The Lengths We Go To?

[Tricia Lee]

My unsupportive wife doesn't want me to keep things at home. I have a storage unit I use to keep everything, and to have a place to dress up.

This works great in the spring and fall when temperatures are mild. The unit is not climate controlled. It's not so great in the summer and winter!

I put some fans in to deal with the summer heat. For the cold temps I take a kerosene heater to the unit. There is no insulation, and the unit is essentially open all the way around the edges, so it doesn't hold the heat in. I had to erect a tent using plastic sheet and curtain rods to keep in some of the heat.

But I do it because I like dressing up! Anyone else have to go to extremes like this?

[darla_g]

that's ridiculous

were you married for a while before you started dressing? why would she want you incurring the cost and inconvenience ?

[pink.switch.love]

:-(

ridiculous and mildly dangerous - kero heater in storage unit?

ugh.

I suggest that neither one of you are happy.

Based on what you have said I feel you should consider divorce.

People go to all kinds of extremes - they shouldn't though. Unless you have a thing for storage units you should move into your house. After all it is your house - your home.

[Beverley Sims]

Try and explain to your wife about the unnecessary expense of an off site storage unit.
Somehow you have to compromise.

[I Am Paula]

C'mon... Is there no compromise on earth you two can make? My first wife said 'the clothes go, or I go'. I helped her pack. I sincerely hope you can save your marriage, but to me it sounds like one for the statistics. IMHO nobody can live a double life like that and be happy.-Celeste

[Jenniferathome]

Wow, that is a bummer. Can't be good for the makeup in summer/winter.

I hope talking about cross dressing is something that is still on the table for you and your wife. It's ok for her to not want to participate or even see it, but I think that fact that she knows is a foothold to reengage and work out a storage at home deal. You can dress elsewhere. Good luck

[MsRenee]

I cant believe she makes you keep your items away from the house. Has to be someplace in your home to keep it maybe second closet in other bedroom to wear you can lock the door so she doesnt have to worry about seeing. you dressed.
Renee

[Theresa_W]

It seems like it would be easier, if not just a lot safer to rent a small studio appartment I
f you can't come to some sort of in home agreement.

[il.dso]

Yes, so many challenges for many of us in our (not) so simple desire to crossdress!
Hope you're able to work something out.

[Nikki A.]

While not the best option at least it does give you an option. My suggestion is if there is another facility that may be climate controlled nearby.
Abetter option than divorce or renting an apartment.

[outhiking]

Have you insisted that she remove all of her comfortable "guy" clothes like jeans, sweats, tennis shoes? Actually, I sympathize as I keep all of my stuff well hidden and I know hwere you aer coming from. My wife hasn't presented any ultimatums up to this point. She just doesn't want to see any of my things.

[Stephanie47]

I looked into the cost of renting a storage unit to store all the accumulated crap of forty years, including our kids stuff they left behind. I figure the kids think mom and dad's house is THEIR storage unit. I found the costs that would be associated with my femme clothing would not be out of price range, but, that space is not sufficient for our crap.

In your situation, forgetting about others recommending divorce, I'd rent the smallest unit for storage, and, check into a motel for an overnight stay. I just cannot see one spouse being forced to get dress in the blistering freezing Artic cold you must be experiencing right now. Just explain to your wife the reason for the overnight stay. Frankly, I think your wife is being unreasonable.

[kimdl93]

I see a chink in her armor. She acknowledges your dressing. That's a start. Maybe some future conversation will help ease the limitations. For now, it seems an inconvenient compromise to say the least.

[~Joanne~]

Wow Tricia, that seems to be the most extreme thing I have read on this forum to date when it comes to hiding clothes or a DADT relationship. How often do you visit this storage unit? because if I were you it would be daily. Do you change in it also? does the management see a guy walking in and a girl walking out? I really do feel sorry for you that you can't even keep your clothes in a home which, i am assuming here, you pay for.

It makes me realize how lucky some of us truly are. Before I told my SO I kept everything in a box at the bottom of our closet. She's not the snoopy type so, as far as I know, she never looked inside the box. After telling her, I hung everything, my wig is laid out (I know I need a stand), and my heels line the bottom of the closet.

Just a couple days ago I mentioned that I needed more space and have to clean out some of the other stuff in the closet, She said "move Joanne's things into the spare room next to mine". We have a spare room where clothes take up the closet, I take my pictures, and she games and does puzzles in. I dont think it's necessary to move my things into the spare room but just move somethings i never use to the basement.

It just really saddens me that your wife is so intolerant that she makes you keep your things elsewhere like this. I don't know if the "divorce" comment is for you or not, only you know that. I would probably try the "save money" approach or even if desperate enough, the "move your manly things out of the house" approach, assuming she has any.

Have you thought about renting a locker at a local CD stores? that would probably be better than a storage locker. Like I said, some of us are extremely lucky I guess. I hope your situation approves and wish you the best.

[pink.switch.lover]

"Unsupportive" is very sad adjective to describe your "Wife".
This is an essential part of who you are and you should have a more supportive partner.
When was the last time the two of you talked about it? Or is that not allowed at home either?

[Tricia Lee]

It's not as bad as it might sound to some. We are in a DADT situation now. She has known from the very beginning of our relationship because I told her on our second date. Still, she thinks I promised not to do it if we got married. I don't remember making a promise like that, but I did agree that she didn't have to be a part of it. Believe me, I would do things differently if I had it to do over. But I don't think divorce is OK. I'm not willing to compromise to the extent of not ever dressing up, but I'm willing to compromise at least to the point where we are now.

I do get dressed in the storage unit and it is actually not that bad. Using a heater during cold weather is kind of a pain, but other than that it's great! I was usually changing in the car before getting the unit, so it seems like a luxury now. I've looked into climate controlled units, but the ones I've found are either too expensive, or they don't allow 24 hour access.

[dana 1]

I feel sorry for you it makes me realize just how great I have it. Don't know where in ind. you are but in big cities they have several places where you can store your stuff and get ready to go out.

[Michelle M]

Back in the 90's I was married and I built a small office in the back of the garage. We had a deep garage, so it would still fit two cars. I did work in there, but it was also understood that this was where I kept my private things. She was always welcome, but I doubt she ever went in there. I cut a hole in the interior wall for a window air conditioner/heater, and put in a small bathroom and a closet. It really wasn't very expensive to do, and it became quite cozy.

[Annette Anderson]

I wish i had some advice but...well the only thing i can remember is back in the day i bought this conversion van,i really did not even want it at the time,since i did not have a family,but it was dirt cheap,and i soon discovered it had plenty of room to dress in the back.actually pretty comfortably.I wish you the best at trying to make this situation better.I have been there too.

[dana 1]

Conversion van that's a good idea, how about a camper, take the wife camping a couple times a year, then when your not camping use it for dress up. They have heat and air.

[Michelle (Oz)]

That's me to an absolute 'T' Tricia - storage shed and suitcases. Add blow flies in summer and no electricity. Interesting how we are not unique in our circumstances or our response. The kerosene heater does give me an idea for winter (thankfully some months away) although it would add to the smell. I searched around for good lights to do makeup and the new LED battery powered rechargeable lights are a real bonus.

But to those who think I should 'have it out with my wife', you'd be wrong. We are totally in love and there are so many up sides to our marriage. Dressing is a deal breaker for her - and I can sort of understand why given her background. So, I dress at the storage shed about 10 minutes from home and venture out 4 to 5 times a week. The manager knows that I use the facility for dressing but is very discrete.

I don't have to worry as much about being seen by the neighbours leaving home dressed. Nor worry about not being able to dress when my wife's on holidays - I go out early mornings for a long walk. My make up is all set out ready to use with a magnifying mirror on an old dressing table. Life has its complexities, but one of them is NOT dealing with a wife's rapidly oscillating pendulum about us dressing and carefully avoiding her sensitivity.

When the holiday period is over I'm having a clean out of the accumulated junk and taking a smaller storage shed which will be furnished to be more special purpose. Curtain to cover the door to give some privacy, wardrobes to hang clothes, rehang the clothes line better for drying clothes.

It works for me and for us. As to the future - I'll just do what I need to do in the present.

[Stevie]

I keep a chest at a boutique that holds my boots and a couple odds and ends but keep my main stuff hidden around the house. She knows about it and saw most of what I have. Like what everyone has told me take it slow don't push.

[sometimes_miss]

I actually lived in a storage unit for a couple of months; yeah, I know it's illegal. But it was that or sleep in the car somewhere on the street, the troopers kept waking me up when I tried to sleep in the rest stops. Outdoor storage facilities, well, they're sometimes kind of 'open air' at the tops, allowing ventilation, besides, the corrugated vertical rolling door isn't air tight either. So the kerosene heater was as safe as it would be in a detached garage. Electricity? Batteries recharged at work. Work also had a membership in a local cheap athletic club, allowing showers there. Kept clothes in the trunk of the car.
We do whatever we have to in order to survive. It's not always pretty.

[Annette Anderson]

I am not very familiar with Indiana but i think i remember looking into a cd support group here that said something about having storage of some sort.

[CD_DIANE]

IMHO you really need to NOT use the storage unit; simply for your own safety in the winter! Kerosene heaters produce Carbon Monoxide which will kill you ! (colorless, odorless ...) . If you really have a DADT relationship, your wife needs to respect the "DA" part. Most important, stay safe.

Diane

[LaraPeterson]

OK, Tricia, I have an idea. There's this place just north of Virginia called DC, where nothing ever gets accomplished and they spend gazillions of dollars for no good reason. Let's petition that bunch for a place in Wyoming (the least populated state in the 48 contiguous @ less than 5 people per square mile) and call it CD (Crossdressers District). It wouldn't have to be very large, at least no larger than DC.

Since most of the idiots in DC support "weird" projects, and we are certainly considered weird, it should be no problem to get a small chunk of the gazillions to fund infrastructure. Then all of us who work in the financial world can get investors, those who are builders can begin to hire workers and erect condos, and the rest of us can do whatever is necessary to organize our own "sub-society."

We can conduct business sort of like the American Indians who are on reservations (I am half Souix), building and operating a series of casinos and maybe even open a nice CD/TG/TS family friendly amusement park like Disney World.

Once we get things going, we can get the word out all over the world and before you know it, we will have the most truly diverse place in the world. Wouldn't that be nice. No more boxes in the closet, no more storage units, no more DADT. Just us being us.

[Sara Jessica]

My first impression is that I would never exist under parameters like you describe but when it comes down to it, we all have different life situations and there are some who might think the parameters in my own existence are way too restrictive. To each their own but as has been mentioned, be careful with that heater. Your wife's DADT would take on a tragic meaning if something terrible happened to you because of it.

[pink.switch.love]

I keep thinking about this one...

It is so sad that Tricia Lee has to live like this.

I was off from work yesterday skiing for the day and I kept thinking about storage units and what people keep in them - typically old junk they don't have room for in their house.

For me, some of my favorite things are among my CD belongings and I cherish them - they are kept in a special place in our home, in our bedroom, our private intimate space. After all that is where most people keep their clothing, jewelry, makeup, shoes -etc

I for one think Tricia Lee should FIGHT to move into her own home...

[Tricia Lee]

Thanks for the concern about the heater in the storage unit. It is not an airtight space. There is a ton of air flow through there even with a makeshift tent. Also, I'm only there for 45 minutes to an hour at a time. I don't get dressed and then hang out there. I only get dressed there to go out somewhere. So there really is no concern.

Also, I understand how hard my situation might look to someone with an accepting spouse. Believe me, my post was not to complain. I consider myself lucky compared to the vast majority of other crossdressers out there who are stuck in the closet. At least I am beyond the point with my wife of "if you crossdress I am leaving". I had to fight just to get here. It may not be perfect for me, but it's perfectly acceptable for now. I do expect things to improve. But, divorce is not something I would consider.

Lastly, my storage unit is secluded from view to the outside of the storage facility. So I don't have to worry about random passerby's seeing me. But, there is a surprising amount of traffic in the aisle where I'm located. I do sometimes have to come out of my storage unit while other people are in view. I don't worry about it too much. I actually came out to the woman who owns and runs the facility. She has been really nice and friendly about it. In fact, I went in to pay my monthly bill last month while enfemme. She was very complimentary about my appearance, and said I can come in anytime while dressed up.

[CassandraSmith]

I don't see that it's a big deal since you're just using it as a staging area. It sounds like you need a love shack or something more glamorous though. Have you ever seen these web sites?

http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/
http://tinyhouseco.com/

You may also have stumbled on a need in your area for other girls. Maybe you could start a little business with a few lockers and a changing area in a studio apartment or some industrial space?

[Tricia Lee]

That's a neat idea, Cassandra. I live in a smaller city, though, not in Indianapolis. I don't know any other Cd'rs in my area. All that I know are in Indy.

That means that whatever services or options there are in Indy, I am not in a position to take advantage of them. Just kind of on my own out here in the wilderness...

[Maria S]

Balancing the cost of renting the unit plus heating and electricity perhaps you could consider renting a room somewhere.

Maria

[Joni T]

To those of you who suggested divorce--SHAME ON YOU!!!!!! You've obviously never experienced it first-hand. I've been married twice and am currently going through divorce #2 (26 years). CD'ing had no bearing on either. Divorce sucks, BIG TIME. It's costly at best, not to mention the physical and emotional drain it puts on you. Please try to work it out, even if you have to put the cd'ing aside for a period of time. I know it's difficult, but it can be done--I know--several years go I had to put Joni on hold for almost 3 years, but we got everything worked out. Good luck to you, mon amie.
Jon(i)

[Tricia Lee]

Sorry to hear about your divorce Joni. I went through it once myself already, so I know what it is. I do not want to do it again.