My wife had my back . . .

[melissaK]

Background: my wife and I are a day at a time. I'm out to 3 of 4 of our kids. Their support is up down as they process. My transition goals are vague, and my timeline at present is nothing more than grow my hair long, save for transplants, start electrolysis, get my ears pierced, stay on HRT.

So we were out to dinner with another couple, Mr and Mrs F, some very close but conservative friends who once had a history of expressing disgust at anyone who's not straight, but they have changed with time and now include my lesbian ex wife and her partner in our activities. But they are still pretty conservative, especially compared to me. I'm really worried I'll lose their friendship when I'm out to them.

So in conversation Mrs F says she was pranked at work and her screen saver was changed to two Chippendale models. She was unphazed and said "What's with this gay guy with an earring? Couldn't you find me a photo of a hot hockey player? Maybe Chara?"

My wife laughs and says "yea Chara is a hunk but an earrings not gay, I think they're sexy. I've been after MK to get one." (MK is me, and my wife's never asked me to get an earring before.)

OMG. I was stunned.

[Annaliese]

That is nice story, she does have your back. Good luck with everything, if you do loose there friendship, they were not that good of friends.

[Barbara Ella]

Well, now that she has asked, what is going to hold you back? Amazing how, even if having an internal struggle that they will jump in like the lioness whenever their loved ones are challenged.

Barbara

[StephanieC]

Nice to hear! Does this mean you are free to get an earring?

-stephani

[Badtranny]

Melissa babe, you gotta get moving down the path a bit. Having pierced ears is waaaaaaaaaaaay down on the list of transition BS you've got comin'.

Stop talking, start walking. ;-)

[Sandra1746]

Earrings are a fun fashion accessory and are appropriate for either Fem or Drab attire. In fact, unless they are "way over the top" very few will notice.

I've had mine for a couple years now and I love them. I wear them all the time and have a wide variety of styles. It will also give you a reality check as regards transition, at least a small one. In addition, if you decide you don't like them you can always let the holes close up and move on in another direction.

Go for it and enjoy,
Sandra1746

[melissaK]

Melissa babe, you gotta get moving down the path a bit. Having pierced ears is waaaaaaaaaaaay down on the list of transition BS you've got comin'.
Stop talking, start walking. ;-)

Trying! But I need hair sweetie. Serious MPB damage to fix best I can. Working on that - pricey. Need vacation time from work to go with it. Any other tips appreciated from anyone.

So meanwhile - I'm getting out to those who I know, so as I migrate to a GQ middle of the road wardrobe mix theyll know what's up.

And FWIW in the conservative corp litigation firms I live in, no one has an earring. I suspect SFran is different, but Mtn West are not at all like that. So beleive it or not I'm pushing an envelope here.

[Badtranny]

I suspect SFran is different, but Mtn West are not at all like that. So beleive it or not I'm pushing an envelope here.

It doesn't matter what you do or how long it takes to do it. Just be sure to keep moving forward.

Also, I'm not from the beautiful SF Bay. I moved here back in 2006 so I could come out as a gay man. It didn't go quite how I planned it, but the point is I could have never come out much less transitioned in the conservative little cow town that I used to live in. I fully admit that I wasn't strong enough to do so. That's why I moved to our corporate office four hours North. Moving to SF is almost a right of passage for LGBT folks because so many of us have done it.

[morgan51]

Melissa, I live in the heart of conservative mountain west (nw wyoming)and have no compunction pushing the envelope where my transition is concerned. Its caused me some grief but I became too uncomfortable living the lie and had to either move foward or die I choose life. All the really good people don't give a whoop anyway and I'm just not really interested in dealing with the others. It really does seem that its not about how others see or treat me its about how I think about and treat them. It does take a tremendous amount of strength.

[Gerrijerry]

When friends found out about me transitioning some stopped talking to me. others did not care and several became better friends. Life is changing and sometimes friends are also. Don't worry about it. If you are doing what you need and want to do then just move forward.

[StephanieC]

'lissa,

I think I understand some of your challenges. I'm in the financial industry, an admittedly conservative one. For many years, my appearance did not change an iota. But two years ago, I started to make some gradual changes. My hair is now beyond my shoulders with a femme style, my face has little fuzz, and my clothes fit differently...if nothing else, I probably look younger. There are people who have known me for years that don't recognize me when they see me again. But I don't have contact with external customers and I think that makes a world of difference. And I've done laser but have not considered piercing my ears...I've always gotten away without pierced earrings (and, for some reason, consider ear piercing quite radical).

I can understand the notion of baby steps and sometimes glacial speed. But sometimes we can make a change here and another there without people noticing (or caring). Or maybe, I'm caring less

-stephani

[Beverley Sims]

Melissa,
I ask how much does your wife know at this point in your progression.
My crystal ball reads that you are probably not telling your wife much about your aspirations.