Monday came a shocker!

[shayleetv]

Monday I was out shopping for a valentine gift for my wife. I new exactly what I was going to get her and in male mode I was shopping like a man. Go to the mall and parked nearest the entrance that had the item I was going to buy. I went right to the counter that sold the item and told the SA exactly what I wanted and payed for it all in the space of about 5 minutes. Job accomplished! Feeling satisfied with my efficient male ego. I look and see I have about three hours to kill. Now the girl in me takes over and I look around for something to do. I usually don't shop at this mall for girly things because it is to close to where I live and I don't want to bump into someone I know. BUT I shop anyway. Wouldn't you know it, the first rack of clothes I look at, there is one of my neighbors at another rack just across the isle from me. She was too busy looking to notice me so I kind of snuck off. That's when I noticed the child she had with her that was dressed as a little girl was really her son. This boy often is mistaken as a girl because of the long single braid he wears, it's so long that it reaches his waist. Today no braid, just brushed out and wavy from being braided all the way down past the waist. I sometimes wondered about him because I never saw him playing with the boys but was always playing with the girls. (I would have been the same in my youth except there weren't any girls to play with except my sister and I played with her a lot.)

About the time I was looking at them to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing my neighbor saw me looking at her and her boy. I was just going to slip away but needing to explain herself she called out to me and walked toward me. I wanted to give her an out by greeting her and asking who this adorable little girl was and if it was her niece. She kind of stood there lost for words and then said it was her son and that he liked to dress like a girl every once and a while. She told me that he has been this way ever since he dressed himself, always feminizing the boy clothes he wore. Her husband doesn't know she does this with their son. I assured her that mum was the word and her secret was safe with me. I will never look at that boy the same way again.

[Maria S]

It does make you think is this one of next generation crossdressers. When I was out shopping today in girl mode looking at shoes and handbags there was this little boy with his mum and he was walking round in women's shoes (miles too big for him) and his mum did not think anything of it. If I had done that at his age my mum would have probably had me down the doctors before you could say stilettos. Another next generation crossdresser? It could be instilled at a young age.

[Dawn cd]

You handled it well, Shaylee. I think this woman is going to need all the friends she can get--especially since she's doing it (right now) behind her husband's back.

[Leah Lynn]

An understanding mother.


So, why wasn't my mother like this?

Leah

[Tammy Nowakowski]

i agree Dawn cd on this

[kimdl93]

What a good mom. I hope her husband can gradually learn to accept his sons uniqueness!

[Rogina B]

I sure wish you had told the mother what a wonderful thing she was doing and how cool you were with gender identity.Being supportive of a situation quite personal to you is always a good thing.

[Beverley Sims]

I can see the opportunity for some mentoring with the boy's mother.
Maybe help her with breaking the news to her husband at a later date.
Take it all slowly, let her get used to you knowing and maybe a friendship with a neighbor of like interest.

[Leslie Langford]

It is said that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, shaylee, and I can see that with what you have just learned, you have unwittingly been put into a very difficult position here, and one that is fraught with some serious ethical implications.

On one hand - and based on your previous posts - you are a closeted CDer with a very supportive wife and are quite content to keep this "hobby" indoors and feel no need to expand your horizons beyond that. You are also over 70 years old, have been a lifelong crossdresser who began at a young age with the full knowledge, support, and - if I may be so presumptuous to say - even the encouragement of family members, and this has worked very well for you. Clearly, you are one of the lucky ones, and all the stars were in alignment throughout your life as your crossdressing evolved without the bumps in the road that many of us here experience. Even more remarkable, all this happened in an era when little was known about crossdressing, it was considered an aberration, and those who were "outed" (or "outed" themselves) were usually stigmatized as a result.

Fast forward 50 or 60 years, and the general public is much more aware that people like us exist. We are now preferentially called "transgendered" as opposed to "crossdressers" or "transvestites" - terms which have far more negative connotations - and there is a growing understanding that this is not "what", but "who", we are. It is also universally recognized that we were likely born this way, and we are not just a bunch of fetishists looking for a cheap thrill when we dress up. And yet, some of that stigma still persists in certain quarters.

Clearly, this neighbor is struggling with her son's gender self-identification, but she is also astute and loving enough to allow him to indulge in his clothing preferences, realizing that not to do so would cause him considerable distress. Yet equally clearly, her husband is not on the same page as she is, and she feels compelled to hide it from him.

It is also telling that when she spotted you, she felt embarrassed given that you already knew that this child was biologically a boy, and felt obliged to explain to you why he was dressed in female attire. And so we have a son to whom society (and the mother herself) sends mixed signals - a form of NIMBYism where the message is: "O.K., we'll allow you to indulge in your crossdressing, just don't be too "in your face" about it, and for God's sake - don't tell your father about this (or the fact that I go along with it), or else he will go ballistic".

I'm not about to tell you what to do here, shaylee - that's not my place. But I will go on record as saying that if I were in your shoes (pumps?;)), I would find some way to reach out to the mother and son - and if need be, "out" myself in the process - to let them know that Hey!...it's O.K. to be transgendered, that I turned out just fine despite being that, and that I have also managed to lead an otherwise "normal" and productive life in the process.

I would further advise the mother that I would be more than willing to act as a mentor, sounding board, or "big sister" to that boy if he needed a role model, or else some other form of support beyond whatever gender therapy he might already be undergoing to help him deal with his situation (and hopefully, that is already happening).

I realize that there are risks here, and because a minor is involved, such an intervention can always be construed by suspicious minds as some sort of sexual interference by a pedophile. All the more reason then to tread carefully here and make sure that all of this is done in an above-board manner and with everyone's support (including the presumed gender therapist's) so that there will be a positive outcome.

I guess what I am saying is that there is a real opportunity here to make a positive impact on this boy's life by showing him that he is not alone in struggling with his gender identity, and as sex advice columnist (and LGBT activist) Dan Savage puts it in his on-going campaign to improve the lives of LGBT youth: "It gets better."

I only wish that I'd have had that type of support and mentorship when I was that young boy's age. Instead, like most transgendered individuals of my generation who grew up in the 1950's and 1960's, I thought that I was the only person in the world who had these weird, disgusting, and perverted feelings, and that I was some lesser form of life because of that.

As veteran crossdressers, I think we have an obligation - nay, a duty to spare the next generations the kind of agony that we faced while growing up. The gay and lesbian communities are already doing their part in this regard when people like Anderson Cooper and Ellen De Generes step forward to become positive role models for their younger counterparts, as is Chaz Bono for the transsexual community.

Sadly, we crossdressers are still under-represented when it comes to one of us stepping up to the plate in this manner.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

But I will go on record as saying that if I were in your shoes (pumps?;)), I would find some way to reach out to the mother and son - and if need be, "out" myself in the process - to let them know that Hey!...it's O.K. to be transgendered,


I guess what I am saying is that there is a real opportunity here to make a positive impact on this boy's life by showing him that he is not alone in struggling with his gender identity, and as sex advice columnist (and LGBT activist) Dan Savage puts it in his on-going campaign to improve the lives of LGBT youth: "It gets better."


I think we have an obligation - nay, a duty to spare the next generations the kind of agony that we faced while growing up.

I am so in agreement with you on those things, Leslie. Getting some good information to the mother is the Number one priority and can really make a difference in the child's life no matter how they end up identifying in the future.

Even pointing them to the Barbara Walters or Anderson Cooper shows about gender non-conforming/transgender children might help:

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3088298&page=1

Veronica

[DonnaT]

I'm not sure that being a mentor for the child would be a good thing, but letting the mother know you are there for support would be.

You might ask her if she is aware of this site: http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.org/

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?&pid=224&srcid=229&chid=338