Ready to call HR

[Cheyenne Skye]

I think I'm about to the point where I am going to have to call HR at work. I haven't exactly "come out" at work, but I have started changing my appearance. I work in a large chain restaurant as a cook. I have already grown my hair out (pulled up in a pony tail). I keep my nails long and well manicured (don't worry, I use plastic gloves when handling the food). And I like to change out of my uniform after my shift and about six months ago I started changing into more feminine clothes (girls jeans, yoga pants, sweats etc.) I've been on HRT for over three months now and have started developing. I think it may be enough to show even in my uniform. That is why I think I should call HR soon.
However, I have a few concerns. I have read the company's diversity and inclusion statement and it sounds great on the surface. Be that as it may, I've been there almost 10 years and I've seen the employees acting like teenagers in a high school locker room. They make dirty jokes about the openly gay server, or comment about how hot a particular waitress is. I've even been the butt of a few homo/transphobic "jokes" over the years. So even if company policy says it's okay to be me without fear of reprisal, the truth is, the employees may not necessarily follow company edict if no one is "watching". In other words, they could still make my life a living hell even if management goes along with company policy.
Also, I'm wondering if anyone has thought about how it might affect their insurance coverage to tell HR that you are transitioning? I mean my psychologist bills for "depressive episode", not gender dysphoria. And my physician writes my prescriptions for "endocrine disorder" and "to help hormone status". Once HR finds out that you are transitioning couldn't they put two and two together and figure out what the doctors are really doing and inform the insurance carrier who would then deny coverage because it's really treatment for an uncovered "illness"?

Has anyone been in a similar situation, and if so, how did you handle it?

[ColleenA]

Cheyenne,
I’ll tell you a story that fits with your concerns about company policy vs. how well it is observed in an individual location.

When my BFF started on hormones, she let her boss and a few others at her job with a major retail chain know that she was transitioning. Generally, she didn’t think it was big deal because she lived in a diverse, liberal area just outside New York City. I would also say that she, then 21, was rather naïve about other people’s outlooks. She took on a more ambiguous look and began growing her hair out. Meanwhile, her breast buds may have started showing, though she didn’t yet wear a bra. She still had to wear a name tag with her male name, though.

Then something happened to make her aware that she had to look at things seriously. One day a customer asked her to show him where the bathrooms were. When the two of them were alone in a hallway at the back of the store where she was taking him, he suddenly threw her against the wall and physically assaulted her, asking, “What the hell are you?” Immediately afterward, he left rather than staying to use the bathroom. She went to the store manager to report that she had been attacked, but he refused to call the police, blaming her for bringing it on herself.

She in turn called the corporate offices, which caused one of the executives in HR to get involved personally. (I think it helped that HQ for this nationwide chain was less than 200 miles away.) This led to a range of responses, including sensitivity training for the whole staff at that store, special instruction for the store manager on his role and responsibilities as her superior (he never did warm up to her, but at least he learned to toe – and enforce – the corporate line), as well as my BFF having the phone number of that exec so she could call on her whenever she had an issue or a question.

For that exec, this was the first time the company was dealing with a transitioning employee, and she used it as an opportunity to refine their policies and procedures.

My BFF transferred to another store before her transition was complete; however, she was well along the way and few, if any, other than her direct superior knew her situation at the new site.

My hope for you is that your management, at all levels, will be enlightened enough to be a help to you rather than a detriment. That said, I think your concerns about the insurance situation are valid, but I don’t have anything I can offer on that front.

[Badtranny]

I've been there almost 10 years and I've seen the employees acting like teenagers in a high school locker room. They make dirty jokes about the openly gay server, or comment about how hot a particular waitress is. I've even been the butt of a few homo/transphobic "jokes" over the years. So even if company policy says it's okay to be me without fear of reprisal, the truth is, the employees may not necessarily follow company edict if no one is "watching". In other words, they could still make my life a living hell even if management goes along with company policy.

Company policy doesn't change human behavior it only drives it into hiding. Would you rather you hide or have them hide? In private, they will call you names, and make fun of you, and snicker behind your back. This is what happens when you dare to be yourself. There is no way out of it except for maybe doing the "except for work" thing. Just accept that it's gonna be tough for awhile and follow your bliss.

In regard to healthcare, you have no worries. Obamacare has made it illegal for insurers to discriminate on the basis of sexuality or gender transition. My insurer has already changed my name as well as gender designation on my policy.

[Nicole Erin]

Company policy doesn't change human behavior it only drives it into hiding. Would you rather you hide or have them hide? In private, they will call you names, and make fun of you, and snicker behind your back. This is what happens when you dare to be yourself.

This is true. Laws are not made to change the way people feel, they are created to change the way people act.
The good news here is that the bigots of society are having to hide in the closet, just like they made US hide for so long.

Also, whatever place you work for, you might do a web search to find out if they have had discrimination suits in the past. Corporation I work for has had several in the past so now they are shaking in their boots trying not to earn MORE.

[DeeDee1974]

As an HR professional, I would tell you the earlier you have this conversation with your HR department, the earlier you will be able to establish the rights outlined in your company's diversity policy.

[LeaP]

As an HR professional, I would tell you the earlier you have this conversation with your HR department, the earlier you will be able to establish the rights outlined in your company's diversity policy.

And I would say, based on decades of hiring and firing in large corporations, that the concept of "rights" in connection with company policy ends at the bottom of the page. State and Federal law trumps every time and cases of courts rejecting suits against companies' policies on the basis of their establishing or constituting a contract with employees are legion.

At their best, policies are statements of intent, backed by internal processes that give them teeth. Many are sincere, recognizing diversity as critical to their ability to widen markets, adapt to changing conditions, and deepen their hiring pools. At worst they pander to current opinion and are employed as narrowly as possible to protect the company's interests.

So, IF one works in a company with real policy, and IF they know how to deal with trans issues, an employee has a CHANCE. And I agree, the earlier the better, as a good HR rep will monitor, guide, and help document. Behavior (whether management or in the environment) has to be really egregious to make a strong case, however. It's incredibly easy for a manager to build and document a performance issues case, as well as separate that from any discrimination issues, just as is regularly done with, say, performance and health.

Any employee in a situation where rights issues are in play is in a very precarious position, even when they are 100% in the right.

[Contessa]

I have already been in touch with HR. And already dress for work on a daily basis. I have been told I should not wear heels or skirts and dresses. I have an appt with a endocrinologist soon in Feb and want to get on HRT before I go any further. I dress as a women at work. Only a few call me Contessa. Once I am on HRT I will have to check whether all should call me Contessa. There are other things I must fix ie; having my nails redone and having my ears repierced. Im no longer on full xpeed ahead but moving forward. Health Insurance has not been a problem yet. I will have to check with my doctor (she knows) of any inpending problems, I don't think she sees any though. There will probably be other concerns I will keep you abreast of any changes.

Tess

[ReneeT]

Before engaging your employer i believe that it is absolutely essential that you have a really good idea of who you are and where you are going(i am not saying that you dont). What is your message? Are you transitioning? If so, when? What actions have you taken that your employer will need to know? What is your transion timeline, including legal name chane, document change, surgical plans, if any, etc etc. if you are gender queer, you will need to be clear on that. There is a tremendous amount of education required, that we are responsible for delivering to our employers. You are going to have exactly one chance to get this right, so lay your plans carefully. Your employer is not likely to have any ideas on how to handle this, and no policies. I am going thru this now with my global, Fortune 100 employer of 30,000 people, and i am the first to transition on the job. We are learning together. So, know who you are, what your plans are, what you need to tell your employer, and how you are going to help them before you let this genie out of the bottle.

[Cheyenne Skye]

Before engaging your employer i believe that it is absolutely essential that you have a really good idea of who you are and where you are going(i am not saying that you dont). What is your message? Are you transitioning? If so, when? What actions have you taken that your employer will need to know? What is your transion timeline, including legal name chane, document change, surgical plans, if any, etc etc. if you are gender queer, you will need to be clear on that. There is a tremendous amount of education required, that we are responsible for delivering to our employers. You are going to have exactly one chance to get this right, so lay your plans carefully. Your employer is not likely to have any ideas on how to handle this, and no policies. I am going thru this now with my global, Fortune 100 employer of 30,000 people, and i am the first to transition on the job. We are learning together. So, know who you are, what your plans are, what you need to tell your employer, and how you are going to help them before you let this genie out of the bottle.

That's why I was hoping to talk to them anonymously first. But when I called their number a couple weeks ago, I immediately got voicemail and was asked to leave my name,number and which location I worked at. So I just hung up. I see my doctor next week and I'll talk to him to see what kind of timeline I should figure before I try calling HR again.