What's wrong with me?

[Kendra08]

14 months ago I started dating the women that is now my fiancé. I told her within the first month that I am a crossdresser and she was totally ok with it. She accepts me 100% and really wants to go out with me dressed. I am so incredibly lucky but still so afraid. She has never seen me dressed except for a picture. I've only dressed once in the past year but I think about it all the time. I'm getting moody and I snap at everyone, I know it's because Kendra needs to come out. I'm just still so afraid to let this happen. I feel bad for even posting this because I know so many of you would love to have what I have. What's wrong with me that I'm still so afraid?

[NathalieX66]

Make the best kick a** Valentine's date for her, and go from there.

[Beverley Sims]

Like Nathalie says, just take the high dive and do it.
Get some courage like the lion in The Wizard Of Oz, and go for it.

[katlee]

There are two trains of thought when it comes to swimming, either jump in or slowly wade in. I am self-conscience and afraid what a random person may think or say. I fear that I will judge me or laugh at me. I have this fear in male mode as well. I would start slow, maybe a walk through the neighborhood or for a drive. I would love to be able to show Kat to my GF.

[docrobbysherry]

That mite work for some, but it wouldn't for me! I'd say take it step by baby step.

Start by discussing your fears with your GF. She may have some helpful suggestions. Maybe dressing in private with her helping mite ease u along. Maybe just doing simple things like trying on a wig and makeup?

U don't have to put on a wig, girdle, forms, heels, a hot outfit, and go shopping at Macy's rite away! In my case, despite my many experiences out recently, that may NEVER HAPPEN!

[Nikki50/50]

That mite work for some, but it wouldn't for me! I'd say take it step by baby step.

Start by discussing your fears with your GF. She may have some helpful suggestions. Maybe dressing in private with her helping mite ease u along. Maybe just doing simple things like trying on a wig and makeup?

U don't have to put on a wig, girdle, forms, heels, a hot outfit, and go shopping at Macy's rite away! In my case, despite my many experiences out recently, that may NEVER HAPPEN!

I agree...discuss your apprehensions openly with her. Two heads are better than one, and so be open to any ideas/suggestions she might have. On a side note; I very nearly envy you for that apprehension. It is anxiety and apprehension only at first...but then turns into quite an exquisite thrill...exhiliarating...when you actually step out of your door to go out with your SO for a 'girl's night out'...
Good luck to you, both! :D

[Diversity]

Kendra,
It could be fear of the 'unknown', and the fact that you don't want to jeopardize your relationship with her, in the event that she has a change of heart after seeing you. Perhaps if you share your feelings with her, you both can talk to one another and get things sorted out. I do believe that talking is the key to taking the anxiety out of you. Good luck, and I hope I am giving you good advice. I wish you both well.
Di

[Rachelakld]

I look at things a bit differently,
I figure anyone who realises I'm a bloke, should be intelligent enough to realise I'm crazy, but not like a crazy killer.
Anyone smarter, should realise I just have multiple personalities.
Actually, I'm just having to much fun to worry about other peoples thoughts, and to date, every "normal" person have been really supportive and fun.

[Cheryl T]

The first step is the hardest.
The first night I dressed fully for my wife after coming out to her was nerve wracking...all the "what ifs".

If she is really ok with it then do it, but I wouldn't do it for Valentine's or any other 'special' day. Just find a quiet weekend when you can be together, maybe go to a hotel in another town and then show her this side of you when you two can enjoy it without disruption.

[Joanne f]

You say that your girlfriend has only seen a picture of you dressed and that you have never been out in public before dress , they are two very big steps to take especially at the same time you may be doing to much at one go so no wonder that you are feeling a bit afraid , unless you are feeling very confident about doing both at the same time I would be inclined to brake it down a bit and take it in steps that you are comfortable with that will help to take that fear away , don't feel like you are pushed into doing it all in one go if you are not happy with that as I am sure that there will be plenty of other chances to do it all just feel happy doing it otherwise what is the point just to prove a point , do what makes you happy as that will shine through far more that doing something in fear .

[AmyGaleRT]

Kendra dear, do you know how many ladies out there would kill and die for an accepting and supportive fiancee like you have! (I know, because I have one, too!) All that's holding you back is yourself, and it's not doing you any good to hold back, you can tell, right?

In my case, I "took the plunge" and appeared fully dressed in front of my fiancee not long after telling her, in full outfit including accessories, just no makeup. It wasn't traumatic at all; she told me I looked more feminine than she does. :) It actually turned into a bit of a "fashion show" as I modeled several outfits for her. I enjoyed that, and I think she did, too.

There's no need to be afraid if she's so supportive that she wants to go out with Kendra! Trust in her love for you, and embrace your feminine side. I think you'll be okay. :)

- Amy

[Erica Marie]

You are correct. I would just die to be in your postion. I am too afraid to even encounter women any more because of having to tell them about me. I can understand your nervousness about going out. You have your fiance as support,maybe for the first few times you can just go out driving around, maybe a walk someplace and ease into it gradually. Good luck and have fun.

[Stevie]

I understand and feel similar too. When I told my wife I the first time I thought she would understand and be accepting. This was before I realized the extent of my dressing. She came back totally unaccempting to the point I spent years hiding and lying about. Now today she is aware and lets me dress but under certain conditions. Now I don't want to share my true feelings with no one close to me because of it. Just glad I have this place to express myself.

[Tammy Nowakowski]

I would sit down have a heart to heart talk about your fears and take baby steps and one day at time

[Ressie]

I would think the first step would be dressing in front of her in private. Her reaction to seeing you this way will help you decide the next step. What are you afraid of? Her reaction to seeing you dressed?

[nhlighthouse]

Be strong and bring Kendra out into the open and spread your wings and be what the clothing makes you feel! I did today for the 1st time in fact right now I am sitting here in my new panties and this feels so natural and sensitive..I've got to go do some ironing BEST OF LUCK you go GURL!

[MarcellaMcNul]

Kendra;

In your Op you describe my situation with right down to the letter.

I told my GF about "M" a few weeks after we met as our LT potential as a couple was obvious.
She was and is 100% accepting and is totally supportive to the point of being encouraging.

In spite of this incredibly good fortune I continue to be stunted and stifled in exposing my "other self"...I believe to the detriment of my own productivity and creativity in all areas....by my own ego problems (a lengthy topic I'm sure).

I can only share with you what I plan to do about it today;
This morning I was thinking about the Valentine's Day card I will be making for her when I had what I hope to be a brainstorm. I plan to tuck a smaller "gift" card into it offering a full day of "M" at her disposal (dressed of course) whenever she chooses, and for whatever tasks she deems necessary for her.

I'm sure this sounds at first blush to be more of a gift to me disguised as one for her but I don't think that's completely true at all. She's a very busy woman who runs her own practice out of her house and is always complaining about not being able to get on top of things, has always commented that she needs to hire a personal assistant and often asks for my help with things anyway.

So this is an experiment that I have every reason to think will be well received and hopefully will also open the door for future "M" days as well.

Hope this helps,
Best Wishes;

MiMi

[Marissa V]

Well, i do have a supportive SO but even after she told me she would like to see it, i hessitated. But she found a fun way around it. She made it into an 'us'-moment. I got my clothes, she did the make up. Agreed, she had to do my make up since i never did it meself up to that point. But...why not make it into a mutual fun evening too? If you want to go on with your fiancee and she supports it as you say...id say go for it. Make it into a fun night for both of you.

[Wildaboutheels]

"I've only dressed once in the past year but I think about it all the time."

So either, YOU ^^^ feel guilty and/or ashamed or You still have your daughters 5 nights a week and/or your fiance now lives with you? Have you told your daughters yet? They would be 16 and 19? You have told some of your friends.

You told your fiance one month in becuase of the common Forum MYTH here that NOT telling is a lie? Is your dressing something you want or need to share with anyone? Clearly you now feel pressured from your SO. Little wonder you are moody?

Did some/many/most or all of your dressing sessions in the past all have the same outcome or ending... as in the Big O? THAT is the reason so many here feel shame and guilt . JMO

Male Os are what keep Humans on the planet so... they BETTER BE ADDICTIVE. AND easy. And for MEN, they are.

For women they are not. That's why so few women will ever get the major aspect of this CD thing for so many. And that is why picture threads are so popular. It's not Rocket Science. It's just our Animal Instinct at work. Why so many men can feel guilty about how our brains are prgrammed will always be a mystery to me.

[Stephanie47]

There's nothing wrong with you. There are two elements to your situation. First, your girlfriend wants to see you dressed. That is a major hurdle for any cross dresser. Anyone put in that situation will be apprehensive as to the reaction. However, it can be a very private affair. Will she chuckle or laugh or smile? Will your self esteem take a him? You're experience a natural feeling. I'm sure every young woman experiences the feeling when she gets ready for a first date. Will he approve of me? Now, the shoe or heels are on the other foot. Will your girlfriend approve? You will not know until it happens. I would recommend a private dinner together at home. You need relaxing and familiar surroundings for your presentation. Maybe you and her can pop a bottle of wine and prepare dinner together.

I would not recommend venturing out and putting yourself in a venue where you're uncomfortable. Once you're comfortable around your girlfriend, I recommend baby steps. An evening stroll arm in arm in familiar surroundings may give you the poise to encounter others. Not everyone may be accepting, and, they may voice their disapproval. Non acceptance can set you back really quick.

When you are ready to go forth with your girlfriend try to find a venue that is supportive of transgenders.

Frankly, I am not a believer that I need acceptance by everyone. You have passed the major hurdle. You have acceptance by the woman you love, and, who loves you.

[Annaliese]

She love you, she accepts you so what the problems, you need to accept your self.

[Miriam-J]

Kendra,

As others have indicated, what you feel is quite natural. We've so carefully hidden our CD side away for years that the very thought of bringing it out can be terrifying at both conscious and subconscious levels.

I remember so much the first time I told my then girlfriend (now my wife), a month after we had met. She was immediately accepting (having experienced others like us before), and then shocked me by insisting on seeing me in some of my outfits right away. I hemmed and hawed, then did as she asked. But I trembled as I dressed, and trembled even more as I showed myself to her. But that wasn't the last time. Over coming months I was able to dress more and more often around her in the house until we both became very comfortable with it. But I still couldn't imagine going out, until a couple years later when I discovered this site and learned that going out wasn't as terrifying as it appears. Still, there's no way I could have done so in those few days and weeks with my girlfriend.

Share your fears with your girlfriend, and help her to see that you first need to get used to being with just her. But also work with her so that both of you get comfortable enough that you might someday go out en femme. She can help you with your clothing and makeup choices, even do shopping with you (with you in guy mode), helping you to gain the confidence you need. All of this can enrich your relationship, which is probably what she wants to do, and also help you to overcome your fears.

Good luck in all of this. Feel free to contact me via PM if you'd like to discuss further.

Miriam

[CassandraSmith]

What's wrong with me that I'm still so afraid?

Sounds like love to me.

[bobbimo]

Its time to ask her to help you get dressed.
It is much more fun and rewarding to suck up your fear and have another person help you out with this.
You had the courage to tell her about Kendra, so she is probably wondering where she is and why she hasnt seen her.
Go for it
Bobbi

[Vieja]

Stop agonizing, count your blessings and get on with your life. You are so lucky.


Vieja

[DonnaT]

I'm getting moody and I snap at everyone, I know it's because Kendra needs to come out. I'm just still so afraid to let this happen. What's wrong with me that I'm still so afraid?
I bet you've been fearful regarding your CDing for a very long time. Sometimes, maybe most times, fear is a hard thing to overcome.

Your desire to overcome, and not accomplishing it, yet, finds release in your anger.

Your anger could potentially lead to losing something precious, like your fiancé, if you let it keep building.

Which fear is greater, losing your fiancé or dressing up for your fiancé?

Get her to help you past the initial fear. Start with having her do your makeup, then progress a little more and at a pace you are both comfortable with. There will be a reward waiting once the fear is conquered.

[CassandraSmith]

What's wrong with me?

Often, I've found that it's more beneficial to explore "What's right with me?"

[Kendra08]

Thank you all so much for the advice and words of wisdom. I am a very lucky person to have what I have. I know it's me and my fears that I have to overcome. I haven't had a talk with her yet about this but we are planning for the upcoming weekend to just be us so I plan on letting her know how what's going on with me.


Often, I've found that it's more beneficial to explore "What's right with me?"

Thanks Cassandra. These are wise words.