I want a Boyfriend 0.o?

[AllisontheGoddess]

Lately I've been having these urges like I want a BF or something. I'm not really attracted to guys (Sometimes I do show signs of conditional bi when I'm dressed) ,but I'm dating a girl right now , which makes it even weirder =/. I'm not even dressed and I'm getting these feelings! Also I even get more sensual when I'm alone--like I'm daydreaming for my " Prince Charming " to come sweep me off my feet. One minute it's exactly what I want and then the next it completely freaks me out. I'm definitly not Gay but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm Bi either, since it only comes in short bursts. Does this happen to anyone else when they dress or even when they aren't dressed?

[GondorRachel]

Yeah, I know the feeling, minus the dating a girl right now bit... I think of myself as straight, maybe a touch bi, but sometimes the pink fog rolls in super thick it seems and well...you know.

[Lorileah]

I would not worry about it. it sounds like when you are dressed you start thinking of things you believe a woman would think about. Maybe later you will actually get a boyfriend but it won't be soon. It isn't unusual in your mind. Doing it will be a lot harder,

I am at a point where the right man could work, but he will have to work hard for it. This is because I have been treated like a Princess by two men and I liked it. :) But then I have never had anything against dating men who meet certain criteria

[Gretchen_To_Be]

I enjoy partially dressing as a woman, and would very much enjoy dressing entirely as one and being altogether convincing. But my internal fantasies always revolve around a mythical woman being drawn to my male true self camouflaged by my feminine accouterments. I never fantasize about men or have ever thought about having a boyfriend. Maybe you are gay or bi and just need the right circumstances to let it happen and accept it?

[GroovyChristy]

I know the feeling, and it's not just when I'm in girl's clothes. I consider myself slightly bisexual. Every now and then I will be attracted to a guy. I've been intimate with a couple guys and it was pretty great. Maybe you're just curious. There's nothing wrong with it. :)

[SarahMarie42]

I've thought the same, but I concluded that I simply wished to be valued as a woman, desired as a woman -- anytime I've made my male friends feel awkward (in a flattering sort of way) I've felt very self-satisfied; perhaps even ecstatic, but I've realized that I'd prefer to be desired PERIOD, as a woman, or as a man, by another woman. Male attention can be flattering, but, for me, the satisfaction ends with flattery.

[Tracii G]

I do have some thoughts like that every now and then.
It was nice the last time but it didn't work out in the end I wasn't gay enough for him.

[Emma Beth]

I can't deny that I have had those feelings myself.

I found an interesting solution for myself. My wife enjoys a little cross dressing herself and yesterday I had her try on a pair of my boxer briefs to see if she liked the feel. She treated me like a woman, one thing led to another and we had a lot of hot fun with role reversal.

We spent the whole afternoon like that.


Hugs,
Jamie

[NeKoi]

I too occasionally have this kind of thoughts. I'm thinking its most probably curious me in action... maybe more...

Jamie, sounds really nice. Wonder if I'd get to do something like tat some day...

[Maria in heels]

Allison...nothing wrong with what you are feeling. It can be a fantasy, it can be a reality, but its YOUR feelings and they belong to you alone. and yes, I've had thoughts as well and would love to have someone take are of me and vice versa, nothing to freak out about

[ReineD]

My SO told me years ago that sometimes she has homoerotic fantasies, not when she's dressed, but when he's in guy mode. I don't know if he's still having them, I haven't asked.

This worries me a lot though. I'd feel a lot better if she was having those fantasies when dressed, because at least I understand those. His fantasies in guy mode might be either an indication of transsexuality (TS and TS yearnings do not ebb and flow with the crossdressing), or repressed homosexuality. Do you think you might be TS or gay?

[jenni_xx]

My SO told me years ago that sometimes she has homoerotic fantasies, not when she's dressed, but when he's in guy mode. I don't know if he's still having them, I haven't asked.

This worries me a lot though. I'd feel a lot better if she was having those fantasies when dressed, because at least I understand those. His fantasies in guy mode might be either an indication of transsexuality (TS and TS yearnings do not ebb and flow with the crossdressing), or repressed homosexuality. Do you think you might be TS or gay?

I'm of the opinion that a lot more people than we may initially think have homoerotic fantasies. For the majority it will only ever remain a fantasy, and they'll have no intention of acting them out for real. I wouldn't class it as repressed homosexuality though, simply because in entertaining such fantasies in the mind isn't actually trying to repress them but rather embrace them. Nor would (or indeed should) people who have such fantasies regard themselves as gay or even bi. They may just like the idea (fantasy) yet in reality they would look at any person of the same sex and feel no sexual attraction whatsoever.

From what Allison said in her opening post, I get the impression that the idea of her having a boyfriend is more appealing than actually going out and getting herself a boyfriend for real. Hence, it's just a fantasy for her. And there's nothing wrong with that and keeping only as a fantasy. Allison says that she isn't gay, and doesn't even regard herself as bi, and I would agree with her.

[LexiTV]

Hi Reine. Brand new here and stumbled across your post. I felt it was a great issue to address so yours is the first time I post in these forums!

Okay, simply put it can mean a lot of things or nothing. The good news is you both are communicating so there is a significantly less likelihood of your SO going behind your back on the issue. Fantasies are just that, fantasies. I have fantasies that revolve around my real nature and repeat consistently. I have others that do not revolve so much around my nature but come and go depending on mood. The latter tends to be the excitement of the taboo of it all. Example, I have had a fantasy involving being a slave/owned. This one comes and goes, varies widely on degrees. It can be a nurturing situation or literally I am a piece of property where decisions related to my body are made for me. Ultimately this isnt who I am but the taboo of it makes it erotic at times.

Let me point out my view on gay, straight, bisexual before continuing. I tend to think there is only a small percentage of true straight and gay. The vast majority of the population falls in the bisexual grey. It all depends on the circumstances. Some actively pursue bi encounters. Others do both but lean towards one gender. Others still would never consider it except for the right situation. "Gay" man stranded on an island for decades with a woman there is a decent chance they will play. "Straight" man in prison for 50 years and there is a decent chance they will have a same sex encounter.

In terms of your SO his male mode homoerotic fantasy could be a couple things.

1) Just a taboo fantasy like mine.
2) A passing consideration related to crossdressing. I doubt there is any CD that hasnt at least entertained the idea of being with the same sex. Note I said entertain. Most dismiss it.
3) Crossdressing is an outlet for his nature. He could be true gay or bisexual but due to societal constraints or gender typing his brain couldnt accept that he is either as a man. His crossdressing was a way to make his feeling work within the confines he was in at the time.

Now addressing your concern related to gay or TS:
1) TS Concern: Is this scenario possible? Yes. Coping mechanisms create very odd outlets. However, chances are he is not TS. First, if he was TS he would have real issues with his penis. As such the fact his fantasy involves him with a man while he is in boy-mode strongly leads away from him being a TS.

2) Gay Concern: Again, this is possible and of the two its the most tricky. However, considering he is with you and exploring cross dressing there is a strong statistical chance that he is not gay. Bi? Probably but there we enter into what shade of grey. Bi is irrelevant in your concern though because as long as he is attracted to women then the issue becomes whether he will cheat or not. If he isnt a cheater then guy or girl wont matter.

So what does all this mean to you? You are stuck where you were when you started reading but maybe you have a better perspective on things. However, you two obviously have excellent communications. In addition, you seem exceptionally understanding, open minded and accepting. Clearly he trusts you for you to even know all this to worry about. That is a rare thing with CDs. We all to often live in the shadows because most people arent as accepting as you.

So, long story short, your best bet is openly discuss the situation. You deserve to know if there is more to this fantasy. Dont be confrontational. Just follow up on it and let him know you are supportive of whatever the case may be but you feel its only fair to both of you that it be discussed. The point is to put him at ease in case he believes he is gay and feels it might be too much for you to handle or even that he may be ashamed of it. This way he will be most likely to open up and you will get your truth. From there you can both make informed decisions.

Hope it helps :)

[mike~the~islandman]

A thought can just be a thought. I had gone through a phase when those thoughts of having a boyfriend were really appealing to me (especially when crossdressing) but as the years went on I knew it was more than a thought, that I was in fact Bi, and attracted to men as well as women. Finally accepting it was a huge relief!

But, people should definitely realize it can just be a slight thought. Nobody is normal when it comes to the strange matter the brain sends to the surface...

Or you may even be pansexual. The idea of not being attracted to men, but just not being inhibited by the belief that you "can't be with one" or " can't spend a night with one."

Just remember to listen to yourself. It may seem confusing sometimes trying to match the spiritual longings to mankind's labels, but in the end, do what makes you happy! :)

[docrobbysherry]

Allison, how did u find out if u liked zuccini or not? U must take a bite to find out for sure!
My SO told me years ago that sometimes she has homoerotic fantasies, not when she's dressed, but when he's in guy mode. I don't know if he's still having them, I haven't asked.

This worries me a lot though. I'd feel a lot better if she was having those fantasies when dressed, because at least I understand those. His fantasies in guy mode might be either an indication of transsexuality (TS and TS yearnings do not ebb and flow with the crossdressing), or repressed homosexuality. Do you think you might be TS or gay?
Reine, it's not necessary for us to be dressed to have these, "with a man", fantasies. Because, in our fantasies, we always r!

[Jenniferathome]

I tend to think there is only a small percentage of true straight and gay. The vast majority of the population falls in the bisexual grey.

I could not disagree more. There is a spectrum, no doubt, but there is a cliff from straight or gay into bi.

[Jodi Anne]

I get those also, but not for an ongoing BF just one for a few hours every now and then.

[LexiTV]

Hi Jenn,

I am not sure I understand your disagreement. You are clearly making a distinction, I am just not sure what it is.

Allow me to expand on mine until you have a chance to clarify. From my view to be true gay or straight you have to be wired to be simply not trigger on the opposite sex in terms of gays and same sex in terms of straights as sexual. Meaning, you would not be able to get turned on at all at the idea and may even be revolted by it. Example, I am not into bestiality. I do not sexually trigger when seeing an animal and find the idea of having sex with one is revolting. While stats on "true" gay and straight dont exist in my opinion that extreme wiring in terms of your own species is rare. Humans are if nothing else generally adaptable and thus my feeling on the wide shades of grey in terms of bisexuality.

Now, you can have huge sections of the grey that are for all intents and purposes "true" gay or straight because they lean heavily into the hetero preference. For many the idea of same sex encounter would not even enter their mind until something drastic happened like the island or prison scenarios I listed earlier. Normally the people would strongly identify as gay or straight but in these scenarios they are able to adapt to the situation to meet a sexual need. If they fit into the hard wired straight or gay, they would simply be unable to contemplate or successfully engage in the alternative sex for them.

Anyway, its my theory, and it is just that a theory. It will never be born out until society is much more honest with itself or advances in mapping the brain take several leaps. For me it fits my observations and explains the facts as they stand. Other theories do as well but this one works for me :)

[Beverley Sims]

It is a fantasy I have had on occasions.

[jenni_xx]

Hi Jenn,

I am not sure I understand your disagreement. You are clearly making a distinction, I am just not sure what it is.

Allow me to expand on mine until you have a chance to clarify. From my view to be true gay or straight you have to be wired to be simply not trigger on the opposite sex in terms of gays and same sex in terms of straights as sexual. Meaning, you would not be able to get turned on at all at the idea and may even be revolted by it. Example, I am not into bestiality. I do not sexually trigger when seeing an animal and find the idea of having sex with one is revolting. While stats on "true" gay and straight dont exist in my opinion that extreme wiring in terms of your own species is rare. Humans are if nothing else generally adaptable and thus my feeling on the wide shades of grey in terms of bisexuality.

Now, you can have huge sections of the grey that are for all intents and purposes "true" gay or straight because they lean heavily into the hetero preference. For many the idea of same sex encounter would not even enter their mind until something drastic happened like the island or prison scenarios I listed earlier. Normally the people would strongly identify as gay or straight but in these scenarios they are able to adapt to the situation to meet a sexual need. If they fit into the hard wired straight or gay, they would simply be unable to contemplate or successfully engage in the alternative sex for them.

Anyway, its my theory, and it is just that a theory. It will never be born out until society is much more honest with itself or advances in mapping the brain take several leaps. For me it fits my observations and explains the facts as they stand. Other theories do as well but this one works for me :)

Ah, but if you were trapped on an island for 50 years with only an animal to keep you company... lol :)

I have no doubt that there are people out there who, if straight, find the idea of being with a person of the same sex as equally as revolting as you find the idea of being with an animal is. Or if gay, find the idea of being with a person of the opposite sex as equally as revolting.

I do however understand your point, and I do think there is a certain credibility to it. That's not to say that I agree with you completely however. I do believe sexuality is more fluid than many people think, and I think there are several factors involved that (for want of a better word) enable us to become sexually attracted to a person. And one of those most certainly can be circumstance. Put a person in an extreme circumstance (like the two examples you mention), then who knows? But I do not think that such extreme circumstances (which by definition would also be extra-ordinary) should define a person's sexuality. To me, it's folly to suggest that, for example, should a gay man trapped on an island for 50 years with a woman end up engaging in sexual activity with her, then that therefore means he is bisexual. I simply can not accept that rationale. Simply because sexuality is a preference, but it's also a need. I am gay and I could certainly imagine myself being with a woman under such circumstances (such as trapped on an island with a woman), but that would only be because there would be no men around.

[LexiTV]

Oh right. Completely agree, any theory even if proven right many times also proven to have been a bit of a simplification and not encompass every aspect.

And no I wouldnt consider bestiality even then smart arse :P (I tease) but that is exactly my point. No matter what the situation, the hard wired straight or gay would simply not be able to adapt their sexuality to alternatives. The meaty middle on the other hand will date both sexes, date one and play with the other, play around depending on the mood or do it under certain circumstances depending on where they fall in the grey spectrum. Jack Sparrow summed it up nicely in a different context: There is what you can do and what you cant do. For the "true" straight and gay types, they just cant go against their nature. The rest? All depends on the who, what, where, and when more or less :)

However, I stress, nothing is perfect. I speak in generalities here. You obviously are the very cute wrench in that theory but overall I still stand by it. :D



Ah, but if you were trapped on an island for 50 years with only an animal to keep you company... lol :)

I have no doubt that there are people out there who, if straight, find the idea of being with a person of the same sex as equally as revolting as you find the idea of being with an animal is. Or if gay, find the idea of being with a person of the opposite sex as equally as revolting.

[cathie pantyhose]

I am definitely bi but married and not looking to get out of marriage anytime soon although an "f" buddy would be nice sometimes but no real commitments. I like the company of another man for many reasons some sexual and some because I'm so competitive with my sports (cycling, mountain biking, running, etc) its nice to have someone of a physical equal to push you harder. With a bf, it makes it even more special I guess. Guys who are just friends sharing in those activities are definitely different. Certainly makes the cold camping nights at the top of a mountain more fun as the wife wont camp below 30 at night.

I also liked the playful physical activities guys do and they are certainly more fun when you are not worried about hurting you partner (i.e. naked wresting, lol)

[jenni_xx]

Oh right. Completely agree, any theory even if proven right many times also proven to have been a bit of a simplification and not encompass every aspect.

And no I wouldnt consider bestiality even then smart arse :P (I tease) but that is exactly my point. No matter what the situation, the hard wired straight or gay would simply not be able to adapt their sexuality to alternatives. The meaty middle on the other hand will date both sexes, date one and play with the other, play around depending on the mood or do it under certain circumstances depending on where they fall in the grey spectrum. Jack Sparrow summed it up nicely in a different context: There is what you can do and what you cant do. For the "true" straight and gay types, they just cant go against their nature. The rest? All depends on the who, what, where, and when more or less :)

However, I stress, nothing is perfect. I speak in generalities here. You obviously are the very cute wrench in that theory but overall I still stand by it. :D

And so you should!!! :) My reply is nothing more than my own opinion, and I certainly can not back it up with fact to dispute your own view. Like I said in my previous post, I do see the credibility/logic in your opinion, and so even though I don't completely agree, I certainly wouldn't be arrogant enough to dismiss it out of hand.

For the record, just so no one gets the wrong idea, beastiality is something that I find revolting also!!! :))

x

[Jenniferathome]

I am not sure I understand your disagreement. You are clearly making a distinction, I am just not sure what it is.

I do understand your theory. You believe that most straights and gays can move into the bi "zone" easily. My theory is quite the contrary. If you consider the self reported statistics: 10% of the general population is gay, 90% are straight, bisexuals will suck up a little of both those stats, but to argue that gay only or straight only is the minority seems crazy to me. If you are straight or gay, going the other way, for most, is not on the table. Regardless of how many years one is locked up. If you are bi, more power to you, you have twice the odds of getting a date as the rest of us. But my opinion, belief, theory, whatever is that the bisexuals are a very small niche.

[jenni_xx]

If you are bi, more power to you, you have twice the odds of getting a date as the rest of us.

In theory that makes complete sense. But it's often the case that bi people are (for want of a better word) shuned by both the straight and gay community. A bi-sexual guy will often experience women who don't want to date him because they are scared that they will never be able to completely fulfill his sexual desires. And many gay men won't go anywhere near a man who identifies himself as being bisexual. Often it's the case that the only way a bisexual person will meet a partner is if (s)he doesn't announce themselves as bisexual. That is, they lie to any potential partner.

[LexiTV]

Ah now I understand your point. I think you are putting too much emphasis on the bisexual. To me bisexual is anyone that CAN have sex with both genders. It doesnt mean identifies as an interest in both sexes. Going back to my prison analogy. I would imagine a straight man in prison that has sex with another man while in prison will still identify as straight. However, to me he is bisexual because he can and has had sex with a member of the same sex even if he never does so again. I can see the confusion on the word bisexual but I really have no other word that describes what I am talking about. If you are pure gay or straight most wouldnt be able to cross the line no matter what in my opinion.

And again thats it, opinion. I think yours has validity and its one of those things we will not know because one thing is for sure: Blind poll or not, people are shown to give the answers they want or expect to be the right answer under the circumstance versus giving an honest answer.


I do understand your theory. You believe that most straights and gays can move into the bi "zone" easily. My theory is quite the contrary. If you consider the self reported statistics: 10% of the general population is gay, 90% are straight, bisexuals will suck up a little of both those stats, but to argue that gay only or straight only is the minority seems crazy to me. If you are straight or gay, going the other way, for most, is not on the table. Regardless of how many years one is locked up. If you are bi, more power to you, you have twice the odds of getting a date as the rest of us. But my opinion, belief, theory, whatever is that the bisexuals are a very small niche.

[LexiTV]

Haha aint it the truth? I find it a very odd thing that gays and lesbians who push for acceptance of their lifestyle but yet in my experience many are very unaccepting of bi's and even transgendered people. Not all obviously but enough to make one scratch their head and say wth!


In theory that makes complete sense. But it's often the case that bi people are (for want of a better word) shuned by both the straight and gay community. A bi-sexual guy will often experience women who don't want to date him because they are scared that they will never be able to completely fulfill his sexual desires. And many gay men won't go anywhere near a man who identifies himself as being bisexual. Often it's the case that the only way a bisexual person will meet a partner is if (s)he doesn't announce themselves as bisexual. That is, they lie to any potential partner.

[Andria]

I've been trying to deal with something similar for ages. But, I do think of men at times even when I'm not dressed girlie. I've accepted the fact that I'm bisexual, but its tough to deal with when I tell myself that I shouldn't be. It doesn't help the fact the some guys want me as a their girlfriend (when I'm all girlie), or they want me as their boyfriend (when I'm in boy-mode). I can't clone myself..

All I can say is take your time, and don't force anything. Make a conscience decision before you do something. And its good to speak to people here that hopefully can help. :)

[AllyCDTV]

Saw this on TED yesterday and it seems to really explain a lot about the straight/bi/gay issue. http://www.ted.com/talks/io_tillett_wright_fifty_shades_of_gay.html?utm_med ium=on.ted.com-static&awesm=on.ted.com_shadesofgay&utm_campaign=&utm_content=awesm-publisher&utm_source=t.co

[Jenniferathome]

Saw this on TED yesterday and it seems to really explain a lot about the straight/bi/gay issue. http://www.ted.com/talks/io_tillett_wright_fifty_shades_of_gay.html?utm_med ium=on.ted.com-static&awesm=on.ted.com_shadesofgay&utm_campaign=&utm_content=awesm-publisher&utm_source=t.co

But ...
Artist iO Tillett Wright has photographed 2,000 people who consider themselves somewhere on the LBGTQ spectrum and asked many of them: Can you assign a percentage to how gay or straight you are? Most people, it turns out, consider themselves to exist in the gray areas of sexuality, not 100% gay or straight. Which presents a real problem when it comes to discrimination: Where do you draw the line?

Well, if you ask 2000 white people how white are they, they'll likely come up with a range of whiteness. Kind of a self serving question. Now, had she randomly asked 2,000 people across the planet earth, then she may have a data point. Albeit a very small sample and irrelevant statistically.

[AshleeM]

Don't worry, I'm sure many of us have felt this way. Recently, I've been thinking about what a relationship with another crossdresser of the same sex would be like. On one hand I've never been with anyone with a penis but on the other I'm quite fed up with GG's. The majority of them have no desire to understand me and just expect me to keep up the status quo of making babies, working on cars, and getting a house in the suburbs. I like the first part but the other two sound like nightmares!

I feel like a 50's era housewife for saying this but I don't want that! I want to go explore the world and live life to its fullest, you can't do that while wearing the shackle of traditional marriage. And by god I'm tired of being the rock of every relationship, sometimes I wanna come home from work and have someone hold me and tell me its alright, instead of the other way around.

Its a twisted road we all have to walk but hopefully we can make it to the end and find what we've been working towards.

[AlexisGray]

It's hard to tell you what your sexuality is.. That's going to take some searching on your own. Personally I consider myself what's known as pansexual. I don't think desiring to be, or be like, a woman has made me desire the company of a man, it just made it more socially acceptable. However I found the truth is I'm attracted most to people who aren't afraid to blur the lines that our society has made. So far the most attractive thing I've come across is actually a friend of mine who is a gg who at one point almost took steps to change genders, but now just does herself up however she feels that day.
I think these questions are a normal part of learning ourselves, which is something trans people tend to dedicate more time to than people who are focused on other things.

[ReineD]

The good news is you both are communicating so there is a significantly less likelihood of your SO going behind your back on the issue.

Thanks Lexi. My SO and I do not cheat. We made that commitment to one another. If either one of us wanted to have sex with someone else badly, we'd terminate our relationship first. This would be the right thing to do.

Thanks for the rest of your input!

[CassandraSmith]

I think it's part of the role play. The way love works if you're honest is that attraction happens on its own. That's the missing piece for you--to actually meet a guy you're attracted to. Until then, it's really just part of the fantasy side of CDing.

In fact, I think that if you try to contrive an attraction or scenario, it could be a big let down or not really feel right. So my advice to all young ladies: guard your heart.


Lately I've been having these urges like I want a BF or something. I'm not really attracted to guys (Sometimes I do show signs of conditional bi when I'm dressed) ,but I'm dating a girl right now , which makes it even weirder =/. I'm not even dressed and I'm getting these feelings! Also I even get more sensual when I'm alone--like I'm daydreaming for my " Prince Charming " to come sweep me off my feet. One minute it's exactly what I want and then the next it completely freaks me out. I'm definitly not Gay but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm Bi either, since it only comes in short bursts. Does this happen to anyone else when they dress or even when they aren't dressed?

[Tracii G]

To the original poster: Dealing with gender identity and all its facets is a never ending search at best.
I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for.

[MsJanessa]

I could not disagree more. There is a spectrum, no doubt, but there is a cliff from straight or gay into bi.

More like a gentle slope than a cliff for me

[Julie Gaum]

Must back Jenn though bi-sexuality is probably a higher percent than she gives credit. I always become amused at the those who
"rationale away" the gray area for it only exists in that fantasy land which doesn't push anybody into one category or another. As for the island and prison bit: Johnny Cash (one of my favorites) wrote a song after putting on shows at many prisons and getting to know a lot about inmate's feelings. The song, "A Guy Named Sue" was really directed to those inmates now out of stir who had been for months or years
the sex object for one or more prisoners. His lyrics, if I remember them correctly, empathizes with those poor souls and tells them that they are now free and can become hetero (my interpretation) again without being worried that they have "turned". In effect, forced sex,
rape if you will, doesn't for most change their future sexual preferences. Yes, a few liked it but I dare say they were gay or bi before
being confined. I'll let some other sister address the island situation for it happens one in a billion compared to the too common prison experience.
Julie

[LaraPeterson]

Hi Allison, I'm with Tracii; and, I believe that all of us who dress, at whatever level, have some sort of gender dysphoria (that's bound to raise the ire of somebody). That said, I too hope that you find what you are looking for; but be warned, your tastes will likely change as the years go by. When I first started dressing, I had no clue what it was all about because of my young age. As a teen, I just liked the clothes. As a 20-something, I got a sexual charge out of it--couldn't really identify it, but sure did enjoy it. In my 30's & 40's, I thought more about what it would be like to be with a man. I'll soon be 50 and I've had a couple of "boyfriends." One was a very casual and sporadic, the other somewhat serious.

I suppose it is my age, but now I'm more inclined to be with a man than with a woman (I've been married for a long time, but that is another story). I know I don't have to be dressed to be with a man, but I prefer it. In my mind, part of being a woman is looking the part. And while I know I'll never truly be one, I can dream.

BTW, this whole thing about being wired one way or another is, as I put in another post, a bunch of phooey. There is NO science to support a genetic disposition or predisposition toward homosexuality in any form. It is ALL about the decisions we make (more fodder for ire). Just remember, whatever you do, have fun!

[laura.lapinski]

I think I'd more prefer a CD girlfriend than a boyfriend.

[AmyGaleRT]

Allison, I think that a lot of this is you getting more in touch with your feminine side, to the point where you're even thinking like a woman...and most women seem to like having a boyfriend. :)

I wouldn't worry too much about the fantasies though. Acting on them might be something else again...

- Amy

[kellycan27]

I know the feeling, and it's not just when I'm in girl's clothes. I consider myself slightly bisexual. Every now and then I will be attracted to a guy. I've been intimate with a couple guys and it was pretty great. Maybe you're just curious. There's nothing wrong with it. :)

Slightly bi? Isn't that like being a little bit pregnant? Lol

[PINKmollyGurl]

When I'm in girl mode...I CRAVE men. I wish there was a cute boy laying next to me right now. Lol

[CassandraSmith]

Lately I've been having these urges like I want a BF or something. I'm not really attracted to guys (Sometimes I do show signs of conditional bi when I'm dressed) ,but I'm dating a girl right now , which makes it even weirder =/. I'm not even dressed and I'm getting these feelings! Also I even get more sensual when I'm alone--like I'm daydreaming for my " Prince Charming " to come sweep me off my feet. One minute it's exactly what I want and then the next it completely freaks me out. I'm definitly not Gay but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm Bi either, since it only comes in short bursts. Does this happen to anyone else when they dress or even when they aren't dressed?

Sometimes, I'd like to just get to experience a guy treating me like a woman but if it went truly sexual, it would repulse me. For me, it's about getting the full woman experience more than something about my own attraction to men (really more of a complete lack of attraction). Besides, sexual encounters are always messy one way or another and I hate messes ;-)


Allison, I think that a lot of this is you getting more in touch with your feminine side, to the point where you're even thinking like a woman...and most women seem to like having a boyfriend. :)

I wouldn't worry too much about the fantasies though. Acting on them might be something else again...

- Amy

Wise words from one of my favorite people here.

[CarolynO]

Lately I've been having these urges like I want a BF or something. I'm not really attracted to guys (Sometimes I do show signs of conditional bi when I'm dressed) ,but I'm dating a girl right now , which makes it even weirder =/. I'm not even dressed and I'm getting these feelings! Also I even get more sensual when I'm alone--like I'm daydreaming for my " Prince Charming " to come sweep me off my feet. One minute it's exactly what I want and then the next it completely freaks me out. I'm definitly not Gay but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm Bi either, since it only comes in short bursts. Does this happen to anyone else when they dress or even when they aren't dressed?
It happens to me too.I dream of having a boyfriend to wine,dine and sweep me off my feet.A kind thoughtful gentleman to hold me in his arms and smother me with a long hungry soul kiss:daydreaming:And it may or may not come true for i have a male admirer on my visitor page.I'm looking for romance,foreplay but nothing sexual.But here's my POV on these kinds of relationships that progress into the bedroom and it ties my mind in knots.
1.sexual encounters require that the clothes come off,that means the femme illusion is destroyed.:eek:
2.that means strictly gay sex-not appealing in the least for me:eek:
3.After climax,the desire is gone
Sound like a paradox does'nt it?
xxooCarolyn

[ArleneRaquel]

Until I went fulltime, well almost 24/7 I was never with a man, or much thought about it, since my rebirth* I crave having a BF or MORE.

*By rebirth I mean living as a woman.

[Lex321]

For me, I would only be interested in a CD. Hairy men and men in general are a big turn off. Men a girl mode is a different story. I am happily married so it is just a fantasy for me. I wish before I got married I was more involved in a community like this. Have a CD friend might have been fun.

[jenni_xx]

It happens to me too.I dream of having a boyfriend to wine,dine and sweep me off my feet.A kind thoughtful gentleman to hold me in his arms and smother me with a long hungry soul kiss:daydreaming:And it may or may not come true for i have a male admirer on my visitor page.I'm looking for romance,foreplay but nothing sexual.But here's my POV on these kind of relationships that progress into the bedroom and it ties my mind in knots.
1.sexual encounters require that the clothes come off,that means the femme illusion is destroyed.:eek:
2.that means strictly gay sex-not appealing in the least for me:eek:
3.After climax,the desire is dead
Sound like a paradox does'nt it?
xxooCarolyn

You know, before I was ever with a man and such desires were then only a fantasy, I was exactly the same as you.

You're number 3 - after climax, the desire is dead. I could totally relate to that. Until it actually happened. After I just sank into his arms and it was the most wonderous feeling in the world that I had experienced.

[famousunknown]

Lately I've been having these urges like I want a BF or something. I'm not really attracted to guys (Sometimes I do show signs of conditional bi when I'm dressed) ,but I'm dating a girl right now , which makes it even weirder =/. I'm not even dressed and I'm getting these feelings! Also I even get more sensual when I'm alone--like I'm daydreaming for my " Prince Charming " to come sweep me off my feet. One minute it's exactly what I want and then the next it completely freaks me out. I'm definitly not Gay but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm Bi either, since it only comes in short bursts. Does this happen to anyone else when they dress or even when they aren't dressed?

"conditional bi" ???
sorry but I don't think such a condition exists.
I think you must be gay and having some guilt over that.

[jenni_xx]

"conditional bi" ???
sorry but I don't think such a condition exists.
I think you must be gay and having some guilt over that.

Sorry, but I completely disagree.

[famousunknown]

Sorry, but I completely disagree.

Disagree all you want. Clothing has nothing to do with your sexual urges. You can't be bi just when dressed and hetero otherwise.
It simply doesn't work that way.

[AllisontheGoddess]

Disagree all you want. Clothing has nothing to do with your sexual urges. You can't be bi just when dressed and hetero otherwise.
It simply doesn't work that way.

I didn't say I was "bi when dressed" maybe you should read the post again?

[famousunknown]

I didn't say I was "bi when dressed" maybe you should read the post again?

I read it. That's what I got out of it. Maybe you need to explain it better?

[SarahMarie42]

Hey, hey -- there's no need for hostility over someone's sexual exploration/fantasies. The human psyche, and the sexual inclinations which stem therefrom, is/are tremendously complex. I doubt anyone can express certainty over whether or not sexuality "works a certain way" and be credible unless they're perhaps a neuroscientist who has shown that sexual feelings and associations remain consistent where all other mental states are variable. Unless you can prove that, you must take the approach of cognitive psychology and take Allison's statements as to her thoughts and feelings at face value.

P.S. The fact that she's willing to explore this issue at all, let alone in a public forum where others will offer their opinions, serves as evidence that she would not be "ashamed of being gay". She merely wants clarification, as she needs to sort out whatever cognitive dissonance she may be experiencing.

[Ressie]

Yeah there are conditions under which anyone could engage in acts with the same gender. Use your imagination.

[famousunknown]

Hey, hey -- there's no need for hostility over someone's sexual exploration/fantasies. The human psyche, and the sexual inclinations which stem therefrom, is/are tremendously complex. I doubt anyone can express certainty over whether or not sexuality "works a certain way" and be credible unless they're perhaps a neuroscientist who has shown that sexual feelings and associations remain consistent where all other mental states are variable. Unless you can prove that, you must take the approach of cognitive psychology and take Allison's statements as to her thoughts and feelings at face value.

P.S. The fact that she's willing to explore this issue at all, let alone in a public forum where others will offer their opinions, serves as evidence that she would not be "ashamed of being gay". She merely wants clarification, as she needs to sort out whatever cognitive dissonance she may be experiencing.

"cognitive dissonance" huh? righttttt

[SarahMarie42]

"Cognitive dissonance" is a phenomenon where self-concepts don't line up.

http://www.apa.org/pi/aids/resources/education/dissonance.aspx

Read about social psychology, it's fun. And it makes one's statements/arguments more relevant.

[AllieSF]

LexiTV, I like your analysis. I do not know if it is 100% correct, but it does offer a lot of food for thought. My feeling about being Bi is that it is on two spectrum's, one based on the predominant gender attraction, and the other based on how one views their Bi-ness. So, in the first case at one end of the spectrum one could be primarily attracted to his or her hetero opposite gender and only likes to be with the same hetero gender occasionally when the mood and opportunity come together at the same moment. At the other end of that spectrum one is more attracted to the same gender. E.g. "I prefer to be with X gender more than the other".

In the second case, which may be more in your line of thinking, I believe that a person can reach a state of mind where the actual gender of their sexual attraction is totally unimportant. That is, if they are attracted to someone, whatever gender, then they follow their attraction regardless of gender. This other spectrum to me is one where someone thinks or acts only a "little" Bi, while at the other end of that spectrum the person has reached that special state of mind that I described just above, they are totally Bi. I consider that to be the pure or ideal Bi-ness. It is a point of self actualization similar to what we do when we totally accept who we are, actually embrace it, and do not let other's opinions or comments interfere with us being us. Something that I think that most of us are striving for. It is also similar to what we want and hope of others, not to just tolerate and accept parts of who we are, but rather, to totally accept us and really everyone else in this world as human beings however they present themselves, whatever culture or religion or ethnicity they are. In other words, people do not discriminate against others just because they are not the same as they are.

PS: SarahMarie, I like your thoughts too, and thanks for defending the OP. You did it much more eloquently than I ever could.

[ReineD]

I can't remember where I read this, but they say that being bi is often times a stepping stone to swinging preferences from one sex to another, usually from opposite-sex to same-sex. Eventually, a distinct preference for one sex or the other will be reached.

Allie I do think there are people who truly are pansexual (their lover's gender no matter what it is, does not matter nor does it register with them), but I should think this would be rather rare, just as rare as being asexual.

Last, there is also bi-ness as an experimentation stage. There has most definitely been a trend among young high school or college girls in recent memory to experiment with same-sex sex, although the opinion is that this does not last. One sociologist suggested the same-sex experimentation among young women might be a reaction to AIDS. And the reason the experimentation is not as prevalent among same-sex college guys is a stronger sense of homophobia among men. MY SO and I used to go to an alternative club (LGBT + Straight), and there were quite a few younger women there who made a big show out of being lipstick lesbian or bi (they got a lot of attention from the guys when they were bumping and grinding together on the dance floor). But honestly, I think it was just show. I knew one of them. :p

More on experimentation ... we see this here all the time. CDers have fantasies of being with men while dressed, and some will experiment (I think that most won't). If they're straight they'll get turned off, and if they don't get turned off then they're gay, or possibly on their way to determining that they are gay, or they're AGP and the fantasy of being a woman is more powerful than anything else.


Edit - ... one more ... and then there are people who have tremendously strong libidos or who are into fetish (BDSM) in a big way. I should think that sexual attraction would be rather flexible for these people with threesomes, group sex, etc, where it is more about pure sex than a romantic or emotional attachment to anyone.

[EllieOPKS]

Back to the original poster:
Exploring ones sexuality is only a huge issue to yourself as an individual. No one else really cares. If you have bi-sexual feelings when dressed en fem there is no cause for fear, concern, or panic your just being honest with yourself about your feelings. If you think about it you are presenting and very much thinking like a woman. If you want to explore, find the right person that will respect your limits and see what happens. You may end up saying, well that was that a)not for me b)some things were OK c)It was fun and on and on. It is not a stepping stone to being gay. You cannot be turned into gay nor can a gay be turned into straight, that is proven and documented. Doc Rob gave such a great analogy, how do you know if you like zucchini if you've never tasted it? So to net it out, don't worry and keep an open mind - about everything in life.

[famousunknown]

Read about social psychology

I. Don't. Care.

[aalynn88]

I find nothing at all about men attractive except their weiners.

[Nathalie Antoinette]

Thank you for your informed and civil contributions to this conversation, Sarah.


"Cognitive dissonance" is a phenomenon where self-concepts don't line up.

http://www.apa.org/pi/aids/resources/education/dissonance.aspx

Read about social psychology, it's fun. And it makes one's statements/arguments more relevant.

[Nikki50/50]

Ah...the old "sexual orientation" dichotomy of gay/straight. It is all BS. A way to segregate. I will address your conondrum, AllisonTheGoddess, but not directly. I am going to share a vastly different perspective with you, and you can draw from it what you will.

There are ONLY TWO Sexual "Orientations": Sexual, and NOT Sexual (a.k.a. 'Celibate', if you're Catholic).
ALL other labels "Gay", "Straight", "Bi" (really dislike that one), or "Bi-Curious" (dislike that one even more)...are nothing more than COMFORT ZONES within a larger body of varied tastes in pleasure.
It's like any other comfort zone. You know what you like, and you indulge in it from time to time. You see similar parallels all over: Omnivores VS The Vegans is an example. Guess what: They make pizza pies for both sides of that fence.
I've eaten both kinds and both are awesome.
Sexuality is no different. I've had both. Both are awesome. My comfort zone is huge, and thusly; there is more fun in it to be had.
Never once in my enire life have I ever heard a man or woman say: "I'm bi-celibate" I guess it would mean NO sex, but masturbation is OK...?
If you want the scoop on the Celibate Orientation, I'd say go ask a Priest. They seem to have all of those loopholes figured out.
Me? My sexual orientation is SEXUAL. And that's it, and everything that goes with it. Life is awesome, so be awesome in life. Never limit yourself to the expectations of another or group of others, if you can surpass those expectations of yourself. The choice is yours, and always has been. You can stay in your comfort zone, or venture out and establish new borders. You crossdress, so you know already of that.
My advice, for it may or may not be worth: Go with what you like, and leave others to theirs. What do YOU want to remember tomorrow?
;D
Much love, respect, and admiration to you as a WHOLE being.
---Nikki50/50
P.S.> I've nothing against Catholics. Or Pizza.

[AllieSF]

Nikki, what is it that you dislike so much about Bi or Bi-Curious? They are descriptive terms that help others to understand the sexuality or sexual desires/preferences/orientation of others. If you don't like labels, are you a pizza lover?? So, you are a "sexual" person, is that a label? I am just trying to understand what you wrote.

[ReineD]

There are ONLY TWO Sexual "Orientations": Sexual, and NOT Sexual (a.k.a. 'Celibate', if you're Catholic).
ALL other labels "Gay", "Straight", "Bi" (really dislike that one), or "Bi-Curious" (dislike that one even more)...are nothing more than COMFORT ZONES within a larger body of varied tastes in pleasure.

Straights and homosexuals (gays and lesbians), would disagree with you. lol

I personally think there are very few, long-term bis (or pansexual if you prefer). I think they are as rare as asexuals. Eventually many bisexuals gravitate towards same-sex attraction.

I agree with you about bi-curious though (sorry Allie). It doesn't make sense to me. If someone is curious about the opposite sex, why don't they just try it so they will know? "Bi-curious" is really just another word for "same-sex fantasy", and a fantasy does not indicate an actual sexual preference. So maybe the people who say they are bi-curious would rather remain in the fantasy stage rather than find out they are turned off when they enact their fantasies?

[Nikki50/50]

Nikki, what is it that you dislike so much about Bi or Bi-Curious? They are descriptive terms that help others to understand the sexuality or sexual desires/preferences/orientation of others. If you don't like labels, are you a pizza lover?? So, you are a "sexual" person, is that a label? I am just trying to understand what you wrote.

Not bi/bi-curious as the state of being, so much as the labels and what they imply.
They blend the two superlatives of sexuality, and perpetuate the label idealogy. 'Bi-curious' is just a self-security label saying "I'm completely "Bi", but don't want to admit it, so I'll say I enjoy the idea of dual gender sexuality without being 'bi' ".
I'm sorry if I offend. That is not my intent. But I've always had a problem with labels, especially the wrongfully applied sort. My opinion is that "Bi-Curious" is a really bad label.
As I stated in my perspective...all these are comfort zones. There are better words we could use to describe them. We just have to appy the right touch of imagination.


Straights and homosexuals (gays and lesbians), would disagree with you. lol

I personally think there are very few, long-term bis (or pansexual if you prefer). I think they are as rare as asexuals. Eventually many bisexuals gravitate towards same-sex attraction.

I agree with you about bi-curious though (sorry Allie). It doesn't make sense to me. If someone is curious about the opposite sex, why don't they just try it so they will know? "Bi-curious" is really just another word for "same-sex fantasy", and a fantasy does not indicate an actual sexual preference. So maybe the people who say they are bi-curious would rather remain in the fantasy stage rather than find out they are turned off when they enact their fantasies?

Perhaps they could...but i can reiterate that gay/lesbian can function as a label if those who are either need them. But what I was stating as my opinion (that's all I can righteously claim it to be, after all lol) is that those are only applicable as Comfort Zones, not true defining Sexual Orientations.

[GinaD]

I'm sure you are going to get a ton of comments on this one. Finding the right guy to let Gina fulfill the fantasy came early for me, and I really enjoyed the experience. I have thoroughly enjoyed being the girl in a relationship whether it is to go out or other things. I hope if you take that step, you find someone who will treat you right. I have been lucky to find a great guy and gal who know of the other, and agree to let me chose who I want to be on any given day, with no conflict. Good luck!

[MsJanessa]

I'm hetero-bi-gay I guess. I'm married to a very supportive woman and she knows i have a CD lover and she approves. To her that's not cheating. IF I were to have relations with another woman, that would b...in her eyes. But I don't have that desire. When I'm with her it's normal to BE with her, and when I'm with him, it's normal to be with him. I switch gears I suppose and ramp up from hetero to bi-gay...It's difficult to explain..and I always dress up with my CD lover, and he does the same. Just two naked guys...doesn't turn me on. The clothing, the heels, the makeup, lipstick, the whole 9 is my desire, and I'm very fortunate that my lover feels the same way.

My wife doesn't engage in sex with us, but she has watched and taken pix and vids and she finds it curious...she's had relations with other women before we met, but it didn't really turn her on...and I had a CD lover years ago before I was married and it was wonderful. So if there's a way to differentiate between Hetero and bi it would be what I've just explained. I think Gay would not be the appropriate term to explain my relationship with my CD partner. Bi will suffice, because we're both married to women, but crave each other when dressed, so there' that.

To me gay is just that. Wanting to be with your same sex 24/7. Hetero is also described in the same manner. Bi is being able to switch gears and enjoy both equally. Yes, I'm with a man, but not really...sexually yes, but it goes so far beyond that...dressing, going out shopping, having fun..just as easily as I do the same thing with my wife. HIS wife doesn't know, and that's really none of my business. That's on him. I do know we have a lot of fun and my wife approves so maybe I'm just super fortunate, I don't know. Of course I told my wife WAY before we were married that I was a CD, and 12 years now, it hasn't harmed our relationship, matter of fact she loves me more for it. My CD relationship is a little over 8 months and running strong and it seems to be working out pretty well, so, in a nutshell, I would consider myself 65% Hetero, and 35% Bi-Gay...if that makes any sense, dear hearts....:)

ditto---I'm with you all the way---being naked with another naked guy has no appeal to me. Being fully dressed in a sexy outfit with makeup, purfume, wig etc with another CD done up the same way is really exciting

[Julie Gaum]

As written in a post on this thread that, somehow, got lost I will again back Jennifer 100%. Sisters are free to create all the theories they want but it doesn't change the truth. In that last post islands and prisons were mentioned as deal breakers. I recalled Jonny Cash's song
"A Boy Named Sue" after performing his show at many prisons and getting to know the inmates. His point was that (he didn't cover this
small percentage of inmates already gay that became BI) after suffering rape and sodomy for years as sex slaves the majority were encouraged in his song to revert to their previous inclinations and that they are not branded for life as gay or bi. Also dreaming or fantasies when dressed does not change your orientation but the act does. I am swayed with second thoughts on those, usually in a school environment, who "experiment". Then the question must be posed: experiment for how long before you are bi? Then one has to go back to the AMA's definition of homosexuality to find in recent years that it is not a personal decision --- you are born that way. In which case then how can one become BI if not already gay? In my mind then the logical progression for CDs must be that they had to already be gay before finding the male body appealing. Rest my case.
Julie

[prene]

Yeah, I know the feeling, minus the dating a girl right now bit... I think of myself as straight, maybe a touch bi, but sometimes the pink fog rolls in super thick it seems and well...you know.

I feel just like u.
I know what u mean.
I have gotten even a little envious with my last gf when we were intimate ... I kind of wished I was her.
This can be so confusing. LOL

[ReineD]

My God, Purple! I clicked on the last post link on this thread (from my Subscriptions list), so it took me straight to your post.

The picture scared me to death, it was so unexpected.

[Davena Doll]

AllisontheGoddess, If you truly have the feeling, you will want to give up everything for it.

[Beverley Sims]

I have had this fantasy on occasions, but it got put into reality once by my three girlfriends.
They took me to a drive-in movie and I sat in the back seat with this guy who knew who I was.
The other two had boyfriends and it was a bit cramped in the car.
I eventually sat on his lap and had my arm around him.
The others kissed and cuddled so we did a bit too.
His searching hands did get under my blouse and I responded in kind.
We giggled and joked about it as we were aware of what the others might be doing and they had set both of us up.
It was not unpleasant and we enjoyed the moment.
We thought if they want us to play girlfriend/boyfriend, why not!

[Naomi Rayne]

Personally i always go for the simpler explaination. Fantasies are just that... fantasies. They seem to be upsetting you or making you rethink some things, but is that because ur freaked out about having them? or because you actually want to go and do this. Mental fantasies and practicality are two totally different things. Sure sometimes i love the idea of entertaining in my head that i would have some guy that would pay for everything and i could just be woman all the time and not work and etc. But is that practical? for me no, and do i actually want that? NOT AT ALL but i love entertaining the idea as a fantasy haha. So maybe its not so complicated. Just try and think through it calmly.

[sandra-leigh]

Artist iO Tillett Wright has photographed 2,000 people who consider themselves somewhere on the LBGTQ spectrum and asked many of them: Can you assign a percentage to how gay or straight you are? Most people, it turns out, consider themselves to exist in the gray areas of sexuality, not 100% gay or straight. [...] Now, had she randomly asked 2,000 people across the planet earth, then she may have a data point.

It has been done, a fair number of times. First was 50 years ago, by Kinsey et. al., the so-called Kinsey Reports (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports). Wikipedia's summary of the stats is:


The reports also state that nearly 46% of the male subjects had "reacted" sexually to persons of both sexes in the course of their adult lives, and 37% had at least one homosexual experience. 11.6% of white males (ages 20–35) were given a rating of 3 (about equal heterosexual and homosexual experience/response) throughout their adult lives. The study also reported that 10% of American males surveyed were "more or less exclusively homosexual for at least three years between the ages of 16 and 55" (in the 5 to 6 range).

7% of single females (ages 20–35) and 4% of previously married females (ages 20–35) were given a rating of 3 (about equal heterosexual and homosexual experience/response) on Kinsey Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale for this period of their lives. 2 to 6% of females, aged 20–35, were more or less exclusively homosexual in experience/response, and 1 to 3% of unmarried females aged 20–35 were exclusively homosexual in experience/response.

Approximately 6000 females were surveyed.

Criticisms have been made of Kinsey's scale. One of the alternative studies included (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klein_Sexual_Orientation_Grid) "Laumann et al. (1994) found that of the 8.6% of women reporting some same gender sexuality, 88% reported same gender sexual attraction, 41% reported some same gender sexual behaviour and 16% reported a lesbian or gay identity."

Thus, there is serious reason to suspect that Jennifer's opinion that "the bisexuals are a very small niche" is not in accordance with what studies have found.

[Nikki50/50]

Nikki, what is it that you dislike so much about Bi or Bi-Curious? They are descriptive terms that help others to understand the sexuality or sexual desires/preferences/orientation of others. If you don't like labels, are you a pizza lover?? So, you are a "sexual" person, is that a label? I am just trying to understand what you wrote.

I am a human being. My sexual orientation is Sexual. My comfort zone encompasses both genders.

To clarify: I do not agree with labeling, when applied to something that shouldn't really be labeled. Imagine, if you would; a world where people are simply people. Labels? Some are entirely necessary. I'd have a hard time betting with my friends on the outcome of a football game if there weren't ANY. lololol
Sexuality is one of those things I believe should never have been subdivided into smaller categories, and labeled according to what sort of gender a person prefers to engage in the act of sex with.

[Lucy Lou]

i haven't had a sexual experience with a guy. i want to be fully dressed, wig, make up, lingerie, stockings, perfume, jewelry, painted nails and be a women. I have been thinking how much I would enjoy the experience for so long, but where I live it is so difficult to find anyone who would be accepting of a sexual liaison. One day i will do it because I want it so much. For now it is just in my head and that does fulfill the urge whenever it arises. It is a difficult.

[Mikaylagirl]

Slightly bi? Isn't that like being a little bit pregnant? Lol

Hahahaha...exactly :)

I like boys and girls. Wether I'm "en femme" or not. Why limit myself to one gender? Life is short...And I'm grabbing it by the...well,we all know ;>)

[Being Paige]

Well I feel that I am bi and I do have fantacy's, deams and thoughts while dressed about sexual encounters with men. I don't have these when not dressed at all.
I have had acted on these recently and enjoyed my experiences, of course always playing safe. I love the role as a woman and being treated as a lady by men.

[switcheralso]

This is a great link to answer to this question. The answer is from Kinsey at Indiana University. (Just Click this link) (http://kinseyconfidential.org/fantasize-men-sex/)

[Angie G]

I've hade a thought or two on the guy thing.But I would never act on it. I'm just to straight. I'd really rather do the girl on girl thing.:hugs:
Angie

[Julie Gaum]

As usual I must side with Jenn although my gut feeling is that there are more BIs than she would believe, but still a minority. As far as shades of gray and so-called pansexuals for those folks who feel better believing there is such a label, or depends on circumstances, if that makes you comfortable and less stressed, I judge you not. Sadly, those professionals who study the science of the mind as well as the biology of humans haven't put circumstances and shades of gray into their vocabulary as yet --- maybe someday.
Julie

[CDChloe1972]

I have had this fantasy on occasions, but it got put into reality once by my three girlfriends.
They took me to a drive-in movie and I sat in the back seat with this guy who knew who I was.
The other two had boyfriends and it was a bit cramped in the car.
I eventually sat on his lap and had my arm around him.
The others kissed and cuddled so we did a bit too.
His searching hands did get under my blouse and I responded in kind.
We giggled and joked about it as we were aware of what the others might be doing and they had set both of us up.
It was not unpleasant and we enjoyed the moment.
We thought if they want us to play girlfriend/boyfriend, why not!


that story sounds so adorable, i love it! What a blessing to have such good/accepting friends.

[Janet161]

It seems perfectly natural to want to be with a man. If you are dressed as a girl and acting like a girl it is part of the natural progression to want a boyfriend. It is natural for a woman to want to be desired by a man. You are entitled to the same feelings.

[LSL_Dee]

I am a very sensual and sexual person. I was also born guilty (catholic) but got over it. I am openly bisexual and probably going to hell but that is something i will have to deal with.

When my wife accepted Dee and told me to go explore the worl as a woman, she also said i should date and get a BF if i wanted to. I am not going to start trolling forguys, but if the opportunity presented itself I am sure I would explore my options

[seanmuscle]

My SO told me years ago that sometimes she has homoerotic fantasies, not when she's dressed, but when he's in guy mode. I don't know if he's still having them, I haven't asked.

This worries me a lot though. I'd feel a lot better if she was having those fantasies when dressed, because at least I understand those. His fantasies in guy mode might be either an indication of transsexuality (TS and TS yearnings do not ebb and flow with the crossdressing), or repressed homosexuality. Do you think you might be TS or gay?

He is a woman on the inside. Thats what I told you about Reine. A lot of this behavior you see is denial. Deep down CDs want to be loved, cared for and protected by a man.

[seanmuscle]

Lately I've been having these urges like I want a BF or something. I'm not really attracted to guys (Sometimes I do show signs of conditional bi when I'm dressed) ,but I'm dating a girl right now , which makes it even weirder =/. I'm not even dressed and I'm getting these feelings! Also I even get more sensual when I'm alone--like I'm daydreaming for my " Prince Charming " to come sweep me off my feet. One minute it's exactly what I want and then the next it completely freaks me out. I'm definitly not Gay but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm Bi either, since it only comes in short bursts. Does this happen to anyone else when they dress or even when they aren't dressed?

Well im sure you wont have trouble finding guys. you look like a beautiful princess

[kellycan27]

Give a guy a try..... It's just sex and it washes off lol

[LSL_Dee]

He is a woman on the inside. Thats what I told you about Reine. A lot of this behavior you see is denial. Deep down CDs want to be loved, cared for and protected by a man.

There is a part of me that does want that to some degree.

[LSL_Dee]

Slightly bi? Isn't that like being a little bit pregnant? Lol

EVERYONE is bisexual. Whether they are TRY sexual is a different story.

Like you said in another post, it is only sex.

My wif ean I are committed to each other and we both know who you are going home to ad who we can depend on with out question.

[Dianne]

I think that the desire to have a boyfriend is perfectly normal for the crossdresser or transvestite. Part of the fantasy of being a woman, regardless of sexual orientation. Personally, I have this desire when transvestite and think normal, fun and mischievous.

[CONSUELO]

This is an issue that really raises a lot of emotion in some people. I never thought of myself as wanting to be with another man until it just happened. I had a homosexual boyfriend who loved to see me dressed and loved me in a nightgown or in my slip. He would ask for fashion shows and he was really turned on by my being fully dressed and made up and loved to take me out to his "haunts" and show off. Making love was fantastic as I sank as completely as is possible into a feminine mind set. Strangely, when I am out in public I find myself most attracted to women as I love to see a woman who is well turned out. I find myself looking at how she dresses and how she does her hair and makeup. I pay very little attention to men and if I watch a CD movie I really don't like to see men in the scene unless they are quite feminine looking.

So, I have no idea what label to put on myself. I do find that my sexual fantasies include men and not women and they are in control and not me. Human sexuality has so many dimensions that are driven by that greatest of all sexual organs; the mind. I will let the experts try to classify. They don't seem to have had much success so far. As for some genetic explanation, it will come but don't expect it to explain everything. Our brains and a fertile imagination will always cause confusion.

Looking back on a lifetime of denial and avoidance, I would counsel confronting the issue. Act responsibly and don't hurt people if at all possible, but denial and avoidance just seems to store up trouble. Good luck!

[Jenniferathome]

EVERYONE is bisexual. Whether they are TRY sexual is a different story.

That's just nonsense. This is the kind of resonse given by someone who wants to justify their own preference in sexuality and not be called "gay" or "bi.". Moreover, it is a statement that regardless of fact or response, one can sit back and say "well, you just haven't acted on it."

I, and every other straight person on earth, haven't engaged in homosexual acts for the simple reason that we are straight. Occam's razor is a perfect fit here. And an even simpler analogy is, if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's a duck.

[PaulaQ]

That's just nonsense. This is the kind of resonse given by someone who wants to justify their own preference in sexuality and not be called "gay" or "bi.". Moreover, it is a statement that regardless of fact or response, one can sit back and say "well, you just haven't acted on it."


Actually, while not everyone is bisexual, Kinsey established pretty decisively that almost everyone has bisexual tendencies to some degree or another. It varies, from person to person, with some people (not most!) have virtually no attraction to the same sex, and some people having about 50/50 attraction to either sex. (For the people who are bisexual - that have sex with either gender from time to time, calling it equal attraction isn't quite right - from what I've been able to ascertain from talking to folks, it is more that they are attracted to the PERSON first, and sexual characteristics as a secondary thing, so they could be attracted to a male or a female who is attractive to them in some other way.)

Of course, having such tendencies doesn't make one bisexual in the sense of having sex with persons of both genders. (We'll leave out the notion of non-binary gender here for pedagogical reasons - it just complicates the matter further.)

What I'm saying is that lots of males, otherwise heterosexual identifying males, will get aroused under the right circumstances from seeing another male in a sexual situation. (Same goes for females.) That doesn't mean much in terms of how he identifies in terms of his sexuality. It's just how it is.

Society, in general, is uncomfortable with this fact, although it is meticulously documented and extremely well established.

edit: Just for the record, I'm kind of sorry to report that I appear to be really straight. Having talked to a lot of bisexual people on this forum, I think bisexual people have a lot of love in their hearts, and a lot of ability to accept people for who they are, rather than how they look. I think those are really admirable qualities, and I'm a little sad that I don't share them, I fear. I think this is very misunderstood in our society, and now that I know a little more, it makes me sad.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I'm happily married to a wonderful supportive lady who knows I'd like to experience having a boyfriend. Like any other woman it would just "have to happen" for me with the right man. Do I really need to put a label on myself? No! Labelling is for those who need to find some kind of security knowing where they fit. I said this in another post. There are also those outside of our trans world who need to compartmentalize everyone to know where they fit and even feel superior or "normal." In my mind, one size does NOT fit all. And people have to get over the idea that the rules are so rigid.

Cheryl Ann

[PaulaQ]

BTW, I think some sort of coordinate system would be more useful than labels - something to identify where we fall in various spectrums of sexuality and perhaps even gender identity. Coordinates aren't very user friendly though.

Another thought - I know a lot of people don't like labels. Actually, I'm kind of averse to them myself.

But the truth of the matter is that it's really hard to have a discussion and for anyone to know what in the hell you are talking about if you don't have some type of nomenclature to distinguish one thing from the other.

[Jenniferathome]

Actually, while not everyone is bisexual, Kinsey established pretty decisively that ...

We can all cut and paste from Wikipedia and I will bet my life no one here owns nor has read the real study. My chief complaint of the study in general is that is was done in 1948. This was a time when Freudian thinking was all the rage but has since been proven to be largely crap. The academic criticisms of Kinsey a far more relevant:

"Academic criticisms were made pertaining to sample selection and sample bias in the reports' methodology. Two main problems cited were that significant portions of the samples come from prison populations and male prostitutes, and that people who volunteer to be interviewed about taboo subject are likely to suffer from the problem of self-selection. Both undermine the usefulness of the sample in terms of determining the tendencies of the overall population. In 1948, the same year as the original publication, a committee of the American Statistical Association, including notable statisticians such as John Tukey, condemned the sampling procedure. Tukey was perhaps the most vocal critic, saying, "A random selection of three people would have been better than a group of 300 chosen by Mr. Kinsey."[13][14] Criticism principally revolved around the over-representation of some groups in the sample: 25% were, or had been, prison inmates, and 5% were male prostitutes. "

Volunteer bias is the killer in any research. This same phenomenon is seen all the time when people go looking for Bigfoot, space aliens or Noah's arc. Every single searcher FINDS the thing for which they are searching.

The kinsey scale is as follows:
Rating Description
0 Exclusively heterosexual
1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual (bisexual)
4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
6 Exclusively homosexual
X Asexual

Because Kinsey actually assigned people to the scale, it was inherently biased. Not only that but the subjectivity is incredible! What the heck does "only incidentally" or "more than incidentally" even mean? Ask a thousand people and you will get a thousand different answers. So many problems exist with this report and how it was constructed that it offers no more than a historic curiosity. A snap shot in time when sex was brought front and center contrary to how sex was discussed in that repressed time. An intestine side note is that this study was not peer reviewed and despite multiple efforts, no study has ever been able to duplicate the results.

Hey, I just found Bigfoot. Stay tuned.

[CindyM]

Oh yes! Yes yes! But that's just me. If you're not sure you're gay don't do it. You are young, things will change. No reason to rush into anything.

[PaulaQ]

Jennifer, I've read other studies where they've measured arousal from the same sex in otherwise heterosexual people. This stuff happens.

Kinsey himself was an entomologist by training, I believe. He got stuck trying to teach a class in sexuality, and couldn't find any research on it. So he did some.

Politics makes this stuff hard to fund, I think.

BTW, I don't think any of the science here is great.

It doesn't really bother me one way or the other, to be honest. People are going to do what they do, and they'll rationalize it one way or another.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Again, I have to ask, why are we analyzing this to death? Is there an unfulfilled need to fit into a specific box? I've come out to around 10 GG's from my past and present who have have told me, "BE YOURSELF!" I'm actually going shopping dressed with a GG friend I've known since high school over 40 years ago! She has even supported me to just "BE!" They've also told me to get rid of the mental baggage and to be who I am and just get over it! That's what I'm doing. And I'm FINALLY loving and being who I am.

Cheryl Ann

[ReineD]

I'm happily married to a wonderful supportive lady who knows I'd like to experience having a boyfriend. Like any other woman it would just "have to happen" for me with the right man.

We've had many threads like this one over the years, and other members have often said they would like to try "with the right man". So if you don't mind me asking, can you describe in general terms who "the right man" would be for you?

Does it have anything do with how he looks, how tall he is, or how macho/not macho he is? Or are there specific qualities (personality) that you prefer in a man? Or does it have anything to do with how he sees you and looks at you when you are dressed, in other words if he accepts you fully as a woman and treats you like one? Or anything else?

... also, would this only be when you're dressed or would you also like to have a sexual experience with a man that has nothing to do with the CDing, with you and him both in full guy mode?

Thanks for your response, I've long wondered about who a "right man" might be when CDers say this.

[Megan70]

As those old ones like us have 'senior moments'... you're having a bi-sexual one. Don't worry about, normal hormones raging, normal fantasys, if it happens, so what.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Reine, it's difficult to say. Men, just like women come in all shapes and sizes. And for me it would make a difference about a man's approach to me and how he would treat me. Yes, looks are important as I would not want to be with someone who doesn't take care of themselves with hygene or manners. I would also want someone that I could feel protected by, maybe someone strong. Because I feel I am "programmed" to be feminine and female I would want a man I could trust and treat me like a lady, again with respect. Clothing wouldn't really matter. I would want to have him enjoy being with a woman and that is where clothing might make a difference for him knowing he has a classy lady who has lots of self esteem holding onto his arm. When the lights go dim I'd just make him glad he was a man, and me a woman, and have him make love to me, and me to him. There would have to be some chemistry to ignite the relationship. We could spend time as two guys later (me in drab) at a ball game knowing we share something special. That's the best way I can say it. This is who I am.

Cheryl Ann

[ReineD]

Cheryl Anne,

So to summarize, a rather strong, attractive, macho male who loved being with you as an attractive, classy woman and who treated you as such, and who further would fully appreciate all the things that women do to men.

Thanks! This makes sense to me and I dare say that someone like him would be the right man for many other CDers too. :)

[Marie_Antoinette]

Lately I've been having these urges like I want a BF or something.
I want a MAN not a gay.
I have nothing against gays, but inside me is a woman and she wants a real man.

[seanmuscle]

Cheryl Anne,

So to summarize, a rather strong, attractive, macho male who loved being with you as an attractive, classy woman and who treated you as such, and who further would fully appreciate all the things that women do to men.

Thanks! This makes sense to me and I dare say that someone like him would be the right man for many other CDers too. :)

Is this the real Reine? I actually agree with her. lol

[ReineD]

Hi Sean, long time no see!

It always made sense to me that some CDers fantasize about having sex with men, and the prime reason for this is a wish to be desired as a woman more than having any real attraction to the man. If the guy wants to be put in that role, then everyone's happy! :)

[Ciara09]

I agree with that, I think most CDers are attracted to women and just fantasize about being with men as a part of the autoerotic fantasy of being or presenting as a woman. But there's not anything physically about men that I think CDers actually find to be sexually stimulating, it's just the idea of experiencing sex as a woman or in the role of a woman. It's still sexuality thats focused on femininity but it's autoerotic in the CD context.

But I don't think straight CDers would be happy in a relationship with a man. Especially since they would have to be crossdressed to be with them. It might provide a cheap thrill as part of a sexual fetish, but I think it would be a mistake pursue that, especially since the more universal attraction to females is more at the core of the CD identity and that never goes away.

[Darla]

There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about being with a man, and a man is a man - gay or not. It's another thing to do it, and I personally haven't but enjoy thinking about it, simulating it, but as I'm pretty happily married - NOT doing anything about it. It actually makes me understand my wife all the much better, and why she wants me to be a male, and a strong one at that.

I do fantasize about being rid of my male parts, being wholly female. And by that logic, gotta use them how they're intended in my book and that's what guys are good at. Plus there's the unmistakable power dynamic that once you let yourself go and accept that if you want to be a woman, and act like a woman and let the other half do his thing, then you're home free. It feels natural and easy. And isn't that what we want (well some of us)? I personally want the ease of being in a gender role that fits me.

But it's a long time off for me, and I have a great imagination. Thank goodness for that!

Darla

[Melissa Rose]

So to summarize, a rather strong, attractive, macho male who loved being with you as an attractive, classy woman and who treated you as such, and who further would fully appreciate all the things that women do to men.
Thanks! This makes sense to me and I dare say that someone like him would be the right man for many other CDers too.
I believe there are a fair number of GGs who feel that kind of man would be right for them also. :)


I want a MAN not a gay. I have nothing against gays, but inside me is a woman and she wants a real man.
So a gay man is not a real man? Hmmmm, I must not have gotten that memo. :) I am assuming Marie is using the term "real" to mean straight. I know some gay men who are as manly or more manly than many straight men. Manliness and sexual orientation are not exclusively and inversely related.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I've been around this planet long enough to define my feelings. I've always felt to be submissive. And I've always felt to be the submissive partner in a relationship. I am not attracted to gay men. I'm attracted to strong masculine straight types. In my heart I have always felt feminine and I've felt like a charade to be the male to produce children and (pressured to be) the "guy" in the relationship. Maybe I'm wired this way, but I know, even to this day, that I could enjoy to the extremes, lovely silky lace surrounding my soft feminine body, and a rugged man taking full advantage of his gal and treating her like a lady. That lady, I wish, could be me!

Cheryl Ann

[Tracii G]

For some months I have been seeing a young man and he is gay but VERY manly in everything he does.
You wouldn't know he was gay to look at him and he doesn't have any of the prescribed outward signs associated with being gay.
I was in 50/50 mode when we met and he prefers when we go out I dress enfemme which I have no problem with.
I could see myself in a long term relationship with him.
We have dabbled a bit sexually and its has been very nice.
I don't put much stock in anything Kinsey has done he is a fruitbat.

[Marsha Riley]

As I have gotten older, I have come to realize that I am only sexually interested in men. This was not alway true. Now when I see a good looking women, I find myself checking out her outfit!!!! I have only been with one guy, but I will admit that it was my most fullfilling sexual experience in many year. I guess I have evolved into a TS with hetro female feelings?

[adrienner99]

I suspect this is pretty common...I do it, in fantasy only...where I think it's harmless...women dream about men all the time. When I dress, I am as close to being a woman as I can...maybe some womanly feelings about men just take over...but it's temporary..when I take off my dress and heels and go back into male mode, the thought of being with a man never even occurs to me.

[Crissy Kay]

I think Ciara09, is spot on in her post. Its kind of odd for me, in that I find myself strongly attracted to other sissy cds I have seen on other sites.

[Ressie]

I've been doing cybersex in a chat room once in a while for the last couple of years. At first I was looking for other crossdressers, but it turned out that some men were attracted to me. It's been interesting and exciting. Getting compliments, being hit on, and everything else makes me feel more like an attractive woman. I guess I'm bisexual, but I've always been reluctant to act on actual sex with a man.

[MysticLady]

I'm definitly not Gay but I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm Bi either, since it only comes in short bursts. Does this happen to anyone else when they dress or even when they aren't dressed?

Hi Allison

I suspect that what youre wanting is to experience the forbidden fruit of being with a man in a sexual manner. I understand that some may want to experience this to feel a sense of total womanhood. All I can say is the bad part may the feelings afterward. You may not feel the same after the experience but then again everyone is different. In my case when I was young before I was married I would be excited and wanted to make love to every girlfriend(GG's) that I would go out with and once we had sex I would like want them to disappear and not call me again. I wouldn't feel like most men I guess(another notch on my pistol) but I would feel somewhat disgusted that I went that far and I just lost another friend since I wouldn't really want to see them again. I suspect it would worst if another man was the victim(so to speak). Just my opinion of coarse.

[Sabrina133]

my therapist once told me that its many a CD's desire to be validated as a woman. How better to do that than with a guy wanting you or you wanting a guy and having it be reciprocated. Nothing wrong with that.

A note of warning. I am bi. i had a long term relationship with a guy once who hated the fact that i loved to dress and preferred to be en femme. He once told me that if he wanted to date a woman, he would date a GG. Needless to say, that seriously hurt. If you do move forward with your desire to be with a man, make sure you do it with eyes wide open. Today i am with a woman who loves me as a woman so i have no desire to be with a man again. Just saying

[Nicky63]

Yes, as aalynn88 says I think that about sums it up for me too, I have fantasies mainly involving ********!. But I know for a fact in the hard cold light of day I could not have any feelings for another man. Only interest would be in the nether regions.
Nicky
xx

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I started thinking again about this. While I'm married to an awesome lady, she is very open-minded. I'll admit, we haven't had sex in over a year. She has been going through menopause and so have I. It seems like our relationship is changing but changing for the better. I feel more womanly than I ever have. Our interests have shifted to enjoying having a nice house, and now that I'm retired I have taken on the role of being the housewife while she is still employed. She loves coming home to a clean house and all the dishes are done! I just need to learn to cook. LOL! She loves seeing me im my house dress when she gets home!

Would she mind if I had a boyfriend? Maybe not. She knows I have experimented, and she knows that she wants me to be happy. She also knows that she comes first in our relationship. I also know that I will do whatever it takes to assure her happiness.

Cheryl Ann

[Marie_Antoinette]

i had a long term relationship with a guy once who hated the fact that i loved to dress and preferred to be en femme. He once told me that if he wanted to date a woman, he would date a GG.

I had similar experience. I tried so hard to be a women, and he could not be bothered. I recon the best is to go for a straight man who wants a women in the first place.

Gays ans straights have different vibes.

[bicurman35]

I'm so glad I found this site!

[Girl]

I find nothing at all about men attractive except their weiners.

Yes, as aalynn88 says I think that about sums it up for me too, I have fantasies mainly involving ********!. Only interest would be in the nether regions.
This is certainly the number one attraction for me too although I do love being flirted with and made to feel like a princess! :)

[lawnmanmo]

Dear Carolyn
Thats ok...I agree fully that it is just a paradox in reality but there is still NOTHING like being together, out in public playing the role of man and women then going back home to get near each other and dream the dream.....

[CherylFlint]

Well, when I’m drab I like girls and don’t think about guys until I’m dressed.
When I’m dressed I don’t notice girls because I’m looking for guys to notice me.
I don’t think of myself as “Gay” or “Bi”, I just think of myself as a guy when in drab and a girl when dressed.
Makes perfect sense.