Hi there a little help please?

[sasha j]

Something bothered me today and im a little confused on how i shall deal with it..Ive supported my partner since he told me of his cd lifestyle.
My partner in a flipant comment said that I should look at different sites to gain knowledge to how he feels..
I had a look at one site he mentioned.. a dating site for tv/tg/bdsm etc and he was on there!! dressed. (pictures i took)
I asked him about it and he said he went on for curiosity to see if he was mental wired wrong about lifestyle and to get confirmation.. to sort his head..if he looked good..etc
Hes always been honest since we met and said no one has contacted him and he wouldnt do anything and i can look at his profile account if i want to.. but i think i need to move on..sad sasha.x

[jennifer24]

Well you said he has been honest with you up to now, maybe he was just curious but I think not, most that go on them dating sites are looking, I might be wrong but its just how I see it.
If I were you I would try to talk to him more about it, maybe he will open up more and spill the beans, give it a change 1st and take it from there.
Good luck sweetie!

[sasha j]

thank you jennifer x

[Maria S]

It is very easy for a CD (or anyone else for that matter) to get carried away on the internet. Your partner is probably confused, it's a big e-world out there for CDers especially if they have not found their place that they are comfy with. Honesty on both sides is the best policy and I'm sure you can work it out together.

Maria

[Tibby]

If he went on for curiosity and all those reasons he's stated why is his profile still on there?

Why set up a dating site to do the things he's said when there are plenty of non-dating sites where he could do exactly the same and be able to talk with others in the exact same situation who can give advice and share experiences without the intention of picking someone up.

Now I admit my view may be biased by a previous partner, not a cding one, who had various accounts on dating sites because they "offered good profiles", I wasn't very computer savvy back then and also I tended to believe everything the guy said. It's amazing what you find out when you come to your senses and then learn about the various affairs they'd had through the "good profiles".

A point I now always believe is that, if you truly believe he has been honest with you the complete trust would be there. You wouldn't be confused or bothered by it, so something must have already triggered a doubt for you to question it to this point.

[Eryn]

He didn't seem to be hiding it from you so I'd take his explanation at face value.

Remember though, if something bothers you then you should be talking to your SO about it. Your feelings are important too!

[sasha j]

thank you eryn, tibby and maria
Im very new to cd we met almost 6 months ago and he told me about his lifestyle within a cpl of weeks, hes always been so honest but i do have doubt and i really dont want previous relationships to impact on my thoughts but dont want to be a fool as well.. it seems strange why he told me to check out the site..he must of known id see him on there..maybe ive been played.. off to bed to think
Thank you so much for your help and guidance over the past couple of months..
I hope to chat again..:-/
sasha x

[CassandraSmith]

I've sure met a lot of women who don't take down their profiles even after dating someone for a few months. Maybe it was an oversight? It seems like a red flag to me a little bit though but I'm still confused, was he looking for a woman or man? Also, was it for a hookup for for something permanent? Is it in the past or is he on there every day communicating with other people (basically flirting while being in a relationship)?

I recently dated someone who was flirting on the Internet constantly while we were together. She hid it pretty well but the signs where there for me. She seemed dishonest to me and a close friend that knew her socially thought that I should let it go (which I did). Do you have anyone that knows him from before you that you can talk to? I'm not into sinking someone's relationship but I think it's responsible to warn a friend that someone might not be a good fit for them and not be obligated to provide details.

That's just me. Others may feel differently.


Cassy

[Kate Simmons]

So just want kind of help do you need my friend?

[Tibby]

So just want kind of help do you need my friend?


I think sometimes help can be asked for but in reality the decison has already been made but the need to ask others for an opinion helps the person to actually voice that decision.

[Jenniferathome]

I recommend taking him up on it. Read all his posts. I find it quite odd that he is still a member there. perhaps his last log in was a long time ago if not, there is somethign he is not telling you. You both need to talk about this.

[AlyssaS]

If he told you about the site, he obviously didn't think he had anything to hide. So either he's a fabulously bad liar, or he's telling the truth.

But only you can know if you can be comfortable with the situation.

[Beverley Sims]

Take it at face value for now.

[sandra-leigh]

In my opinion it would be fair to ask him to delete those profiles.

[Rogina B]

Tell her to leave her want ad posted! Also tell her you will be more than happy to chaperone any dating,WHEN THAT HAPPENS..tell her not to hold her breathe until then!

[sasha j]

Hi Everyone x
Thank you so much for your advice, we spoke today (for a long time) and as i said hes always been honest.. He sounded sincere in his reasons and none were to pick up anyone its more acceptance and not being able to discuss with anyone how he feels, he has spent years hiding himself and for those that did know (ex partner) used the cd side as a weapon against and to score points.
I have told him i was on here and hopefully this weekend he could see the benefit of speaking with a great community and in the future avoid potentially damaging (to the mind and heart) websites.
Thank you again x

[sasha j]

Lol Rogina I like your style x

[becky77]

Perhaps it would be good if he came on here instead of dating sites. He can post pictures and ask advise and explore his feeling out in the open but also safe within this forum. I can't see anything other than hurt coming from the dating site profiles.

[Karren H]

Kick him to the curb and find someone more honest and faithful..... imho

[Lorileah]

If he went on for curiosity and all those reasons he's stated why is his profile still on there?



Some sites don't let you delete your profile. I have done that with a couple sites. One I visit maybe once a month but get no responses. One I visit more often because I still have friends there but want nothing to do with new people.

Sasha, it is best to discuss this in depth with him. You can share his curiosity together elsewhere..

[Stephanie47]

My recommendation is to ask him to delete his profile from any dating sites. Dating sites are dating sites. He may have joined before he met you. However, if he posted pictures you took, it would suggest he wants the best of both worlds. If he wants validation as to whether he looks womanly, passes, needs help, etc, recommend he join this forum. If he posts pictures and wants an honest answer, I'm sure he get an answer.

My wife does not know I'm on this forum because we are in a DADT marriage. I know she visits a site of her own interests and tells me of the different postings. Neither of the sites has an suggestion of 'looking' of a sexual hook up. Beware of serial liars.

[~Joanne~]

Why set up a dating site to do the things he's said when there are plenty of non-dating sites where he could do exactly the same and be able to talk with others in the exact same situation who can give advice and share experiences without the intention of picking someone up.

I agree with this 110%. This site alone is a great example of meeting sisters, discussing what ales us and sharing pictures to show off new looks, get opinions/help and sharing in general. I don't think a dating site even comes close to what a non dating site can offer other than a hook up of some sort.

On the flip side though if she has always been honest with you without a doubt in your mind, then I don't understand why you are doubting her now. Something must have brought that doubt into your mind that you haven't shared with us. Which is fine but without the whole story, any advice offered becomes askew.

Communication is key to any relationship, CD or not. Maybe it's time to sit down and have a long heart to heart and see what is really going on.

[Joanne f]

I think that he is trying to tell you something otherwise he would not have told you to look at those sites and he wants to see what your reaction will be before he says any more .

[Michelle M]

Is he very patient? I know when you search crossdressing on google or any other site, you get hit with a million dating sites. Maybe he didn't hang in there through enough pages to recognize a good place like this.
Could be he figured it was worth signing up so he could learn something?
I sure wish you luck sorting it out.
Michelle

[Rogina B]

Kick him to the curb and find someone more honest and faithful..... imho

That's pretty severe coming from a girl like you!lol

[Pedro]

If he telling you all the things about dating and other things that happened with him than its mean.he is n't wrong.you must talk about this with him...

[ReineD]

When I was first dating my SO, she posted lots of pictures online and it drove me crazy. This was some years ago on myspace and although it wasn't a dating site, it was a place where many crossdressers used to hook up. She had tons of CD/lesbian/GG friends. The flirtiest comments were from CDers and she left flirty comments on other CDers and Drag Queen pics. I can't tell you how unhappy this made me, because I took it that she was looking for some action. I could only frame it in my own experience, which was that I would have posted all those pictures of myself only if I had been interested in attracting men.

But, eventually I did understand that she needed validation and it wasn't sexual for her. So maybe you can ask your SO to get rid of the profile on the dating site, and join here where he can get all the validation he wants! We have an active picture gallery too.

A lot of CDers get it into their heads that they want men to be attracted to them when they're dressed. Many fantasize about having sex with men and the fantasies can be quite powerful. If it is a deal breaker for you to have your SO seek sex outside your relationship (whether it is with a guy or a girl), you need to make that clear. Then it will be up to your SO to decide what his priorities are.