First Post in TS Forum

[AnneB1nderful]

Ok. Things are moving at lightning speed for me. Even though I'm trying to slow things down, I can't stop progressing toward full feminization and transformation to womanhood. It's been less than 3 months since I fully accepted my femininity and my wardrobe has completely shifted. I only wear man drab when going to work, visiting family, or going to certain appointments.

But, all that's changing too. I can't keep it a secret. In that short time, I've lost 30lbs, pierced my ears, got acrylic nails (short for woman but long for man) and go out 3-4 times a week. Once I got passed the initial shock of being a woman in public, I feel so much more comfortable as a woman than a man. In less than 3 months? Yes!!! Even though I don't "pass" I don't care. I love being me.

Since I can remember I wanted to be a girl. I had a strong admiration for girls and women. When preteen puberty started, I realized I really like girls. So, I can't be a girl. I have to become a boy to have a girlfriend and man to have a wife and children. So, I did everything I could to suppress my girly desires. But, I never related to boys or men. I just tolerated them. My best friends were always girls. However, that made my wife jealous, so I had to stop having friends except for my wife (who was always my best friend until she couldn't tolerate my insatiable desire to be a woman - but that's another story).

Most of the rest of my story you can find in the threads I've started. But, the bottom line, I'm more a woman than a man now and I have to pursue being a woman full time. I'm seeing a therapist and she agrees. I've told most of my doctors, family, and close friends. I've talked to my HR office (anonymously) about how they would deal with me transitioning at work and we're developing a plan. I told them this is still very early. But, the earlier we can have a plan worked out hopefully the easier it will be.

So, since Anne's Debut to the Real World, just 2 months ago, I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime and loving every minute of it. I'm sure I don't have a clue how much work and sacrifice it is to transition, but I hope to learn as much as I can to make it as painless as possible.

Comments, suggestions, advice, and even criticism is welcomed. I want to view this from as many different angles as I can.

Thank You.

[Fran Moore]

Wow, thats amazing Anne, congratulations, you sound very happy and determined! I guess good things do come to all who wait?

[Barbara Ella]

A wonderful first post here Anne. So heartening to see you here, as your attitude can be inspirational to some of us who are frozen at the moment.

Barbara

[SamanthaC]

Hi Anne! I really admire you from this post. You seem to have your head glued on nice and firmly. You seem to be in touch with yourself, know what you need, and aren't letting social issues get in the way. You go girl!

Also, I relate to this quote strongly. Not an hour ago I was trying to figure out why I seemed to accept being a boy when young ( I only experienced mild physical dysphoria as a child, which has been bothering me because it's so much stronger now ). I came up with a similar answer... It was the only way I knew that would result in me ending up with girls romantically. Or so I thought at the time. I had no knowledge of anything LGBTIQ etc until much later in life. By that time, I knew I was a lesbian inside.


Since I can remember I wanted to be a girl. I had a strong admiration for girls and women. When preteen puberty started, I realized I really like girls. So, I can't be a girl. I have to become a boy to have a girlfriend and man to have a wife and children. So, I did everything I could to suppress my girly desires. But, I never related to boys or men. I just tolerated them. My best friends were always girls.

[ArleneRaquel]

Anne,
Great post as usual darlin. HUGZ !

[EmilyLynn28]

Anne, you're amazing!

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Anne, I agree it's a great first post in this forum. We all progress at different speeds, so don't let anyone tell you that your progression is wrong.

Some may comment unkindly on your use of the term "wanted to be a girl", but I think that you make it very clear when you write

Even though I don't "pass" I don't care. I love being me.

That is what it is all about - being the real you.

You asked for suggestions, so here goes. Have you looked at tsroadmap (http://www.tsroadmap.com)? There is a lot of very helpful information on there about planning out your route through transition. Not everything will apply 100% to your own circumstances, but I'm confident that you will find something useful. Just one other thing about that, things will change after you have mapped out your route, but don't be too concerned there is almost always a way around any obstacles that get in your way.

If you haven't already, I would suggest you find a professional with a good reputation in gender matters to help you to see more clearly what is the best way for you to approach the transition.

I feel I must sound one note of caution, although everything seems positive at the moment, are you prepared to lose absolutely everyone and everything that you thought was a constant in your life? It may not happen, but if you are not prepared for the possibility, you could be facing a very rough time indeed.

If your journey is anything like the rest of us, there will be times when you will be assailed by doubts. You may even wake up one night and think "Oh my {deity of choice} what have I done?". That will not necessarily mean you are doing the wrong thing, it will quite likely be your Gender Dysphoria refusing to give up without a fight. At times like that, we are here.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Hi Anne I admire you.Youre making a big decision in your life and make the one that makes you happy.

[FurPus63]

Hi Anne;
Isn't it awesome! You're where I was about a year ago. I began in February after I left my x-wife and it's been uterly amazing ever since! Like you, I liked girls growing up (attraction sexually) so I didn't quite understand what was going on with me because I wanted to be a girl too! I came out to my work and began living my life 24/7 in May and began HRT that same month! Wait 'till you start that. It's utterly amazing what those little blue or orange pills can do! I want to share something with you that I don't know will happen to you too, but although I came to except my bisexuality several years ago, my sexual orientation has flip flopped since taking hormones. I now find myself going "boy crazy" as I am way more attracted sexually to men than women, the opposite of what I used to be. What a weird world the dating scene is now! LOL!

Anyway; welcome to our world sister! Hope you're experience is as positive as mine has been. Please keep me informed. You may write to me privately if you wish. Being a woman is the most exciting and exilerating experience of my life and I thank God for it! I am so happy and filled with joy now. Most of the time (90%) of the time all I experience is complete and total joy versus the depression I used to encounter daily. It's amazing! Enjoy the ride, even if it is at light speed!

Paulette


"I feel I must sound one note of caution, although everything seems positive at the moment, are you prepared to lose absolutely everyone and everything that you thought was a constant in your life? It may not happen, but if you are not prepared for the possibility, you could be facing a very rough time indeed." Rianna.

Hey to both of you, Rianna and Anne. This is soooooo true. I lost most of my family members and all of my friends as a result. But hang in there. Some may come back. Some of my family has and I did experience a very cool Christmas with my family despite 10 months of seperation from most of them. It was so cool to hear many of my nephews and nieces calling me "Aunt Paulette!" However; I still struggle with many family issues. Be prepared. One has to be ready to do whatever one has to do and face whatever one has to face as a challenge and persavere through it all, if one is to have a successful transition. It's going to have it's scary moments.

But it still is all well worth it!

Paulette

[Kaitlyn Michele]

welcome to the forum..
you will see all kinds of ideas and points of view here..

you've pretty much pressed the button so all i would say is good luck and be smart with it...perhaps quickly coming out to everybody including work was premature, but you're in it now so you will for sure find out.

you have a good head on your shoulders and good attitude and that will help you alot..

even though you've mentioned its been fast, if you've felt this way your whole life thats a good hint that you are on a good path for you..

[Jorja]

My, my aren't you the brave one, Anne. Actually posting in the TS forum :). All kidding aside, there are some very good people here that will give you their knowledge as related to their experience. It appears that you have a clear idea of what you want and need in your life. I wish you all the best in your journey.

[josee]

Congratulations on figuring out who you are and how you want to proceed? Welcome to the club!

How do you talk to your HR department and develop a plan anonymously?

[Jorja]

How do you talk to your HR department and develop a plan anonymously?

I really don't see how this is possible. The plan is all about you and your desire to transition on the job.

[KateConnors]

Hi Anne. Greetings from another SoCal trans girl. I'm not one of the words of wisdom on this site, more of a lurker who occasionally lifts her head out of the sand every so often, but I'm sure you'll find plenty of advice here.

[AnneB1nderful]

I really don't see how this is possible. The plan is all about you and your desire to transition on the job.


Congratulations on figuring out who you are and how you want to proceed? Welcome to the club!

How do you talk to your HR department and develop a plan anonymously?

Jorja and Josee,

Just want to address this very quickly as it's really late. But, no work tomorrow. Anyhow... I contacted my HR dept via private line. I asked if I could remain anonymous for the moment and the HR Rep said yes, but she needed some information. I gave her some obscure info. Just enough that she would understand where I am. I told her I was in the very early stages, but wanted to start developing a plan. She said that they before I start coming to work as a woman, they would like to assess the workforce to determine what kind of training they would need to ensure there is no discrimination. However, she didn't know much beyond that. I would be the first transgendered deciding to transition at this particular branch of this organization. So, that's how we started developing a plan. I've contacted her every other day to see what she's learned. I imagine in a few weeks it will no longer be anonymous.

I'll post more updates to this thread later when I have more sleep. Thanks for all your input and concerns.

[Jorja]

Ah I see, you were just making a general inquiry.

[Ame Anderson]

A big west Texas welcome to you darling. You look lovely and feminine. Please keep having fun, and tell us all about it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

one thought to keep in mind is that very few of us wish we told people more in hindsight...

telling a person (any person) about your true self is intoxicating...

this is a long game if you want to do it well

[AnneB1nderful]

Hi Anne! I really admire you from this post. You seem to have your head glued on nice and firmly. You seem to be in touch with yourself, know what you need, and aren't letting social issues get in the way. You go girl!


Hi Anne, I agree it's a great first post in this forum. We all progress at different speeds, so don't let anyone tell you that your progression is wrong.


Wow, thats amazing Anne, congratulations, you sound very happy and determined! I guess good things do come to all who wait?


A wonderful first post here Anne. So heartening to see you here, as your attitude can be inspirational to some of us who are frozen at the moment.


Anne,
Great post as usual darlin. HUGZ !


Anne, you're amazing!


Hi Anne I admire you.Youre making a big decision in your life and make the one that makes you happy.


Hi Anne;
Isn't it awesome!


My, my aren't you the brave one, Anne. Actually posting in the TS forum :). All kidding aside, there are some very good people here that will give you their knowledge as related to their experience. It appears that you have a clear idea of what you want and need in your life. I wish you all the best in your journey.


Hi Anne. Greetings from another SoCal trans girl. I'm not one of the words of wisdom on this site, more of a lurker who occasionally lifts her head out of the sand every so often, but I'm sure you'll find plenty of advice here.


A big west Texas welcome to you darling. You look lovely and feminine. Please keep having fun, and tell us all about it.


Anyway; welcome to our world sister! Hope you're experience is as positive as mine has been. Please keep me informed. You may write to me privately if you wish. Being a woman is the most exciting and exilerating experience of my life and I thank God for it! I am so happy and filled with joy now. Most of the time (90%) of the time all I experience is complete and total joy versus the depression I used to encounter daily. It's amazing! Enjoy the ride, even if it is at light speed!

Thank you all for these warm welcomes and flattering comments. I am so glad I joined this forum. I've found some new friends in the TG community that do not belong to crossdressers.com. I tell them how encouraging, diverse, and sometimes brutally honest everyone can be here. I appreciate all (yes, even when brutally honest). Many of them give me the same advice after years of trial and error. I told them I haven't made many of those mistakes because of this forum.

However, with all the new friends and Anne's Adventures, I don't spend as much time online as I did just a few weeks ago. Hopefully, that's a good thing. Because I'm living life in the "real world" and not in the cyber world. But, I'm still so new, I have to remember to keep coming back here so I can keep that balance and get all those things I need on the long, arduous but wonderful journey.


welcome to the forum..
you will see all kinds of ideas and points of view here..

you've pretty much pressed the button so all i would say is good luck and be smart with it...perhaps quickly coming out to everybody including work was premature, but you're in it now so you will for sure find out.

you have a good head on your shoulders and good attitude and that will help you alot..

even though you've mentioned its been fast, if you've felt this way your whole life thats a good hint that you are on a good path for you..

one thought to keep in mind is that very few of us wish we told people more in hindsight...

telling a person (any person) about your true self is intoxicating...

this is a long game if you want to do it well

Kaitlyn,
Thanks for these words of wisdom and encouragement. I hope to make smart decisions. That's why it's so important to stay on this forum to learn from all of you.

I ended up telling a friend/co-worker this week. She's been confiding in me with several work and personal issues. I really felt more like her girlfriend than a co-worker. I won't get into the depth of our conversations, but they were much more what a girl would tell a close girlfriend rather than a co-worker. So, as we were talking, I really wanted to help her and told her that I was exploring my transsexualism and could use a good friend not directly associated to this world to bounce thoughts and feelings off of. Now, we are both devoted Christians and talk about God, faith and the Bible quite often. I was afraid this would change how she looks at me and share our faith.

She was shocked at first, and asked if I was gay (Always the first question). I told her, "No. I have no desire to be with anyone that has male parts. I'm not sexually active and really have no desire for that kind of relationship. I explained my feelings and she said, "I feel honored that you've trusted me with this. I have other friends that are homosexual and I have no judgment."

So, throughout the week, our relationship was slightly different, but stronger. Trust in one another is strengthened.

Tomorrow, I'm going to tell my primary care physician. I'm retired military and go to a military treatment facility. So, my doctor is a Navy Commander. Not sure how he will handle this. I hope he holds to the Hippocratic Oath, "I will do no harm," and sincerely want to help.




Also, I relate to this quote strongly. Not an hour ago I was trying to figure out why I seemed to accept being a boy when young ( I only experienced mild physical dysphoria as a child, which has been bothering me because it's so much stronger now ). I came up with a similar answer... It was the only way I knew that would result in me ending up with girls romantically. Or so I thought at the time. I had no knowledge of anything LGBTIQ etc until much later in life. By that time, I knew I was a lesbian inside

Samantha,
You and I seem to have a lot in common when it comes to our transsexualism. Most of the transgendered girls I've met don't understand this. Many have at least bi-sexual thoughts. One TGirl told me she was a "Trans-lesbian". Basically, a transgendered woman that likes women. However, I don't think she's a true "trans-lesbian" because later she said she prefers women over men, but has had some encounters with men and flirts with men too. So, I've adopted that I'm a "trans-lesbian". I have absolutely NO desire to be with a man of any size shape or form (even the most beautify CDer/ladyboy/whatever). As Anne, I don't even want to befriend any purely heterosexual or bisexual men. But, I'm ok with transgendered girls or "flaming" gay men.

That said, even when I am sexually attracted to a woman, it's more important to me to build a relationship with her than to initiate a sexual encounter. Yet, at this time, my main motivation is building friendships.



Some may comment unkindly on your use of the term "wanted to be a girl", but I think that you make it very clear when you write

That is what it is all about - being the real you.

More and more I feel like this is the real me. When I'm dressed, I feel so comfortable. Last weekend some of my new friends asked me to go to West Hollywood (WeHo as they call it) for dinner and perhaps check out a club. I haven't been to WeHo for 20+ years and never as a woman. I wore a really skimpy dress and 4" heels out for the first time. Now, I'm 6'4" and in those heels I was 6"8. I was nervous but not uncomfortable. I had a great time. Will post that adventure in another thread.

As a man I hated shopping. Didn't matter who I was with or for whom I was shopping (myself, my wife, or anyone else). Now I love it! I take my time. Look at all the neat stuff, but I'm still very frugal. However, I had to build my new wardrobe and spent more on myself in the past 3 months than I have in the previous 10 years.


You asked for suggestions, so here goes. Have you looked at tsroadmap (http://www.tsroadmap.com)? There is a lot of very helpful information on there about planning out your route through transition. Not everything will apply 100% to your own circumstances, but I'm confident that you will find something useful. Just one other thing about that, things will change after you have mapped out your route, but don't be too concerned there is almost always a way around any obstacles that get in your way.

If you haven't already, I would suggest you find a professional with a good reputation in gender matters to help you to see more clearly what is the best way for you to approach the transition.

Thanks for these tips. I skimmed thru the tsroadmap and will peruse thru it quite often when I have a moment.

I am seeing a therapist. I did a lot of research on her and she is reputable. So far she's in full agreement with what I'm doing.


I feel I must sound one note of caution, although everything seems positive at the moment, are you prepared to lose absolutely everyone and everything that you thought was a constant in your life? It may not happen, but if you are not prepared for the possibility, you could be facing a very rough time indeed.

If your journey is anything like the rest of us, there will be times when you will be assailed by doubts. You may even wake up one night and think "Oh my {deity of choice} what have I done?". That will not necessarily mean you are doing the wrong thing, it will quite likely be your Gender Dysphoria refusing to give up without a fight. At times like that, we are here.


Hey to both of you, Rianna and Anne. This is soooooo true. I lost most of my family members and all of my friends as a result. But hang in there. Some may come back. Some of my family has and I did experience a very cool Christmas with my family despite 10 months of seperation from most of them. It was so cool to hear many of my nephews and nieces calling me "Aunt Paulette!" However; I still struggle with many family issues. Be prepared. One has to be ready to do whatever one has to do and face whatever one has to face as a challenge and persavere through it all, if one is to have a successful transition. It's going to have it's scary moments.

I know this is a strong possibility. 3 of my 4 adult children say they support me if it makes me happy. However, things may change once I start to really move into transition. The one daughter that I'm unsure of has secluded herself from the entire family. She brought her abusive ex-boyfriend back into her home with her chronically ill child and the entire family told her she was putting herself and her daughter in jeopardy. She's delusional right now by saying "Lot's of couples make abusive relationships work." My jaw hit the floor when she said that. Anyway, she wouldn't even let anyone wish my granddaughter happy 7th birthday last week. So don't think it has anything to do with me.

The rest of my family is less important. My estranged wife has said, "I think you're going to hell." I simply said, "Isn't that like the pot calling the kettle black? You're the one that decided to commit adultery. I'm have not. And where in the Bible does it say that what I'm doing is a sin?" She couldn't answer. Now she's starting to communicate with me more and wants to be friends. Find that peculiar. A year ago she said I was dead to her.

I get doubts sometimes, but nothing strong. However, I've heard hormones can really play with your emotions. I'm not going to start hormones until I'm 100% sure I'm on the right path. Right now, I'm about 80% sure. Therefore, just gathering as much information as I can and preparing for transition. Once I start hormones will take an act of God to stop me.



.... although I came to except my bisexuality several years ago, my sexual orientation has flip flopped since taking hormones. I now find myself going "boy crazy" as I am way more attracted sexually to men than women, the opposite of what I used to be. What a weird world the dating scene is now! LOL!

This does concern me. I know a few "hetero" CDers that have had sexual encounters with men. However, I've never had any attraction toward men physically or emotionally. Yet I know very few women are attracted to transgendered women. Thus, I'm prepared to live in celibacy.

[Jorja]

This does concern me. I know a few "hetero" CDers that have had sexual encounters with men. However, I've never had any attraction toward men physically or emotionally. Yet I know very few women are attracted to transgendered women. Thus, I'm prepared to live in celibacy.

As you may know, taking HRT will cause a mental change. Do not be surprised if you develop an attraction to men. It does happen.

[AnneB1nderful]

As you may know, taking HRT will cause a mental change. Do not be surprised if you develop an attraction to men. It does happen.

That's really hard to wrap my head around. But, I understand that is possible. However, I have never been promiscuous and very much monogamous. Only with 1 person, my wife. Even 1 1/2 years after she left me for another man, i have no desire to be with anyone else. So, hope that will continue to dominate my thought process.

[AnneB1nderful]

Tomorrow, I'm going to tell my primary care physician. I'm retired military and go to a military treatment facility. So, my doctor is a Navy Commander. Not sure how he will handle this. I hope he holds to the Hippocratic Oath, "I will do no harm," and sincerely want to help.

Monday saw Primary Care doc. We talked about my skin condition and about getting new dermatologist. Then I dropped the bomb, "Do you know what Gender Dysphoria is?" He looks puzzled. "Transsexualism?" Light came on. "I've been struggling with trying to be a man and keeping the girl inside. I can't do it anymore." He asked a few questions and I answered honestly. Then he says, "How can I help?" He was very open and said he'd do some research and get back with me. What a difference than with my former dermatologist.

So, now I'm trying to determine if I should start with laser hair removal or go straight to electrolysis. I have a lot of dark hair and my skin is pretty light. I've got lots of resources, but would be great if anyone could tell me their experiences.

I talked to my Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) Counselor today. I told her I want to transition at work, but I'm concerned that some coworkers may have problems working with me and I don't want my choice to jeopardize their career. She told me, "Hun, you need to be who you are. And if anyone can't accept that, then that's their problem. You can't worry about what they do or how they feel. That's their baggage to carry. If they can't tolerate working with you, then they probably would have problems working with others for some various reasons."

[Rianna Humble]

Looks like you struck gold with that doctor. It is always a good sign when they say that they will do some research about your condition. That was the attitude of my doctor when I came out to her and it has forged a very strong health partnership between us.

[AnneB1nderful]

I want to ensure I do things the right way. But every night I go to sleep praying I'll wake up completely transformed. Alas, I know that won't happen. So, I've got to do things in a more traditional sense.

I need to save money any way I can. Found a therapist that takes my insurance. Will save $100's per month. Talked to her on the phone and she seems like will be fine. Will see her this Friday.

I've got to start hair removal very soon and it's not cheap. My plan is to do laser first. From what I've read and talked to several t-girls, I should do laser first and then electrolysis if needed. I've also read that HRT will reduce hair thickness but hair will still grow. So hair removal has to come first to stop as much hair from growing as possible.

See new dermatologist Feb 13. Think got skin problem under control. Wounds healing and few new outbreaks. Still want to know what causes these sores. Gonna ask if he can prescribe laser to treat my scarring and if hair removal could help.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

sometimes just doing hair removal, and the realization that it takes a long time can calm things down alot and help you make progress..

remember you are who you are on the inside today and nothing can change that...it just takes time to get to a point where you feel right on the outside and nothing can change that either

if you can be patient it can actually make things go better and faster...
where you are in a year or two is going to tell the tale!!

[Jorja]

where you are in a year or two is going to tell the tale!!

And you won't believe where you are then.

[AnneB1nderful]

sometimes just doing hair removal, and the realization that it takes a long time can calm things down alot and help you make progress..

Thanks for the advice Kaitlyn. I'm not going to start any hair removal until I talk to my new dermatologist. So that's another week away. I don't know if its reality or just me hating it more, but my hair seems to be growing in faster and thicker. Could it be winter man fur? Anyway, it is rather discouraging. I'm not going out as much as I want because I'm more conscientious about it now. I'm able to cover my body because cold weather. But, don't know what I'm going to do in the summer.


remember you are who you are on the inside today and nothing can change that...it just takes time to get to a point where you feel right on the outside and nothing can change that either

if you can be patient it can actually make things go better and faster...
where you are in a year or two is going to tell the tale!!


And you won't believe where you are then.

That's what's so hard for me now - patience. I've come so far so fast and still progressing even though I'm not forcing anything. I'm told my voice is very feminine, but I'm not satisfied. Have more hourglass figure even without enhancements, but still (without shaper 35, 31, 39; with shaper 34, 28, 40). I'm still losing weight more gradually (I weigh 183lbs, but want to be down to 165lbs or less). My natural hair thinning seems to have slowed or stopped, but there's too much loss to go natural. My breasts have form but not larger.

The thing that amazes me is that I'm not doing anything drastic to make these things happen - No estrogen or female supplements. I practiced my voice for a couple of weeks and not comes out more naturally. I'm wearing waist training devices, but not wearing them 24/7 or exercising (except for dancing and walking while shopping). I feel like I'm eating a lot and still losing weight (???). I just started Rogain 1 week ago and hair loss already stopping (???). So, is this psychosomatic? Is it because I want these changes that they're happening?

I want to start hormones now! But, I will be smart and wait for doc prescription. Don't think that will happen for about another 3+ months. grrrrrr. Patience Anne. Patience.

Anyway. Thank you ladies for taking an interest in my development into womanhood.