Military brats?

[EmilyLynn28]

I am an Air Force brat and was wondering if anyone else here grew up with a father in the military. How did you approach your father about this? Mine has the typical drill sergeant mentality. :(

[quietprofessional]

As a father with a military background I can say that if any of my children approached me with this I would be supportive. That being said there is a huge stigma in the military to be "manly" so try and go slow. I would really ask yourself if your father really needs to know. For example if you just dress in private or are generally secretive about it any way, why go through the trouble of exposing yourself to someone that wont support you. If you are full time in it though, and this is getting in the way, then maybe try going to your mother or sister if you have them. They may be able to bring it to your father in a way he can begin to cope with.

[Allison Chaynes]

I would tread carefully. I would also tell you that he has probably been around it before. I had an openly TS soldier in my unit briefly, another one who was a closet CD that I learned about during a surprise barracks inspection, a lesbian soldier, and a gay soldier who outed himself the week before we went to the second Iraq vacation. He might be more understanding than you think, I'd just make sure you are armed with all the facts you can provide before you say anything.

[Kathi Lake]

Psh! Your father isn't in the military. He's in the Air Force! *

A military man is still a man. A father is always a father. A father loves his children, wants the best for his children, and will fight for his children.

I know your father loves you. Will telling him be harder since he is in the military? Perhaps. However, he will continue to love and guide you.

Kathi

* (32 years (so far) in the Air Force) :)

[Beverley Sims]

I see a number of mixed reactions here.
I would like to agree with Kathi on this one but there is the red neck and gung ho! mentality of some proud service men.
They would not want to go to their respective clubs/mess and have some of their friends rib them about their siblings.
Those of us here are enlightened and would give support of course but there is an element out there that Emily is afraid of.
The question I ask you Emily, "Do you have a good relationship with your father."?
He may come home full of bravado and appear gung ho! but I would assume he is a loving father.
If that is the case he would protect you although he may not be all accepting.

[Traci Elizabeth]

My father was a high ranking Naval Officer from the old school of strict discipline and his words were next to God's words in authority. Children did not play a role in my father's life. They were a distraction.

So how did the act? He didn't as he passed away never knowing FOR SURE. Well that's not quite true as he knew all my teenage years but refused to accept that his son was really a girl. I was ostracized and exiled for all my adult life while he was alive.

[Bree Wagner]

Since we military types are really just a representation of society as a whole it probably depends a lot more on who your father is as a person instead of just the fact that he was in the military. We run the gamut from liberal to conservative, with different views on all sorts of different topics. As a father myself, I'd be incredibly supportive, but that's just who I am and has nothing to do with military service.

You know your father best and are likely in the best position to judge how he'll react. But you never know, if you really feel the need to tell him, he may just surprise you.

Good luck!

-Bree

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Emily Lynn, I was in the Army for 25 years (3 years active, 22 years reserve) and was an Army Reserve Drill Sergeant for 10 years. You might be surprised how men that have been so macho for so long--as was my case--can have repressed feminine feelings. If my son were to come out to me, I would obviously be accepting, given my proclivities. In my case my dad died when I was 22 without ever knowing. My mom does not know, though I think she suspected when I was younger and borrowing her things.

Only you know your dad. You might be surprised. If you are just CD, is it worth it? If you are TG and will transition, I guess it will be inevitable...just a question of timing.

[Ceri Anne]

My Dad has passed on, but would be appaled at this. He was Air Force when I was real young. Myself and wife were both Navy and my son is Navy and would be appaled as well.

[CharleneT]

Hello, Navy brat here ... actually born in Pearl Harbor, at Kapiolani Obstetrical Hospital !! Same as our Pres Obama ;)

I have to say that because I grew up in the navy of "old", which meant we moved a LOT, it helped me. I learned to be the "different one", just by being from somewhere else all the time. I also believe that I held off too long in starting my transition specifically because of the macho-ismo-steriotypo that I grew up with. My dad was a wonderful man, who was a good "dad" in a very "My Three Sons" kinda way.

As for how he dealt with my transition, he just did not. It all happened after his death in 1978 (MS, nothing related to Service). I think he would have had a very hard time with it - but I also don't know for sure. There were a couple of events very early in my life that did two things: taught me to hide, and got me a very strong reaction from my parents. The thing is I do not remember him being involved, just my mom.

[Marcia Blue]

Air Force brat here. My father was one of the few Air Force members, to graduate from Army Ranger School during the Viet-Nam area. At 5 foot 6, 140 lbs, he was the toughest SOB in his squad let alone his squadron. I can however, say that he is always a fair man, and great judge of character. He does not know about my CD condition, and he will never know.

I do credit the Air Force in allowing me, to adapt to my surroundings, and over come any obstacle. My freshman year of high school was my 13th school. I learned to avoid danger, protect myself and family, read people for who they really were, and accept toughs who were different. All by just being a Air Force brat.

[melissaK]

AF Brat. Dad retired a full bird. He passed away.
When alive and I had 2' of long hair and had a fairly gender fluid look about me, he never accepted my long hair, though he never rejected me either.
When I decided I was coming out as a TG/TS/GQ person I wanted to tell him.
So I told him. I wrote him a long journal entry about it in Safe Haven.
He has either accepted me or doesn't have enough clout in the afterlife to send lightening bolts to straighten me out with divine electroshock therapy. :-)

My best friend is a ret. USAF Chief. I haven't told him. I'm not sure how I will handle this with him. So maybe I understand your dilemma a little.

In coming out to others, I notice they have their ups and downs with acceptance. So don't count on first results, positive or negative, being the final results.

BTW, all you BRATS - read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Military-Brats-Legacies-Childhood-Fortress/dp/0977603326

It's life changing for many of us.