Going out in public

[Marlana]

Ok, before I get started, i have a lot of tolerance for other cd's out there. I, myself, have not ventured out into the public eye...yet. What I don't get, or understand is why cd's who are clearly very manly men with big bushy beards will wear lipstick, tight fitting tops with forms on, have a hairy belly that hangs over their short shorts, :eek: keep hairy legs, and wear painted nails out in public and act like they belong there. I'm sorry, but to me, this is gross and embarassing. Is it me? Am I not getting something? I am far from passing, but I don't go flaunt my imperfections. How does seeing these particular "girls" make you feel?

[SandraInHose]

Hey! You just described me to a 'T'!!!

Only part is I don't venture out dressed.

Besides...go to a local Walmart or Goodwill...you'll see some WOMEN that fit your description...bushy beards and hairy bellies, too. :doh:

[BillieJoEllen]

Marlana, there are two women here where I live that are almost exactly as you pictured. I see them on ocassion. They are very brutish looking and both have long beards. I have no idea why they go out like that. It seems they do have a negative effect on the rest of us because I have heard many unkind comments concerning them. It seems that either woman isn't bothered in the least about being out in public. they're really not trying to present as women.

[suzy1]

Are you are judging other members Marlana?

If you don’t like it don’t look. I admire all that go out dressed. Who are you to say what's acceptable and what’s not.
We are a support group.

[Lorileah]

:eek:Wow.

and after I just addressed everyone's right to an opinion...

You do have a right to think as you like. You do not have the right to make rules abut how someone looks or acts. We are a very diverse group. There are things in daily life that I do not like. Why just today at Penney's a woman was yelling at her mother from the top of the escalator. Rude and very low class in my opinion. And yet, it was her "right" to do that.

What is there to get? They do not fit your mold. It would be wonderful if we all could be "perfect" (another hard thing to define).

You can do one thing. You can represent to the world as you think you should. I have my values and my feelings on how I should be seen. The others have theirs. If you don't want to go out, that is your choice. They made a choice that wasn't like yours. Personally I think anyone who wants to go out should go out as long as they are not indecent (read breaking laws about clothing or lack thereof).

So be tolerant. If you don't like how someone looks, you have 170 degrees around you of which you can move your attention. Ah look...butterfly

[sonna]

why do you care what other people do. there not hearting you at all and dont try to say
its negitive on us. and thanks suzy1 we are a support group ....(quite judging)
we already have enuff of that.

[franny lin]

I do'nt go out because of the negative comments .

[Karren H]

FINE!.... I'll stop going out enfemme!

[franny lin]

life is hard with out being judged

[Stephanie47]

I can visualize what you're describing. I try to look as womanly as possible but I think it is difficult for me to 'blend in.' I suspect the persons you encountered really don't care. I also see many many women at the malls, who probably look like the men you encounter, but, they do not have beards. If I were a true woman I would not want to look like them. They seem to be comfortable with how they look, at least outwardly.

Without meaning to offend anyone, there is a possibility they are not seeing themselves as you are seeing them. And, there is also the possibility they are meeting people with unique special desires.

[Jenniferathome]

Perhaps you feel badly for them that they may be ridiculed? They, obviously, don't care. It's not what I would do, but they are not me. For whatever reason, some of us feel the need to "blend" and others don't give a rats ass. That's the beauty of freedom of choice.

[SexyErica]

As hard as I've been trying to work up the courage to make my first public outing its comments like these that are holding me back because even though I am trying very hard to make myself as femme as possible I Know I will never pass.

[Stephanie Miller]

In the imortal words of Snagglepuss..... "Exit, stage left!"

I forget to shave one day.... ONE DAY and this is what I get. :doh:

[AngieStone]

FINE!.... I'll stop going out enfemme! Karren if I looked as good as you do I would be out there every day!!!!

[Luna Nyx]

As hard as I've been trying to work up the courage to make my first public outing its comments like these that are holding me back because even though I am trying very hard to make myself as femme as possible I Know I will never pass.


i feel the same way. I try to work up the courage to but i always back out.

[Marlana]

So apparently, if one has an opinion, it is the standard. Ok. Lets all stop shaving and epilating and lasering and whatever else we do to look good. I don't judge these people.(Read the OP). My question was how do you feel when you see these particular people out in public? After all, if you think that we aren't all judged by the few, then you may be misinformed. If I looked as good as some of my friends on here, I would be out and about often. I do support alot of what is said here, but all I'm saying is at least try. The next time you see a GG with a bushy beard, hairy legs, and a beer gut, make sure you give her a thumbs up. After all, I'm sure she's looking at us and saying it takes all kinds!

[Annaliese]

For reason we may not understand, they may not be able to shave legs, face what ever, and have a non accepting wife but still want to go out, to each there own or don't care they are just being them self. I know I don't pass but I still go out.

[Lynn Marie]

The difficult part for me is that when the public hears anything about Crossdressers, these bearded folks in skirts come immediately to mind rather than the tall, well dressed, ladies in heels with big hands. It's okay, just doesn't help our cause at all. Some folks just don't care. I do. I hope they don't judge me too harshly because I do!

[Wildaboutheels]

Your attitude is understandable. There are many others here who have ALSO succumbed to Forum myth #5 which states that no man should venture forth in public using ANY of the clothing items sold in the women's department or any makeup, nail polish, or other enhancements, normally utilized by females...UNLESS he uses them all.

I've learned not to judge anything or anyone based on the packaging because virtually everyone has different tastes. Maybe ... they are out doing research for some CDing Forum?

If I were to spot such a person, I would simply assume public opinion, good or bad simply does not matter to them. And/or that they are simply confident enough to wear what they want.

[Marlana]

Thank you Lynn Marie. That was exactly my point. However, that was lost amongst the gen-pop that jumped on the support bandwagon. If I looked as good as some people on here, I wouldn't be scaresd to go out in public. My wife will NOT support that at all. So I'm relegated to the closet. Wish I could go out and see how it feels to be free. Have to think of others in my case.

[Tracii G]

A few years back at a Salvation Army store there was a CD as you described bothering no one and shopping on her own.
I was enfemme and shopping as well.One of the store workers asked me wow did you see that tranny?
I told her yes I did and she is free to do her own thing just as I am.The girl gave me the once over and said OMG! you are a man?
I said yes sort of LOL she said honey you look so good I would have never known. I was wrong to judge the other person and I feel so ashamed.I told her acceptance is all that person wants and to be free to express how she feels inside.She agreed and said I know I'm no super model so who am I to judge any one else.
Joanie and I are very good friends now, she took the time to research gender identity and works for social services now helping with trans people.
Being free to express yourself is OK with me.

[Debra Russell]

Not on anybodys band wagon or standing for a cause - I express myself when I want to (and or appropriate) - like Tracy said "feel free to express yourself" - but be sure the backflack will be there and yes I find it a little silly as the OP stated but no more than all the rest of the wall martians out there oop's I guess that includes me on wheatever level..........................Debra

[Jenniferathome]

However, that was lost amongst the gen-pop that jumped on the support bandwagon.

Marlana, you are Rees to post your ideas and others are free to respond. It won't always go your way but you should not take offense with differing opinions.

[Violetgray]

Marlana, you have every right to feel the way you do. When I see someone who looks like that, I think to myself, "Ugh, not feelin' it." But I would never suggest that they should not be out because I know that other people feel the same way about the rest of us. The way you feel about the guy who looks like Evander Holyfield in drag, there are those that feel that way about all of us, even those of us who try really hard. I guess it's just that when we're met with a sort of visceral disapproval, and I'm reluctant to let it roll downhill.

[Leah Lynn]

<<<<Does this look "passable"? Umm, nooo. Yet I go out often, even meet with other girls for a GNO. I like going out, and to hell with anyone that has a problem with it, because it's THEIR problem! Now, lets make nice, and sing "Kumbyah"!

Leah

[Lorileah]

So apparently, if one has an opinion, it is the standard. Ok. Lets all stop shaving and epilating and lasering and whatever else we do to look good. Again your opinion of looking "good" is your opinion. What if everybody was held to your standards? Then there would be hardly anyone, male or female, on the streets.
I don't judge these people.(Read the OP). Yes you DO, read your OP you judged and found those people not to a standard. You made a judgement that some people should not go out
My question was how do you feel when you see these particular people out in public? After all, if you think that we aren't all judged by the few, then you may be misinformed. You are judged daily by everyone you meet. Most don't care one way or the other. Some will jump to conclusions. How do I feel? Well last weekend I was out and met a lovely "lady" with a full goatee (actually a Van Dyke but everyone calls them goatees) loaded with glitter, taller than me in a ball gown. How did I feel? short. She was the nicest person I talked to all night.
If I looked as good as some of my friends on here, I would be out and about often. I go out several times a week. So I guess I do OK?
The next time you see a GG with a bushy beard, hairy legs, and a beer gut, make sure you give her a thumbs up. After all, I'm sure she's looking at us and saying it takes all kinds! Do you go around all day scoring people? When was the last time you went up to a GG and gave her a thumbs up? Really? Personally I think this whole thread is perilously close to breaking the "Don't dis people" rule. BTW in Colorado hairy legs on women is common. Most don't have beer guts though as they do things like ski and climb mountains.

[franny lin]

People judge us all the time.

[johnboy23]

Ew ugly girls, ugly boys, ugly animals. Why can't everyone be pretty and fit perfectly in their clothes. We are not here to support the intolerant.

[dana 1]

I agree with violet grey, that about sums it up for me.

[Diamond Dog]

I don't know. Sometimes you see someone and you can't really tell if it is a guy or girl... I think that is an intriguing expirience.
Sometimes you see someone who is clarly a guy in a dress. Where I think this person must be really brave. But it is not disgusting. Just like seeing a girl with short hair and a suit is not disgusting.

[Angela Campbell]

The other day I saw a man who had only one arm...out in Public!! I also saw a small person too. I guess some who see me say "I just saw a tranny!" So what.

[Katrina Black]

Like i allways say if you want to tape a potatoe to you forehead ..why should anyone care ?

[NicoleScott]

Marlana, by your standard, a lot of women shouldn't be seen in public, either. Do tell them to stay home.

[Marlana]

Thank you everyone for your input.

[Beverley Sims]

Marlana,
You have been brave enough to air your views on the subject and have got mostly negative comments.
This is a support group and we try and support each other even with conflicting views.
I somewhat feel like you do in so much as I would not go out looking anything other than a female.
Others wish to express themselves by wearing female clothing and appear masculine in varying degrees, that is their choice.
If I knew someone personally like that I may ask them to tone it down a bit, but at the same time I would listen to their reasons and circumstances for doing it.

[Chickhe]

If they can't change it they might as well flaunt it. Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder...or was that a poke in the eye?.... anyway its not really fair to judge people by their looks.

[Sometimes Steffi]

As a beauty I'm not a great star.
There are others more handsome by far.
But my face I don't mind it,
Because I'm behind it.
It's the people in front whom I jar.

[Julie Gaum]

Man the barricades while I flee to an airraid shelter. What I'm about to opinionate is not judging anybody wearing anything at anytime;
Jerry Springer had a TV show where CDs and TSs, wearing house-dresses, would appear and then get into fist-fights on stage. Some wore
makeup and some did not. The entire CD community was set back ten years in the eyes of our society as a result of the misconceptions
broadcast! So sue me.
Julie

[Cheryl T]

I believe we all have the right to do as we feel we must.
That being said I'm bothered by it only in that the public always views the "fringe" minority as the standard bearer for the whole and as such we all receive bad reviews. This can be seen in the motorcycle area here where although there are clubs of law enforcement, former military and so on who all strive to do good, the public opinion is too easily swayed by the Hell's Angels.

[Betty_42]

With me, I always felt it was all or nothing! Either be totally feminine or masculine, but somewhere in between is not acceptable! I spend 30 minutes to an hour on maintenance grooming every day and I am not to be shown up by any half assed job! That said, I've yet to actually work up the courage to do it myself, although my friends are obviously trying to get my confidence up? Perhaps "baby steps" is the right approach here? For example, I could simply hit up the drive thru while dressed? That's not too bad as it's just some pimply faced teenager in a window I'm dealing with and anyone who sees me will do so through a windshield?

[Jamie001]

There are many folks that are Gender-F*cks. These folks are sometimes masculine and feminine at the same time and present characteristics of both masculine and feminine because that is how they feel and relate to the world. It is not your place to judge them!!

You should respect them for having the courage to be out in public being who they really are rather than cowering in fear in the back of a closet.

[Ressie]

Yeah there's a lot of repugnant looking people out there. The more you get out of the house, the more you get use to it. Today I was disgusted looking in the mirror at my big hairy belly! I shaved the hair but the fat is still there! That part will take a lot more discipline.

[Starr]

A few years back at a Salvation Army store there was a CD as you described bothering no one and shopping on her own.
I was enfemme and shopping as well.One of the store workers asked me wow did you see that tranny?
I told her yes I did and she is free to do her own thing just as I am.The girl gave me the once over and said OMG! you are a man?
I said yes sort of LOL she said honey you look so good I would have never known. I was wrong to judge the other person and I feel so ashamed.I told her acceptance is all that person wants and to be free to express how she feels inside.She agreed and said I know I'm no super model so who am I to judge any one else.
Joanie and I are very good friends now, she took the time to research gender identity and works for social services now helping with trans people.
Being free to express yourself is OK with me.

Wonderful story....

[StephanieDragg]

A few years back at a Salvation Army store there was a CD as you described bothering no one and shopping on her own.
I was enfemme and shopping as well.One of the store workers asked me wow did you see that tranny?
I told her yes I did and she is free to do her own thing just as I am.The girl gave me the once over and said OMG! you are a man?
I said yes sort of LOL she said honey you look so good I would have never known. I was wrong to judge the other person and I feel so ashamed.I told her acceptance is all that person wants and to be free to express how she feels inside.She agreed and said I know I'm no super model so who am I to judge any one else.
Joanie and I are very good friends now, she took the time to research gender identity and works for social services now helping with trans people.
Being free to express yourself is OK with me.

Hooray for you Tracii!!!, very well handled, in my experiences going out dressed I have run into other cds, or tgs,( many times in resale shops also!) also ranging on the "beauty" scale" of 1 to 10 drop dead gorgeous, now matter how they appear to me , I know how they feel and their need to express themselves. I always say hi and introduce myself and give them the opportunity for conversation and also for them to know they are not alone, I also remember how difficult it was for me to have the confidence to venture out at first, so I applaud them for their courage, I know I always feel nice when someone takes time to say hi to me while I am out, I have also read stories here that the negative reactions of people has made girls like us run home embarrassed by people who were rude to them which always makes me sad. I've always felt if I go out and run into people and they find it pleasant, no harm came to them for getting to know me, the world didn't spin off it's axis, it would be easier for the next gurl to be seen.

[LaraPeterson]

Some days I feel like a rat's ass, some days I don't. Some days I LOOK like a rat's ass, some days I don't. While it may appear that a guy with a beard and a skirt is a little weird, say that in Scotland and you might get choked. I believe your complaint IS valid, but from your point of view. And after all, perceptions are so even when they are not.