Male transvestite born female

[Julian]

Hi everyone,

Just trying to see if anyone else out there has this same issue:

I'm a man who hasn't started taking male hormones yet, I was born female. This might get confusing so just hold on. I also started cross-dressing (as in, wearing girls clothes and underwear) at a pretty young age, but only in private and only (tmi alert) for "thrills", as in, only for a few minutes if you know what I mean, because then I 'come down' and feel a little disgusted and ashamed, its like, "what am I doing??" It's an erotic and private thing for me. Going outside in girls clothes, it would have to be a costume with a wig or something, and not during the day! I don't mind performing on stage in a miniskirt and heels, because its obviously to look sexy and for exhibitionism. No one hopefully thinks that's how I really am, it's just a persona.

I know there are tons of bio males who feel the same way as me on this, as my story resonates particularly well with other men who like to dress for the same reasons.
But I would be too scared to talk about this with any of my trans guy friends, what if they said, "well obviously you're a confused little girl" and then I would feel very depressed and lonely indeed. So I look to you, FTM people of the Internet, maybe we have something in common?

[Amy Lynn3]

Julian, I get it ! I know what you are saying and I understand, even though I was born male. I'll be glad to talk with you on equal ground and never expect a put down from me. Feel free to PM me or email me anytime. I'll share anything that might be of help to you.

[moniqueCD21]

I feel you and see where you're coming from. You're trans friends shouldnt mind that about you, after all we're all just trying to find ourselves and experiment with different things. Do what you want, do what feels right for you. :)

[Andy66]

Well, Julian, we are all different here, trying to understand ourselves and be happy. It wouldnt be very fair or smart for one trans person to say to another, youre doing it wrong.

I cant say I feel as intense about it as you seem to, but the thought has crossed my mind before that it might be fun to be a campy drag queen for Halloween.

[mistunderstood]

When at home Every once and a while I like to play with make-up. Just for fun. I know that is not the same thing but I guess my point is who has the right to tell you your dressing wrong? If it makes you feel good then do it. Screw what other people say.

[Kate Simmons]

We are who we are in our hearts my friend. The rest of it, regardless of plumbing is basically "window dressing". In any case, I appreciate the person as that is who I relate to.:)

[Badtranny]

Wow.

I love this. It's such a mind bender.

[Ezekiel]

Clothes are clothes, bodies are bodies, its the mind that shapes and whats important Julian. Never fall into stereotypes as they are perception traps used for simplistic classification, not saying they don't come from anywhere or that there isn't some truth in them, but they don't exactly apply for everybody. Your trans mates should not, and should never, judge you or say you are doing it wrong, would be totally unfair. Just be free.

[Julogden]

That's amazing. I suspect that you'll get support here from our FTM members

You'll certainly get support here from MTF members.

Carol :hugs:

[Jennifer Cox]

Just do it!!!!!

[sami1952]

weclome to my worlld,i too was born a male but had a very strong feeling i was meant to be female.starting in grade school when i found myself always wanted to hang around the girls and play with with them. I remember when i sister in law saw me playing with my sisters and ask me if i was a man women( sounds different in spanish),right there and then i knew i was different ( i wasn't even in school then).Been dressing since then and love every minute when i do.i have talk to my younger sister and my wife about this feelings and they has been very supportive.I'mhere ifyou like to chat/

[Serana]

Oh I do feel for you there.

We all are very different, and CD'ing in girl's clothes as an FTM isn't such a thing to worry about, and you should enjoy. I'm pretty much the opposite of you, but mine is less for a pleasure thing and is more a "just for kicks" thing. It's a rare thing for me to do going outside though. However, as an MTF, I still pretty much dress in just jeans and a t-shirt, just a more feminine style~. But I still have some of my male clothes for messing with people's heads because it's hilarious.

However, there are a lot of bio males who like to CD as females, and it's actually quite a normal, natural thing for someone with a male brain like yourself to want to CD as a female for a persona, for fun, for kicks, whatever it might be.

I would say you're fairly normal, and it's not something you should be worrying about. The only "issue" that is brought to the table is your female physical form, and I suppose not many would take into account the male brain that you possess.

Perhaps see how open-minded your friends are, and maybe bring it to them and ask about it?

In my opinion though, you're a guy who likes to crossdress as a woman. For ANY male, genetic or otherwise it should be seen as the same thing, because it IS the same thing.

I wonder how many circles I went about in this one.

Anyway, we all have our little secrets and stuff, but I would approach this one very carefully. Sounds to me you're just veyr well in touch with both your masculine and feminine sides. That's something you should be happy about. I will try and prod my FTM friend about it, and see if he would say he used to do the same thing or not. I'm not really sure, but I'll just see what they say and see if you don't go away feeling like you're the only one, which I definitely suspect you're not :)

Sera

[Ryan A.]

That's different! Really interesting! I got confused at first but now I get it!

It's sad that your trans friends said that, they shouldn't jugde you. Even trans aren't free from prejudice about genders, and I think you can show them texts about this subject, educate them (with time and patience)! If they really like you, they will listen to you!

[Tiffbear]

I did the whole, "Dress up for a few minutes, fun time 'thrills', then ashamed of self" thing for the past few years. I just felt guilty, wondering why I was doing it, is there something wrong with me?

I don't think there is, sometimes it's nice to be someone else even if it is for a few minutes.

Finally decided to just embrace it, make it a part of me. Very happy I did.

It's confusing, just do what feels right. Screw what the rest of society thinks is right. Do what's right for you.

[michellecd9999]

Welcome. I hope this forum helps you feel accepted and comfortable with yourself!

[Beverley Sims]

I agree with Melissa on this one,
It is a mind bender or else it is a psychological test for me.

I go along with the assumption that you may be a F to M Transexual.
You consider yourself a man.
Being a boy you crossdressed in female clothing at a young age.
It was thrilling and erotic for you and when the time passes you feel shame.
As a persona you like to act on stage as a girl but you are accepted as a man.
Taking it step by step as I have here.....

You are a male in outlook with a female body that likes cross dressing as a female.
Julian,
It seems unusual to me but I have to support you and hope you get what you want out of life.
Some others here are probably skeptical.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Another way of looking at this is as you know im intersexed , so i can go ether way or none at all, you wont a mind bender then try being us ,

Yes there are some who dont or ...wont... even understand those of us who are different, the best part for me is i never saw male or female & i thought i was normal till i was shown / told different, ummm oh heck right, as i walked away still no wiser, just as id say well im bloody different , so what.

My point is accept your self , & so what because we are different wheres the issue or problem i never saw it at age 10 & i sure dont see it now 55 years later,

I dress in many different clothes not your normal day to day wear ether,for our group's, i could wear a sack it does not change who you are, sure does not change myself,

Hey , just enjoy your life, & have a happy one ,

...noeleena...

[RevMoonSerpent]

You shouldn't feel bad about enjoying what society considers feminine attire every once and awhile. I have been FTM for years and still find times when just for a little while I want to feel girl sexy. I think it's just to see if I can do it but at the same time I'm always into things like nail polish and I do wear makeup from time to time. That doesn't mean that I feel any less like a man inside.
Feel free to like what you do and be who you are. Your true friends will support you no matter what.

[mistunderstood]

Long time no see RevMoon. Miss you being here. Hope all is well.

[mistunderstood]

cd23 please keep in mind that this is the Female to Male section you just posted in. There are more than just "ladies"here on this forum.

[RevMoonSerpent]

I am probably as good as I will ever be. Sorry I have been away so long. Between health problems and financial stuff, Im just trying to hang in there.

[mistunderstood]

Understand that. I am in same boat money wise. It has been so quite here. All most every one has jumped ship. I am still here keeping the light on and the hearth warm.

[Chickhe]

I don't see why you can't be TS and also a CDer... I guess the good part is you can do the CDing anytime you want without raising eyebrows...

[Beverley Sims]

Julian,
I do revisit threads now and then.
I have had more time to ponder and still agree with Melissa that your post and situation is a mind bender.
If one slows down and forgets that you were born in the wrong body ect.
You are obviously a boy who has transvestite tendencies.
You have said this.
I have to remember that Melissa is a girl and shut out all preconceived notions I have of her as well.

So I now see nothing unusual in you wanting to express yourself as a girl sometimes.
Yes I can see some of your testosterone charged guy friends considering you as a traitor to the cause.
Mere Males don't go for wimps or softies much either so, don't get upset about it just do it.

Keep being the man that you are.

[ronniew]

I am a butch, genderqueer, genderfluid, pansexual, FTM CDing, masculine-identified, intersexual, feminine challenged, non transgendered, genetic female. So mind bending is not to hard for me to understand. I am genetically a female. However, I have masculine characteristics and identify with the male gender more than the female I was born into. I grew up wearing jeans and tee shirts and didn't wear makeup or do my hair. I like to crossdress FTM and look like I feel most of the time. Keep in mind, however, that I am not Trans. I do not want to transition to male. I just identify mostly male but have no urge to change my gender. So this being said, when I dress as a girl with nice dresses and do my hair and my makeup and heels, I feel awkward. I feel like I am doing something unusual and feel uncomfortable sometimes. I don't feel like me. Sometimes when I do dress feminine, I do feel sexy and pretty. At these times, I feel like I am crossdressing MTF. I have my "secret" stash of girly stuff that makes me feel sexy and pretty. Just as some true genetic male MTF crossdressers have their secret stash of girly stuff.

So I totally get the mind bender you're on. Just have fun and be what you want to be :)

[Beverley Sims]

Ronnie,
I like your description of yourself and think the remaining text simplifies and explains it well.
All of a sudden I see no mind bending situations.
There are girls that work on a farm have homemade veterinary skills and practice like a man, yet they can then dress up and go out with a male companion.
I wonder what some call these people.

[flatlander_48]

While I have no specific comment to add, what is significant for me is the reinforcement of the notion that there are many, many ways to be. And, in turn, none of them is better than or worse than. They are merely ways to be.

[Jessica Keys]

I am a butch, genderqueer, genderfluid, pansexual, FTM CDing, masculine-identified, intersexual, feminine challenged, non transgendered, genetic female. So mind bending is not to hard for me to understand. I am genetically a female. However, I have masculine characteristics and identify with the male gender more than the female I was born into. I grew up wearing jeans and tee shirts and didn't wear makeup or do my hair. I like to crossdress FTM and look like I feel most of the time. Keep in mind, however, that I am not Trans. I do not want to transition to male. I just identify mostly male but have no urge to change my gender. So this being said, when I dress as a girl with nice dresses and do my hair and my makeup and heels, I feel awkward. I feel like I am doing something unusual and feel uncomfortable sometimes. I don't feel like me. Sometimes when I do dress feminine, I do feel sexy and pretty. At these times, I feel like I am crossdressing MTF. I have my "secret" stash of girly stuff that makes me feel sexy and pretty. Just as some true genetic male MTF crossdressers have their secret stash of girly stuff.

So I totally get the mind bender you're on. Just have fun and be what you want to be :)

Very well said....and is how I/we all feel at times when we dress in the opposite gender cloths.
BUT! Being female you are allowed to wear pants/jeans and dirty t-shirts without raising a eyebrow.
We male to female people don't have that luxury.
I was at a beach last week and overhead a older lady across from me have a fit about a nice slim guy in a speed-do swimming suit and how awful it looked with his "junk" showing and while later a nice girl in a thong walked by and the same lady thought she looked sexy and nice.
It seems in this day and age if the store sells it and it is for the females it is legal to wear.

[ronniew]

I agree Jessica Keys. I wish it was different for MTF CD's. I wish me and my SO could walk hand in hand down the main street and not fear about what might happen. Not so much for me but for her.

It is more simple for us FTM CD's to wear male clothing and not get a second glance. But I wasn't just talking jeans and dirty t-shirt and still look like a girl. I was talking full on trying to pass as a man CDing. Which would include mannerisms, pitch of voice, packing, binding, beard (not drawn on, but actual hair glued on), hat, the whole shit and shabang. Then we feel the same glares and sneers that MTF get.

A lot of crossdressing MTF have the misconception that a woman wearing jeans and dirty tee, or some articles of men's clothing and still look like a girl wearing mens' clothes is FTM crossdressing. It isn't. FTM crossdressing is the same as MTF crossdressing. We want to PASS as a man. To be looked at like a man and treated as a man. Not just a woman in men's clothes. Just as some MTF crossdressers want to PASS as a female and be treated as a female.