What about our past?

[Leanne2]

I was just thinking about Traci being the ultimate "New" woman. Now she will meet people that never knew about her past. What did our new ladies do about their past? What do you say when someone asks you questions about your girlhood? What about your high school yearbook? Or the Prom. I took a girl to the prom because my mom made me do it. I played football when I wanted to be a cheerleader or I drove a float in a parade when I wanted to be the queen on the float. How do you handle your transgender past? Leanne

[Kaitlyn Michele]

day by day leanne

it mostly depends on circumstance..

its just something you deal with...i call my ex my "ex"...others just assume it was a husband... i talk about school and college in a genderless way..my friends were just friends....and of course i wanted to be a cheerleader instead of a boys soccer goalie...just leave out the boys...i'm 6'2 they always ask if i played basketball...well yes i did it turns out...

see what i'm saying....

if you are worried about this, put it last on your last list!!!

[Traci Elizabeth]

Leanne, it's been over forty years since you have been in high school. Who is going to ask you about your teenage years? I have NEVER been asked about my teenage years since I was in my early 20's back when we rode horses and buggies to go shopping before there were iceboxes, electricity, or indoor plumbing.

I have a lot of girlfriends some of whom I am very close to and not one of them talk about our past history other than in very general terms. We do well enough just trying to stay in the present and planning a week in advance as we all are busy living our daily lives. Once in awhile when I meet someone new, they MAY ask the old standard question, "What do you do for a living?" my response, "I'm retired." Some but not many have asked, "Oh what kind of work did you do?" When I say, "I was an officer in the USAF, I am still a pilot, I spent a lot of my carrier in the intelligence community (IC), and have been CFO, CEO, and President of large corporations." That usually stops any more questions especially from the men who think they have male privilege. And when I respond to the men about what they do and I get, shoe store manager, used car salesmen, copier repairman, etc., that usually ends the probing!!!!!!!

I carry myself extremely well, I am intelligent, charismatic, highly educated, traveled all over the world, and have done things few people have every experienced, so I am not intimated by probing questions be they personal or otherwise. Yet, I am also a private person and as such, I have no problem telling others, "I'm sorry but I don't talk about my personal life."

I think too many here worry too much about "what if's" that in fact rarely occur. Now granted some people feel compelled to answer any question they are asked and are themselves an open book. If that defines you, then by all means spill your guts out about your past.

Bottom line for me is that I am a "woman" so any conversations I have will evolve abound my womanhood - nothing else.

I think Kaitlyn handles those situations well and as such is comfortable talking to others from her female point-of- view when discussing her past as illustrated in her post.

[Marleena]

It's not all sunshine and lollipops for most of us Leanne. I'm not buying into the everything with me is wonderful and it just won't come up. I guess I'll deal with it when the time comes.:)

[Jorja]

Our past is a necessary evil. There are parts of it we need to keep and parts to throw out. The problem is that we do not always know what can stay and what can go. For the most part, talk about your past very little. If needed, offer generalized information. If a question demands a direct answer give one. However, you may need to change that answer to fit your new self. Most important, do not lie about your past. You will get caught in a lie sooner or later if you do.

[Scotty]

If a (wo)man dwells on the past, then he robs the present. But if a man ignores the past, he may rob the future. The seeds of our destiny are nurtured by the roots of our past. - Master Po.

[StephanieC]

I'm a member of a local choir and there is another, more "seasoned" Stephani(e) in the group. At one of our practices during the fall, we happened to be chatting. She asked me if I had always liked my name and went on to explain how she felt about her name during the various parts of her life: it wasn't until adulthood that she liked the name. Not wishing to go through technicalities, I answered in a way I think I would have if I was born differently. I also explained how I received my name in the first place and how that affected me.

Other times when people question something of my childhood, I generalize...you don't have to specify whether it was blue or pink. And I've never really done anything that was solidly the domain of one gender over another.

-stephani

[kellycan27]

After transitioning I left the state of Nevada for California effectively severing any and all ties to anything having to do with being trans and the ( so called) trans community. Some 3.5 years later I am Mrs Richard *******, mommy to 5 year old Maria and 2 year old Brian. I am active in our church and in the community and aside from my husband, my BFF, and my parish priest... Nobody knows my past.

[Kathryn Martin]

What do you say when someone asks you questions about your girlhood? What about your high school yearbook? Or the Prom. I took a girl to the prom because my mom made me do it. I played football when I wanted to be a cheerleader or I drove a float in a parade when I wanted to be the queen on the float. How do you handle your transgender past? Leanne

It's easy, We did not have a high school year book, or Prom, if you had seen me in 1972 when I was 18 years old you would have seen a tall girl, long straight dark brown hair to below the shoulders in a tie dye shirt and skintight ankle jeans and calf high laced suede boots. I never played sports ( I hated sports) and my old pictures would have shown you what I just described. I liked boys, I kissed boys, (sometimes I kissed girls too). Not so hard to remember. You know we talked about clothes, music, boys (and girls, as in did you see what she's wearing today) about books we liked, knitted in class to annoy the teachers. I learned to cook, make clothes and all the other cool things you could learn in school.

What I remember is that, just like most girls growing up.

Then there are the times I cried, when it all hurt, when the reality of my disfigurement made me profoundly sad. I don`t like to remember them very much but I do but this time, now that I am healed from my disfigurement I learn to come to terms with them.

I live in a community that watched me transition, a profession that watched me transition. But with my male colleagues I never shared a common past, and they knew it. When they wanted to buy tickets for the firm for hockey tournaments or sports events, I would get concert tickets and restaurant gift cards to make up for it. As I was told several times over the years: you are not a man! It`s ok, the women in my life share similar experiences to mine and the guys are always right, right ?

I don`t handle my past, it`s my past, my biography. And now that I am in the present I look back and fondly remember that which is worth remembering.

[Xrys]

What i do is different depending on how i feel about who im talking to. if im just having a casual conversation with just some random person, i usualy just give general info and keep it kinda vague. if i am talking to a friend, i will be honest, but only give specifics when asked. if it is someone being nosey and obnoxious, then its playtime. i will makeup ridiculous and outlandish stories. as long as they keep pestering me, the more i embelish the obsurdity, until they finnaly get fed up and leave. that is how i handle any conversation about any topic when talking about myself. remember, not every conversation should always be taken seriously. if someone is beinf obnoxious, have fun.

[ReineD]

What do you say when someone asks you questions about your girlhood? What about your high school yearbook? Or the Prom.

Adults don't ask those questions. I don't think that anyone has ever asked about my prom other than the CDers here. If a new friend asks about my childhood (not my girlhood), I just give them a list of places that I lived in. I can tell them where I went to school or what degree I got without getting into gender. I have many girlfriends and we really don't talk about the first date, or the first kiss or the first bra, first period, etc. Strangers would care even less. I did have someone ask me once if I had a large or a small wedding. Anyone can answer such a question truthfully without having to add, ".. but I was a guy at the time". No one has ever asked what my wedding dress looked like. People just don't care about old details.

[noeleena]

Hi,

My past is what makes me who i am now with out that iv wasted over 65 years,
ill never deny my past & why should i,

school reuion last year & a meetup the year before, 120 of us 7 of us from our class in 1956 . who did they see what did i wear. they saw & met noeleena a female / woman ,dressed as what becomes a normal woman,

who did they play with at school noel who was percived as a boy, my difference being intersexed, they all accepted who i am as a person & a woman. all this time after, ( school ) .

I worked in the building trade, & enjoyed my time . & still do , not as a male as a woman. did i get asked ?'s about myself what changed how can this be , oh yes & i invited people to ask. my history is there for all to see & read. because how will we open people eyes to our differences , iv done it & still doing it,& through the media,

& talking with people & in large groups,

Adults & children ..... not asking , wow, not in my world how strange then maybe i invite people to ask. & enjoy telling my story of my life,

The media was the best thing my T V interviews were done & broadcast at the time most people would see it nation wide, & where ever i went people would reconise me & say hi. part of being well known. & being in the public domain has helped in many way's & opened many doors .

...noeleena...

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Try to make the best of it and tell the truth.