AmandaJ
02-01-2013, 11:17 PM
I haven't really connected with anybody on this board since I've joined it. Admittedly, I've been sort of vain about my activity on here. I guess for me though, as I'm sure it probably is with many others, that this forum is an outlet. A way to be honest without fear of persecution. So... I come here and post stories of what's going on with me personally and hope that there are folks out there with similar stories.
Last spring, I had lost almost everything that I cared about because I was selfish and lazy. I dealt with, almost constantly, deep depression and thought a lot about killing myself. This was the worst that I had ever been and to put that into perspective... I have felt depression since I was very young.
I began taking martial arts in the Fall as a replacement for my therapy sessions that had ended. I spent a few months living on a couch with friends until I finished school. Finally moved back home with parents with my head hanging really low. No money, no job, no love. I thought I had lost the love of my life and almost lost my dog. I got my dog back. We're still friends.
Though I never gave up on her, I was out there fishing. Online dating, though not my only way of meeting somebody new, became my home turf. A few more months gone by and now feeling lower than ever. Online dating was defeat after defeat. And I really never went anywhere, rejecting invites, and pushing people away. I slipped into a depression for a little while, but something snapped me out of it and when I was feeling totally defeated... I tried one more time...
I asked her out very shortly after we met each other online. It wasn't the usual first date, for me anyway. We met for she'll say lunch, I'll say breakfast at a local diner. I waited in my car to meet her in the lot so we could walk in together. She was late, but I was almost certain she wasn't going to stand me up. Sure enough, she pulls in. The license plate reads: TEXAS. A little confusing since we're in NY, but ok. She steps out. She's beautiful and smells great. We eat. Food sucked. But the waitress was awesome. We stay and drink coffee and talk all afternoon.
It started the moment she sat down across from me. The coincidences(?) I don't know what I would have called them. Fate? No I don't believe in that.
The rest of the date turns into a pretty standard fair date material. We decide to go see a movie. I don't think either one of really wanted to see a movie, except to spend more time with each other. After all, I had already seen the movie we agreed upon and kept that one little white lie to myself. The night ends when we part ways with a kiss outside the theater.
I admit to her that night, after thanking her for a wonderful time, that I'm a broke ass fool with no job and no money. Despite that, we agree to a second date the next day.
It was unseasonably good weather that day, so we decided to go for a nature walk. I waited all day to see her, but she was running late again. Too late to do the hike...watching the sunset together at the riverside nixed. Doh! She arrives finally and it's a little awkward as I'm failing miserably to come up with a plan B. I suggest a great little Chinese place for dinner. We get there and it's closed! The little pub next door is open and the food is fantastic, but I never wanted to spend the date in a bar. We go in anyway. She's surprises when she orders a beer. I do to. Waitress messed up my order and got me the same kind of beer as S. It's awesome. Seriously, I'm not being biased or trying to win brownie points. Speaking of brownies, I shortly discover that she's a culinary professional... and the food at this place is dynamite. She loves it. Her specialties are desserts...so obviously we order. We share it. She is impressed. Beer pairs perfectly with everything. We don't stay too long.
So there we were...sitting in my car. Warming up. Figuring out where the night was going to take us....we start talking again. While we are talking, I'm falling for this girl. There are just so many things that keep making me feel like "this is right". I blurt out "I have to tell you something." We had joked about relationship deal breakers on our first date, and I sort of jokingly said "Besides the unspoken deal breakers, I have only one.", and promised to talk about it with her at another time.
Well, this was that other time. She assures me that I can tell her anything. So I tell her without too much hesitation. "I am a cross-dresser" I said very nonchalantly....
For the sake of time, and to move things along...I'll now be giving the express version of the story which I realize may or may not be shorter at all.
...She says "That's ok. That's great!"
I knew I loved her, right there and then.
She is very accepting of my feminine side. Shockingly...Surprisingly...she's more enthusiastic about it than I am! I feel like a million ****ing bucks! How could I be this lucky? Right?
It actually gets so much better.
I tell her the next day that I love her. This is very fast even for me, but everything has felt so right, so perfect that I had to trust my gut. She says she loves me back! We spend a lot of time together the next few days. We've been together now for 3 weeks and every moment with her has be wonderful. It got a little bumpy for a second, but I have never had this much confidence about someone before and I've falling more in love with her every day.
The first time we were intimate with each other, everything was sort normal, but then my secret came up. The next thing I know...she's got me laced up in a bustier, garter belt and matching panties. We make love some more. Then she pulls out like 30 dresses. She picks out her favorite. A cute little white and pink floral Sunday dress. Zips it up....fits...perfectly. I'm going a little nuts at this moment. She pulls out a pair of t-strap, pink wedges. Now, I wear a size 14 women's and have only ever wore 1 pair of heels before. Her size is smaller, but I try them anyway. They fit!
The night goes on as she enthusiastically and methodically has me try on every single dress and every pair of heels she owns. Did I die? Something something Heaven? We're up all night. Sleep all day. We're laying in bed and she says "I have to go somewhere, please come with me." We hop in the car. Our destination: The Mall.
We visit the Mac store and she buys some eye shadow and lip-stick. I'm just hanging with a big smile on my face and she's smiling right back. We go to a clothing store and she buys a whole bunch of panties, bras and lingerie. Sexy stuff and we're just smiling and in love with each other. Next stop, shoe store. She buys some nylons and a real glam pair of heels. Then we get to Sephora....
She buys brushes, false lashes, false nails....and it dawns on me. She's buying this all for me. I think she noticed that it dawned on me because we were just looking at each other differently. We go to the final destination and my suspicions are confirmed as she buys a bunch of jewelry including clip-on earrings, pearls and a matching tiara.
That night, she put the new makeup on me. I dressed in all the new stuff. She got all dressed up with me and then......
There's a knock at the front door....it's her husband!
Just kidding.
It was an amazing night.
I still don't believe everything that's happened. As much as this story seems too good to be true, the fact is that it's actually even 1000 times better. There's a lot more that didn't talk about that makes me feel like maybe Fate does exist. I've contemplated the thought more in the past 3 weeks than in my entire life before that. I feel like everything that has happened, happened to lead me to this person.
There are too many coincidences and too much of it has been perfect to feel like this just happened to me by chance.
Last spring, I had lost almost everything that I cared about because I was selfish and lazy. I dealt with, almost constantly, deep depression and thought a lot about killing myself. This was the worst that I had ever been and to put that into perspective... I have felt depression since I was very young.
I began taking martial arts in the Fall as a replacement for my therapy sessions that had ended. I spent a few months living on a couch with friends until I finished school. Finally moved back home with parents with my head hanging really low. No money, no job, no love. I thought I had lost the love of my life and almost lost my dog. I got my dog back. We're still friends.
Though I never gave up on her, I was out there fishing. Online dating, though not my only way of meeting somebody new, became my home turf. A few more months gone by and now feeling lower than ever. Online dating was defeat after defeat. And I really never went anywhere, rejecting invites, and pushing people away. I slipped into a depression for a little while, but something snapped me out of it and when I was feeling totally defeated... I tried one more time...
I asked her out very shortly after we met each other online. It wasn't the usual first date, for me anyway. We met for she'll say lunch, I'll say breakfast at a local diner. I waited in my car to meet her in the lot so we could walk in together. She was late, but I was almost certain she wasn't going to stand me up. Sure enough, she pulls in. The license plate reads: TEXAS. A little confusing since we're in NY, but ok. She steps out. She's beautiful and smells great. We eat. Food sucked. But the waitress was awesome. We stay and drink coffee and talk all afternoon.
It started the moment she sat down across from me. The coincidences(?) I don't know what I would have called them. Fate? No I don't believe in that.
The rest of the date turns into a pretty standard fair date material. We decide to go see a movie. I don't think either one of really wanted to see a movie, except to spend more time with each other. After all, I had already seen the movie we agreed upon and kept that one little white lie to myself. The night ends when we part ways with a kiss outside the theater.
I admit to her that night, after thanking her for a wonderful time, that I'm a broke ass fool with no job and no money. Despite that, we agree to a second date the next day.
It was unseasonably good weather that day, so we decided to go for a nature walk. I waited all day to see her, but she was running late again. Too late to do the hike...watching the sunset together at the riverside nixed. Doh! She arrives finally and it's a little awkward as I'm failing miserably to come up with a plan B. I suggest a great little Chinese place for dinner. We get there and it's closed! The little pub next door is open and the food is fantastic, but I never wanted to spend the date in a bar. We go in anyway. She's surprises when she orders a beer. I do to. Waitress messed up my order and got me the same kind of beer as S. It's awesome. Seriously, I'm not being biased or trying to win brownie points. Speaking of brownies, I shortly discover that she's a culinary professional... and the food at this place is dynamite. She loves it. Her specialties are desserts...so obviously we order. We share it. She is impressed. Beer pairs perfectly with everything. We don't stay too long.
So there we were...sitting in my car. Warming up. Figuring out where the night was going to take us....we start talking again. While we are talking, I'm falling for this girl. There are just so many things that keep making me feel like "this is right". I blurt out "I have to tell you something." We had joked about relationship deal breakers on our first date, and I sort of jokingly said "Besides the unspoken deal breakers, I have only one.", and promised to talk about it with her at another time.
Well, this was that other time. She assures me that I can tell her anything. So I tell her without too much hesitation. "I am a cross-dresser" I said very nonchalantly....
For the sake of time, and to move things along...I'll now be giving the express version of the story which I realize may or may not be shorter at all.
...She says "That's ok. That's great!"
I knew I loved her, right there and then.
She is very accepting of my feminine side. Shockingly...Surprisingly...she's more enthusiastic about it than I am! I feel like a million ****ing bucks! How could I be this lucky? Right?
It actually gets so much better.
I tell her the next day that I love her. This is very fast even for me, but everything has felt so right, so perfect that I had to trust my gut. She says she loves me back! We spend a lot of time together the next few days. We've been together now for 3 weeks and every moment with her has be wonderful. It got a little bumpy for a second, but I have never had this much confidence about someone before and I've falling more in love with her every day.
The first time we were intimate with each other, everything was sort normal, but then my secret came up. The next thing I know...she's got me laced up in a bustier, garter belt and matching panties. We make love some more. Then she pulls out like 30 dresses. She picks out her favorite. A cute little white and pink floral Sunday dress. Zips it up....fits...perfectly. I'm going a little nuts at this moment. She pulls out a pair of t-strap, pink wedges. Now, I wear a size 14 women's and have only ever wore 1 pair of heels before. Her size is smaller, but I try them anyway. They fit!
The night goes on as she enthusiastically and methodically has me try on every single dress and every pair of heels she owns. Did I die? Something something Heaven? We're up all night. Sleep all day. We're laying in bed and she says "I have to go somewhere, please come with me." We hop in the car. Our destination: The Mall.
We visit the Mac store and she buys some eye shadow and lip-stick. I'm just hanging with a big smile on my face and she's smiling right back. We go to a clothing store and she buys a whole bunch of panties, bras and lingerie. Sexy stuff and we're just smiling and in love with each other. Next stop, shoe store. She buys some nylons and a real glam pair of heels. Then we get to Sephora....
She buys brushes, false lashes, false nails....and it dawns on me. She's buying this all for me. I think she noticed that it dawned on me because we were just looking at each other differently. We go to the final destination and my suspicions are confirmed as she buys a bunch of jewelry including clip-on earrings, pearls and a matching tiara.
That night, she put the new makeup on me. I dressed in all the new stuff. She got all dressed up with me and then......
There's a knock at the front door....it's her husband!
Just kidding.
It was an amazing night.
I still don't believe everything that's happened. As much as this story seems too good to be true, the fact is that it's actually even 1000 times better. There's a lot more that didn't talk about that makes me feel like maybe Fate does exist. I've contemplated the thought more in the past 3 weeks than in my entire life before that. I feel like everything that has happened, happened to lead me to this person.
There are too many coincidences and too much of it has been perfect to feel like this just happened to me by chance.