Who wouldn't?

[britney1]

Ok, I guess I am a horrible person all of a sudden, but I have to ask this. Many of you know that my wife is out of town for job training. She does not accept my crossdressing. she knows about it, and knows that I am going to dress alot while she is gone. I just wanted to know, for those of you with an unaccepting spouse, if she was out of town for several weeks, would you not dress every chance you got? I know I shouldn't be keeping secrets, but what choice do I have? My only other options are to divorce or not dress, neither of which would lead to my ultimate happiness. I never promised my wife I wouldn't dress. Anyways, your thoughts are always welcome

[Veronica E. Scott]

Weather she is out of the house for an hour,a day ,a week or what ever if she is not in the house I am dressing or shopping or both period.

[Wendy me]

i did not vote silly you....oh don't dress and purge right away....what do you think that we would say????silly just silly........

[Raychel]

Every time the house is empty and I am sure not to get caught I am dressed completely. And when the house is not empty, it is lingerie under a bathrobe

[britney1]

If what I read is true, then why am I being critisized so heavly for what I am doing while my wife is away?

[Billie Renee]

Although I do not have that problem I would if it wasn't the way it is now and have when I was married to an unaccepting wife and dressed every chance I got.Even went out and made sure I came home after she did just so she would know I was dressed.

[Sherlyn]

all i can say bout this britney is ...did she ask u not to dress if that is the case then it is wrong ...a relationship is built on trust .... i know the urdge can be strong ...however if she realizes u are going too.. then u are going too ...my only concern would be ..if that u2 are trying too work it out this is great and if she wanted u not too dress and u did ,,it would be harmful ...if u sneak.. its cool around the house however what would happen if u somehow got caught while out ...im sure not good ..... just tryin to help out here coz you we're so distraught a month ago ,,but yet your fine now

[britney1]

all i can say bout this britney is ...did she ask u not to dress if that is the case then it is wrong ...a relationship is built on trust .... i know the urdge can be strong ...however if she realizes u are going too.. then u are going too ...my only concern would be ..if that u2 are trying too work it out this is great and if she wanted u not too dress and u did ,,it would be harmful ...if u sneak.. its cool around the house however what would happen if u somehow got caught while out ...im sure not good just tryin to help out here coz you we're so distraught a month ago ,,but yet your fine now

She never asked me not to dress while she was gone. and I never made any promises not to dress

[jodyR]

Not only did I dress up when the wife was away but they were her clothes. WHAT FUN THAT WAS. Now I am single( not because of the dressing)I dress up almost everyday.

[size7satin]

22-0 sound like your getting :spank: for no good reason.....

[TGMarla]

I don't remember ever bagging on you about it. You know my situation. My wife has gone for up to a week at a time on the rare occasion, and I practically lived en femme while she was out. I never went out myself, but back then I did not have even a fraction of the nerve I have now. So if she were gone for any extended period of time these days, I'd probably not only dress a lot, but I'd probably venture out somewhere, too.

But that's just me.

[DanaJ]

22-0 sound like your getting :spank: for no good reason.....Yeah, a fair question to ask on a CD forum. Ask Dr. Phil what he would say :)

[size7satin]

Yeah, a fair question to ask on a CD forum. Ask Dr. Phil what he would say :)

I take Dr Phils opinion about as much as I would lets say ummmmm Dr Ruth:rofl:

[DanaJ]

I take Dr Phils opinion about as much as I would lets say ummmmm Dr Ruth:rofl:Exactly my point - thanks for agreeing with me :) We tend to ask opinions where we know we will get favorable answers...

[Tamara Croft]

Great thread for unaccepting wives/so's to read isn't it.... there goes the trust, when all of you except 1 has voted you would do it behind their backs anyway and you wonder why so many are unaccepting, what a load of hypercrits all you are in this thread :thumbsdn: :mad:

[Sherlyn]

Great thread for unaccepting wives/so's to read isn't it.... there goes the trust, when all of you except 1 has voted you would do it behind their backs anyway and you wonder why so many are unaccepting, what a load of hypercrits all you are in this thread :thumbsdn: :mad:
I agree with you Tamara 110%..as i stated ... if cding is such a secret burden if you gain a trust .... or even a start of 1 why oh why would u be a sneak .....

[TGMarla]

Tamara, I see your point, but at the time I was referring to, my wife did not know I dressed. Also, it is a valid point that if one is attempting to build trust in the face of the crossdressing issue with one's wife (like I am), perhaps then some self control and prudence is indeed in line. I stand corrected. I did not bother to look at it from that particular point of view when I made my earlier post. But I have to admit, the temptation to have some fun would be quite large.

[size7satin]

Great thread for unaccepting wives/so's to read isn't it.... there goes the trust, when all of you except 1 has voted you would do it behind their backs anyway and you wonder why so many are unaccepting, what a load of hypercrits all you are in this thread :thumbsdn: :mad:

Yes it would be a great thread for a Wife or a SO to read. Why? Because it show that know matter who we entrust with our cd'ing with we are subject to judgement and critasisum instead of compasion and understanding.

If only 1 SO see & understands what fears we have in our CD'ing it may open their hearts up so that their cd'ing partner doent have to sneak or hide it.

[TGMarla]

On the other hand, size7satin, if a SO is newly alerted to her husband's CD behavior, and has not yet come to the point where she can deal with it, and they have spoken of it, but not come to any accord, and she believes that her husband will not be dressing while she's away, then perhaps the CD can try to excercise some self control while she's away.

No one feels the compulsion to dress more than I do, but still, I don't have to let it run my entire life. If my wife were reasonable with me, and asked that I do not dress while she's away, but agreed to talk more once she was back, well then, I'd feel that I owed it to her, as my wife, to agree to her wishes.

Trust is one of the cornerstones to a marriage.

[Rach]

i have and i think most would do it to

[dawnmcdaniels]

I think I have the soloution
Party at Britneys house !!!

[size7satin]

Tgmarla I see the side that is being presented, truely I do. I have a problem with the SO HONESTLY believing that their SO is not dressing if they are not around. and they are aware that thier spouce CD's.

That is when most of us did dress, when they were not around. It not a matter of a cd'er trying breaking the trust of thier spouce but about the only time we as a cd'er can release our inter needs to crossdress.



Trust is one of the cornerstones to a marriage.

I agree and if all we do is dress then why is it so bad that we do it. GG's would you rather your man go out cheat on you sleep around come home plastered smelling of another woman or letting them dress while you were out? Where is the trust broken if you are aware of thier cd'ing?

If you didn't CD and your SO walked in while you were ********** (becuase of edit)pleasing themself in the shower for your own release, would the trust be broken? No she may be upset but understand that sometimes you need to release when shes not around.
Lesser of 2 evils ?

heck I don't know

[Marla GG]

Britney, why does it even matter what everyone else would do? Do you think that their votes somehow vindicate you? Is that your personal system of ethics--"other people do it too, so it must be okay?"

You said,


she knows about it, and knows that I am going to dress alot while she is gone.

But in the same post you say


I know I shouldn't be keeping secrets, but what choice do I have?

I'm confused. Does she know, or are you keeping secrets? I think I speak for most of the GGs here when I say that we'd rather know you are dressing...even if we don't approve....than be misled into thinking you're not doing it when you are.

[Sarah Smile]

Great thread for unaccepting wives/so's to read isn't it.... there goes the trust, when all of you except 1 has voted you would do it behind their backs anyway and you wonder why so many are unaccepting, what a load of hypercrits all you are in this thread :thumbsdn: :mad:

If a couple can't accept each other, they have no business staying married. No one in their right mind goes into a marriage expecting their partner to be their dream companion. There are always things about each other we have to accept. As far as disrespect goes, britney's wife is showing her disrespect by not allowing her to dress the way she wants at least in the privacy of their own home. What is britney doing that is so hurtful to her wife? How is being herself hurtful? I personally would have a hard time trusting a spouse who did not respect me and I think that cuts both ways.

[Tamara Croft]

Size7satin, Britney only started cd'ing 2 months ago, her wife only found out last month, so if you believe that her going behind her wifes back so soon after telling her is ok and the rest of you that agreed too, then it's no wonder you are all here wondering why you have unaccepting partners (not including you size7). Secrets and lies are not the basis for a marriage and correct me if I'm wrong Britney, but you said you would do ANYTHING for your marriage, is lying and keeping secrets a part of that too?

[size7satin]

so if you believe that her going behind her wifes back so soon after telling her is ok and the rest of you that agreed too, then it's no wonder you are all here wondering why you have unaccepting partners

I didn't think it was a good ideal from my own experances and I sent messages to britney letting her know what consaqueses she may be faced with while she explored her interself including the failure of her marrage. She can only set her path of finding her interself. I would love SO to see this & try to pick up on just 1 % of what cd'ers lock up inside themself. I don't think there would be 1 cd'er that wouldnt want there spouces approval and to share it with them. Truth is that unless we let the SO see that this happens we are being untruthful to all the SO's out there.

[kathy gg]

When you posted this question, I thought if you are making false promises, ultimately you HAVE to sleep with them every night. I know the times when I have had to mislead a situation, or I have lied about something or downplayed something meaningful to me that it turned and turned away at me till I either fessed up and came clean.

But instead of spending every waking hour dressing, why not take the time to order some books that might help her, write her a long (and I dont' mean just a few lines) story explaining from point a'a to point 'b'. Maybe even giving her an email address of women who are onlist who had a rough go at the start. I think when you came on list about wanting help and support so many offered sites, and books, and tips and I wonder how many of thsoe got followed through on? If I did not extend a hand myself, please know I run a yahoo group for wives only. many women who are really struggeling sometimes dont' want to be on a forum like this one.

ANyway, my point is this. I would use this valuable time to come up with a plan that shows that although you might have dressed some while she was gone your top focus was on for her to feel at ease and to have information ready and a hand (no computers!) written letter explaining all the things that are important for you. I think MarlaTG did the same thing and I know many couples who have done that as well. sometimes women just need time to get perspective and also learn about 'you' wihtout you defending yourself which could happen when emotions are being talked about.

anyway, I jsut hope that there are crossdressing activities that you wil make use of while she is gone that reflect your commitment to find a common peace with this in your mariage and your future.

[Holly]

Britteny, I'm not one of the gurlz here with an unaccepting SO, my wife knows, accepts, helps, and participates. We were able to get to this point by being open and truthful with one another. If this is the type of relationship you desire, going around behind your wife's back can only hinder the possibility of that happening. You say that your wife "knows" that you will be dressing alot while she is away training for her job. Is that because you told her that was your plan? Or are you just assuming that she believes you will?

You say that you know that it is wrong to keep secrets from her. Honey, there's alot of truth in that statement. She's the woman you made a pledge to love and cherrish, to hold above all others, to put before yourself. If you treat her that way, if you trust her with your entire being, you will increase 100 fold her positive response to you and your CDing. Sneaking around behind her back and keeping secrets from her will only build the wall higher between the two of you and create more work in building trust and confidence between you. What's best for us often is not the easiest. Choose the best, Brittney... you both deserve nothing less.

[KatieZ]

Considering your current situation with your wife I think you are wrong to be sneaking around behind her back. Just last month you were worried about a divorce. Now you are dressing every chance you get? Driving out of town en femme? Doesn't sound like you are really all that concerned about saving your marriage. You need to stop and think about what is most important to you. I understand CDing isn't something you can just stop. Does your wife know that? You either need to come to an honest and open compromise with her or move on. The way you are going she will figure it out on her own and won't stand for your sneaky behavior. And then you will be on your own.

Assuming the worst for your marriage, because it doesn't sound like you are honestly trying to save it, be up front with the next women you meet and find an accepting one.

[freshfrankie]

Hello ladies. My wife moved out after 25 years 2 months ago. We just drifted apart and I told her about myself 3 months ago. Trust is a cornerstone when living with a partner but being the person you were born to be is more important. By hiding your female side you creat a person who is incomplete. At 55 I would rather be disliked for the person I am than liked for the person I am not. If your partner can't accept you as you are then it's time to move on. You'll be much happier living your life as you. Not making everyone around you comfortable at your own expense. My wife told me that since I dress on a regular basis I'm such a changed man and if I was like this during our marriage she would still be with me. That was a real kick in my padded panties!:)
Our gender feelings are not going to vanish into thin air. You will be miserable inside like I was living in the closet for most of my life.Tell your partner they can trust you to be a better complete person when you live the life your comfortable with. There is no way to supress it or keep it hidden. It won't work. You have to be yourself to enjoy your life and that's what it isYOUR LIFE! Enjoy the holidays. Another good reason to get a new outfit!:)

Love
Jeannie

[Sharon]

I'd be interested in reading the results if the original post and poll was placed in the GG Forum.

Tamara? :)

[size7satin]

I'd be interested in reading the results if the original post and poll was placed in the GG Forum.

Tamara? :)


Post the same question here and only GG can post to it?

It would be a way for the non gg to see what gg feeling are so that maybe they can help reach out to thier SO's, better explaine their interselfs. There are many here that do have SO that they want to reach out to, to better understand their own feeling but that of thier SO's.

[Celeste GG]

Dispproval doesn't mean forbidden!

I disapprove of lots of thing my partners have done....

some are forbidden and some of which I disapprove.. did they still do it any way yes! and even though I hated it.

lets see some of the forbidden list:
Drink driving, driving fast over speed limit,having sex with anyone but me, having no money in bank account and having no money for food a check out.

Disapproval list:
Cricket, farting, inviting ex girlfriend over, Cd's always in incorrect covers,

Every wife has their limits.

Crossdressing when you know they hate it may be more than they can bear or just be an annoyance....

but it's not the worst thing anyone has ever done!

[DawnRodgers]

She has and I have. It is not something I can help. I just have to do it and it feels so good and so natural. I also travel a lot and I carry some of my fem things along and dress almost every single night when away. She knows I do this but she is not supportive of my dressing. When I do it around here she puts up with me but won't touch me at all. It is just something this part of me has to put up with.
Dawn

[britney1]

On the other hand, size7satin, if a SO is newly alerted to her husband's CD behavior, and has not yet come to the point where she can deal with it, and they have spoken of it, but not come to any accord, and she believes that her husband will not be dressing while she's away, then perhaps the CD can try to excercise some self control while she's away.

No one feels the compulsion to dress more than I do, but still, I don't have to let it run my entire life. If my wife were reasonable with me, and asked that I do not dress while she's away, but agreed to talk more once she was back, well then, I'd feel that I owed it to her, as my wife, to agree to her wishes.

Trust is one of the cornerstones to a marriage.

I agree with you Marla. I wish my wife would talk about it more with me, but she won't. She know's it goes on while she's not here, but she just has it out of sight and out of mind right now. She's doing her thing out of town, and we talk everynight, but no mention of it. She knows I am going to dress, and I know she knows that I am going to dress. Had she asked me not to, I wouldn't have.

[S. Lisa Smith]

This is the same relationship I have with my wife and crossdressing. She accepts it, but kind of ignores it. She did, however, let me get my ears pierced.

[Helen MC]

What an utterly strange question to ask, and I am surprised that as many as 10% of people have answered in the negative.

When I was married my wife was aware of my cross dressing , panties 24/7 and skirts etc occasionally when at home, this didn't bother her. When she was away I would also dress at home which I also did of course when in my teens and living with my parents and my sister . When they were away, which happened quite a lot, I would dress up in my sister's and my mum's skirts and dresses , blouses , bras etc.

The only caution I would urge would be to take care of the wife's/ GF's clothes if you do wear them in her absence, don't damage or stain them in any way and put them back neatly where they came from when you are through wearing them.

I simply cannot imagine being in a relationship where my female partner was against my being a CD, such a scenario would be dead before it started and before I was married I did end a relationship with one woman who did not accept my wearing panties never mind other clothing. To try to persist with such a relationship is doomed to failure and will only bring misery to both partners.

[Veronica E. Scott]

I agree with you Marla. I wish my wife would talk about it more with me, but she won't. She know's it goes on while she's not here, but she just has it out of sight and out of mind right now. She's doing her thing out of town, and we talk everynight, but no mention of it. She knows I am going to dress, and I know she knows that I am going to dress. Had she asked me not to, I wouldn't have.


But if apon her return home and she asked you while I was gone did you dress and you lied and said no then you are wrong and there goes the trust but if you said yes and she still gets upset then in her eyes you are still wrong what then.

[Sarahgurl371]

Great thread for unaccepting wives/so's to read isn't it.... there goes the trust, when all of you except 1 has voted you would do it behind their backs anyway and you wonder why so many are unaccepting, what a load of hypercrits all you are in this thread :thumbsdn: :mad:


Size7satin, Britney only started cd'ing 2 months ago, her wife only found out last month, so if you believe that her going behind her wifes back so soon after telling her is ok and the rest of you that agreed too, then it's no wonder you are all here wondering why you have unaccepting partners (not including you size7). Secrets and lies are not the basis for a marriage and correct me if I'm wrong Britney, but you said you would do ANYTHING for your marriage, is lying and keeping secrets a part of that too?:

Tamara,
I first want to say that I really like your posts, and that while I do not know you, I get the impression your are a fine person. And I respect you. Please do not take this as a dig at you. I needed to quote your posts to help me formulate my response. Reading them upset me, and knowing of your approval of your SO, the last thing I expected was a post similar to this from you. I think I understand where you are comming from, but all our situations are different.

So one quick point.....All who answered the poll are answering from thier perspective, thier lives. The poll didn't ask what should Britney do, and give all the details of her and her SO's situation to base a decision on. So I answered yes, based on my situation.

Wow what a thread. Now some know my situation and some do not. Yes, I told my wife of sometimes CDing prior to dating her, as a teenager. But that had stopped, it did, I was truthful, After marraige it started comming back, I didn't tell her knowing she would freak and lose respect for me. There is were the guilt and shame come from. After several years of this type behavior, when she wasn't around, I told her of my desire to be intimate this way. Again not the whole truth, but I figured it would put us on a path to getting it all out, and she could slowly, over time understand it. She freaked out. Said if i ever wore a dress she was gone. what should i have done? I already had. I let it go, figuring that she would come to see it as not a bad thing. Years came and went, I never felt as though I could just be myself around her. I alwys had to live up to her expectation of me. But she never had to comrpomise who she was for me. I don't think thats fair.

Told her all 2 1/2 years ago now. I almost left last week. She begged me to stay, and said that she can change and accept me. I / we are giving it one more shot. The point is our relationship over the past two years, has been one where I give constantly, bend over backwards, give control of every aspect of my life to my unaccepting partner. In an attempt to regain her trust, and respect. Trust I apparantly broke by being myself when she wasn't home. I did nothing wrong. As soon as i realized who and what I am, and that It wasn't going away (believe me I tried), I told her. The rest has been a battle ever since. The thing is, I had such a low opinion of myself, based upon my perception of others preconceived notions of a person such as myself, That I was willing to degrade myself to a piece of crap just to feel some freakin' love. We all want to be loved, thats it. But we all want to be loved for who we are, not who others think we are. Yes at the end of the day, I lay down with her in bed, and couldn't or wouldn't just be myself for hersake. I was willing to forgo all that and all that which accompanies that, to spare her feelings, as i knew that she does not approve of me as a person. How long am I to live this way?

Starting to wonder off topic here I know.

We have lived our entire lives, only being able to find some happiness and contentment with ourselves when we are physically alone. Usually only to feel guilty and ashamed etc. afterwards for our "lying", whether by omission or in the literal sense. Is it no wonder we should look foward to some alone time? I have worked two jobs most of the past 14 years of marraige. Should I feel bad about spending a couple of hours a week, a month, whatever, the way I want to? Its pretty damn sad that the only time we can be ourselves is when we are alone. That is just about the last thing I personally want, I want to share my life, all of it. Not just the parts you want to see.

Tamara, If I lived with you, you accepting your SO for who they are, the last thing I would do is lie. The dream for so many of us is an accepting spouse. If I had it, I would be so frickin happy, why would I do anything to jeoprodize that. So I answered the poll form my prospective. Not your SO's.

Oh to others, I have done all the usual stuff that is recommended to help your spouse. Quit dressing, even quit masturbating, as that is a sin as well. Lets face it, sometimes the elephant in the room is sex. And when your aren't getting any, men will be men. I would never cheat on my wife, its just not who i am, But I guess I can understand maybe why some do. I am not condoning it by any means. I hope many SO's read this thread. Maybe it will help thier marraige. I gave everything I could, everything she asked for, and it certainlly didn't help mine.

I have purchased several books, poured my heart out, only to have her not read them, or not believe what I said. After trying all the recommeded actions, what is left? The first book I read was Crossdressing With Dignity, by Peggy Rudd. I took it to heart. I will not be undignified in my quest for self acceptance and figuring out a way to save my marraige. I cannot change the past, only apologize for my shortcommings, which I have at length, and be a better person in the future.

Oh, I am allowed to dress when she isn't home now. You know what, that ain't good enough for me. I told her about all this cuz i felt alone. i certainlly don't want to be alone now. I am sure she doesn't either, but we are. i love my wife and would take all this away, all the pain, everything. i cannot, I am who I am. So again, I answered from my perspective. My wife knows i will probably be dressing when I am alone.

Another thought. Ever wonder why it seems that we CDers, so look forward to OUR time. Why we are SO driven to dress, why the impulse, compulsion, desrie, whatever word you choose, is so strong? Could it be that we have not been able to be ourselves for so long, that the desire to just be true to ourselves is so very compelling? I have often thought, as we argue about my apparant NEED to express myself, why is that urge so strong. Could it be because I have bottled it up for everyone else's sake for so long?

Anyway, didn't mean to offend anyone, especially you Tamara. Just my thoughts.:)

[Dana]

I've been where your at, and the truth be known, you're much more futher advanced in your state of mind with all of this than I was when I was married. Back then, I didn't have ANYONE to talk to! To discuss this with!

I very much recall stealing moments and opportunites to crossdress! Just for a moment! Just for a second! When the wife and the kids were asleep! Trying to reconcile, understand, come to terms with it all!

I feel for you! I really do! My heart goes out to you! It really does!

The torment, the guilt, the anguish!

In years past, I thought I just had a panty fetish? Or a nylon fetish? I know and understand NOW that it goes much deeper than that! Its much more about who and what I am as a person, as a an individual ~ but its taken me years and years to come to that conclusion and to that point!

In closing I don't believe that alot of wives understand the internal turmoil that we an human beings, as individuals, as husbands, as fathers, as lovers suffer because of our crossdressing! I've always equated it to being a moth drawn to a flame! We know we're going to get burned and burned badly! But, still we're drawn to the flame.

Women take such things as lingere, etc for granted and as an everyday thing that is somehow natural for women, and that all women are a part of. A bra for instance is a functional garment for a woman, and so its hard for your typical woman to understand that for a crossdresser it is and can be the very eptiome of feminnity?

Hope this makes sense to you, and if it doesn't feel free to give me Hell over it!

[DonnaT]

If anything should be learned here, it is not to make promises of not dressing, and one's wife should not ask her husband to not do what we all know can't be helped. She may not want to know about the when, whys and whatfors, but of anything she does need to know its that there will be times we need to dress and won't promise not to.

If I were in Britney's situation, damned right I'd dress. Sorry if that offends, but the truth of the matter is, many of us have a need that must be met. I know that putting off meeting those needs can build up and who knows where the top will blow off.

I think it is very important that if a wife or SO reads this thread, she realize it is going to happen at some point in time because it is something many of us cannot control. So she should expect it, not not expect it.

[TiffanyTgirl]

I think that Britney is completely in line with what is understood in her house. Given the same situation, I'd do the same.

[Dixie Darling]

Britney,

Basically the way I see it is that you've told your wife that you crossdress so she is aware of it, but she doesn't accept it. She hasn't asked you NOT to dress and you haven't promised her that you wouldn't. It might be possible that she thinks that you knowing that she doesn't approve of it is sort of an unspoken statement that she expects you NOT to do it. At the same time, your thoughts are that since she hasn't specifically told you not to do it, and as you stated that she knows you're going to dress a lot while she's gone, it's somewhat OK for you to dress as long as she isn't involved in it or doesn't see any evidence of it.

Your question: "if she was out of town for several weeks, would you not dress every chance you got?", is a fair one and deserves some serious answers. For those who aren't properly educated concerning crossdressing the immediate response would probably be something along the lines of, "If he knows I hate it, then he shouldn't be doing it ANYTIME.", and this would seem to be a logical answer. The problem is that those who haven't taken the time to research crossdressing have no idea as to the fact that it's a NEED that we have that can't be denied or ignored. I don't think any of us volunteered to be crossdressers, and we didn't just wake up one morning and decide we wanted to do this. It's not something that one "takes up" like a hobby or a habit, but rather an inward need that is eventually going to DEMAND an outward expression. Now, when the spouse who doesn't understand her partner is absent from the scene sufficiently long enough to allow her husband the time to indulge himself, it would seem obvious that he is going to get in as much time as is possible to satisfy this need while he has the opportunity to do so. Although it isn't really possible to do so, maybe he feels that if he can cram in enough enfemme time while he has the opportunity to do so, he can "ride out" the desire for a while when there ISN'T any chance to dress later on.

Maybe I'm not totally correct in what I'm saying here, but as a crossdresser myself, and with an unaccepting wife whose attitude sounds very similar to that of your own, I'd venture a guess that I'm pretty close to being accurate to some degree.

BTW - for what it's worth I agree fully with the reply from tammycd about this too. And Tammy, if you read this reply to Britney, check your messages in the forum. I left one for you since your email address wasn't available.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Christina Nicole]

I did not vote because I didn't like the wording of the question. "If your unaccepting spouse was out of town, would you dress every chance you got?" I'd dress, but not every chance I got. Balance and moderation in all things is necessary in all aspect of life.

I do not know if this is intended to apply to all crossdressers with unaccepting spouses, to Brittany in particular, or to some particular instance. If this is the general case, applying to all CDers with unaccepting spouses, no offense intended, but I believe it is excessive.

Great thread for unaccepting wives/so's to read isn't it.... there goes the trust, when all of you except 1 has voted you would do it behind their backs anyway and you wonder why so many are unaccepting, what a load of hypercrits all you are in this thread :thumbsdn: :mad:

Which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Continuing the metaphors, why put the cart before the horse? CDers "do it behind their backs" because of a lack of acceptance. The lack of acceptance does not grow from the secret. While I agree that secrets can be potential problems, too much truth can be a problem too. (IE: The answer to, "Do these pants make me look fat?")

I am thinking that this thread is a continuation of the Brittany basketball thread. (Thanks for the correction, Sharon!) But I will plunge forward with respect to crossdressers and their SOs in general.


Secrets and lies are not the basis for a marriage and correct me if I'm wrong Britney, but you said you would do ANYTHING for your marriage, is lying and keeping secrets a part of that too?

Still I have one more generic comment to make, which obliquely touches on Brittany's situation. I remember "love and honor" in the marriage vows and also "for better and for worse... until death do you part" being in there. Somehow I missed "obey" as in "obey your wife about not crossdressing."

When one takes a spouse and one takes the spouse good and bad, beauty and warts. People aren't cafeteria line products where someone can take some of this that he likes and skip the some of that which she does not like. Surely a man who married an active "I'll never let myself go" size 4 wife has no right to say to his now very overweight wife "Uggg, I can not tolerate the way you look anymore. You are going on a strict diet starting today. Throw away all of that non-diet food in the kitchen." For him to say, "No going out to eat while I'm away on business," would be OK? After all, she's not the same person he married and he has strong feelings about appearance that she knew about right from the start. Being overweight certainly is more of a serious problem that what one wears, is it not? Not regarding Brittany's handling of her specific situation, but when an unaccepting wife forbids crossdressing, is that right or wrong?

A few people mentioned "Trust being the cornerstone of marriage." I agree with that. But let's put trust into context. "I trust that you won't sleep around. "I trust that you aren't getting drunk instead of working. "I trust that you dusted my bowling trophys." Which one is not grounds for divorce? Again, I'm talking in general, not about Brittany.

I don't want to seem critical of anyone here. On the other hand, I do have an unaccepting spouse, so I have a degree of familiarity with the topic. She tolerated it a tiny bit for a while, but that tolerance grew less until it reached zero. So it now is incumbent upon me conform to her changed wishes? I do not ask her to change her view of CDing. I do not say, nor dare I say that many CDs tell spouses, "You must accept this. We are going to the mall together as girlfriends. Be ready to go tomorrow." I'm not forcing it on her. By not doing it in front of her, we are both happy. She does not see it; I get to do something I greatly enjoy.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Amelie]

I'm going to have to with Tammy Wynette's answer--D-I-V-O-R-I-C-E,
Then you can dress whenever you want to.

If you told your wife before you got married that you like to dress in women's clothes then it is up to her if she accepts this and if she does accept this, then she marries you and puts up with the dressing.

If you didn't tell your wife until after the marraige then it is your own fault if she doesn't accept your dressing. You were decitful to her so she shouldn't have to be accepting, you lied from the start of the marraige.

I know the responce will be, that Cds got married when it was less accepting, and maybe the CD could suppress their CD behavior after they got married. Well in my opinion that's too bad, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. A wife doesn't have to accept your crossdressing, yes there is no harm in dressing as a women , but some women don't want to marry a crossdresser. A women may not want to marry a sports fanatic, it doesn't mean she is a bad or unaccepting person just because she doesn't accept this sports fanatic, she just doesn't want to marry one, plain and simple. And by not telling your future wife from the start is decietful.

Get a divorce, then you can party whenever you want.

I don't know if what I said is Brittiny's situation but is is the situation of many CDs.

I also agree with what Tamara and Sherlyn has said.

[Julie York]

It's a bit of a rhetorical question really.

It all got a bit complicated and philosophical but the facts are simple.....

Every single one of us WOULD dress the moment she went out the door.

If it is disrespectful, well that's just tough. It's disrespectful to deny someone their natural inclinations when it is almost impossible to stop and essentially harmless (it is also very narrow minded and stupid to try).

Having said that....I would not be expecting applause from my fellow addicts for acting irresponsibly and putting my own reputation and the reputation of my wife, and marriage, at risk should I get caught.

[Wendy me]

ok now i am and have been dealing with that whole cding thing with my wife
i told as she knew abought my cding that i wanted to be open and honest abought it. see i know this is not easy for her to understand let alone accpete . but i was thinking if i ever want her to accpete any part of my cding then i would need to get things out in the open.. haveing hid it to some what the only way would to do this is say i wear womans clouthes and i enjoy do it .. it's part of who i am ...

she did not jump up and down and say oh cool thats what i was hopeing for ,no but what was know and not talked abought is out and open to talk abought ..see as hard as it is to do talking abought it , it needs to be done if she ends up ok with it cool .. if she knows and says i don't want to see it cool... trust me twenty something years of sneaking around is not good...

if you ever want some kind of understanding sneaking just won't work...