What the heck is "NORMAL?"

[Anne2345]

Throughout my life, even if I haven’t always shown it, I have been awkward about a great deal many things. I have also gone way out of my way, and suffered many great pains doing so, to hide much of myself from both the outside world and myself.

Looking at those around me throughout the years, and observing my own cursed image in the mirror day after day, year after year, and decade after decade, I have never really felt like I belonged anywhere, or fit in with any particular group.

Within my own mind, within my feelings and emotions, within my self, I have always known me to be different than most.

The thing is, though, I have never wanted to be different. Instead, I have always wanted to be normal.

Normal is, after all, as normal does. And normal is accepted. Normal is expected. Normal is comfortable. Normal is easy. Normal is simple. Or at least, I surmise, being normal must be easier and simpler than being abnormal.

But what really constitutes normalcy? Where do feelings of normalcy come from? How does one achieve it? Who determines what is normal? Is it something that just happens? Is it derived from participating in a certain process? Does one’s sense of normalcy evolve from other concepts, beliefs, desires, experiences, or accomplishments? Is normalcy bestowed upon one by community? Is normalcy purchased through hard work, diligence, and coin? And just what the heck does “normal” really truly mean, anyways??!!

Regardless of the issue, the fact of the matter is that much of what we do throughout any given day is normal.

Certain habits and daily rituals such as brushing one’s teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, eating breakfast, reading the paper, and going to work thereafter are per se normal. These things are what most people do. There is no surprise in participating in these activities. As such, these daily rituals, these societally sanctioned and otherwise expected activities, are as normal as normal can be.

Of course, and contributing to the difficulty of understanding the definition and application of the concept of normalcy, is that different folk consider different things normal.

Still, despite this basic pitfall, I think it is safe to assume and conclude that most of society does not consider a transsexual to be normal. Hell, for almost my entire life to date, I have not considered transsexuals to be normal, either. Rather, and unfortunately so, I have believed transsexuals to be most abnormal, including myself, much to my own chagrin and detriment.

What’s funny, though, now that I have begun HRT and am truly beginning to own myself and the path I journey, is that I no longer consider myself to be abnormal. Instead, for the first real time in my life, I am beginning to feel like I am normal. At least, I feel that I am normal to me, and that is a very much welcome feeling.

Although it’s true that most with my body (or your body) would not take the E and block the T, I am finding that I care less and less about what they think, and more and more about what I need.

I want to be normal. I need to be normal. But I want to be normal my way, by my terms. I don’t think it, whatever it may be, can work otherwise. One way or another, I suppose, for better or worse, I shall find out. And so shall you, too, if you haven't already figured it out.

In the meantime, what do you consider normal? Do you believe yourself to be normal? If so, who are you normal to? How do you know? Or does it even matter?

[SarahMarie42]

You're normal, I'm normal, all those at differing places on the spectrum on the forum are normal -- at least in the way that you seem to intend. Diversity doesn't imply that one has any issues, or that one should be singled out. We're all the result of the same natural processes, some of us merely develop differently from others. Only the roles assigned to you by a particular group who would disagree with what you do, who arbitrarily declare themselves to be correct merely because they're in agreement with each other, would cause a "conflict" which would cause some to imply that you were/are abnormal. Your definitions, and the definitions of those you care about are the only definitions that matter. A simple statement, but one which I hope can serve as a reminder. :]

[Barbara Ella]

As you are experiencing now, I believe about myself also. I am not normal because I am of two. My mind has accepted that I am a woman. My body looks male. My chemistry has confirmed male for far too long, and I accepted it for all those years with no question. This is not normal.

I am beginning to normalize my beings now, much as you are doing. My mind is accepting and cherishes the woman within. My chemistry is beginning to confirm female now, and it is impacting my body much like yours. This is getting closer to normal.

This is all the normal i really give a rat's patootie about.

Barbara

[Starr]

Easy answer for me... Normal is something i never want to be seen as...

[Jorja]

Instead, for the first real time in my life, I am beginning to feel like I am normal. At least, I feel that I am normal to me, and that is a very much welcome feeling.

Out of everything you wrote Anne, this is what matters the most.

I am normal, it is the rest of the world that is abnormal.

[Marleena]

Normal is a setting on my washing machine for the agitation setting. Normal is my temperature on the thermometer when I'm not feeling sick.

[LeaP]

What difference does it make what I think is normal? No-one else thinks this is normal. Maybe that's a statement about caring about normalcy. But I don't think so. It's more about the realities of people inflict on us ... and what we inflict on ourselves. What's normal? Cisgendered is normal. Trans is what I am, it's a statistically predictable variation, but normal? Maybe not. Who am I normal to? No-one that is. Does it matter? Got me. F*** it anyway.

[Rianna Humble]

I would say that having a body that is in accord with your gender identity is normal. So Anne is becoming more normal.

[KellyJameson]

I think you have started an important thread Anne. The word "normal" is an extremely powerful word when you have felt abnormal your whole life. I have felt abnormal my whole life and for me here is why....

You used an important word and that is "different"

When you understand how truly deep the implications go in the meaning of the word "different" you will understand why being "normal" is so important.

What human experience can you think of that is more "different" than having the brain of a female in a male body or visa versa a FTM ?

Practically everyday I discover a new implication of what this means.

I will give you an example about something I could never understand about myself. One of those weird irrational things that nothing could explain.

I'm intensely critical of the female body when it comes to "how it should look", particularly the breasts and vagina. I have this obsession about the perfect shape of breasts and vagina and could never understand why. I would look at porn not because it was erotic but always with an eye toward finding that perfect look.

My subconscious was shopping for a solution and I did not understand this.

My subconscious brain has been trying to build that "perfect body" since I was a boy but I did not understand the implications until I realized I had a female brain. My brain was trying to make my external reality a reflection of its internal reality and this was a constant process that never stopped.

My whole life I could not "get" men but women made perfect sense to me and socially I wanted to be with women but sexually I did not because my female brain was messing up my sexuality. I could not relate to men that were gay but found straight men very appealing.

For me I'm a straight woman interested in straight men. If that does not make you crazy or feel abnormal I do not know what will.

Others seem not to have problems in areas of sex but for me it destroyed my sexuality because I could not "connect" with anyone psychologically because my body would get in the way.

The whole experience twists you up into confused knots, layers and layers of confused knots. I could write a book and it still would not describe the experience. It touches every single aspect of your life.

For me gender is a physical experience.

Different meant that I was not only "locked out of my body" but "locked out of being a part of humanity".

GID as the expression of and caused by the female brain I possess housed in the body I "was" completely isolates you from everything which you experience as being "different" so abnormal from the "normal"

It comes from the constant non stop behavior of making comparisons to "figure out what is wrong" that happens in the subconscious that the conscious tries to understand.

This creates a split in your mind where you become a "passenger" as your conscious thinking mind riding along in your life that your "female brain" keeps trying to build to match the reality of her brain.

The subconscious is the female brain trying to assert her existence "consciously" but society has taught her she is not a her but a he so until she unlearns what she has been taught she will not emerge completely from the subconscious into the conscious resulting in a integrated mind without a split.

Once there is no split everything your mind thinks, feels and wants makes perfect sense from the perspective of being female brained and trying to create external reality to reflect her internal reality.

This is actually a very accurate perception of our minds because we are "different" as not being "common" but an extreme minority.

It is perfectly normal to experience being "different" as "abnormal" so wanting to be "normal"

The hormones are only the beginning. Once the body is changed than you are not isolated anymore because you are now in alignment with everyone else.

Aligning the body with the brain aligns you with everyone else so you than become part of the social fabric on a much much deeper level.

There no longer is a "reality conflict" because the experience of physical reality matches internal reality on every level of experiencing

[Marleena]

Anne the others are correct it's awesome to see you found your normal and that's all that matters.:) We all want to see you happy. What is normal can be debated forever.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

unless you can say being a human is being is somehow not normal, then you are normal...

if you think about it, variance is the normal human condition... imagine (As impossible as it is) a person who is exactly the same as everyone else...how bizarre and not normal!!!

of course, fear, self esteem etc etc are all part of being normal too, so its normal to judge and feel judged by others..

its normal that there are strong and weak, smart and stupid, tall and short, attractive and ugly, self loving and self loathing....

[melissaK]

I sat in a stat class for life science majors once upon a time in a land faraway, and realized these people were trying hard to corner the market on "normal." They actually used the word!!

I saw them take bell curve distribution data on a half dozen traits of a particular animal population that had been taken from a field tag and release program, and then they superimposed all traits on one chart and then charted a seventh line that was the mean between all the traits. This was then the typical or normal creature for this specie even though no one animal ever followed this curve. (Throw age in there with an attempt to predict and it starts to reek of Calculus mean value theory stuff - ewww!)

So how many traits you want to measure for humans? Normal is out there waiting to be found . . . But I figure there's simply not enough human capture and release field measurement programs going on to ever accumulate enough data on us to make the penultimate normal distribution curve chart for us. There's even pesky "kidnapping" laws that prohibit random field capture which automatically means any study will be skewed as the population sample will be biased with "cooperative" people or ones with dangerously high levels of "trust." :heehee:

So I stopped thinking in terms of normal (ok, I have my daily lapses) but I stole an idea from an Issac Assimov book series wherein Issac's character is called upon to make a civilization affecting decision by a superior robot culture, because the robots figured out the human could objectively and subjectively absorb data, and could intuitively weigh and process this accumulated disparate data, and could then make a better decision about what was best for the human, and he could do it better than any program the robots could create. It was Assimov's homage to the human mind and tenacious survival instinct inherent in life.

So in my own ratification of Assimov's thinking, I try to think in terms of - do I feel good or bad, a very subjective assessment unique to just me based upon all my unique experiences and unique traits, and then I give greater deference to my intuition about what is best for me, and I just do it. (Yes, Nike stole my idea, the rat *******s!!)

I found in the midst of my acute phases of gender disphoria my ability to do this was highly highly impaired. I've described it like static on an am radio - subtle signals are not getting measured by my brain. At its worst all I could hear was the static of disphoria.

So being on HRT AND declaring I am out and going to transition - silenced the static. WOW. I am measuring the subtle signals of life again.

AND Anne, like you I would very very much agree
I am finding that I care less and less about what they think, and more and more about what I need..

Some of that is because I spent a life time hiding - surviving by closely watching the signals about what others think of me and then adjusting my behavior to fit in best (or re-framed, to be outted the least.) Since I AM "out" I can stop focusing on those signals. I can focus more on just what I think is best for me for a different purpose than merely trying to fit in (or not be outted).

And I am a bit concerned that all my efforts to fit in as a woman "feel" a lot like trying to fit in as a guy. That didn't work out so well.

Nice OP sweetie. I had fun with it.

[Sandra1746]

Also potentially very insightful. Statistically I have to agree with the others that "normal" represents the mean or peak of the distribution of traits one is examining. Unfortunately this is an impossible artifact, who among us has 2.5 children?

In a societal construct, normal is used to define "deviant or different" behavior. Of course this is specific to the culture you are studying. Not too long ago in this country homosexuality was illegal because it wasn't "normal"; it was also considered to deviate from the laws of nature. Strict sanctions usually followed.

I will offer the observations that "normal" is used by society at large to force conformity with whatever society generally agrees upon at a given time. Note that this changes for different societies and different times. This really means that there is no such thing as a "fixed normal", it is an ever-changing illusion. This doesn't mean that society won't use coercion, often brutally, to enforce what it defines as "normal behavior".

For myself I have chosen a more personal definition. If what I am doing hurts nobody else and does not adversely affect their life and it makes me happy, then that behavior is "normal". Somewhat like the "golden rule" but not one that allows others to define my thoughts and life.

Accordingly my CD activities and TG personality fall well within the definition of "normal". Of course other people will have a different "normal" and if they don't try to coerce me to adopt their version then they are "normal" as well.

Normal in the sciences can have constancy but society is a very fluid construct.

Just my $0.02
Sandra1746

[Verysassy]

I want to be normal. I need to be normal. But I want to be normal my way, by my terms. I don’t think it, whatever it may be, can work otherwise. One way or another, I suppose, for better or worse, I shall find out. And so shall you, too, if you haven't already figured it out.

In the meantime, what do you consider normal? Do you believe yourself to be normal? If so, who are you normal to? How do you know? Or does it even matter?

Who The Heck Wants to be NORMAL :D IMHO TG People Are AB Normal, Meaning ABove Normal, Tg Folks tend to Have Above Average IQs, They Tend to Be Very Creative and ABove Average motor Skills, So Who Wants to be Just Normal :heehee: Tg People Are Gifted, Enjoy the Gifts, Chellie

[Nicole Erin]

You really need to ask this? Normal, according to most is -
Straight white middle-class married man or woman. It mean working a job you are not ashamed of. It means never having to explain your sexuality or your appearance. It is living in the suburbs, driving an SUV or minivan, taking the kids to little league, and keeping up with the Jones'es.

So basically living the "American dream". "Normal" people hide their flaws very well. Wives gleefully brag that John got a promotion and raise. Of course we don't hear much about John banging his 21 year old secretary. Or the fact that the wife is spending the family into financial oblivion (like my step-sister did).
"Normal" people are becoming less and less. Besides, people who put on a "perfect" face are way more f***ed up than they lead others to believe.

What is the point? The point is - I too would love to bang John's 21 year old secretary.

[stefan37]

After I met with my endocrinologist about 6 moths ago, after he prescribed estrogen and upped my spiro, he mentioned it would take 3 months or so to feel normal. I mentioned this to my therapist and related what my doctor said and I remarked as if I know what normal is. My therapist responded that I would know when I experienced it. after About 4 months or so I felt much different and I realized what they were referring to. I now feel more normal than I did 6 months ago. So to me normal is a state of mind that is in congruence with my conscious and subconscious. I find my mind changing ever so subtlety and I am enjoying the changes that are occurring.
I am sure Anne that as you progress you will also enjoy the many mental changes that result from a hrt regime. And feel normal.

[Xrys]

interesting qote i found.

Practical Magic: Aunt Frances: My darling girl, when are you going to understand that "normal" is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage.

some food for thought. as for me, id rather be brave than normal.

[kimdl93]

We all exist somewhere on a number of bell shaped curves. I don't accept that normal is anything other than average, common or routine. And I like to believe that each human being possesses some unique attributes that differentiate individuals from one another. So I happen to exist somewhat outside the first standard deviation in terms of my gender identity. I also am Norwegian-american, divorced and remarried, have two sons and two step daughters, two dogs and stand 6'2". None of that is average or normal...but none of that is implicitly wrong either.

[I Am Paula]

Normal is people who DON'T rape, kill, hate, prejudge, or steal.
You can run down my street naked with a feather duster up your butt, for all I care, just let's be nice to each other.