Answering The Questions

[Dana]

I was married for a number of years, and lived with another GG for several more.

Along with the "Are you gay?" quuestion, I also got the

"Why would a man want to wear a dress?"

And, the "I'm a girl! You're not!"

Feel free to add your comments about how you would have responded, and your own personal moments of truth!

What I'm attempting to start here, is a resource pool, of collective experiences.

[TGMarla]

Many of these questions are quite natural. Any woman would want to know the answers. When a subject such as crossdressing comes up, it is no wonder that the woman asks these questions, since she is not at all educated to the phenomenon.

The "Are you gay" question is easy. My answer is "No."

Why would a man want to wear a dress? Well, why do women want to wear dresses? Is it ONLY to attract men? Or is it because they like to? I'd see Helana's thread on "Feeling Pretty (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18688)" for better answers there.

But the "I'm a girl" answer is very shallow. "I wear dresses because I'm a girl." That answer has no depth to it at all. But when one has never probed the real reasons for one's behavior, and simply takes things like this for granted, these are the kinds of answers we get. Many SO's are not willing to readily study in any depth the reasons why they wear the clothing they do. But the answers are very complex and simple at the same time.

Women wear pretty clothes because society has deemed it correct for them to do so. But there's more to it than that. They also do it because they like to. Pretty clothes, nice dresses, cute shoes, etc., all register deep within their libido as falling on the "Pleasure" side of their "pleasure or pain" response. I'm no psychologist, so I don't know all the terminology.

It is the "society has deemed it correct" part that causes the problems with crossdressers. Not only are women programmed to accept women's clothing for themselves, they are also programmed to reject it in men. Too bad. Because this clothing is registering pleasurably deep within us, too.

Why? Because I'm a girl. It only scratches the surface.

[Sarahgurl371]

Are you gay? No, I am not attracted to men. I think men are not at all sexy or even desirable, and I do not understand why a woman whould want to be with one. I think If I could understand that, maybe my answer would be different.

I am attracted to feeling the desire a woman (I think) feels from her man though, I think the questions must be evaluated and all the feelings gone thru before you can answer. Our first instinct, is to immeadiatley say NO. However for me, i had to go thru it all to arrive at the answer stated above. It took a while. Cuz while not physically attracted to the male body, I guess emtionally being loved like I love my wife is attractive. And my experience so far with all this TG stuff is about feeling and being in touch with my femme feelings, how can i do that without entertaining the possiblity of being loved by a man? Does being gay mean attracted physically or mentally to males? Or both, On its face it is a simple question, one i suppose "normal" guys can easily answer. I, as a TG person, cannot easily answer. I kinda just feel both.

Why would you want to wear a dress? I still cannot answer that one. I just do. I have read a ton, thought about it for years. Still no answer. It is just me, part of the whole, It just speaks to me.

I am a girl you are not! Well yes technically that is correct. If I believe that a vagina makes a person a woman, and a penis makes a person a man, thats correct. I believe physical sex, gender, sexuality are all different things. I believe we are born with them all, sure social conditioning definatley has some influence, but I was born who I am. I am starting to see that life isn't black and white, there is a whole lot of gray. I believe that just being a person, should mean being a good person. But there are ceratinlly bad people in the world right? So there is no absolute. In other words, just because I was born with a penis, don't pigeon hole me as this or that.

I am just a person trying to be a better person and discover myself along the way. What works for me, may not, and does not, have to work for you.

[sara_also]

Why do women want to wear pants? Are they lez? Why do they wear mens shirts, What about the new boy shorts with the fake fly in the front. I don't know.
Sara

[Amelie]

I answer YES,,YES,,,YES.. to all of the above.

[sherri]

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18784

[Raychel]

No I am not gay.

Why would a man wear a dress. I can only speak for myself, But aftre a long week in mens clothes, It feels really good to get into some nice soft and silky clothes. It is kinda relaxing and a nice change of pace. Doesn't everyone like to get away from the day to day rat race. For me a few hours in womens clothes really does the trick for me. Not to mention that the tight undergarments, girdles, bodybriefers ect. do wonder for my aching back.

So for me give me a nice soft dress over work clothes and work boots any day.

[Dana]

Wow! Very articulate and informed responses. I ran across the "Why would a man want to wear a dress?" question with my last GF. I didn't and at the time couldn't answer it. Not sure that I can now? But, if I were to make the attempt, the answer wouldn't be hinged on a sexual response, but more on as a need to express my total being, to experience my total being. When I dress in women's clothing I get this sense of "Ahhhhhh!" Of comfort, release, satisfaction. Its almost in~describable. One word comes to mind ~ completenes! I feel complete ~ I feel ME!

In so far as "Are you gay?", I'm not only NOT attracted to men in the physical sense, I'm not attracted to them emotioinally, pyshhologically, nor the many other levels that are necessary for one person to be attracted to another. I'm just not! To be honest, I almost wish that I was. It would seem to me that it would be far easier to be either gay or bi, and a crossdresser, than to be a heterosexual crossdresser. But the truth of the matter is ~ most gays and bi's are attracted to the same same heterosexual women are ~ masculinity and men. They want, desire and need other masculine (or for the most part) masculine men that look, act, and dresss like men.

Me? I'm 0 for 2 in the long term relationship with women department. One failed marriage, and one failed living together. Both of them knew of and could not accept my crossdresssing. They couldn't live with it, and I couldn't live without it.

Granted. Being inbedded in the Deep South, doesn't help matters much, nor does all the pesudo~religious that goes with living in the deep South. Thing is I'm religoius and I'm spirtual. I'm also a good person ~ sometimes to a fault. I'm always on my case about trying to be a "Boy Scout" to people that I don't know. It sometimes comes back to bite me in the bombosity. Trying to help a tiger get a thorn out of its paw is all well and good for Disney movies, but in real life can cost you, your head.

I'm a good person, and good people. I don't have a crimininal record, I've never impossed myself on anyone. I've more than have served my patrotoic chore ~ done right. Tried to "just do the right thing" throughout my life. I've tried to live the "Golden Rule" and have talked to, and treated others the way that I would want to be treated were I them.

I'm not in a relationship at presnet, and haven't been for going on eight years. Purposely so. I know that I can't long live with a woman, without being drawn toward her things, her belonginings, her clothes, her makeup, her jewelry. Its not a question of if, so much a question of "when"