What if I never started dressing?

[Maria 60]

If anyone has not read any of my post in the past I am a construction worker and I am not the sharpest tool in the shed but I love working with my hands.(and always being careful not to chip a nail). At night and weekends sometimes I will help out family and friends with whatever household problems they may have. Almost every time I do a job for someone they always say to me why I never opened a company and did this for a living. When I told my wife this she believes it has to do a little with the dressing, that if I spend as much time following the stock market as much as thinking about the dressing we would be very rich today. She said when she meet me she noticed a low self-esteem and understood why after I told her about the dressing and the years of hiding and thinking something was wrong with me and going threw this on my own. She then noticed that after I told her about it that she seen my confidence build and the only thing that is holding me back now is the thought of being caught. Her biggest fear is that I take these little chances, that how much I love the feeling of the sun on my pantyhose and feeling of the wind when wearing a dress and those feeling are the one that someone is going to get that on a phone camera and I am going to find myself on facebook. That is my biggest fear and I then asked her that when I am dressed what does she think when seeing her husband dress like a women or when we are away and I sleep wearing slips and pantyhose. She said it never bothered her and after 25 years of marriage she's comfortable with it, but believes that maybe without the dressing I would be more confident and would put more thought to other things, but calls it a blessing and a gift and for me to enjoy it. She then asked me why not ask your friends on your forum if there are any of them self-employed or presidents of companies or if they believe that the dressing has held them back? Ok so that question is from my wife.

[Laura912]

The amount of energy spent in hiding and guilt through much of my life would have fueled a lot more accomplishments. You will have to decide what price to pay for increasing your risks but many will tell you the risks are more imagined than real. There is another on the forum who does tile work and has wondered about doing that work en femme. Maybe they will respond to you as well. Did the dressing ultimately hold me back? No, managed a successful professional career dealing with a population where the dressing may have actually helped.

[Kate Simmons]

I cannot imagine that. It's part of me and part of what has made me who I am today. :)

[Gillian Gigs]

First off, you are smarter than you think. You married the right woman who is smart, just like you! Esteem issues are a part of life, and learning how to process them is important. As a US president once said, "there is nothing to fear, but fear itself". I find it difficult to believe that your picture as Maria would ever show up on facebook, most people are so involved with their own life to notice anything other than what is pushed into their faces. Life is not supposed to be about money, money is a tool to be used to help with our quality of life. Yet, quality of life is not necessarily about big ticket items, it is often more about the little things that give us joy, peace, and happiness. To quote you, "that how much I love the feeling of the sun on my pantyhose and feeling of the wind when wearing a dress", is that part of your quality of life? It strikes me that you need to find a balance between your "he and she" time, as well as a safe place in which to have your "she" time.

You are one of the fortunate ones who has an understanding wife, and her words say it best, "but calls it a blessing and a gift and for me to enjoy it", so do enjoy it. She obviously loves you, so increase that love by loving her back in a greater way. Again you need to find a balance between your "he and she" time, enjoying the "she" time to the most when you get it.

[Beverley Sims]

There is a preoccupation with dressing by all of us and it probably does affect our esteem and other progressive activities.
It is who we are and if you are strong willed enough you can change your lifestyle.

[Foxglove]

I'd put it like this: being trans has certainly held me back in my life, but it's not because I'm trans--it's because I never allowed myself to be trans. I.e., I never allowed myself to be myself. Since I started doing that recently, my outlook on life and my frame of mind have changed a lot.

It is depressing, even debilitating, not to be oneself. Cispeople can feel this in various ways: if you're not practicing a profession that's suited to you, if you're tied to people who aren't good for you, etc.

We transpeople have a special problem: a lot of times we feel we can't live the way we really need to live. There's nothing preventing a woman from being a woman or a man from being a man. But quite often there can be things preventing a transperson from being a transperson. You need to be yourself. It can be a great weight on your shoulders when you can't do that.

So as I say, it's not being trans that's the problem--it's not being trans when you are trans.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Jenniferathome]

My dressing has nothing to do with my work life or my confidence. I hid my cross dressing for 40 odd years and only came out to my wife two years ago. Prior to that I have started and sold two venture capital backed companies (small but relevant businesses). My wife would consider me a risk taker in my work and fun life. Cross dressing is just a part of who I am and not a large part. I think cross dressing makes for a convenient excuse for various problems, but it is no more relevant than my eye color (brown).

[CassandraSmith]

I believe that my self worth issues are independent of cding. There are therapists that can help you work through them. As for running a company, I tried it on a small level and hated every minute of it. The only thing I ever wanted to do was write software back then and all that management stuff took me away from it. I know that I'm not the manager type; I'm much better in a supporting role and feel more fulfilled there as I can concentrate on the details and let others manage the global picture. Besides, I like serving, it feels... ah... feminine.

[RADER]

Maria;
I was in construction also, now retired. I am a Carpenter doing High End trim,
and round and radius staircases.
I also had a small remolding Business on the side; put most of my "Extra" money
into Stock. Yes I watch the market, but I do not do Mutual funds, I pick my
own, witch has done me extremely well. And I do cross dress, even more now since
I am retired.
Rader

[Cherry Lynn]

I am self-employed and before that worked for a company for 24 years. I do not mind taking a risk if I feel comfortable with it.

[Lynn Marie]

I'm retired now after 41 years with the phone company. I've always enjoyed my work and took great pride in doing tough jobs well. I didn't like management. Just not cut out for endless meetings and the frustrating task of motivating people. I like the instant gratification of making customers happy and meeting their needs. It really wasn't work to me, it was fun and they paid me well. I've always managed to live below my means and saved plenty of money. Now I'm spending it! Still buy just about all my en femme stuff at Value Village though! Can't seem to break the old minimalist habits. That's fine, life is good, very good indeed.

It wasn't CDing that prevented me from being more successful, it was being satisfied with simple things done well rather than a desire to climb the corporate ladder or self employment.

[AllyCDTV]

Starting up and running a business takes an enormous amount of time, dedication and energy. Not only is there no time for crossdressing, there is no time for any other hobbies either. You are lucky if you find time for your family. After a few years, things reach a point of stability and you can relax a bit. The good thing about being self employed is that if you have the type of business where you are not always in front of customers, you can crossdress whenever you want.

[Barbara Ella]

Did crossdressing hold me back, that is the question asked. i cannot answer that as I started only recently, after retirement. The thing I would pose right back is. Am I happy doing what I do now? Would pouring time into the stockmarket give me more of a positive feeling ( forget money, it comes and goes). Would I enjoy being the boss with the responsibility of making payrolls and generating business?

Would i be different, maybe, but I don't think it is just the time spent with the dressing that is important. I think your personality is set independently of your dressing preferences, and you are very close to where you wanted, even if you had no idea.

Barbara

[noeleena]

Hi,

For my self its a bit deeper than cross dressing , really the clothes had little to do with anything other than i hated any male clothes,

I was percived as a male though i was not , does not matter any more,

Okay im a tradesman or tradeswoman makes no difference ether way, did my time learned my trade & enjoyed 46 years of doing many different jobs work for different commanys & was self employed, any thing i could do with my hands & make timber or steel i did it oh = lumber.

How i dress as a normal woman has not held myself back in fact I have more going for myself than i had years ago, more friends & involved with many groups & to be accepted is really what this is about,

you can be accepted for who you are & as a person , what i wore did not come into it, though it helped in letting people know where i was in regard as who i was / am as a woman.



Even though i have worked in my percived male mode i have worked as a normal woman as well. being intersexed really did not make a difference, All those who have known me over the years were not bothered, & as we'd say work as normal .that of cause is how i was accepted,

Even now i work at our Museum do things for others see the same guy's in different firms this over many years, & to every one its noeleena,

When you accept what & who you are is what will carry you through , when you dought your self then the fear of you will be seen as different , well im different so what, . did not stop others accepting me & does not make any difference now .

The expression i'll use is , wheres the builder, over there, where's the man, you go see ...her.... yes... she's ...the builder, oh,

When they see me & get to know me they dont have any issues, to late then any way , so this is about confidence in your self & no matter what you do, my dress on the day is normal shorts a tee top sun hat & depending on the job in hand boots or sneakers, normal womens wear, if it's cold i'll wear overalls .

Iv allso done a sellers job of selling tree's & bush's plants & people would come to me for advice & a natter so yes it was good so again confidence in what your doing & confidence in your self, & dress , skirt ,tee tops & my head wear, & sandal's.

...noeleena...