I think I need to quit

[Gwinnie]

The past few weeks I've gone from dressing at home when my wife is away (she knows about the dressing and is cool with it) to going to Lane Bryant and getting a dressing room. Too bad they don't currently have anything I like. But anyway, I don't really know why I'm even doing this at all. I'm just making a fat ugly guy into a fatter, uglier woman. Anyone have any advice?

[ArleneRaquel]

Darlin,
Please don't fight the urges to dress, IMO it will just lead to sadness, despair, and depression. During what seems the most likely to help, ignoring the urge, will more likely cause more harm than good. That has been my experience. Best Wishes in your journey.

[Julie Denier]

Try not to get discouraged! I was having fun en femme as a much fatter dude, but with 70 pounds down and counting, my look is improving. The desire to look nicer en femme could be the impetus you need to get healthier and feel better, both for your male and female selves ;)

[Lainie]

Feel free to quit. Find useful things to do with your time. Be nice to other people. Live life & enjoy it. If, later, you feel like dressing up again, that's ok too.

Especially be nice to your wife. Some women can deal wit hit, some can't. Show her you appreciate her attitude.

[outhiking]

Try to be as kind to the lady in the mirror as one you meet in the store. Don't judge yourself too harshly.

[RADER]

Well you are a member of the big ugly club. I am glad that I am not the only
pebble on the beach. LOL
I am 6'3" and about 330 lbs. With big shoulders, big arms, hands etc.
I look more like Paul Bunion than a petite princess.
That said, I still like to wear womans clothes, it relaxes me, It gives me that
I am doing something wrong and getting away with it feeling. I can understand
where you are coming from, as I do not leave the house dressed.
My wife is OK with my dressing, and supports me. She even suggest items to buy
from the catalogs. You went a lot further then myself by going to a Lane Bryant
dressing room. I did buy something for myself when i went with my wife to a
Catherin's. She bought a bunch of tops, I got a skirt. The SA asked my wife about the
different between the sizes and my wife said it was for somebody else.
So cheer up, membership cards will be sent in the Mail soon, look for them on
any Saturday in Late Aug..... LOL
Rader

[Stephanie Miller]

In most cases.... quitting isn't an option. It always sneaks back into your life. So instead of running from it - embrace it. I don't have a clue if you have a sister... but if you did/do then what advice and help would YOU give her if you caught her sitting at the mirror crying?
You already know what needs to happen.... now just do it.

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Author Unknown

[Annaliese]

Like what has been said quitting will lead to sadness, despair, and depression. Set a goal to lose some weight with your wife so you will look better in that dress, because if you quit you will be depression and that is going to lead to putting on more weight, and will lead to more depression. We have all been there it is not easy, but hang in there.

[TeresaL]

I'm checking in occasionally to see what's going on.

If you just want to quit because of weight only, then you can find away to appease your feminine side. But if you want to quit irregardless, then it takes drastic measure that may not be practical for you, or may not work either.

I've taken such radical (for CD) measures and started HRT. After starting though, things went into reverse, and brought my plans of transitioning to a screeching halt. I haven't CD for the 4 months since I started. Yet I was on the other side of fetish CD, and was not masturbating with any frequency, let alone as a release for CD.

Some TG folks don't get stopped by AA blockers, but non-TS probably do. At my age, fertility is not an asset, but it may be dear for a young family. It is reversible and libido can return. Fertility can return also, but not a guarantee. Or if you prefer to CD, it can be discontinued.

The process is not for everyone. It's the only thing I've seen that stops CD. Yet there are no guarantees.

It works for me.

But if not, embrace it works too.

[Karren H]

Sounds to me you need to quit eating snacks and start exercising! You don't like your body.... do something about it.... whining or quitting isn't going to solve the problem! It exactly what I did.... 50 pounds ago.....

[Rachael Jones]

In most cases.... quitting isn't an option. It always sneaks back into your life.

This. I find that dressing gives me relief from depression, a freedom to not be that old male self, but instead turn into someone else. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Curiosity got me started, and in some ways keeps me going in this. I stopped for nearly fifteen years, time I now regret as to what could have been. I never quit - I don't think I ever could. In many ways (for me personally) this is for life, the experiences it gives are very rich.

As for the fat dude, join the club - I've always been a few stone overweight, and actually starting to dress up again has given me an aim and purpose. I want to trim down to be the flab and become fab now... Maybe that's the thing - take it easy, decide what you want to do and what you get out of CD'ing, and enjoy those.

Ultimately, the decision is yours, but there's some excellent advice in the replies here.

[Janine cd]

I'm in agreement with most of the previous replies. Stopping dressing can lead to depression and feeling of self-hate. I know because I went through it myself. During the past twenty years, I have lost 70 pounds and have regained a self-respect that I never experienced when I wasn't dressing.

[Ms. Laura]

Does how you look really matter? Is one CD better than another because of looks any more than one woman is better than another because of looks. Are you less of a man because you're heavy? Do you have well defined Pecs, biceps? You see what I mean?

I often feel silly about dressing up. It seems immature to me sometimes, like a game. But, it's ALWAYS there, there must be something there, inside which drives me to it. It makes me HAPPY! Does it make you HAPPY inside? Do you get a FEELING inside of being pretty, even if you don't look it?

I mean, some people say my pics look pretty good but honestly, you'd know I was guy without hesitating. The vast majority of us fall into that category, right?

Ask yourself, does how you look matter or are you just at odds with yourself over the desire. Problem is, despite intentions, the need to express that feminine side comes out on top or eats you up while you fight it. Find a place where you are at peace with yourself and don't worry about how pretty a girl that you make.

[busker]

The past few weeks I've gone from dressing at home when my wife is away (she knows about the dressing and is cool with it) to going to Lane Bryant and getting a dressing room. Too bad they don't currently have anything I like. But anyway, I don't really know why I'm even doing this at all. I'm just making a fat ugly guy into a fatter, uglier woman. Anyone have any advice?

get a pencil and paper and start jotting down the things that seem to be on your mind when you dress. Is it sexual? Is it from boredom with everything else? WHAT are your motivations. Are you overweight because you eat too much, or is there some other reason. Have you been doing this a whole lifetime? anything you do you can STOP doing. Find an alternative--like something else you have an interest in. You may just be pressuring yourself into doing this. If you truly DON'T know why you dress, it may just be time to figure it out, at least some of the motivations. Not everybody is a woman in a man's body or mind. There is nothing worse than a compulsion that gets out of hand.

[wilt575]

Try not to get discouraged! I was having fun en femme as a much fatter dude, but with 70 pounds down and counting, my look is improving. The desire to look nicer en femme could be the impetus you need to get healthier and feel better, both for your male and female selves ;)

I know where you comming from about the weight I went from 185 to 140 and still want to go lower. Yes my desire to look nicer en fem was the impetus, my look is improving, actually getting fem shape in hips and butt. If things keep progressing forward may consider surgical changes in chest area to improve it.

[Barbara Ella]

I think you have gotten the advice you need. The only quit you need to do is to quit beating yourself up over what you don't know, and try to pinpoint something. We never know the why precisely, but a good introspective look and analysis can help put your mind at ease by at least set you in the right direction with the knowledge that you really do fit somewhere. There are all kinds of different girls here who fit into the different shaped holes. Don't try to pound yourself into a hole that is not the right fit for you.

AND.......If you don't like something, and it really bugs you, and you wish you could change....YOU CAN. Change your diet, work habits, etc. Maybe you can't change the dressing, but everything else is pretty much up for grabs.

Barbara

[Kate Simmons]

Do what makes you happy. That is the best thing any of us can do.:)

[jillleanne]

The past few weeks I've gone from dressing at home when my wife is away (she knows about the dressing and is cool with it) to going to Lane Bryant and getting a dressing room. Too bad they don't currently have anything I like. But anyway, I don't really know why I'm even doing this at all. I'm just making a fat ugly guy into a fatter, uglier woman. Anyone have any advice?

Sure, try to understand, being if only for a day, a fat ugly woman feels much prettier and sexier than a fat ugly guy.

[Tracii G]

Being big never stopped me. It felt just as good dressing up at 250+ as it does now at 153.
Make some changes if you don't like how you look.
I'm an ugly guy too but thats what make up is for right?
Don't just give up on yourself please.

[SarahMarie42]

Try not to judge yourself too harshly, you'll form a pattern -- particularly if you don't feel you can perceive yourself accurately. I used to be significantly overweight too, and though I've lost about 70 - 80 pounds, and would only need to lose 5 - 10 more to eliminate any remaining fat deposits. . . I still have to be persuaded not to starve myself by my friends and family. I'm about 6' 175, and I approach myself with the mentality that I should weigh 120 pounds. I've now shrugged off my continuing habit of eating fewer than 800 calories a day, which is good, I suppose. But. . .yeah, don't place so much emphasis on your appearance that you make yourself miserable. It's not a good place to be.

[famousunknown]

Try not to get discouraged! I was having fun en femme as a much fatter dude, but with 70 pounds down and counting, my look is improving. The desire to look nicer en femme could be the impetus you need to get healthier and feel better, both for your male and female selves ;)

I can see the commercial now... "lose weight - become a crossdresser"

[Ann Louise]

I'm an ugly guy too but thats what make up is for right?....

Tracii, give me a break, you are gorgeous dear. Smiles, Elfin

[sonna]

well im going to be honest but if you dont like something about yourself change it...

[Beverley Sims]

Keep practicing you will eventually overcome your image problem.
You are being too critical.
If your wife is cool with it let her help you with a few suggestions.
Do not throw in the towel just yet.

[Farrah]

From experience, you don't really quit. Mind you, 4 years ago, I quit. However, I'm on this forum, go figure. True I haven't worn anything fem in the past 4 years, but the fog is always lurking.

[stepanie]

We all go through spells of wanting to and not wanting to dress.
If you don't want to ...Don't. If you do ...DO. No one but you can make the decision
to wear what you want when you want. Regardless, do something that makes you
feel good about who you are.

[Tammy Nowakowski]

i tryed and it came back 10x worse then when i started
tammy

[Ceri Anne]

My advice, don't fight it, if you feel like dressing do, if you don't then don't. Being a bigger girl doesn't really matter, first off, most of the drag queens I now are humongous and look fabulous, so while you don't have to dress like a queen, you will get better as you go along. If it brings you joy even if only occasionally, don't worry about it. The important thing is to be yourself. AND.............don't purge because you feel discusted, just put things away........you may change your mind later.

[MysticLady]

Don't worry,Its what it does to the heart that I feel, I may look like an old shoe but I feel beautiful. Thats why I do it.:o