and so it goes

[arbon]

I decided recently to change banks because the tellers at my old bank, who have know me forever, seemed to struggle so much with referring to me in the right gender + there was one incident at that bank not very long ago which had left me feeling especially embarrassed and upset.

So I started a new account at a new bank where no one knows us and today I go in and make my first deposit since opening the account and what happens? I get "thank you sir" :weep:

Its a small thing, it should not matter that much, especially considering that i have to deal with so much bigger stuff. I mean I've gone through so much big stuff and deal with so much other crap, why does something so small get to me so bad?

it left me feeling like jumping off a bridge. Its just frustrating. I wish it did not matter so much to me how people gender me. Its the feeling that I am never going to escape it.

[Andy66]

The bank person was probably confused. If you dont mind my asking, are your account and ID in a male sounding name?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

not buttering you up at all but wow!!!
I guess its possible to get read but saying sir?? just based on pics i don't get it in your case..

++++
i have the same issue at my bank btw...they all know me for many years...but i'm too lazy to change and do 90% online...

sometimes the small stuff gets left unattended while you are dealing with the big stuff...you deserve to be correctly gendered and i bet over time the screw ups will be less and less..

[mikiSJ]

arbon

I am not transitioning or going to, but here is my advice.

If you opened your account at a large national or regional bank branch you may never get around the "sir" thingy until your information matches up to your gender. And even if you were addressed correctly, the chances of personnel remaining at this type of bank branch for any length of time is slim, so you'll end up re-educating the new staff.

If you opened your account at a small local bank, and if you feel comfortable in doing so, introduce yourself to the branch operations manager. Even if the manager is prejudiced, he/she does not want to lose any customer and the manager will instruct his staff accordingly. These banks tend to keep operation managers forever, so no need to retrain.

When I was building houses, I dealt with a local bank. It got to the point where the receptionist would recognize my voice when I called in and address me accordingly. (I have a very distinctive voice). So, if you can find a local bank, go to it.

[Starling]

Arbon, maybe they thought you were just an absent-minded, long-haired guy who completely forgot that he was pitching his voice higher, was dressed as a woman, had soft features, plucked eyebrows, color on his nails and was wearing lipstick and gold hoops in his ears; and they didn't want to shock you by calling you ma'am.

Could be. On the moon.

:) Lallie

[sandra-leigh]

LOL! So when everyone calls me "Sir", they are just trying to be considerate of my health! :duh:

[docrobbysherry]

Very few of us can pass ALL THE TIME! If u can't stand the heat, (I can't), don't do your daily tasks dressed!

If you're TS, I would think such comments would become water off a duck's back in no time?

[RenneB]

I'm with Miki on this one girl. Go take your business elsewhere. You could always fire it right back at them... When someone calls me sir (it really hasen't happened in a long time) but if they did, I'm prepared to return it right back at them. If they are appearing GG, I'd just say, "you're welcome SIR" and keep on truckin'.

Just my thoughts....

Renne.....

[kellycan27]

Your avatar does not say sir... Curiouser and curiouser !!!

[Starling]

..If u can't stand the heat, (I can't), don't do your daily tasks dressed!...

Hard advice to take, if you're full time!

:) Lallie

[arbon]

The bank person was probably confused. If you dont mind my asking, are your account and ID in a male sounding name?

Account name and the name the check was written to is Theresa so thats not the problem.


Arbon, maybe they thought you were just an absent-minded, long-haired guy who completely forgot that he was pitching his voice higher, was dressed as a woman, had soft features, plucked eyebrows, color on his nails and was wearing lipstick and gold hoops in his ears; and they didn't want to shock you by calling you ma'am.


Maybe that was the problem - no lipstick and I was wearing silver hoops :D




If you're TS, I would think such comments would become water off a duck's back in no time?

Not really, not for me. Its disappointing. Even though it happens a lot with people that have known me for a while I still absolutely hate being referred to as male, and especially hate it when it comes from someone that did not previously know me (that's the worst - tells me I am not doing well in how I present, that I'm just looking like a guy in women's cloths) I wish I was not so sensitive about it but I am.



Your avatar does not say sir... Curiouser and curiouser !!!

I think my small avatar pictures are not quite the same as seeing me in person.


Anyway I don't think she meant harm by it, she was very polite otherwise and even complimented me on my nails - okay that was weird that she did that
But she did not see me as a woman so I am doing something wrong.

[CarolynO]

That's hard to believe judging by your avatar.You look like a GG,pretty and attractive.I'm with Kaitlyn,over time this should happen less and less.Hope you get over this.

[sandra-leigh]

If you're TS, I would think such comments would become water off a duck's back in no time?

Being misgendered hurts. I get it all the time, from nearly every stranger that uses a title or pronoun for me. It is water dripping on stone, eating a hole through it.

[Beverley Sims]

Reading the first part of your post, I thought changing banks was a wise move.
It is hard for others to grasp the reality of a situation even a name change when they have known you as someone else for a number of years.
Sorry about the new bank but as I have said to others before maybe you have not quite advanced enough and still have a few rough edges, or when they look maybe they heard your voice first.
If you establish yourself by explaining your position to the teller it will soon spread through the bank and you will get what you desire.

[Nicole Erin]

yeah, old acquaintances tend to know you by whatever their first impression was.
That means even if a Ts became some post-op post-whatever passable stealth tranny and looked like Miss Canada (and i don't mean a damn anorexic) but those who knew "him" first would still know you by that.

So, don't be disheartened by it. Easier said than done I guess. Yes getting called "Sir does suck, I mean christ, if someone, maybe they are detectable as a tranny but if they are appearing as a WOMAN, does mr Joe Public think, "hmm, this person is in a skirt, hair done, made up, femme voice, maybe they want to be called "Sir". people are dipshits

[AllieSF]

So, you left the first bank to avoid the misconceptions, and lo and behold, you get the same thing at the new bank. Maybe it was better to stay at the first bank, if they handled you account correctly. You changed and the responses did not did not. Good luck in straightening them out, and they need that.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Very few of us can pass ALL THE TIME! If u can't stand the heat, (I can't), don't do your daily tasks dressed!

If you're TS, I would think such comments would become water off a duck's back in no time?

so many things off about this ...

she is a woman..

ANY woman ANY time would feel poorly about this...