Married crossdresser atracted to men

[amigoinlove]

Hello girls! I have been a closet crossdresser for as lon as I can remember. I was married 5 years ago and my wife doest know about this (very nervous writting this threat). I wanted to see what everyone thought about this. I do like women feel atracted to them and even married one!! But at the same time when crossdressed an even as a boy i feel very atracted to men and dream about a relationship with a man who can treat me like a woman. I guess i am bi..

[Jenniferathome]

Indeed, you are bi if you think you can act on those feelings. BUT, you are married. If you think fidelity will be an issue, then you have a difficult conversation to plan for. I'm a big believer that your wife should now that you are a cross dresser. That's your first hurdle.

[cathie pantyhose]

go ahead and do a little search here on the site and you will find you are not alone. Its been discussed a few times. Whether you are dressed fem or not. It's about a 50/50 split between those who are attracted to men while dressed and those that remain attracted to woman only regardless. I am bi and married and also find myself more attracted to men when dressed fem than male but regardless I'm attracted to both in either.

[JeanneF]

Remember, you're married. You made a commitment to not fool around with anyone else, male or female. I'm married too, have had some bi experiences in my past, but haven't since my (now) wife and I became serious. You owe it to her not to lie to her. Don't make her find out that the life that she's building with you is based on false pretense. And if she does, don't be surprised if she hates you for it. She's within her rights on that.

[ArleneRaquel]

Telling your wife about crossdressing is most important, but IMO you should also tell her about your male attractmant, this will be difficult for both of you, especially for her. Best wishes and take your time I know this has to be very trying for you.

Just to tell a bite about my experiences, since a very young age, before puberty, I dreamed of living my adult life as a woman, I knew nothing about Christine Jorgenson, or surgery, or anythinjg like that. My dreams, about living as a woman, went on for years, always had me as a maid, nurse, ect for a boy whose mother had died and the father hired me as a helpmate. The father always eventually proposed to moi and the dream ended there. When I became a widower I went female very soon after and have since dated men, only one female date since my wife's death. I took part in many Gay Pride Week events since 1973 or so, not so much recently, and was never attracted to men, guys dressed as females YES, well I was 100% faithful to my wife, now I favor men, CD's also. Life is a funny thing, a new adventure every day. Best wishes again !

[whowhatwhen]

Being bi shouldn't be an issue as long as you remind her that bisexual does not equal ravenous sex-addicted-hump-anything-that-breathes-and-can-consent.
Of course, it could be a bit difficult since a lot of people don't think bisexuals even exist so in the end you'll just have to be prepared to explain everything.

[Kate Simmons]

Having certain feelings is no big deal. Acting on them can become problematic if other people are involved. Just be careful my friend.:)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gicelle, Yes you are a BI Guy so enjoy the best of both worlds.

[Ann Louise]

Hi Amigo - I'm bi and married, too. And like you, I too am attracted more to guys when dressed, but I have no plans to step out on my wife regardless of whoever I'm attracted to. I love this woman and am honored that she loves me. I will not violate that trust. I had bi adventures in my twenties and thirties and it was nice, but that was then and this is now! Thoughts are just thoughts, we all have them. That doesn't mean they're plated in gold. I suggest you work on coming out to your wife first. Your bi-thoughts may then prove to be some fun fantasies to share with her later... One step at a time. Elfin

[Jenniferathome]

.. It's about a 50/50 split between those who are attracted to men while dressed and those that remain attracted to woman only regardless.

Cathie, I think 50/50 is a gross over exaggeration of the population here. I would put it at single digits at best for those who fantasize about men. Cross dressers are typically straight. That is evidenced here.


Hi Gicelle, Yes you are a BI Guy so enjoy the best of both worlds.

Wow! Horrible advice. You are advocating complete disregard for one's commitment to marriage. Incredible.

[whowhatwhen]

Wow! Horrible advice. You are advocating complete disregard for one's commitment to marriage. Incredible.

It doesn't need to be sexual, it just means that it's okay to check out other guys as well as girls.

[darla_g]

maybe what you are looking for is a 3 way with some other guy?

[AllyCDTV]

Keep in mind that there is a big difference between fantasizing about something and actually doing it. I like to think how great it would be to fly but I'm not about to jump off a building to try it.

[Beverley Sims]

Keep in mind that there is a big difference between fantasizing about something and actually doing it. I like to think how great it would be to fly but I'm not about to jump off a building to try it.

I have dreams about levitation, but the only successful flying I have done is in a Boeing 747.

[GinaD]

I was married even though I consider myself bi-sexual. I experienced both sides of the coin before marriage, but after being married, never violated the fidelity component. What I did violate was the honesty component where I didn't reveal Gina and after many years, was caught with my panties on. That was it for the marriage. Infidelity isn't the answer. Being honest is the best policy, but the ramifications can be devastating. Good luck.

[andrea lace]

for me keeping my cross dressing a secret from my wife for so long became dangerous for me I always thought that my desire to wear female clothing was in its self wrong and somehow homosexual behavior.I did try it once even though i was always attracted to women it was a mistake to try it and will never again. Try to separate fantasy from reality

[Susancd]

I fully agree that being honest with your wife about cross dressing is the only option. I'm glad that I told my wife as soon as we became serious, and even better, she accepted that side of me and even surprises me with the odd girlie present!

[melissakozak]

Our orientations and gender identities are separate issues. I happen to be bi, and I also happen to feel both genders...no big deal. But I suspect most CDers would consider themselves heterosexual, and this is evidenced by the vast majority of us who happen to be married....again...no big deal. People are much more fluid than most realize.

[Catherine1122]

Well, you can fight it for a long time, fantasize about it, watch all the dirty videos, but at the end of it all you have to decide if you want to go all the way on it. I read the posts here about the differences between fantasy and reality, but I just don't see why I can't make some of my fantasies reality. I went to craigslist, (yeah, I know) and placed a well thought out ad. Got over a hundred replies, but one really stuck out. Most had pics of wieners and a few words, but this one caught my attention. We corresponded, found we had a lot in common (older, not much experience, but interested) and decided to meet. I set it up, dinner at the Melting Pot, and he had a hotel room. I went dressed as a woman on a romantic date, nice black dress and sexy underthings, he was a perfect gentleman. Treated me like a lady, opened doors, took my coat, held my hand. There was a red rose waiting at the table. (It is still in a vase on my desk.) It was wonderful. I have never felt so feminine, appreciated, desired. He listened, we talked, it was fantastic. We went back to the hotel and I changed into a nightgown, did the whole, "slip into something comfortable" thing, was nervous as heel but when I stepped into the room with that nightgown my heart was pounding. His look said it all, and I went to him. No need for the detials of that here, but it was everything I dreamed it could be. And no, there was no hesitation, no, "What am i doing with this thing..." We have seen each other a couple times since, and it is still just as much fun. This is not for everybody, I know, but it is the fulfillment of something really important to me. I am happier than I have been in years, feel wonderful and sexy and feminine all at once.

[Marleena]

That's what we call it. There are many threads on it here. For some it's just a fantasy of being treated like a lady when dressed. Maybe it's the need to be treated as a woman or a switch is flipped, not sure but it comes up a lot.

[kittypw GG]

Cathie, I think 50/50 is a gross over exaggeration of the population here. I would put it at single digits at best for those who fantasize about men. Cross dressers are typically straight. That is evidenced here.

I think it's a gross under exaggeration that is evidenced here.

[CassandraSmith]

Keep in mind that there is a big difference between fantasizing about something and actually doing it. I like to think how great it would be to fly but I'm not about to jump off a building to try it.

I've fantasized about shooting at someone on the freeway when they've tried to run me off the road but I would never actually do that. Therefore, I'm not a murderer.

[Stephanie47]

Sometimes fantasies are best left as fantasies!

[Dumplingbug]

Not knowing anything about your partner I couldn't say if this would be a good idea or a horrible idea... but perhaps your wife might be open to the idea of having a threesome or open/poly relationship with another man involved?

While our culture is pretty stuck in the monogamy mud most of the time (due to religion, culture, economics, or yadda'yadda)... you'd be surprised how open to the idea of multiple partners some people can be. Despite our cultural norms, humans don't seem to be a species I would ever honestly describe as "naturally monogamous". Just look at our cousins in the primate world, no? If they can mix it up... why can't we?

[whowhatwhen]

Sometimes fantasies are best left as fantasies!

I've read this a lot, but why?
If the wife is okay with it then why not go out and have some mansex and see how it goes.

It's not like someone picks up a gay taint if they try it once and that they can never be with a woman ever again, it's just sex.

[April_Ligeia]

Fantasies are perfectly harmless. I often have fantasies regarding crossdressers or transexuals, but I have a girlfriend so the fantasies are just that -- fantasies. Nobody can tell you what to or what not to imagine.

[Astarte108]

Thanks to all for your wisdom. I am a married cross-dresser. My wife accepts (but is not really enthused) about my crossdressing. On the other hand, she blessedly makes love with (more than to) me en femme - perhaps once per week. The rest of the time she prefers the guy; and I absolutely love making love to her as a guy.

Here's the thing - the more she loves me when I'm en femme; the more I want to do it with a man. We've discussed this, and she really doesn't want me to do that. I love her so much that I'm OK not pursuing it further (at this point); and I deeply honor my comittment to her.

[flatlander_48]

go ahead and do a little search here on the site and you will find you are not alone. Its been discussed a few times. Whether you are dressed fem or not. It's about a 50/50 split between those who are attracted to men while dressed and those that remain attracted to woman only regardless. I am bi and married and also find myself more attracted to men when dressed fem than male but regardless I'm attracted to both in either.

Yes, Exactly...

[kellycan27]

Hi Gicelle, Yes you are a BI Guy so enjoy the best of both worlds.

Yeah I bet his wife would be thrilled.... Great advice!

[flatlander_48]

Hello girls! I have been a closet crossdresser for as lon as I can remember. I was married 5 years ago and my wife doest know about this (very nervous writting this threat). I wanted to see what everyone thought about this. I do like women feel atracted to them and even married one!! But at the same time when crossdressed an even as a boy i feel very atracted to men and dream about a relationship with a man who can treat me like a woman. I guess i am bi..

I agree with the others that you are likely headed towards a serious conversation. However, there are 2 ways to go about it. You can discuss both CDing and being attracted to men in the same conversation OR you can discuss CDing and then sometime later (a few weeks, a couple of months, whatever) discuss your attraction to men. Think about both and decide which approach is better.

Whenever you have a difficult discussion, you want to do it in such a way as the other person can continue to hear you. If you talk for a minute and things devolve into a shouting match, you may be talking but you won't be heard.

[kittypw GG]

I agree with the others that you are likely headed towards a serious conversation. However, there are 2 ways to go about it. You can discuss both CDing and being attracted to men in the same conversation OR you can discuss CDing and then sometime later (a few weeks, a couple of months, whatever) discuss your attraction to men. Think about both and decide which approach is better.

Whenever you have a difficult discussion, you want to do it in such a way as the other person can continue to hear you. If you talk for a minute and things devolve into a shouting match, you may be talking but you won't be heard.

Yeah why don't you go for two conversations. Start with the cd'ing one first. Tell her that most crossdressers are heterosexual. Let her get comfortable with the idea then one night tell her you are gay and just give it to her between the eyes. Why don't you stop being selfish and set her free or give her the option to share you with your man lovers. Keeping this a secret is the most assinine thing I have ever heard.

[flatlander_48]

Yeah why don't you go for two conversations. Start with the cd'ing one first. Tell her that most crossdressers are heterosexual. Let her get comfortable with the idea then one night tell her you are gay and just give it to her between the eyes. Why don't you stop being selfish and set her free or give her the option to share you with your man lovers. Keeping this a secret is the most assinine thing I have ever heard.

When people are dealing with VERY serious issues, berating them and being sarcastic is never helpful.

[MsJanessa]

I think it's a gross under exaggeration that is evidenced here.
um
You're right about that----I would say, just judging by the number of posts on the subject on this website, that at least 50% of the ladies here have fantasized being with a guy (or another crossdresser) or have actually done it.

[kittypw GG]

um
You're right about that----I would say, just judging by the number of posts on the subject on this website, that at least 50% of the ladies here have fantasized being with a guy (or another crossdresser) or have actually done it.

My bet is that it is much higher than 50%. You would not believe the confessions I have heard from "heterosexual" crossdressers who are married. I think a lot of people just may be in denial. Regardless of the percentage, this is not a secret to keep. If the op loves his wife he will not put her at risk of deadly diseases that she will not see comming and may be mis-diagnoses because she believe that she is sleeping with one man and in a monogamous relationship.

[missmars]

I think you should only crossdress when you are surrounded by female.

[Rocker Chick]

My bet is that it is much higher than 50%. You would not believe the confessions I have heard from "heterosexual" crossdressers who are married. I think a lot of people just may be in denial. Regardless of the percentage, this is not a secret to keep. If the op loves his wife he will not put her at risk of deadly diseases that she will not see comming and may be mis-diagnoses because she believe that she is sleeping with one man and in a monogamous relationship.

As unpopular as it is around here, I'd say you're right in that its much higher than 50%. According to what I've read here "most" cross dressers are straight. I do not believe that one bit and I would say the real percentage of who is not straight is closer to 100%.

If you are a male who fantasizes all the time about being with another man then you are not straight. If you only fantasize when you are dressed then you still aren't straight. Just because you're married or have a girlfriend does not make you straight either.

[darla_g]

As unpopular as it is around here, I'd say you're right in that its much higher than 50%. According to what I've read here "most" cross dressers are straight. I do not believe that one bit and I would say the real percentage of who is not straight is closer to 100%.

If you are a male who fantasizes all the time about being with another man then you are not straight. If you only fantasize when you are dressed then you still aren't straight. Just because you're married or have a girlfriend does not make you straight either.You are entitled to your own opinion regarding yourself. You are NOT entitled to express that opinion concerning anyone else. Good bye.

[Lorileah]

You can fantasize about being a race car driver, that does not mean you are a race car driver. You can fantasize about living on another planet, that does not make you an alien. You may dream of being a wolf, but you will never be a wolf. Fantasies are just that, fantasies, flights of imagination. They do not say anything more about you than that. If you want to argue statistics, start your own thread.

[darla_g]

very well put Lorileah