Is it me or?

[andrea lace]

Is it me or are things round here getting a bit bitchy

When I first found this forum I felt some good emotions, my wife and I had found some kindred spirits in CDers and GG's that use this forum to give advice help each other and generally help out in time's of need.
Now it seems the longer we have been around this forum the more we have found an under current of bitchiness and a argumentative side of CD.com.

We understand that there is a huge spectrum of people that use this forum but this weekend has been an eye opener for us. We are both new to the internet on the whole and I suppose I was a bit naive to think that any group whether it be in person or in cyberspace to be any different.
Hopefully this is a passing phase and the bitchiness will pass.

I have used the word we in most of this post and then reverted to I its only because my wife has told me welcome to my world!!!!

[genevie]

All forums have the full range of humans involved. A thick skin is sometimes needed to weather the trolls and tribulations of interactions. Most here, I have found, are truly supportive and encouraging. I don't read some folks entries because I don't want to see the negative.

[Gillian Gigs]

Tis the season of winter, no one likes winter. When the sun comes out and the days warm, so will peoples hearts. It is amazing what the smell of spring can do to send bitchiness running. Be patient this will soon pass, unless you live in the northern latitudes...then you have to wait a little longer!

[Andy66]

The bitchiness comes and goes. Hopefully it will go soon. :hugs:

[suchacutie]

I have seen "excited" posters come and go, and I've even had a few of mine misinterpreted. Even with the best of intentions (and I hope I always fall into that category) words and intentions that mean one thing to some of us will mean an entirely different thing to others.

What I've come to learn is that my inability to have predicted a negative response to a post was completely because I had never "walked a mile in their shoes", and the reverse was also true. Hence, we didn't have a common frame of reference and there were some nasty words exchanged. By staying here and listening I've been able to at least feel that I've walked a part of a mile in their shoes and maybe I understand others a bit better.

I know for sure that I'm not perfect. The longer I stay here the more understanding I obtain, even if it is sometimes through misunderstanding that insight is gained!

[Melissa Rose]

It comes and goes like the seasons, but without reason or pattern. All it takes is a relative very few to really stir things up and sometimes they all show up at the same time. Sort of like zits - some days there are none, sometimes there are a few at the same time, and once in while there is an eruption of many at the worse possible time. It does not take a few more than normal at one time to make it feel and look like a spike. Humans are very good at detecting exceptions with a higher sensitivity towards the negative or bad. When it happens to you then it feels particularly strong or severe.

I have been here about 3 1/2 years and seen it cycle many times. Some topics also seem to be hot topics and generate the most passion and strong, diverse opinions. There will be disagreements and misunderstandings, some small and some big. It is unavoidable on any forum relying only on the written word. Generally speaking, some posters are overly sensitive and some are totally clueless how insensitive and mean they are being to others. Some will feel repressed when they feel censored, corrected or disagreed with. Also, moderators have different levels of tolerance, understanding and implementation of the forums rules, and their personal biases and opinions. Again, it is the nature of internet forums. I am a moderator of a very small group and the 4 moderators do not always agree on each post, and on occasion a member will not agree with our decision.

I do not always understand why a specific post is edited or deleted, but I am also puzzled by or disagree with the contents of some posts. There will be disagreements and differences of opinions. It is natural and times when it is at its worse will pass as it always has in the past.

[docrobbysherry]

Some folks may consider THIS thread to be bitchy, Andrea!?

[Tamara Croft]

Bitchy? in this forum? say it ain't so... :eek:

You ain't seen bitchy, this forum is far from being bitchy lol.... go back and read threads from 2005, you'll find bitchy :)

If you have a problem with a thread/post, there is what we call a 'report' button, it's that black triangle on each post under the avatar and a member of staff will deal with it accordingly :)

[CassandraSmith]

Is it me or are things round here getting a bit bitchy?

Yes and it seems to have no boundaries.

[Linda Leigh]

Sometimes when you write something, you understand and are reading it the way you wrote it however someone else may read it differently and respond totally in the opposite context. I have had this happen to me several times.


Linda

[Michelle M]

I think quite a few just sit back and read, and wait for something they can jump on to disagree with. It's unfortunate, but that's the way for many people. Nothing constructive to say, so wait for something or someone to tear down.

[Barbara Ella]

Sure it happens, where in life does it not happen. We are a diverse group on individuals who have a diverse set of experiences growing up. Many here have had years and years of living with the title crossdresser, and all the angst that goes with it. Some like me are very new, and naive. I can almost hear the eyes rolling when I make a statement based on my limited experience, and expect to be taken to task. I know it is all done because everyone here wants everyone else to find peace. How that peace can be found is what is based on each individuals experiences, good and bad.

Because I am still very much in a learning curve, I can live with it. When seen directed toward others it does get me down. That said, it is certainly not pervasive, and always educational.

Barbara

[MsJanessa]

Bitchy? in this forum? say it ain't so... :eek:

You ain't seen bitchy, this forum is far from being bitchy lol.... go back and read threads from 2005, you'll find bitchy :)

If you have a problem with a thread/post, there is what we call a 'report' button, it's that black triangle on each post under the avatar and a member of staff will deal with it accordingly :)

Tamara is right. I've been posting here since November 2005--going on 9 years-and I remember flame wars far more nasty than anything going on lately---I had one of the sisters here so annoyed in 2006 that she sent me an e-mail telling me that she was going to "kick my ass"---she was "banned read only" shortly after that (but not due to anything I did--I didn't bother reporting her)-- The point of this site is to give everybody a chance to give their opinion, but it does behoove us to do it as gently as we can. There are a wide variety of people here, some with very strong white and black view points and others with varying shades of gray. Often times some of the ladies will give an opinion that inappropriately condemns someone elses behavior, without regard to the situation that person is in. When I read this thread, I remembered something I posted way back in 2006, at the height of some really awful flame wars. I'm going to repost it here, if that's alright with the mods, because it helps give some perspective on the give and take of the various posters.


"I had an interesting experience about six months ago that I would like to relate to all the sisters in the forum---I have been dressing most of my life but just starting going out in public about 7 years ago---during the first two years I'm afraid that I was a mess----a little overweight, didn't know squat about hair and make up or how to dress. I eventually fell under the care and tutelege of a tall blond stunning TS named Jennifer who I met in a club and who became my mentor and friend. She used to be a beautician and knows all about makeup, hair, wigs etc---she has also lived as a women for over 30 years----she took me under her wing and essentially transformed me to the point where I became comfortable and confident with my femme self. Six months ago I started attending a group where some of the members were less then feminine or attractive. I complained about it to Jennifer who reminded me what I looked like when we first met and told me that I should help them "be all they can be" rather than put them down. She was absolutly right and I felt rather embarassed and ashamed of what I thought and said.

The point is that there are enough judgemental people out there who are willing to critisize and castigate us for who we are without us doing it to ourselves---I've noticed that there are all types of CDs, TVs, and TGs in this forum---young, old, pretty, plain, heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, happily married, unhappily married and single, yet we all have one thing in common---we all dress as women. That should be enough to make us tolerant of each other and respect our differences----we should think of that before we start to publicly critisize other people's behavior. Afterall, its the judgemental types who are the first to condem CDs---we don't need to do it to ourselves"

[Wildaboutheels]

The crux of the matter is WHY do people particiipate? Participation IS a choice.

For most people [at ANY Forum] particiaption is simply for entertainment. Nothing at all wrong with that but THAT is why/where most of the bickering will always stem from. IN MY OPINION, when people won't read an entire OP, before posting a response, they are NOT participating to help others or to possibly learn anything themselves. Most folks at ANY Forum won't read much beyond 5 or 6 lines IF they will even read beyond the Q box before they post some type of response. I find this rude myself with the plethora of Qs posted at any given time. This is all too obvious to people who routinely read entire OPs.

Some people only participate to post pics periodically. Nothing at all wrong with that. They could have numerous reasons for doing so. And let's face it, PICTURES are the bread and butter of CD.com. Remove the pics, and the site would quickly die I bet?

Others seem to relish getting into "pi$$ing contests" with other members via the keyboard, usually because either one person does not like the other OR one or both could not be bothered to actually READ what the other person wrote. Almost NEVER will you see anyone aplogize or admit they were wrong.

So obviously it can take a lot of wading here or any other Forum to find "useful information". A simple shortcut is to find people you relate to or think are rowing in the same boat as yourself and follow their posts/see what THEY found interesting or worthy of responding to. The fact that there are so many Forum MYTHS that abound here at this particular Forum does not make it any easier for newbies.

Ultimately, learning anything here is going to require READING. And wading. It IS a free Forum after all so I recommend waders that come right up to the nose. Thankfully there are some sharp people here who make all the wading worthwhile IMO.

One last thing. This site IS moderated better than most out there I have participated in. ALL moderators are Humans, so some of what they do will be judgement calls which makes the math pretty simple...

[Julogden]

This place is very civil compared to the old days when stuff like this didn't exist, no Yahoo groups, etc., so the main option was newsgroups/Usenet, where some real shock and awe wars happened. It was quite often brutal beyond belief.

Carol

[KatieGG]

This place is NOTHING compaired to espn.com!

[May(be)]

I haven't posted in about a month... Maybe that's why it has been lame around here!

jkjk

[Beverley Sims]

.. go back and read threads from 2005, you'll find bitchy :)

I think Tamara and company are using bigger lids on unsavoury arguments.
Nothing is constant but change and I feel there is more tolerance and acceptance out there on the internet these days.

[Eryn]

From a moderator standpoint it is my goal to have everyone free to say what they want to say within the forum rules but to make sure it is said in a civil manner.

If the conversation becomes less than civil it is a good idea to use the report button to draw the attention of the moderators to a thread. We can't be everywhere at once and a heads-up lets us address problems before a thread goes too far downhill.

[rachel_rachel]

You also have to remember that it's prodominatly a men's site, and whilst they're trying to be women, it does get bitchy from time to time.

[missmars]

We live in diversity.

[Kathy4ever]

Don't let a few posts spoil your enjoyment of the site. I suggest if you don't agree with someones point of view or bitchiness then by all means skip or don't read or pose your on view back. We have the choice to read or not read and everyone should have a right to express themselves anyway they like. I don't think with the wide spectrum of personalities we have we will not be all the same. I agree with what you are saying but everyone is going to be different. You just have look at the posts that are your way of thinking or read into the bitchiness posts and maybe you can see from someones view point.

[Mollyanne]

Life would be soooo boring if everyone was nice to each other without the benefit(s) of diversity in opinion. Yes, sometimes the opposing arguments get a little testy but this is life, DON'T TAKE IT TO HEART, JUST GO SHOPPING!!!!!!

Molly

[Vicky_Scot]

Its all about respecting the individuals beliefs or opinions even if you do not agree with them.

[bridget thronton]

I have tried to take the attitude that if I can not say something positive and supportive i should skip commenting on a post (there are many great people here)

[Marleena]

Andrea this is one of the best forums I've been on. The mods/admins will step in if things go wrong. I think it is much better than when I started here. We had some real nasty people here that got off on ruffling members feathers and they have been banned. Since it's a discussion forum there will be differences of opinion and that is to be expected. Right now I only see 2 sourpusses that never have anything good to say and like to cause a stir (no I won't name them).

[suzy1]

A post that goes a bit ‘over the top’ can sometimes just be the result of the member having strong feelings about the point they are trying to get across but it can come over as a bit bitchy some times. [I have been guilty of this]

But if everybody here just tiptoed around saying nice things that they know others will like all the time we would have a rather flat and boring forum wouldn’t we?

I am not talking about outright rudeness which is easily recognised.

[Lorileah]

This ain't nuthin! I have been involved with some real doozies. It seems to ebb and flow. I personally like a little discussion on subjects. :)

[Wildaboutheels]

It's all relative really. [Forums] If you get bored, have a looksee at the Forums for Datehookup dot com where they let the inmates run the asylum. The Forums there are SELF moderated with the expected results...

You might see this place in an entirely new light.

[suzy1]

I personally like a little discussion on subjects. :)

So we can be bitchy then?:)

[Lorileah]

Within the limits of the rules. It never stopped me before did it?

[famousunknown]

Yes and it seems to have no boundaries.

And that's the beauty of it.

[kimdl93]

I found I was getting a bit bitchy, so I decided to take a break. Its not a tone that is unique to this site. I think you'll find that there's an argumentative side to most on-line discussions. It seems to be the standard mode of communication for some people.

My advice, which I try to follow, is to stick to the topic of CDing - there's plenty to discuss - and avoid the temptation to pontificate on religion, politics, economics etc.

[Frédérique]

Is it me or are things round here getting a bit bitchy

My advice:
1) Don’t take this place too seriously…
2) Take a deep breath, walk away, and come back…
3) Be patient. All things must pass…
4) Interject some posts to dispel the bitchiness…
5) I all else fails, use your ignore list…


I found I was getting a bit bitchy, so I decided to take a break. Its not a tone that is unique to this site. I think you'll find that there's an argumentative side to most on-line discussions. It seems to be the standard mode of communication for some people.

I think the idea of discussion infers an argumentative ambiance, or am I way off base saying that? I’ll think of an idea for a thread, and I’ll sit on it for a day or two deciding if I should submit it. This happened just the other day. The topic in question was controversial, based on the kind of reaction I KNOW would be forthcoming, so I thought a lot about it. I got an interesting PM from someone, and I felt like canning my controversial subject, but, after sleeping on it, I submitted it the next day. Why? Well, this IS a discussion forum, and there are topics worth discussing, even though the bitchy among us will voice their opinions contrary to any positive intended effect…

Last time I looked, that thread is still going. I call that success, and I call that DISCUSSION, warts and all…:straightface:

[Nicole Erin]

the Ts section is even worse.

Overall though, it is not real bad here on cd.com.

[Tamara Croft]

Yes and it seems to have no boundaries.
Would you like the forum to be all ribbons and roses?? Sorry, but life isn't like that, people have real issues, people often need to get things off their chest, people fly off the handle, that's called life! Why don't you try stepping out of your little bubble and get a clue about it. There are plenty of boundaries on this board, there is no need for anymore. We pull the bad stuff, you have no idea what goes on behind the scenes and for you to say we have no boundaries here is bloody insulting to say the least :Angry3:

[AmyGaleRT]

Yes, Andrea, sometimes things do get a little...erm...intense on this forum. Just as they do on other forums. Crossdressing may do some wonderful things, but it can't entirely dispel human nature. Fortunately, the moderators here do a good job of quelling the stuff that really gets out of line. I don't envy them their job, as they have to tread with utmost care, because this needs to be a safe place for people like us to speak our minds, and either too little moderation or too much can put a damper on that.

- Amy

[CassandraSmith]

You also have to remember that it's predominantly a men's site, and whilst they're trying to be women, it does get bitchy from time to time.

I'm wondering if our biorhythms (read between the lines here as I can't say the actual word according to forum rules) have somehow aligned? Sort of a sympathetic hormonal emulation?