult to do without letting out some of the air, thus changing the pressure. This effect can be observed in many domains of physics.

The observer effect on a physical process can often be reduced to insignificance by using better instruments or observation techniques. However in quantum mechanics, which deals with very small objects, it is not possible to observe a system without changing the system, so the observer must be considered part of the system being observed.

[Beverley Sims]

All you did was speed the progression up and help create a happy union.
He would still have done it but may be closeted and unhappy now.

[kimdl93]

Chances are he would have found a way beyond panties and jeans, as others have said. But we really can't say what path he may have taken. . He may have hidden for years, maybe even denied this part of himself. Really, he's so fortunate that you drew him out early...at least compared to most of us.

[Kathi Lake]

Katie, I just thought of something else.

Let's assume that your husband is, and always has been, a crossdresser. Looking at the evidence you've given, it seems likely. How has his meeting you changed him? Well, he probably won't turn out nearly as screwed up as many of us. Since he has a supportive spouse who knows about, and even helps with his dressing, he won't have to deal with the shame, the hiding, the embarrassment, and the marital stress many of us do. How have you changed him? For the better, Katie. For the better.

Kathi

[KatieGG]

So for once me being nosey has a positive effect! Thanks for all the insight I really appreciate it. And I'm sure I will have a million more questions along the way (everyone might get tired of answers them!)
It's amazing to me that from what everyone has said that I could have such a positve effect on his life. He is such an amazing guy and I always thought I was the lucky one to find a man that takes care of me and protects me and a best "girl" friend all in the same person, its nice that everyone thinks he is lucky to have me aswell

[Marleena]

I think your signature says it all Katie! You are lucky to have each other.:)

[bridget thronton]

Without out a doubt - in good relationships both partners feel they are the "lucky one". You seem to have a great relationship Katie

[~Joanne~]

Katie your are a gorgeous woman. Inside and out. You are the one that most of us look for but may never find. Your acceptance and support are remarkable. Do I think S/he would have gone past jeans and panties on His/Her own? without a doubt. It may have been awhile but it would have happened. You both have "comfort zones" so try not to push anything. Take things only as fast as you are both comfortable with and always keep the communication open. I am sure we will never tired of answering any questions you may have ;)

[Miriam-J]

Here's a slightly different perspective, Katie, from one shaped by similar perspectives. If he hadn't met you, he might have tied up with someone far less accepting. This would have led him to hide or restrict his crossdressing experience and, having no one to help him to imporve his appearance, he wouldn't have looked nearly as nice. Or, he might have kept it hidden and fetishistic, never gaining the self-confidence to make it out of the closet. He might also have found himself with considerable mental distress from which recovery would have been long and difficult. In short, you may have rescued him from so many problems.

I had a good deal of the alternate experience. I hid my crossdressing for decades since I had a very unaccepting wife. After divorcing and then getting together with my current wife a few years ago, I was able to finally discover this side of me and improve my physical appearance using her help for clothing selection and makeup. I gained confidence, especially after discovering others through this site and other resources. But I would have been so much better if I had discovered somebody like her at the age of 18 instead of 48. You're wonderful, and I'm sure he appreciates you more than you can ever know.

Miriam

[Cheryl T]

We'll never know for sure will we.
From my experience I would say that it just moved the timeline along a bit faster. I don't believe there was ever a time that I didn't want to go out dressed, but it did take me a long time because I had no one there to "hold my hand". Now that I do, things just keep moving along.

[avant1465]

Katie: YOU, dear girl, are the kind of woman that ALL crossdressers dream about as the one they find and make a life with..... Your hubby is one lucky guy......

[MeganHenry]

Yes from what I have read you both are very fortunate to have found one another, been able to see each other for who you are individually and together. That one question broke down what could have been years or partial to no communication on the subject, questions in each of your heads along with doubt and so on. Good on ya!

[suchacutie]

Would he have been different? Probably yes, and probably not as happy as he is now.

Let me state the obvious: when two people meet who complement each other as the two of you clearly do, both people are enriched.

My wife also made Tina possible in ways that I could only have imagined, so I do think I have some idea of what your husband feels in all of this. You did the perfectly right thing, showed that you were open an honest, and he reciprocated! What a terrific way to start a life together!

[carhill2mn]

I think that it would have been extremely likely that he would have "gone past jeans and panties". It would have been unusual if he hadn't.

[Tibby]

Katie, it has already been said that t may have been different in that he would have progressed naturally to dressing more but wthout you he would have kept this secret and been unhappy, you have given him a lease on life to be free in who he is. Be grateful that you are the type of woman who can be accepting and embrace the love and sharing in the depth of love this gives. To all those who have felt they couldn't be accepted for who they are, I just wish I could give you all a huge cuddle and let you know not every person is as unable to see the benefits of understanding. I always remember a survey which was performed relating to homosexuals (different context and yet very much the same). The one making the survey asked people a question about their views on homosexuality and so many people said about "well if they choose to be gay that's up to them", the responding question was "at what age did you choose to be heterosexual?". Not one person was able to give a response to that. No one chooses to be who they are at a given age, they are just are who they are, be that homosexual, transsexual or crossdresser, society seems to be what makes a person try to hide who they are if they are deemed to be different from the norm. Biologically men are physically designed to wear skirts and females are designed to wear trousers, it is a well known fact that biologically male genitalia should be kept at a temperature lower than the body core temperature, easiest way to do this is to wear non restrictive clothing. So in biological terms men who wear dresses are more likely to be more virile and fertile than those who wear trousers, you are helping nature by encouraging his cross dressing :)

[Eryn]

Katie, you changed his life by the act of saying "hello" to him. Every decision we make changes the world around us.

Now, has the change been good of bad? IMO, the change has been for the better. Anything that helps us understand ourselves a little better is a good thing.

I didn't crossdress actively until age 53. Through the magic of hindsight I now realize that I had an inordinate interest in feminine things that I mixed up with my interest in women. There was always something "empty" that I couldn't put my finger on. If someone had helped me straighten out my feelings in my early 20s my life would have been very different and I would likely have been a bit less frustrated while enjoying it. That is what you have done for your husband!

Enjoy each other, you have a wonderful future ahead!

[susie evans]

katie
my wife has know about my favorite pastime since before we got married and that has been over 40 plus years ago and to this day we are still haveing fun, in your quest to know alot about a lot of things you have learned his most deep dark secret appreciate the honesty you have together and enjoy your life together

hugs susie

[darlaj]

He might have on his own, he might not of. After 23 years of marriage it came out in me. Unfortunately my wife was not too accepting.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Would he be different If we never met?

He would have turned out the same -- a crossdresser -- either with you or without you.

But he wouldn't be *with* you.

If you like being with him, than consider yourself the winner.

In my book, you a winner anyhow, because I think all of us would like to have a SO as accepting as you are (unless we have already found one).

[Lynn Marie]

I'm guessing that you are the only limiting factor on your husband's crossdressing. Especially if he is aware of sites like this where crossdressing is not only accepted but celebrated! His desire to stay in a loving relationship with you keeps him from doing anything that might freak you out. Like getting dressed more often, or sexy lingerie, or heels, etc. You're a gem, he's a lucky man. Keep him honest with your continuing approval.