crossdressing bf in secret?

[curious]

Hi,
I am new to this whole concept and have an open mind. I recently have come across some things at my bf's house that lead me to beleive he crossdresses in secret. He has told me he has secrets but is afraid to lose me and is always asking how open i am sexually. I recently found many pairs of women's shoes in a large size, corsets, makeup, fake latex breasts, wigs...etc.
I am unsure how to bring this up to him, being that I found these things on accident. I also dont want him to assume I will leave becasue of this...how can i get him to open up to me about cding. What do crossdressers usually do when they keep it secret, just dress at home? ANy ideas on how I can get hiim to talk to me about it?? Any help would be much appreciated...I hate having this secret, so I can imagine how he feels...

[Andinera]

Buy him some womens clothing and say youd think itd be sexy if he wore it. He'll he open to you knowing and if won't give away the fact you found his stash.

[Kate Simmons]

Perhaps he was waiting for a good time to tell you. Ask some leading questions, but not too bluntly, during normal conversation with him and see what develops. It's hard for a man to deal with this sometimes, especially in connection with someone he cares for.:)

[Jordan]

I think just tell him about it and if you are open to it just let him know that you are cool with it

[Angela Campbell]

When in the bed ask him to wear some panties. If he likes it he will do it if you tell him you like it.

[Jenniferathome]

It will be easy to get him to talk. Just ask him. The truth is the best way. "Sweetie, I accidentally found women's clothes and even breast forms in your house. I'm sorry, I don't want you to be embarrassed, I'd like to talk to you about this part of you. I don't know anything about cross dressing but I'd like to learn." He'll be hugely embarrassed BUT opening up is an equally huge stress reliever and once the genie is out of the bottle, he'll feel great. Please do NOT ask him to show you anything but let him know you are open to his life.

To answer your "secret" question, yes, most of us dress in secret, at home when our spouses are away. We know cross dressing is weird. Most of us have cross dressed since our very early years and as a result have learned how to hide it.

Good Luck

[darla_g]

so you really don't say how you feel about him doing this. Are you ok with this? If you are and its only the fact that he is being secretive about it I suggest you talk to him

[Stephanie Miller]

I personally think if you found his things in a true innocent fashion, and not because you were snooping ( Gee honey, I just happened to move the bed and lift up the loose board while looking for an earring I dropped :o), It would be best to be outright open. Otherwise it adds more secrets to a relationship. I'm sure he wishes he didn't have this "secret" that he felt like he has to his or lose you. Probably on his mind 24/7. Bring it up, but don't make a big deal out of it. Because it doesn't have to be.
Now, if you are O.K. with it and are willing to grow together - including it.... then times a wastin' girl. This just may be a part of your lives to share and enjoy.
Besides it sets a tempo of honesty from the get go for the relationship to build on.

[Eryn]

The other suggestions are good, but one thing I would add is that you should start by telling him how you feel about him, and then (gently!) ask the questions you want answered. If he is reassured that you will be OK with his dressing then he is more likely to be forthright with you about it.

This approach will likely be his dream-come-true! He is probably scared to death of telling you and if you broach the question (gently!) it will relieve most of the pressure.

[reneecd13]

Once I was on a buisness trip and my ex found my things. When I called that night she asked who's they were. I was scared to death. But I told her the truth and said they were mine. At first she did not believe me. So when I got home I showed her all my things. She said she was ok with it. But when we got a divorce she through it in my face.

[Deedee Skyblue]

You might start a conversation with something like "I just learned something that I think is really sexy!" If in fact you think that way.

Deedee

[Kerigirl2009]

Well if I was you, Maybe buy a blank card that says I love you and buy some flowers, ask him on a date (of course you have to write in the card,your thoughts) Maybe something like
" Hi hun, recently I came across some items and even though Im not sure what to think of them, I know I love you, If you want to let me in and give yourself an outlet, I am here for you"
I wish you two the best

[Kelli Ca]

Well if your cool with it jus tell him

[justmetoo]

I agree with those who said to be honest with him. You sound like you're open-minded and loving, so let him know that, too. Yes, he may very likely be embrrassed; we're all taught that way. And he may very well be afraid of losing you over this, so if you can reassure him on that front that should help, too. And if you're open and willing to explore it together and have fun with it all the better. He may still be hesitant, that's pretty natural given how society tends to view crossdressing. Remember, he's probably had shame practically ingrained into him and learned to hide this and keep it secret for years, likely for most of his life. With love and communication the two of you can build a strong relationship together.
Best wishes!

[CassandraSmith]

I am unsure how to bring this up to him, being that I found these things on accident. I also dont want him to assume I will leave becasue of this...how can i get him to open up to me about CDing? What do cross-dressers usually do when they keep it secret, just dress at home? Any ideas on how I can get him to talk to me about it??

We live in total fear of being found out, of having our close friends pull away from us, of losing our jobs and our standing in the community (especially at church too), and we fear our parents will disown us. All this over a pair of sexy panties and some shoes. It's actually ridiculous but that's how it is. I mean, if one of my male friends wanted to dress up like a circus clown every night, I'd think it was odd but I'd pretty much just figure that's his business and ignore it.

Also know that we are deathly afraid of being dumped over this whole thing. I had a really fine GF that I was thinking I could marry and there was some baseball coach at the time that was caught CDing and it hit the news. My GF said that if that ever happened to her, she'd leave instantly. It took me years to get over that. I never told her and I just politely bowed out of the relationship. She was upset too and rebounded into a marriage with some guy who seemed nice enough but in hindsight, I know that she was the one I should have built a life with. I assumed that every woman felt this way and I was ashamed. I also thought that I'd never find love if anyone ever knew who I really was inside.

Probably the best thing you could do is immerse yourself in the culture here and learn it inside and out. Ideally, you'd want to embrace the chase and have it somewhat of a turn on that he's into it. Us girls are very sensitive and we can tell when someone is activated by it or turned off by it. A neutral response is essentially a no too. I can tell that some of the wives here are unsure about the whole thing and their husbands are inhibited and frightened by it.

The first thing to know is that most CDers are hetero. For example, I've always been interested in women. I've only entertained the thought of a man in the realm of wondering what it must be like to really be a woman and be taken. In other words, I want the full woman experience. I have no desire to ever be sexual with a man. It's OK if there are some that are bi or gay too; I'm just saying that for me and most others, we just aren't interested.

Being a CDer also makes us very tolerant of diversity. I often identify with other groups that are persecuted sexually and I hate any kind of ridiculing or bullying because of it.

I would suggest watching some movies together. But I'm a Cheerleader is a great one because it deals with the fallacy of Repairative Therapy rehab programs in a very light and comical way. Plus, it's a cute story about identity, coming-of-age, and gender issues. Another would be something like Kinky Boots but that's one that will tip your hand if you suggest it. I would avoid a documentary style one like Just Like A Woman because it would scare me to watch that with someone I wasn't sure about. Also, that one brings up and deals with our deepest fears and I was sweating the whole time I watched it.

So I'm thinking that reassurance is your best first step because the safer he feels, the more likely he is to open up.

[Leah Lynn]

Dear Curious, Please do not suggest he wear panties or anything else during sex. He will probably refuse and ACT insulted, I did! Open dialog with him. Lead up to it, gradually, let him feel free to approach the subject. May I suggest watching the movie "Rent"? A character in the movie (albeit gay) dresses. This could lead to a discussion of crossdressing.
Just jumping in could cause him to deny everything and close up, tightly as a clam. Remember, the male psyche is very fragile. We play tough, but guard our innermost feelings with such tenacity. It sounds cliche, but be gentle.

Leah

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Curious:

Cassandra and Leah are on the money. My ego was fragile and I feared getting dumped, so I had pent up emotions that made relationships tough. Before finding my current spectacular wife, I went out with a girl for 4 years and harbored this secret. I eventually proposed to her on top of the Eiffel Tower, and a few months later, after many drinks, told her of my desires--to shave my legs, wear her pantyhose, dress and high heels. I think she was a little more than tipsy and it didn't really register, but she said "go for it, it will be fun". After arriving home from the bar, I went straight to shaving my legs while she fell asleep. Of course I tried on everything she wore that night, and as she was a tall girl and I was about 50 lbs lighter, everything fit.

The next morning as we were waking up, I felt her legs on mine and after a few moments, she sat bolt upright in bed, whipped off the covers, and it dawned on her what we had talked about. I wasn't dressed but I could tell she was freaked out. After lots of coffee, aspirin and breakfast, as we were watching a movie, she saw me touching my shaved legs. I bit the bullet and told her I wanted to dress (she didn't know I had done so the night before when she was passed out). She agreed--albeit reluctantly--and I just about ran up the stairs. She was puzzled when I didn't grab her jet black hose from the night before, but went to her hosiery drawer for the one pair of nude hose she had but never wore. I have never really liked "jet black", preferring nude shades, taupe, off-black, etc. She immediately told me how "tacky" nude hose were and how she wouldn't be caught dead wearing them. On the other hand, once I had them on, she said, "you need a skirt", and gave me one of hers.

Well, after challenging me with progressively higher heels until I showed her I could walk in 4 1/2 pumps, we sat together, and as she was touching my legs I think she sensed my level of tension and excitement (not sexual). She just looked at me, waiting for me to say something. I said, "Honey, I love you, I want to marry you, but you should know I really enjoy this. Could you marry a transvestite?"

She was shocked. It's like I told her I was HIV positive or a wife in another state. She just shook her head and said over and over, "no, it's not you--this isn't you". She basically said that if I wanted to do this, it was over. I was devastated. Three weeks later, we split up. But, in hindsight, that allowed me to meet my now wife, and life is good. I have always loved her, but now more than ever I know she is the one for me.

If you want to be with your BF, just be open, find a way to broach the topic, know that he has been waiting forever to break it to you, and will love you to the end of the earth if you are accepting.

Good luck!

[Rogina B]

So..You never told us if you were open with the idea of dressing or not...It is a lot easier to give better answers when you tell us!

[RiverdanceGirl]

In my life I have had only 2 serious relationships. The fear of losing someone over something that society can make a big deal of is very anxiety inducing. I really don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, so if someone I really cared about found out my 'secret' accidentally I would be very worried I'd lose her. I think that a combination of the approaches suggested would be best. Maybe leave him a letter where you know he'll find it saying that you accidentally stumbled across some things and you aren't making any assumptions but if they're his you just want to talk about it. And assure him that it's not a deal breaker and he's not dumped if they're his. Tell him you know that it might be embarrassing for him and that if he needs a few days to get his head together about it then it's okay with you. Maybe just text him a couple of times a day to tell him you love him and let him come to you. Unfortunately this puts all the anxiety on you waiting to see what he will do but I know if it was me and my girlfriend found my ballet outfits, pulled one out and asked me to put it on for her point blank that would be a very big deal for me. If she told me she knew about it and it was okay with her and in my own time I could wear them for her I could probably handle it even though I'd be very nervous at first.

Edit. It is also possible that if he does dress, it might just be a private thing for him that he only wants to do alone. Like I say, I have zero real world experience with this so I'm not sure how it would go. I have a female friend who knows about what I wear and she's okay with it but only seen photos. If our lives were different and not so complicated I think we could make a go of it together, but how my dressing would figure into things real world I just do not know.

[DanaR]

.................I am unsure how to bring this up to him, being that I found these things on accident. I also dont want him to assume I will leave becasue of this...how can i get him to open up to me about cding. What do crossdressers usually do when they keep it secret, just dress at home? ANy ideas on how I can get hiim to talk to me about it?? Any help would be much appreciated...I hate having this secret, so I can imagine how he feels...
I think that if were to mention a story that you heard (you might have to do some research to find it) that involved crossdressing, or a good movie that someone suggested (here again back to the research) that was good, might be an easy way to get into the conversation. If into the discussion or into the movie, you expressed you thoughts about what these people go through hiding their feelings maybe your BF would open up. If not, then at least they would know how you feel and the next step is theirs.

[Tracii G]

I'm the type that abhors snooping of any kind my stuff is my stuff.I told my GF this from the get go.
She knew about my gender identity and CDing before we started dating so her finding female items was not an issue.
Not sure how he stands on the snooping issue so maybe its best not to tell him you found a few girly items.
I think its awesome that you are an open minded person and don't find CDing to be a deal breaker.
My advice is to learn all you can here about what it means to the members here because you go looking online you will find some filthy sites that really don't represent 99% of the CDing community.
He may have been doing this for a long time and its a very big part of his personality.To harm that part of him could be a very bad thing for your relationship.
Tread easy and learn as much as you can before you ask too many of the normal questions of why he does this.
I'm sure it will be hard for him.
I'm glad you are here and trying to get a grasp of the idea I commend you for that.

[Joanne f]

Well you have to get around this somehow without him knowing or thinking that you have be (as TraciiG has put it) snooping around as like her I do not like that , so some sort of outside reference to CDing might come in handy , maybe something like , " I am sure that I saw a man dressed as a woman to day " and if he ask's what you thought just say " I thought it was quite cool" and leave it at that as that should start him thinking .
But going on the remark he made about sexuality I think that there very well may be more to it than just dressing as dressing is a gender issue so be prepared for a wide range of things to come out once you do start to talk openly about it .

[Erica Marie]

I know his feeling. My exgf never found my stuff but one night I did open up to her with the same feeling that I would lose her. It is very very hard for us and I want to applaude you for being so open minded and accepting. People like you are very hard to find. All you can do is ease in to the subject. Maybe one evening tell him you are feeling a bit sassy and see if he would be willing to model some of your cloths and you do the same with his. Make it a fun time and see where it goes. I wish you two the best and happiest ;)

[stephNE]

I think you sound like a great girl friend. Let him know that you know and are supportive and take it slow. He'll open up little by little. Could be very fun for both of you. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

[Rhonda Darling]

You might consider posting your own photo in your profile/avatar here (or, if you're fearful of that, post some identifying info he would recognize). It's quite possible he's a member and will read this thread. If so, his reading that you know and accept would go a long way towards breaking the ice and getting him to open up to you about his dressing. It's worth the chance if you love him and really can embrace and accept his c/d nature.

Also, making it so he could figure out your identity here would also let the many of us who are hoping you are actually our girlfriend know that it isn't so, and that our own g/f has not found us out. [For the record, my own wonderful g/f knows all about Rhonda --- I'm just speaking on behalf of the many forum members here who are still fully in the closet.]

Kind regards,
Rhonda

[Jana]

I disagree entirely with the sexual approach suggested by some. I also don't think that saying you found his things on "accident" is a good idea. Regardless how truly "accidental" this discovery was, it may signal you were snooping around his stuff. The fact is, this is his secret and it shouldn't be yanked out of him. It has to come out naturally. He has already hinted to you that there is something. So, it is perfectly legit for you to ask to have a conversation with him. Tell him how you feel about him, try to make him feel comfortable about the relationship. Trust is a major keyword here. It may take more than one attempt at create a favorable atmosphere for him to feel comfortable enough to finally come clean. Remember, this is something we carry hidden from others our whole lives and it isn't easy to simply blurt it out. This knowledge, once out of the bag, changes lives, yours, his, and the dynamics of the relationship, for better or worse. Handle this with utmost care.

[Jenn A116]

I'd agree with the suggestions to simply show you are non-judgemental about CD'ing and let him bring it up when he is comfortable. It may be that he is struggling himself to understand/accept that part of him so it may take a while. Also, you can be sure when he does talk to you about it that there has been a huge jump in the seriousness of the relationship.

Most of us here are advocates of telling the woman in our lives about our other side before getting married because it is a part of us and its something our SO should know about us. Its the fear of rejection, and losing a good woman, that keeps some of us for actually doing that. By letting him know that he can be free to talk about anything with you, you're establishing a level of trust that will go a long way in your relationship.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm wondering why the OP hasn't responded to any of these comments yet.

[~Joanne~]

I'm wondering why the OP hasn't responded to any of these comments yet.

By this point I was kind of hoping for the same, an update would be nice :D


I recently have come across some things at my bf's house that lead me to beleive he crossdresses in secret. He has told me he has secrets but is afraid to lose me and is always asking how open i am sexually. I recently found many pairs of women's shoes in a large size, corsets, makeup, fake latex breasts, wigs...etc.

I would say that's a huge "YES". He is a CD. How far he is going with it though is open for discussion between the two of you. Since he asked how open sexually you are, it might just be a sexual thing for him.

I suggest, not knowing all the variables in your discovery, that you DO NOT try to bring this into the bedroom straight out the gate. All of the girls here have given you many different suggestions, a lot of good advice, take the parts that best suit your situation, just as dressing is different from girl to girl, the situation is just as different.

The one thing I am sure about is, since he has said he has secrets, is that he is not ready to come clean about his dressing. There is no easy way to bring it to the front. You do not want to force it. He may dive deeper into the closet thinking you don't know about his things, then again he may not.

I think the "Movie" thing may be a great idea and probably the best way to break the ice a bit. It could help you gauge his reactions to them or may even make him come clean about the whole thing especially if you show interest in the lifestyle that we lead.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck, welcome to the forum, and please keep us updated. Your situation and results may help other sisters with their current situations as well as your own :)

[CassandraSmith]

I'm wondering why the OP hasn't responded to any of these comments yet.

It can take time to process it all. There's a lot of information here and some gut wrenching stories.

Traci G and the others who just were up front, I so admire your courage. It's taken me a long time to shake the fears and more importantly, ask for what I want.


Cassy

[JamieG]

Before you confront him, I suggest making statements the make it unequivocally clear that you would be okay with his dressing (assuming that you are). Use a movie or a book or a magazine article as a jumping off point. Say something like, "It must be really difficult for a crossdresser, having to hide who they are from everyone. I would be honored if any of my friends or family trusted me enough to reveal that they were a crossdresser, and I would be happy to help them but also be very discrete about their secret." Perhaps, you could then try something like, "Have you ever tried on any women's clothing? I bet you would look cute." I'm just afraid if you come right out and say "I found some things," that he'll lie out of force of habit and fear of losing you.

[NicoleScott]

Perhaps he was waiting for a good time to tell you. Ask some leading questions, but not too bluntly, during normal conversation with him and see what develops. It's hard for a man to deal with this sometimes, especially in connection with someone he cares for.:)

This is pretty much what I did. It took a long time, but finally, it happened as we were laying in bed. I was watching TV, and she was reading a magazine. Apparently, there was something about crossdressers in an article, and she told me about it. I responded with something like "it's harmless fun. Not hurting anybody" waiting to hear her reaction. She agreed and asked me if I ever did it. I answered honestly, but cautiously, trying to perceive if she was accepting of the idea or turned off. It went well, and by the end of the conversation, she said if I wanted to crossdress I should, and to buy some things I needed. The rest, as they say, is history.

Note: at the time we were somewhat newlyweds. I'm one of the many who thought that crossdressing desires would be replaced by my desire for her. Wrong, of course. Just a different desire. Anyway, I had no clothes, shoes, wigs, or makeup, having purged (for the third and final time). Duh.

Now, she accepts, tolerates, and even encourages, but doesn't participate. She lets me dress in her presence or in private as I choose.
She asked the usual questions (gay? want to be a woman?) and I was honest with her (no, no). She knows my dressing is fetish driven, and so she understands why I dress over-the-top. Bottom line: my crossdressing doesn't intimidate or threaten her at all.

[Beverley Sims]

I would ask him what he thinks about cross dressing, conjure up a situation about or find some tasteful sites that you could remark on.
Such as isn't that clever how someone you look at on the net can make himself look like a hot chick.
You tube is a good starter, look for music you like and see a crossdresser acting in the video.
There are lots of situations you could arrange that way.
Show approval and encouragement and It should all go well.

[Lorileah]

Accident?

We talk about trust here and trust is paramount in the relationship. Accidentally finding things kind of indicates a lack of trust.

You want to talk about this, next time he asks how open you are, ask what he means. Tell him you don't know your limits until he tells you what he is talking about. Suggesting dressing (even panties) will be a huge red flag that you have found his secret.

[DonnaT]

I'd set his heels out along side his other shoes, and not say a word. See how he reacts.

[curious]

I am grateful for all of your wonderful input...In regards to some of the questions, I did honestly find it by accident. A box fell in the storage room and when I went in to see what the noise was, there it was open for me to see. I can't deny that I did want to snoop, knowing that he has mentioned things he is afraid to tell me, but that is not how this came about.
I also am open to this, honestly and would support him. I have no negative feelings and am not one to judge and hate because this is who they are. What is the hardest for me is that he is keeping it a secret and I don't know the extent to which he likes to dress or when he plans on telling me. I am assuming he just dresses at home as I didn't see any women's clothing other than lingerie and shoes, but again I didn't continue to look around after what I had already found. I wish he could somehow tell me about this and explain it to me, sooner rather than later as now I have these questions and a secret of my own knowing about this:(
In hindsight, I do regret the way I acted one day when he told me he shaved his legs a few months ago, he blamed it on some sort of running tape that he uses. I made a face and couldn't believe he'd shave his legs...but I guess it was just more of a shock and confusion because shaving due to this "tape" didn't make sense. I get it now :)

I thank you for all your input...I am considering all the ideas about how to get him to open up to me without him thinking I snooped. I also am grateful for the responses to let me know what crossdressing is for you, as I have never known anyone who has openly or told me about this before...so knowing what it entails to different people is definently making me even more understanding of the whole idea.

[JeanneF]

Tell him the truth. Tell him exactly what happened, what you found and that you're okay with it. The biggest fear he has is that when you find out you'll run screaming for the hills. Tell him that you understand his secret and what to know more about it. Put the ball completely in his court. As long as you don't break down crying and ask him "does this mean that you're gay or want to become a woman?", he's going to be so relieved that the weight is off his chest.

Brutal honesty is the only way to handle this. You have to be honest with him, and you have to demand that he's honest with you. Clearly he's been trying to find an opportunity to tell you, now is the time.

[Jenniferathome]

I am considering all the ideas about how to get him to open up to me without him thinking I snooped.

Curious, he WANTS to tell you. We all wish we could confide in someone but we are all hugely embarrassed. I withheld this information from my wife for 20+ years because I was embarrassed. It doesn't matter how you found it. If he asks, just tell him. But, these simple words will get him to open up: "Honey, I found a box of women's clothes and large shoes in the storage room. I think this is the secret you said you have that you couldn't tell me. I want to let you know you can tell me anything. Is your secret that you are a cross dresser?" Bada bing, he talking. Now, where will this go? Who knows.

Good luck

[ClosetED]

My thought would be to first create an environment where he felt safe to be honest - to first show you are interested in supporting a crossdresser. Watch a movie with a man in woman's clothing (http://thecriticalcritics.com/review/lists/top-10-movies-with-male-crossdressers) and say how that interests you. "I would love to see you in something like that - want to try - to make me happy?" Once he is in utter glory, you can be honest of why you brought this up. By then, his heart will be so filled with joy, he won't care.

[Joanne f]

I think that I may have jumped to the conclusion that you might have been snooping and I should not have done that as it can be quite easy to find things by accident that is why it can be so dangerous being in the closet , mind you it can also be dangerous coming out of it , not always easy being a cross dresser. So I apologise.

[Amanda M]

Honesty does not have to be brutal - it can be sensitive, but it is the absolute necessity here. For what it is worth, I suggest that you tell him quite simply that you love him deeply, and that probably, whatever his secret is, you can handle it. Ask him to be open. No need to talk about accidentally finding anything - that usually rings false, I think.

You might even hint that when he shaved his legs, that made you wonder, but that you had no problem with it at all, noe would have now.

Whatever route you choose, I wish you both the best.

Amanda M

[Yvonne York]

I returned to dressing after my wife put her bra on me in bed one evening. It was the most sensational feeling, and to this day I am not sure how she knew I was into dressing and had been since childhood. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. But I was grateful that she introduced it this way - so maybe the panties or a nice nightie idea is good.

[Rogina B]

I am now glad that you had the good sense to come here.Showing him that his "secret is safe with you" is a huge part of your discussion,perhaps the biggest part.

[Sarasometimes]

I'm wondering why the OP hasn't responded to any of these comments yet.

I'll pass too! The math is wrong from my view.

[wilt575]

First of all how do you feel about crossdressing and would you accepting, supporting and maybe participate with him. going out with him etc. If not sure about that lifestyle, do some research read up on it. Then decide you true feelings. Next to broch subject with him, watch the television line ups for a documentry or film on crossdressing, and comment, this sounds interesting let's watch afterwords say that was cool, interesting, not bad or something like that to show approval and go from there. Keep us updated.

[Rachel52]

I think there is nothing more in the world that he wants than to have a supportive partner in his corner. I told my wife a year and a half before we were engaged that I am bi-gendered and a few bumps along the way aside, we have thrived. He is so scared to tell you. But if you bring it up and immediately let him know how comfortable you are with it, the less likely he will be to freak out or panic. Telling my wife was the best decision I ever made. I was scared to death to do it, but I knew I had to and we are so solid because of it.

[Stephanie47]

Curious, if you have read through many of the threads on this forum, you should be aware of the fear of rejection cross dressing seems to bring on. It may be a casual relationship or a long term marriage that ends. I would suggest, if you know and are accepting, then bring up the issue. If you know, and, are not accepting, then bow out of his life gracefully. There is no sense in wasting your time or damaging him by stringing him along. His interest may be limited to lingerie and heels or, there may be other parts of his wardrobe in other boxes. You may find him wearing lingerie in the bedroom 'playful' sex, but, find his desire to venture out completely en femme too much to handle.

Tell him what happened, and, ask him. You may want to mention you have explored this forum and found it to educationally enlightened. At least, I hope it has been!

[RiverdanceGirl]

He seems to me to be a lucky guy that he has a lady so tolerant and willing to learn about his possible dressing and wants to understand and continue a relationship with him. *sigh*. Shaving legs is not a definite tell, lots of men do, but I've never heard of leg tape. Curious, you made a mistake there accidentally the way you reacted. You might have put him on the defensive. He will understand because it's very complicated and he has mixed feelings too. I don't think it's a good idea to confront him his shoes in the shoe tray and say it's okay. That will be way too much. Nor do I think tricking him into a movie with crossdressing is good either. He may feel hijacked. You didn't find that box of stuff deliberately. You responded to what you thought might be a threat and completely accidentally saw the clothes. Not your fault or his. I think gentle honesty is the way forward. Not hints or trying to get him to admit his desires. It won't be easy at all but you seem to be a very loving and compassionate woman so there's a strong chance it might work out.