Storage solutions......

[Jari]

Hi all,

My situation is as follows - my beautiful wife knows and supports, in fact it is a fun and vital part of our sex lives, however we recently had our first child and now thoughts are turning to how to shield him from any unfortunate discoveries. I had toyed with the idea of not hiding it at all and letting it not be seen as something unusual - however given the attitudes of society on the whole and the way kids can be so cruel, im thinking perhaps it is not fair on him to do that. So we are trying to work out a way to keep our clothes and toys accessible but hidden - any ideas? Was thinking false wall, lockable wardrobes etc. problem is in some ways the more secret you try to make something, the more intrigue grows around it.....

Love to hear you thoughts x

[Aylineira]

I will probably sound like a broken record when I say this again but...

This subject was part of my primary reason why I am in this forum. After much research I have found that truthfully there is no right answer in what you're looking for. It really depends on your situation and your way of thinking.

If you decide to hide it, know that you're hiding a part of yourself. Do you really want to hide something that is a part of you to your own flesh and blood?

However, the other side of the coin is just as you said. Society as a whole still does not accept us and the repercussions against your son may be harsh once the local school kids get wind that "daddy wears a dress".

Therefore the only thing that I can quickly say is that you need to gauge how your area views LGBT issues and how liberal they are.

Also another thing to consider is how well your son is taught how to not to speak about things of the personal matters within the family to others. This is a good one since you're not simply telling him to keep this one particular secret but teaching him the importance and value of privacy. However, there is never a 100% gaurantee that your son will keep a lid on it so you have to be prepared to be "outed" by your son when the day comes.

I may go deeper into my analysis if you like but I am going to end my post here for the sake of keeping it short.

[Brenda79135]

The choice to tell your offspring is something you and your wife will have to make. As for hiding things, the clothes are best hiden in the open. Just make them appear like they are your wifes. Buy or build a new headboard for your bed that has compartments to hide the toys and teach the offspring that your bedroom is off limits to them.

[Beverley Sims]

Locking cupboards and denying access only works for 5 year olds.
For older ones there is a safe to crack and a challenge.
Hide it all in plain view and do not dress in front of the children after age two.
Others will have a different view on this. Child hood memories are a strange mix.

[Rogina B]

Keep the sex toys hidden and the clothes in plain sight!You have years to decide whether or not you wish to show your fem self to a growing kid.They do not remember any little details at all for a few years from now.My 11 year old daughter has been in the know since age 5 and I am very happy with the results.She took my avatar pic...

[Maria 60]

This is a tough one, I find that before I came to this site I was a simple dresser only a few things. Now it's make up jewellery wigs etc. I have my own shower in the basement and keep a lot of my everyday cloth down there, and mixed in there are some fem cloths, my kids are older now and when they have friends over they hang out downstairs and that made me nervous so I moved everything into our bedroom. My daughter borrows a lot of my wife's cloths and many of time she doesn't know it but she even wore my fem things a few time's. My daughter like most women are very nosy and I know my daughter and she will pick up very fast and why these cloth aren't folded like those or why is this bracelet doing on my dads side of the bed. My wife tells me that I am starting to slip and leaving things more messy and that she will pick up on this very fast. So just like you I really don't want to get caught or answer any question so now we are trying to mix our cloths together and hope she thinks there all her mothers things. The sad part of all of this is I tell my kids to tell the truth no matter how back it is, well I guess I am not following my own advice.

[MsJanessa]

I agree with the poster who suggested putting them in your wife's closet (or her side of the closet if you only have one in your bedroom) That way you aren't "hiding" anything from your offspring but neither are you rubbing his/her nose in what for you is a private activity between you and your wife. I get the sense that you CD for sexual reasons, which is fine. But there is no reason why a child has to know about what his/her parents like to do in bed.

[Angela Campbell]

If you decide to hide it, know that you're hiding a part of yourself. Do you really want to hide something that is a part of you to your own flesh and blood?


Of course you do. There are some things that are not others business. Do you close the door when you go to the bathroom? Do you have sex in the living room in front of your family? Yes of course some things you keep secret from members of your family.

[kimdl93]

We all keep some aspects of ourselves hidden from our kids. The sexual part, certainly the toys, can be kept in a private space in your closet. As for dressing around your child, I think you have a choice to make. If this is an everyday part of your life, and you don't want to hide it for 20 plus years then it would make some sense to just be yourself around your child from day one. I do think that some kids can be mean but as noted above, your son can learn what to share and what to keep private. And he can learn from the beginning of his life that people come in all sorts of varieties. That's a positive lesson.

[Bree Wagner]

Was thinking false wall, lockable wardrobes etc. problem is in some ways the more secret you try to make something, the more intrigue grows around it.....


You're certainly right about this. As a kid I went 'exploring' all the nooks, crannies, and locks in the house whenever I could. There was always that thrill of discovery...

You've already got a lot of good advice here. I have a 4 year-old and a 4 month old that I have no intention of telling for quite some time, if at all, unless circumstance demands it. I keep all the clothes and shoes in the open in the closet and my 4 year old just assumes they're all my wife's. Eventually I'm sure she'll not the size difference and we'll see what happens then. I'm doing everything I can to raise the kids to be open, honest, and accepting so I don't want to ever lie to them about it. Misdirection can certainly work while they're young though.

If you really want to keep it completely hidden you're going to have to be ingenious in your hiding since kids can be incredibly good at finding things. Off-site storage could be an option for some things.

I had more thoughts but gotta run the 4-year old to swim lessons...

-Bree

[Dana921]

I support the decisions all have to make on this based on their individual circumstances. But had to share this thought given I have a chance to interact with younger folks like teens and such.

Modified version of the Sex talk we as parents need to give to our children:

Wife to husband: You need to have a talk about gender identity with your child.

Husband to wife: I will get a pad of paper so I can take notes.

So many youths today are working very hard to break down the binary gender roles for themselves because they feel these roles define them to much and they wish to have the freedom to express all they can about themselves. Not sure we want to discourage this and they will learn with or without our input if they are inclined to. So educating them on the subject in what ever way you feel best (bookform or example) will work in everyones favor.

I think this is true for all subjects we concern ourselves with when trying to help our children stay out of trouble or not get hurt. They will learn with or without your involvement, so is it better to just say No, or say, Hey, lets explore this together so at least you have some influence on the decisions they make for themselves.

[Lady Catherine]

Children do NOT belong in there parrents room. PERIOD!!! Teach them this from an early age and they will respect it. My kids NEVER went into my room without asking (or knocking ) first. I never went into their room without their knowledge either. Repect works both ways.

[SandraInHose]

Just my two cents regarding the kids... Today's kids might be the most liberal and open generation ever regarding sexuality and acceptance. BUT that doesn't mean they are ALL accepting, and you have to consider the kids' world, not just yours. Children will tease other children over just about anything...why add additional fuel to the fire? You know a young child is going to blurt out your 'secret' to someone someday, and word like that spreads like wildfire amongst schoolkids. Talk about a way to build resentment from your kid, if he's getting teased at school because you wear dresses.

CDing really is a self-centered activity, whether you label it as a lifestyle or a hobby, it's still all about YOU and YOUR desires to dress. My advice...don't burden your children with YOUR needs. Heck, kids have enough societal pressures to deal with...don't add another one that borders on 'taboo' to the general public.

[PretzelGirl]

I think we teach our kids a lot and we still sometimes catching them doing the opposite and sometimes getting in trouble is how they learn. So you can't count on them not going through things while you are out (obviously way in the future).

I didn't impose on my wife by taking some of her closet space. We did have two closets and I kept my stuff in my closet. It just gave the appearance that my wife had 1+ closets of clothing. But you can't explain things like forms or if you buy an excess of anything. So we put a lockable footlocker at the foot of the bed (later two) and that is where all the CD stuff, bras, etc went. The rest was in plain sight.

[Rogina B]

This is a tough one, I find that before I came to this site I was a simple dresser only a few things. Now it's make up jewellery wigs etc. I have my own shower in the basement and keep a lot of my everyday cloth down there, and mixed in there are some fem cloths, my kids are older now and when they have friends over they hang out downstairs and that made me nervous so I moved everything into our bedroom. My daughter borrows a lot of my wife's cloths and many of time she doesn't know it but she even wore my fem things a few time's. My daughter like most women are very nosy and I know my daughter and she will pick up very fast and why these cloth aren't folded like those or why is this bracelet doing on my dads side of the bed. My wife tells me that I am starting to slip and leaving things more messy and that she will pick up on this very fast. So just like you I really don't want to get caught or answer any question so now we are trying to mix our cloths together and hope she thinks there all her mothers things. The sad part of all of this is I tell my kids to tell the truth no matter how back it is, well I guess I am not following my own advice.

So why don't you tell them? I bet they can understand...


Just my two cents regarding the kids... Today's kids might be the most liberal and open generation ever regarding sexuality and acceptance. BUT that doesn't mean they are ALL accepting, and you have to consider the kids' world, not just yours. Children will tease other children over just about anything...why add additional fuel to the fire? You know a young child is going to blurt out your 'secret' to someone someday, and word like that spreads like wildfire amongst schoolkids. Talk about a way to build resentment from your kid, if he's getting teased at school because you wear dresses.

CDing really is a self-centered activity, whether you label it as a lifestyle or a hobby, it's still all about YOU and YOUR desires to dress. My advice...don't burden your children with YOUR needs. Heck, kids have enough societal pressures to deal with...don't add another one that borders on 'taboo' to the general public.

Depends on how you truly raised your kids...


Keep the sex toys hidden and the clothes in plain sight!You have years to decide whether or not you wish to show your fem self to a growing kid.They do not remember any little details at all for a few years from now.My 11 year old daughter has been in the know since age 5 and I am very happy with the results.She took my avatar pic...
You have a few years on the sex toys as well...keep em clean just in case..A Rabbit could become a crib toy!

[flatlander_48]

The point at which you decide to tell your children about crossdressing is strictly a personal thing. But, one thing is paramount: you want to do it on YOUR schedule. This involves figuring out what you want to say, being ready to say it AND having your child be able to hear it. If one of those factors is not present, it just won't work. You never want to be in a situation where your hand is forced prematurely, but that's what could happen if something is discovered before all parties are ready...

[Eryn]

If the children are girls then you had better figure out a solution before they get to the age where they start wondering why 1/3 of "Mom's" shoes are size 6-1/2 and 2/3 of them (and the really sexy ones) are size 11! :)

Seriously, "hide in plain sight" works well when they are young, but I wouldn't rely on it after they learn their numbers.

As far as telling them, the dilemma is always whether to burden them with a secret that can bring bring cruel teasing upon them. At that tender age, today's trusted friend is tomorrow's sworn enemy.

[Billie1]

I agree with, and have used the "hide in plain sight" method for a while.
Nothing encourages a child's exploring instincts more than a locked, or
restricted area.

[Bree Wagner]

If the children are girls then you had better figure out a solution before they get to the age where they start wondering why 1/3 of "Mom's" shoes are size 6-1/2 and 2/3 of them (and the really sexy ones) are size 11! :)



Thank goodness my wife and I are the same shoe size! When my girls start looking at dress sizes though I'll be in trouble...

[Eryn]

Thank goodness my wife and I are the same shoe size! When my girls start looking at dress sizes though I'll be in trouble...

That's funny! Mimi and I wear the same dress size, but widely different shoe sizes!

[Rogina B]

From my experiences,when you are out to your immediate family and kids grew up with Dad's various outfits,then there is no secret to tell. Every household has things they don't share with others and parents tell their kids all the time that they need to not talk about what goes on at home.. for some there are REAL serious issues. The OP has a chance to create a pleasant and accepting household and skip the anxiety that comes with hiding themselves that others on here do everyday.

[Tibby]

We have 3 wardrobes in our bedroom, 1 for everyday casual daily wear, 1 for my work clothes, suits etc and 1 for his pretties. If any of our children did have a look through (thinking mainly of Christmas time searching for presents) they'd likely not think anything of the clothes in there. I have several ball gowns and formal dresses which are hung in there and while he is a few sizes larger than me, I doubt the kids would be that interested in checking the sizing label. The shoes are more noticeable in the sizing difference but they tend to be kept out of sight in a large suitcase under the bed. We'd not consider telling the children, certainly not until they were all adults as while they may be accepting, they would likely talk to friends and lets face it, kids don't often need much ammunition to begin a bullying war. Plus while I know about my husbands CDing, he's not ready yet to talk to anyone else about it. I think for us the children are used to seeing me in various outfits for work, casual, parties or formal balls so seeing a wide range of dresses isn't unusual.

[Ms. Laura]

To me, telling a child to keep such a secret is too big a burden. But,that's just my opinion.

As far as the nuts and bolts of things, you have quite some time to figure it out. Mine is 7 ans isn't curious about exploring the house, let alone the basement. Yours may be different but I keep my things in inocuous boxes and an old suitcase in a pile of junk in the basement. I'm not too worried until she's old enough to be home alone, which will be some time in this day and age, and obviously I can't let a kid crawl around a basement unattended.

I am considering a false wall in my workshop, which would be fairly easy for me. Mine's a girl though, workshops are anathema to her. Your son will look at it differently, most likely.

If you're in an apartment or something, keep it locked! If they ask, tell them it's some documents and miscellany. Then, swap in some boring junk and show them the junk, then swap the girl stuff back. You know, after making a big deal about trusting them with knowing what's in there. That'll buy you some time.

That's the best I have for now. A little deceptive, but...

[PretzelGirl]

Seriously, "hide in plain sight" works well when they are young, but I wouldn't rely on it after they learn their numbers.


I agree. There probably is an awkward age group in the middle that it can be a problem. I didn't really have things out, because I didn't have any, until my daughter was 15. When I told her years later, she didn't know. Probably had something to do with her being one of those teens that didn't want to be home. I am sure it will vary from kid to kid.

[Stephanie47]

As to privacy of your wardrobe you have a couple of years to get it together. A three year old will not be able to detect of mommy or daddy owns that bra or panty. As kids get older they will explore. If you have a walk in closet arrange the hanging bars so they are double deep and keep your dresses, skirts and blouses in the back of the closet. The lingerie can be stored in plastic containers. Anything that is a definite giveaway stored them in a locked receptacle, preferably with a combination lock so you do not have to worry about the key.

If you're going to tell you children, you'll know when to do it. You do not need any counsel from us. Each of us knows how they will react and what the social and legal environments are in each situation.

[Allison Chaynes]

I agree with the idea of putting things in the closet near your wife's so it blends in. When we do laundry we take all of ours in the bedroom and sort it there so we don;t have to worry about explaining anything.

[Rogina B]

Actually,Mom's "Rabbit" would make for an entertaining crib toy! But the "plugs"..not good pacifiers!