Were you live is how you live.

[Wonderwho]

As a CDer that does not go out in public, try to pass or even try to blend, my somewhat subtle world was slapped in the face. I often wear women’s jeans, not tight or with wild pocket designs. Just the stretch boot cut jeans, and a low heel dress boot. I had on a Danskin top with an attached bra inside. Due to age and exercise, or lack of it, I have a small B size breast. I am aware of this and I try to support them and with the use of sports bras they are only somewhat noticeable. I had a flannel shirt on with a jacket over that. I was not dressed in any outstanding way except for the boots.
I am 6 ft 3in in the boots so I may stand out a little. I have always been thin with long, somewhat femm hands, long fingers and I keep my nails trimmed now that I am in the public eye for work now.
I was shopping at a Big Box Dept. store and was standing in the checkout line. It was very busy and a there was a much diversified crowd of people in the surrounding lines. I live in a very country and farm area and it is not uncommon to see farmers right off the farm to shop. This is the basis of this post.
The woman in front of me was wearing a pair of stretch pants that were about to exceed the safety limits of stretch, a tank top that also was not within safety limits. Her well worn slippers and housecoat added to the unforgettable image. Her male companion, with coveralls that could walk by themselves, a hooded sweatshirt that had seen some sweat, and a hat that I am sure had been run over by a tractor completed the overall look. As we stood in the line and this woman dug in her travel bag that she called a purse her male friend looked me straight in the eye and in a above normal voice said “ Faggot”.
Now after making it to my present age without getting harassed too much and being able to walk away from this type of situation when I was younger, I was a little shocked. I took quick stock of my looks to see if I had perhaps been a little unaware of how I was dressed. Being a crowded area the comment of the stretch queens male companion did not go unnoticed, I was able to continue to unload my cart and did not acknowledge the comment. This did not set well and the two continued to giggle and laugh at their wonderful look at life.
What this little moment in life did was to reinforce my belief that we as humans are willing to accept any type body style or clothing look as long as it fits the average norm of the population of an area. Overweight, stretch pants and slippers are fully accepted here, if your coveralls can stand alone with your hat you’re in good graces with your peers. If you want to dress well and perhaps add a little design, or combine a look you must first put yourself in the area that will accept your look or is willing to accept you as a peer. I think that it is time to move on from this hillbilly back woods hole in a portion of the earth that is lost in faded morals and disgusting personal standards.
Sorry to get so carried away, I give all of you who have made the step to the outside all the credit in the world, you are stronger than I. Now I must look at the world that I have hidden from so long, having gotten this far and opened up to my wife and joined this site, I had hoped to find peace. I guess I will return to my closet and to the wonderful people who reside on this site.
Thank you all for listening Wonderwho, :sad:

[CynthiaD]

Just look him right back and say "You're barking up the wrong tree pal." Or pretend you did. There's no point in getting into a fight with a moron. Don't let idiots like this stop you from doing what you want.

[Emjay]

Wow, people never cease to amaze me. I'm really sorry for what you had to experience, sounds like if anyone should have their photos posted on P.O.W.M. it would be those people not you!

Try not to let it get you down, the world is full of miserable small people who are bent on bringing everyone else around them down to their level. You had to deal with them for as long as you were in that checkout line, they are stuck with themselves 24/7.

[Sheren Kelly]

I'm sorry that people like this exist who can only feel good about themselves when they put other people down. You were wise to not take the bait and get into a fight. As the saying goes, "Never wrestle with a pig, in the end you become filthy but the pig has a good time."

[Ann Louise]

Hi Wonderwho - I've very sorry to hear that you experienced that. You are a strong and courageous person. Living in Seattle it's easy to lose touch with that kind of outright bigotry.

Perhaps this link to the Human Rights Campaign's Municipal Equality Index study of 2012 will give you some ideas on a more trans* friendly place to live. Just glancing at New York state it looks like Albany and Rochester are not too bad overall. Hope this resource serves you with some assistance.

Stay strong and safe, Elfin

http://hrc.org/municipal-equality-index#.UQIEO5zTnni

[Wildaboutheels]

Wonder, I hope you don't let the opinion of two clueless morons slow you down in any way, shape or form. Both were possibly inbred and/or raised by clueless parents no doubt. I just don't think Humans can become that way on their own.

For what it's worth, I think you did a great job by simply ignoring them. Just plain bad luck on your part to run into such a pair and you did absolutely nothing wrong by simply wearing clothes you like.

You might want to consider a move to Florida. Forida is a great place to live and I have found for over 10 years that no one here cares what anyone else wears. We also only have a scant handful of days a year that we can't wear shorts. What could possibly be any better than that!

[suzy1]

Adding to the other comments I would like to say that I really enjoyed reading your thread.

A good read. Are you an author?

[Beverley Sims]

I think you painted the perfect picture.
When you get eye to eye contact like that look straight through them as if you are blind, deaf and more importantly remain dumb.
It only irritates them more.
Do NOT crawl back into that hole you have just emerged from.
I say go proudly out with all the decorum you can muster.
Any body well dressed will stand out in a farmers town like that.
Nothing against rural people or the relaxing and convenient clothes they wish to wear.

[SexyErica]

Although I Understand how you feel please don't categorize all of us out here in small town Farmville as being that ignorant. I happen to be a farmer in small town America but I'm also a Proud member of this community as well.
PS I know you didn't mean to offend anyone.
Thanks much.

Erica

[becky77]

Lol, don't let it bother you. Two people as odious as that probably need to pick on someone, lest they look at themselves. I would much rather be a faggot than what they are. Walk away knowing you are by far the better person, I would bet out of choice most people would rather be you than them. As the old saying goes 'You can't fix stupid'

It's just a shame you didn't look them up and down and then laugh, but then again neanderthals like to fight it's usually the only thing they can compete at.

[Meg East]

Although I Understand how you feel please don't categorize all of us out here in small town Farmville as being that ignorant. I happen to be a farmer in small town America but I'm also a Proud member of this community as well.
PS I know you didn't mean to offend anyone.
Thanks much.

Erica

I also come from one of our more rural parts of the country. We have our share of rude, nasty opinionated bigots whose actions and manners drown out the vast majority of our neighbors. My solutions is to ignore their bigotry.

[I Am Paula]

I'm sorry you ran into a bad seed. Just remember they are few and far between. I've been out for thirty years and can only count on one hand the truly rude/bigotted comments. I moved from Toronto, one of the world's most tolerant cities, to a small town that is half agricultural (john deere dealer less than a mile from my house), and half uber mega rich horse people. I was really worried when I moved here that niether half would accept me, or even tolerate me. Surprise, surprise...I can share a joke with the good ole boys leaning against their pick ups, and I've formed a solid coffee klatsch with the Ralph Lauren ladies. It took me about three weeks of further pushing the envelope each outing, to realize that full femme is the accepted presentation. (some of the feminine male outings met with long looks). Going out in anything other than full male regalia takes some getting used to. Build up a thick skin, and NEVER reply to a taunt. I think the violence agaianst our community is mostly caused by girls standing up for their rights, when they shoulda' backed down. Live to fight another day. Remember...thick skin, the person behind you might have been thinking how nice you look.-Celeste

[Debra Russell]

Just keep on being you - be thankfull your not them -- too bad there was not a mirror at the check out , a reflection of reality....................Debra

[kimdl93]

That person's comments are not worthy of any concern on your part. I wouldn't blame your community. Every community has its share of narrow minded, ignorant fools. They may have found a moment of amusement in their otherwise dreary and hate filled existence, but they are likely to live out their days in that same dingy rut.

[Sarah Doepner]

The best option was the one you used, ignoring the ignorant and later venting allows you to process the event and put it in perspective. You wouldn't have been able to say anything to make them change their minds. Another option would have been "Oh you're thinking of those other guys, but would you like a makeover and fashion consultation because you two could really use it." But they wouldn't accept or understand it.

[andrea lace]

its a shame people like that exist in this day and age. running people down just so they can feel better about themselves. I don't leave the house dressed as where I live is full of bigots and intolerance. He who doesn't fight and walks away lives to walk away another day. Perhaps I should have always lived by that saying but unfortunately bigotry and intolerance has put me in jeopardy in the past.

[Annaliese]

Small minded people have to make other look small to make them self look bigger in there eyes. Simply put there bullies and they are everywhere. Not just in your town, but in my town to. Don't let small minded people keep you in the closet. I have a personal goal of no bulling, what I mean is if you stand by you are a part of bulling, I will no longer stand by.
Good luck, and peak out every once in a while.

[sonna]

it dosent matter were you live theres always a dummy. just know your better than them and
dont let them stop you from doing what you want.

i swere its always the check out line.

[Chickhe]

The rude person did not look at you. Their comment was nothing to do with you... I beleive it could have been anyone in your place and they would have said the same thing. These people are fully aware of what they look like and their intention is to provoke everyone around them. By default, they expected you to look down at them because everyone else does. There is nothing you can do except ignore them and get away, if you stand up to them they will pick a fight because basically they have nothing more to loose. ...if I could think quickly enough, my response to a comment like that would be 'What time is it!? Oh, sure no problem, its 2 o'clock!'. ...then if they repeat it, you know you didn't hear them wrong the first time and they confirm to everyone around that they really are a jerk and you on the other hand were only offering help.

[Lorileah]

As we stood in the line ...her male friend looked me straight in the eye and in a above normal voice said “ Faggot”.

I usually have a smart remark to return for this attitude (usually I say because I have been taken aback on a couple occasions) and I will not recommend or condone such because being physically beaten isn't high on my list...but I might have said "No sir. I am Episcopalian." The subtlety would have been lost on him even then but more so if you could have mustered a proper British accent and said "I am trying to quit sir." But he would not get that the word he used is a slang word for cigarette.

[SandraInHose]

Great answer, Lorileah! Both responses would have me rolling! (as a spectator)

To the OP...not trying to make light of the incident...but hey, at least he noticed your clothes!

[sometimes_miss]

Just something I heard once; for every one that opens their mouth to complain, there's ten more who are thinking the same thing but can't be bothered to speak up. So even if we are 'inspired' by those who like us to 'speak up for ourselves', remember, you could be barking up the wrong tree, and have a whole bunch of apples fall on your head.

Wonder, I admire your restraint. Discretion is the better part of valor....sometimes when we're insulted, we tend to forget.

[Elizabeth Ann]

Like the others, I agree that no response at all is the best response, and is usually the most disappointing outcome for these idiots. It helps me to be charitable sometimes to realize that their life, no matter what their material surroundings, is immeasurably poorer than mine.

That said, I would have been sorely tempted to look shocked and responded in an even louder voice: "are you flirting with me?"

Liz

[CassandraSmith]

I wonder what I would do in this situation? My first reaction would be to dial 911. I mean, that's a pretty bold attack right there. I'm not a big guy so I'd likely be pretty intimidated if someone spoke to me like that. Or maybe it might be better to ask for store security. Or maybe the correct response is to literally call for help?

One thing is certain, what that other customer said was evil.


Cassy

[Barbara_Jean]

Always remember "Everyone brings Joy to a Room! Some by Entering.... Others By Leaving"!!

[LilSissyStevie]

I have to drive an hour to get to a big box store. That's how far out in the sticks I live. So I often resemble the individual that insulted you. Only I wear overalls and smell of Eau de Cochon. (Nothing says "stay the hell away from me" like the smell of pig manure!) Having endured the derisive looks of flatlanders myself, I can only wonder if this person was lashing out at a perceived air of superiority coming from you as you gave him and his wife the once over with upturned nose. Personally, I would never insult person that was looking me over like that. I usually give them a complement like, "Yew shore gotta purdy mouf."

:battingeyelashes:

[MsJanessa]

next time someone says that to you, just tell him sorry, youre out of luck

[MistyCD]

above normal voice said “ Faggot”. I would have said...Faggot....Thats a Mig 15.....I shot one down years ago flying Phantoms in Nam, (or F-15's in the gulf) !!!

[Annette Anderson]

The guy that said this to you,is probably a guy who deep down don't think he measures up,he never got anywhere in life because he was too ignorant,now its too late,and he knows it.He is not comfortable with his "manhood" because he views his life as a failure.He will continue down this road of misery doing nothing about it because it is all he knows,He will continue to laugh at people,anybody.He will find fault with people more successful then himself because it gives him this sort of comfort in justifying never having any ambition in life.I don't think i would start hiding myself from the world because of someone like this.

should have added that, maybe not today or even tomorrow but sometime in the future this guys mouth will say the wrong thing to the wrong person,then when he's staring down the barrel of a 12 gauge shotgun behind some dive bar,he will realize the err of his ways.

[LaraPeterson]

Wonder, this guy is not, as some have stated, a bigot. He's just opining from his level of intelligence--about a half inch above ground. And by the way, from your description of the female with him, he probably noticed you eyeing her and thought maybe you wanted a date. That would just leave him with no one to call honey except for one of his other hogs.

[Amanda M]

Didn't happen to have a third eye in the middle of his forehead, did he?

[Elizabeth Ann]

. . . Having endured the derisive looks of flatlanders myself, I can only wonder if this person was lashing out at a perceived air of superiority coming from you as you gave him and his wife the once over with upturned nose.. . .

:battingeyelashes:

Well damn, now I feel embarrassed that I was joking about it. I guess we should all be sensitive to how it feels to be ostracized.

Liz

[Lvjim]

I grew up in a similar mentallity
Some people have a very narrow thought
process... Anything out of the norm is gay,
wrong,etc....
I would not want the people you descrbed to like
me. That would mean i waslike them

[Wonderwho]

I did not mean to insult or belittle anyone or demean any Farmer or other working class hero with my post “Where you live is how you live”. Many of my closet friends are Farmers or Working Class. There have been times when due to problems or owner illness I have helped on Dairy farms in my area. As a contractor for years there are many times that I crawled out of basements covered in crap but I was respectfull enough to not go into a food store looking or smelling like S**t.
My problem with the people in this situation is that they are most likely just plain trailer trash. They have learned to live in a system that will pay for them to exist. The State will pay for their trailer; the county will pay for their heat and food. Any work that is done is done for beer and cigarettes. They have no respect for themselves therefore I owe them no respect. I do not have to accept them or involve myself with their lives. I ask nothing from anyone except to be allowed to live the way I want as long as my live does not interfere with anyone else. The situation at the checkout line is just one example of the problem that all of you may have experienced at some time or another. I should not have allowed this to bother me but since joining this site I have begun to believe that there really was a world without stupid fools and bigots. You all have given me hope, I still must continue to look over my shoulder, and they are still out there.
Thank you all for your comments and again I meant no insult to anyone. Wonderwho

[Eryn]

My observation is that you have been judged by someone who you obviously do not respect. What should it matter? The fact that you managed to register on his tiny little consciousness is remarkable in itself. Consider his normal train of consciousness:

"Beer...jerky...boobs...beer...NASCAR...beer...snuf f...football...beer...trucks...boobs...beer...bigs creen...pork rinds...beer..."

and see how remarkable it is that something so far out of his experience managed to cause an attempt at cognition!

[monalisa]

Hopefully the couple won't multiply and add to the jerks in the world.

[Genny B]

He had to be looking closey at you to come to a conclusion like that. Why would he notice those things that most would not? Could it be jealousy? If not, then I go with stupidity and agree to leave alone. But I do believe there is some jealousy!